Stuck between a Rock and a Hard place Relocating back (Fremont: townhouse, school)

[Ceece]

Stay put and finish your degree, keep saving money. Your are not in a terrible situation, you just want what you don't have and getting it now will drain your bank account. The risk is you won't make enough once you graduate to stay and will have to relocate again, without your $300k.


Graduate where you are then look for jobs in CA if it's still that important. And in the meantime consider other parts of the country too. As a CA native this is NOT the end all for everything. There is a whole country out there with people living in it.

[FirebirdCamaro1220]

Originally Posted by Ceece

Stay put and finish your degree, keep saving money. Your are not in a terrible situation, you just want what you don't have and getting it now will drain your bank account. The risk is you won't make enough once you graduate to stay and will have to relocate again, without your $300k.


Graduate where you are then look for jobs in CA if it's still that important. And in the meantime consider other parts of the country too. As a CA native this is NOT the end all for everything. There is a whole country out there with people living in it.

Nowhere else in the country has a climate like the coast or coastal valleys or even the Central Valley, so if the weather is important, you have to settle anywhere else you go

[silverkris]

Originally Posted by Ceece

Stay put and finish your degree, keep saving money. Your are not in a terrible situation, you just want what you don't have and getting it now will drain your bank account. The risk is you won't make enough once you graduate to stay and will have to relocate again, without your $300k.


Graduate where you are then look for jobs in CA if it's still that important. And in the meantime consider other parts of the country too. As a CA native this is NOT the end all for everything. There is a whole country out there with people living in it.

Agreed....get the degree first, then look for a job in that area, you will be better prepared and qualified. Having little or no income in one of the priciest metro areas in the USA is a recipe for disaster, unless you live somewhere rent free.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by Dtapper

I left California 1.5 years ago because my daughter was born at the same time I lost my mother. I transferred grad school to where my wife was from ( the south) but my graduate school was in Atlanta outskirts. I failed to see the curriculum differences in graduating and despite 4 more earned quarters I have only made a dent in the 100 unit curriculum difference. In california its 257 to graduate and I have completed 100 units, IN the south its 342 to graduate and i only have credit for 83 units despite an extra 4 additional qtrs.

I'm not sure if someone has already asked this, but how does your wife feel about moving back to the Bay area and the higher cost of living there? Is she OK with the compromises that will need to be made?

Also, have you considered the possibility that part of the reason you haven't been happy or making progress in your program is because you've undergone some very major life changes in the last year and a half?

When I lost my mother, it took me a good solid year to feel like I'd regained my balance and fully get on with my life, and I didn't also move, have a baby, and start a new grad program in that year.

Give some consideration to this, because if unresolved stress or grief -- even at an unconscious level -- from all of the life changes you've undergone is contributing to your unhappiness and lack of progress with your degree, then a move back to California may not solve all of the problems you're expecting it to.

That said, I'd certainly take a look at other options besides moving to the Bay area as well. Perhaps there are similar programs in lower cost of living areas where you'd be happier living?

Best wishes as you wrestle with what the right path is for you and your family.

(P.S. if the program you want to transfer back to is at a public institution, have you verified that you'll be eligible for resident tuition immediately after your move? The price differential for non-residents is considerable, even at Cal States, and getting classified as a resident when moving from out of state can be tricky, even for certain programs at the graduate level. So, be sure to double check on this as part of your decision, if you haven't already done so.)

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by RosieSD

I'm not sure if someone has already asked this, but how does your wife feel about moving back to the Bay area and the higher cost of living there? Is she OK with the compromises that will need to be made?

Also, have you considered the possibility that part of the reason you haven't been happy or making progress in your program is because you've undergone some very major life changes in the last year and a half?

When I lost my mother, it took me a good solid year to feel like I'd regained my balance and fully get on with my life, and I didn't also move, have a baby, and start a new grad program in that year.

Give some consideration to this, because if unresolved stress or grief -- even at an unconscious level -- from all of the life changes you've undergone is contributing to your unhappiness and lack of progress with your degree, then a move back to California may not solve all of the problems you're expecting it to.

That said, I'd certainly take a look at other options besides moving to the Bay area as well. Perhaps there are similar programs in lower cost of living areas where you'd be happier living?

Best wishes as you wrestle with what the right path is for you and your family.

(P.S. if the program you want to transfer back to is at a public institution, have you verified that you'll be eligible for resident tuition immediately after your move? The price differential for non-residents is considerable, even at Cal States, and getting classified as a resident when moving from out of state can be tricky, even for certain programs at the graduate level. So, be sure to double check on this as part of your decision, if you haven't already done so.)

