Why Are People In The Bay Area So Soft? (San Francisco: neighborhood, live)

[Archan]

I think the real question is: Where do all the Jersey Shore wannabes go when they have to get a job? --- New York!

[Donald342]

Originally Posted by Puddy4LyF

OP, where do you live? I think the Bay Area differs a decent amount from city to city so I'd probably limit your complaints mostly to the area you're currently living.

I currently live in SF. But have visited other parts of the east bay such as berkeley, and oakland. I've also been to south bay cities such as san jose.

[Donald342]

Originally Posted by BayDude

I would say the OP's post is more or less accurate.

- Everything closes early
- People here are less confident/secure in themselves and outgoing
- People here are over-sensitive
- Introverted/soft etc etc.

Its what alot of people have been saying for a while. Its basically an extremely unhealthy environment of political correctness. There seems to be less of an emphasis on personal responsibility and self-esteem and more of a atmosphere of multi-culturalism (belief that all cultures and lifestyles are equal and valid with no standard of the "good") and collective guilt over various things various liberal groups attempt to induce guilt and shame over. But no celebration of *real* accomplishments. Which is probably why you get stared at disdainfully when you wear business suits and look like you have somewhere to go and things to do!

I bet New York must be a really energetic fun place eh? Would like to visit a real American city for once.

Visit NYC, you'll love it.

I agree with most of what your saying. People here seem to lack certain character traits that make strong, independant individuals. It makes people here softer, less aggressive, less witty and less alert.

Maybe New Yorkers have a more of a healthy self-confidence about themselves? Maybe it has'nt fell pray to guilt, shame and other emotions multiculturalists and environmentalists like to prey on.

There's definitely a huge difference and I'm not the only one who sees it. That much I can tell you.

[Gentoo]

Originally Posted by coyoteskye

The east coast ... particularly the northeast and specifically NYC and its large surrounding area, Boston and much of MA, etc., (actually, all of Bos-wash -- the "corridor" from Boston all the way down to D.C.) ... has an edge, a sharpness, a quickness of speech and movement (and sharp intellect, depending), a toughness, a hardness, cynicism and sarcasm, defensiveness, etc., etc.. and if someone has been conditioned there (grew up there with that m.o.) and doesn't feel any need or desire to transform out of that agro / hyper ambitious way of being, then he/she will tend to have a difficult time in California and will have judgmental attitudes about other people being "soft".

It's a defensive posture because there is an awareness (consciously or not, usually not) of a deficiency ... that he/she doesn't know how to slow down, relax, open, "live and let live", be a bit more easy and at ease, "go with the flow", etc..
If he/she has been conditioned to be hard and constantly in a revved up and defensive posture and if he/she is used to living in a hyper stimulated environment where people are constantly running on adrenaline (which is mistaken for lots of energy) and are basically in a fight or flight mode, living in a new environment where people are more relaxed and less hyper and aggressive, can actually be very threatening.

It's a new and unknown world ... and unknown system that is radically different from the one he/she is familiar with and he/she doesn't know how to relate (sarcasm falls flat, cynical attitudes aren't welcome, etc.) ... doesn't know how to get into a new flow of things and so he/she will feel vulnerable, fearful (won't admit it of course ... isn't even conscious that it's so) and that's when anger comes up ... and venting and dissing people for being "soft".

Also, as driven and hyper as the northeast is, it's actually very conventional and though it's hugely populated and congested and impacted, it's somewhat stayed.
California (much of it), on the other hand, is very chaotic ... unstable, not as dug in and rooted in history, not as "old", not so certain and set in its ways, etc..
That chaos, combined with a more easy, "live and let live" approach to being in the world, can be very difficult for someone like the o.p..
That's just my take.

That sounds familiar. When I was in Seattle, a guy at the airport was from the east coast and he commented on how relaxed it was and that people were to chill and that he didn't trust it. He said he had been to California too and it was much the same way to him. He said he was moving back to the east coast because to him the west coast was just wrong and too laid back in his opinion.

[mini_cute]

I think you definitely have some points about SF being soft compared to NYC.

SF supporters have some points too and I can see both sides.

I think it is simply culture shock and here is why I think so.

