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Old 06-07-2014, 06:45 AM
 
1,690 posts, read 2,051,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jaime Baratheon View Post
Hey all. I'm looking for advice so I can have a better chance at finding love(who isn't).

A little bit about me, well, I'm 36 but I do look like I'm in my early 20's. I've been working out since January, so I'm in good shape. White. Six feet tall. Not saying that I'm a model or anything close to that, but I don't think I'm terrible looking.

Anyways, the reason I want to start pursuing women who are around 18, is that I really I don't get along women who are around my age. I find them to be honestly looking for a guy with money than someone who actually wants to get to know you for who you are first.

So my question would be, where would be a good place to start conversation? I'm attending community college now, but even approaching women in that type of setting, they still are a little stand offish. Is there any particular location that might be better? I find it hard to believe that the mall might be the best option.

Any advice from the guys would be great. How to dress?
I am with you on what you are saying. I am close to your age and I actually found a match closer to age 18 and am extremely happy with who I found. Look at university campus quads and indie concerts and coffee house gatherings. What you want are like the ones who look at you as you are and just want to find a type of deep soulful connection where class, wealth status, and trade are not what's #1. But rather kindness, sensitivity, love of animals, poetry, literature, films, books read,
I know EXACTLY what you mean and no that's not anything wrong with that. Don't listen to these other people. My brother dated an 18-year old girl at Barnard college when he was fully graduated and they had a special bond with one another

Just have the right intentions; I'm assuming you do.

Also consider book clubs on fandoms like Hunger Games or try to get involved in Victorian Jane Austen literature (book clubs meetup.com) because those who most go for those are the girls and late teens you are seeking and good ones. Approach by hobby not by "I want to get to know you." Your interacting with them implies you want to get to know her so no need to even say it...talk on a subject of common hobby. Best approach

Last edited by EricS39; 06-07-2014 at 07:01 AM..
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Old 06-07-2014, 07:03 AM
 
1,690 posts, read 2,051,332 times
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And the reason Victorian women's literature is the spot is that back in that historical timeframe, women romanced with older men as more the norm
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Old 06-07-2014, 08:48 AM
 
1,690 posts, read 2,051,332 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sade693 View Post
I don't recommend it.

When I was 17-19, I dated much older guys. One twice my age, one ten years older than me, and the other more than twice my age and with two kids who were in my peer bracket.

Having been the young woman in these relationships and knowing a couple of other young women who did the same, I can tell you that any woman in the 18-19 age range who's willing to date a man as old as you is a woman suffering from crippling insecurities. The men in those types of arrangements, from my experience, have been one or both of the following: a) super immature themselves or b) preying on "easy" targets.

One of the older men I was with even explicitly told me that he wanted a "follower more than a companion." He was an emotionally stunted drug addict. The other two were normal, stable men who just wanted easy sex from a person too timid to question them or ask for anything in return. It wasn't until I got my head straight that I realized just how toxic and unhealthy those relationships were.

I'm not saying that it's impossible for a relationship with a huge age gap to work, but I am saying that there are typically questionable dynamics in those relationships (particularly the ones where one in the couple is under 25). You've admitted that you have issues in this thread, and they all suggest that you fall into the two categories that I listed above. My best advice would be for you to get your life together so that connecting to people your own age doesn't feel so alien.

Of course, you're going to do what you're going to do. I just ask that you be honest about what it is you're doing.
This is not always the case at all. Some of the older guys are the type that are 180-degree opposite of the tough guy looking for easy target. They are more like the 30+-year old virgin guy who is nonconformist to the standards of other 30-year olds and living as a fish out of water, has a heart of gold in a novel kind of way and like a kid inside an older person's body in one dimension of character while mature in other areas of life. This is special and the 35-year old nerd guy with the open minded 19-year old girl is a really cute matchup. And the more you hit the real world the more narrow your perspective in places outside what you do for a living, and the less unique your word usage and application of academics and art in your descriptions of yourself. For this reason, younger age has a creative level lost with age.

This means some older guys have a special heart and conscience for appreciating age diversity and this can yield a healthy age diverse relationship. It exists and is mutual and undervalued because of the potential for the exploiting by some awful people out there, but definitely isn't the case for ALL. Because of stigmas, you will more likely see age diverse relationships spur from hobby interest groups where people aren't as judgemental.
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Old 06-07-2014, 10:04 AM
 
Location: On the water.
21,619 posts, read 16,138,730 times
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It's all good - over the age of consent. Both ends of the spectrum experience life - both learn what works and what doesn't.
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Old 06-07-2014, 10:11 AM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,086 posts, read 107,144,259 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EricS39 View Post
And the reason Victorian women's literature is the spot is that back in that historical timeframe, women romanced with older men as more the norm
After I did a family genealogy, I discovered one reason why that was the case. Back before birth control, women were stuck having 10-12 kids, until their bodies gave out, and they died. After wife #1 died, the father of all those kids would marry a sweet, young thing, and start another family. If he was well-to-do, and well-established in his field, he was considered marriageable, i.e. a good provider, by young women.
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Old 06-07-2014, 10:29 AM
 
5,381 posts, read 8,649,060 times
Reputation: 4550
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
After I did a family genealogy, I discovered one reason why that was the case. Back before birth control, women were stuck having 10-12 kids, until their bodies gave out, and they died. After wife #1 died, the father of all those kids would marry a sweet, young thing, and start another family. If he was well-to-do, and well-established in his field, he was considered marriageable, i.e. a good provider, by young women.
Bingo! Today's young women plan to provide for themselves, so they are searching for good-looking and interesting young men.

Call it superficial if you want, but 18 year-old women are young; and spend more time talking about fashion, exercise, weigh loss, beauty tips, drama in their friends' lives, and hot guys than they do about Victorian literature.

Dating an "old man" from her father's age group is a sure way to get an "eeew" (as well as jokes about ED and prostate problems) from her friends, both female and male alike; and lectures from her parents.

Last edited by pacific2; 06-07-2014 at 11:10 AM..
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Old 06-07-2014, 11:07 AM
 
540 posts, read 649,706 times
Reputation: 766
Wtf lol have you been around 18 year olds ? Like spend a day hanging out with them? My cousins speak in social media language. Its annoying as hell. You would have nothing in common with them. At all. Im 35 by the way. Cmon man.
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Old 06-07-2014, 01:20 PM
 
Location: Central Bay Area, CA as of Jan 2010...but still a proud Texan from Houston!
7,484 posts, read 10,411,810 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bisaro TMF View Post
Wtf lol have you been around 18 year olds ? Like spend a day hanging out with them? My cousins speak in social media language. Its annoying as hell. You would have nothing in common with them. At all. Im 35 by the way. Cmon man.
No offense but many guys his age and older lack emotional maturity as well as emotional intelligence.

Thus dating girls half their age is where their emotional comfort zone lies.
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Old 06-07-2014, 01:33 PM
 
Location: On the water.
21,619 posts, read 16,138,730 times
Reputation: 19688
Ah. The maturity maven speaks.
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Old 06-07-2014, 01:50 PM
 
Location: California
37,059 posts, read 42,027,507 times
Reputation: 34876
As soon as a younger woman gets some confidence and whatnot she will dump the older guy. This is something many older guys don't understand.
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