This is a good point. OP, we tend not to think about how starting a new job or study program can be a stressor to the system (in a good way, but still, the body's stress reserves interpret "change" of any sort as stress), and ditto a relocation, and ditto the birth of a child/beginning a family. To say nothing of the loss of a loved one, usually a major stressor, unless you weren't all that close. You had 4 major stressors all at once! You should be a basket case!

While being back in the Bay Area may seem like a comfort to you, it could add stress if you're not prepared to make the compromises one has to make to live in the Bay Area on a tight budget. You don't sound amenable to those compromises, so even if you did settle for a condo instead of a SFH, or took a more modest SFH than you seem to think you require, you'd view it as "settling", rather than taking it right in stride and being realistic. In view of this, you would be chafing chronically, over having to make that compromise, rather than viewing it positively, as something that enables you to realize your dream of being back in CA.

Also, I'm curious what you think of the suggestions to try Sacramento, which would be much more affordable to you. And we're all waiting for you to tell us if your wife is on board with your dream, or not.

I think it would be doable for a realistic person, but it might not be for you, due to reasons I outlined above.

[Dtapper]

So I had a week of feeling normal went to florida for my Bday and as soon as I get out of GA i feel so much better. Than stacked up strip malls twisted roads , racism ignorance all starts to drop away. IDK what it is about this city * i kind of want to give a go pro tour of it for all of you to see what you think!

It was nice to smell the ocean to have flat roads I might consider trying to relocate to Florida for the rest of my term. Although some of the crime rates over there are not so great ....

As soon as I'm back to GA i feel like hell everywhere I look every corner every nook and cranny

Yes most are right the Bay Area would be a waste of money until i graduate

[Perma Bear]

[quote=Dtapper;49329575]

Originally Posted by boulder2015

Actually sounds like your an internet little troll thinking you can judge someone by there words on a forum. **** at least I have some problems to focus on your just bored with your lack luster life and you read these forums to give you something to do with your 9-5 life.

Im often busy and texting on the phone so if you think you can judge someones grammar by text online forum writing than you must be a quantum physicist????? Im not even gonna elaborate on that one, ever heard of brain storming ? stream of conscious writing? heard of EDITING school papers ? LMFAO

I have provided for my entire family and I don't live life in a BOX , I have spent much of my life in my own business, living a full life that includes arts , music , creativity and SPORTS. which also includes a hobby of racing on track but hey I have to live like you in your prius .

I don't LIVE TO WORK , I WORK TO LIVE.... maybe you should try it. that includes enjoying time after I have WORKED HARD what do you do when there is no feasible sense of environment that you can stand to be in???? anyway...

I ****ED Up by moving to the south its an inbred , racist, red state so maybe you should move there and see how you liked it. last time I checked my rental properties bring me in some residual income and my savings is doing something

Read any RUMBAUD LATELY? maybe you should correct his grammar?

Only a true inbred cretin pays a million dollars for a 2 bedroom house. The people in Atlanta are wise.

[aslowdodge]

Originally Posted by Dtapper

So I had a week of feeling normal went to florida for my Bday and as soon as I get out of GA i feel so much better. Than stacked up strip malls twisted roads , racism ignorance all starts to drop away. IDK what it is about this city * i kind of want to give a go pro tour of it for all of you to see what you think!

It was nice to smell the ocean to have flat roads I might consider trying to relocate to Florida for the rest of my term. Although some of the crime rates over there are not so great ....

As soon as I'm back to GA i feel like hell everywhere I look every corner every nook and cranny

Yes most are right the Bay Area would be a waste of money until i graduate

Please do make a GoPro tour. I'm dying to see all the bad things you are seeing. I've lived all my life in the Bay Area. I just spent the last 20 days there. I've been here in the Atlanta for the last two years. I've visited the Bay Area 5 times for about a total of about 4 months over those last two years so going back and forth between the two states I can easily compare life in both rather than having to rely on a distant memory of each Area.
I'm not saying you are wrong about Atlanta, I just want to learn what you know so I can hate it as much as you instead of living here in ignorance thinking I am happy here.

[aslowdodge]

[quote=Perma Bear;49329846]

Originally Posted by Dtapper

Only a true inbred cretin pays a million dollars for a 2 bedroom house. The people in Atlanta are wise.

No way the bear said this

[aslowdodge]

Originally Posted by FirebirdCamaro1220

Nowhere else in the country has a climate like the coast or coastal valleys or even the Central Valley, so if the weather is important, you have to settle anywhere else you go

I was with you until you said the Central Valley. I was in Fresno last week. Geez it was hot