I am from LA- not the Bay Area I know but another Californian city which is very different from NYC. I moved from LA to NYC and experienced the West Coast to East Coast culture shock. The first 2 weeks there I literally almost cried from people on the streets yelling at me to move, walk the correct way, or just to hurry the hell up. By the time I moved out of NYC 15 months later, I had gotten used to the New Yorkers attitudes. In fact, I learned to love them. They seemed so real, so genuine, and yeah it seemed like they had a way to life that was missing from the West Coast. Apparently, New Yorkers weren't used to me at first too. Where I worked, I was accused of "having a wall up" and being "afraid to show my true self". I didn't know why they felt that way since back in LA I was considered a really genuine, true person. Well, I think it was a misunderstanding. They took my gestures and behaviors as "having a wall up". Since I didn't feel comfortable telling someone how it really is and "keeping it real" like telling someone what I really thought of their ugly shirt they thought I was fake. That was not my intention- it's just that in LA if you do that, you will lose friends real fast. But in NYC, they seem to be desensitized and can take crap like that- which I love them for.

Then I moved back to California to San Diego and went into reverse culture shock. I had picked up some New Yorker habits and I felt like I was coming off as too aggressive to people here. I have had people react badly when my New Yorker sides start coming out. Here, you can't "keep it real" it will be considered rude and jerk-like. I also felt they were slow, everything closes early, they were too PC, etc.

What I learned was that in the end it is culture shock- no one truly means ill will (so I think).

Unfortunately, since you are are the newcomer you will be expected to fit in and have to water down any sarcasm and bluntness . But I do think people can adapt, and maybe you will soon find some people who understand where you are coming from. And maybe you will become soft yourself - if you want that- hehe.

[mini_cute]

Originally Posted by Mach50

^^^Well you have to understand, everyone* in NYC is trying to be tough (unless they* are in Chelsea or on Christopher/Hudson then they are soft). They also all* try to speak with an Italian accent, that is really annoying.


*was that a good enough generalization for you?

lol

[mini_cute]

Originally Posted by Gentoo

This whole thread intrigues me. If Bay Area people are soft then San Diegans are made of Jello! LOL

ROFLMAO - the award goes to this one tonight!

[Bluesmama]

Originally Posted by Donald342

I originally moved to SF from New York city for a job (they paid for the relocation and such) a couple months ago. And man, its been a major culture shift which is ok I suppose. But also very irritating in a number of ways to a life long east coaster like myself. Almost to the point of making normal social interaction difficult because of over-PC ness.

"Sarcasm" seems to be lost on most people here. They all look at me with blank stares when I make a sarcastic joke or comment.

Say "thats gay" your called out as a homophobe.

People give you stares of disaproval if your the type of person that looks like to have somewhere to go, commitments to make, likes to dress up for business etc. Just no sense of working to "get ahead". What gives? Do people here just prefer others to be as miserable, non-goal oriented, aim-less and broke as they are?

Overall the people in this area seem to lack alot of aspects of character and tend to be very introverted and quiet. I also see theres less of an energy here. Everything from major stores to mom and pop shops to restaurants closes early and people don't seem to care. Even nightclubs close early (WTF?).

Anyways I was just venting. Personally I think the weather is great here, but I like the east coast better in terms of the relationships, people and the overall attitude of most people. I just gel well with folks who are more honest about themselves and know how to stick up for themselves without complaining or crying. Those types are usually laughed out of New York City. Its very soft.

How can people live like this day and day out and not go crazy?

/rant

I don't care what anyone says, people DO vary in regions. And some places ARE anally 'p-c' (and Portland is right up there with them).

In '08 I spent 10 days in New York and I found its people very refreshing. In fact, I think they get a bad rap. They're NOT sugar-coaters but they are friendly enough and I found them to be very helpful. Yes, they are very direct and relaxed in attitude. I liked that.

It's an adjustment. But that will likely have to be your caveat for choosing to live there. San Francisco has a lot to offer. I love the city and am looking forward to another trip there within a year. (Would also like a return trip to NYC.) Glad you like the weather; for me, it's way too cold.

Give it time. You may fit in better than you think in other ways. You'll certainly know if it isn't a good fit for you.

[Huckleberry3911948]

dear OP your profile is blank you talk an emote like many i have known from memphis.
trying to figure out where you are coming from.
i dont like to guess, i prefer to be told.

[ambient]

Originally Posted by sav858

There is some truth to what the OP is saying and it's been said before by other east coasters about Californians. And it wasn't even that bad of a rant, some of you get way too defensive too quickly.

Anytime anyone posts a thread to say "all of the people in city / country / social group / race X are all the same way", I immediately have to question the validity of anything they have to say after that. And if you're smart, you should, too. These kinds of statements invariably say a lot more about the poster than they do about anything that really has to do the subjects of their stereotypes. Me personally, I learned that applying broad, blunt stereotypes to entire large segments of people is unrealistic and unfair back when I was still in high school...shame that some people apparently never learn this.

And, just by the way, buying into broad, blunt stereotypes is the first enabling step toward discrimination and racism of any and all kinds throughout history. Not much good comes from it.