Cities with better dating scene for non-flighty thirtysomethings (West Hollywood: school, organic)

[charbo]

Originally Posted by susangggg

Typical liberal bullcrap assumptions! Why would you think the OP had prioritized finding a mate over a career? Maybe she accomplished something in her career and wants to move to Step 2? Maybe love is an equally important consideration to her and lives in an environment where she feels there is no hope for it. Maybe she wants to move to a new city anyway? \

Thank you! Yes all of the above. I have risen in my career just fine out here in the Bay Area, but most guys I meet have little intention of carrying on a long-term relationship. They are stressed, preoccupied, and mostly, just looking to fool around - and no, I am not an enabler of that, gah!

So essentially I was asking in which cities is live-work balance evident because by and large alot of people out here are all about the work!

[charbo]

Originally Posted by serenity78

To the OP: I think any large city would be a good bet. But I advise against Boston. There are so many college-age students there that the demographics may not be in your favor. Try Chicago, Atlanta, Miami. London is a fantastic city if you are able to move there.

Thank you Serenity! I had considered Boston and kind of heard the same thing from a friend who moved out there.

I am intrigued by Chicago...it's a stunning city and the people there seem friendly and less stress-ridden. My only hesitation is the job market which is not tech-centric (my industry so far). Any more info on Chicago would be greatly appreciated!

[susangggg]

Originally Posted by clongirl

Doesn't work like that. You gotta know specifically what you want...you have to know yourself very well and have very good description of what will be a good match for you. All women say basic stuff like "I want a man with a sense of humor" or "he has to be loyal"..

Sure, but what KIND of sense of humor? Dry like John Cleese or goofy like Jim Carrey? Loyal like in what way? Like a needy lapdog? Or loyal like he worships his mother over you ultimately?

Well...I don't agree with this a all. Look at all the criticisms people get for being "picky"- like toooo specific. Don't know if that's a good idea either!

[sbhaskar002r]

You would be a fool to leave California. I am stuck on the East Coast and hate it here. Dirty, nasty, rude people and awful weather. And don't go to Florida either, it blows.

[clongirl]

Originally Posted by susangggg

Well...I don't agree with this a all. Look at all the criticisms people get for being "picky"- like toooo specific. Don't know if that's a good idea either!

You don't have to agree! But I found my "Mr. Right" in San Francisco.. happily married 15yrs now.

I had plenty of boyfriends/dates back in the 90's San Francisco and after dating a lot of guys that just didn't mesh with me, (all real great guys though--all nice, good looking etc). I invested a lot of time trying to "make it work" or just going along to see if things would get better- learn to love them etc.

I found that gathering up all knowledge and irritations about your past relationships that didn't work and form some sort of base for the kind of person you'd like. Write it all down.

Of course I could be full of sh** too, this is just what worked for me! (My husband didn't even have a regular job back then, dressed like a dork...most women would have passed him over since he couldn't afford to buy a burrito, but now he's a VP)

[mayorhaggar]

I used to live in Chicago after college, I was still with my college gf at the time so I didn't do any dating, but it always seemed like people were definitely more down to earth there than in California. Most people are more middle class so you don't get a lot of yuppies running around flashing their cash like in SF. Might be easier for guys because they wouldn't feel like they have to compete with a zillion dot com millionaires from Silicon Valley like you do in SF. I dunno how it is for girls, they might feel bad about missing out on dating the yuppies although there are definitely a lot of rich people, they just don't dominate the city like in the Bay Area.

I think the ability to just meet people in a city, whether as friends or as dates, affects the dating scene a lot. I am from Florida and I really find people in California to be hard to get to know. A lot of them are very obsessed with their jobs and work a lot. And the geography makes it hard to get around and a lot of people have long commutes. And even if you can get past all that, I find that people are kind of insular. They are more polite to strangers than on the East Coast but they are hard to get to know and generally only hang out with their small circle of friends. I find that people on the East Coast and Midwest are ruder and more judgmental about strangers, but once you break past that it's easier to get to know people, they are more gregarious and chatty. It depends on the person but I just find that it's hard to simply make friends in SF, people here are always coming up with excuses to not leave the house. Seemed like in Chicago people were more spontaneous and up for doing stuff and always up for a beer and some conversation, people in SF just want to get on BART and go home.

[Eugene80]

Originally Posted by HowGoesIt

It's very tough to be a man in Boston or NYC (been there, done that). Both cities have a large amount of well educated, fit, clean cut, alpha male types. This makes it tough to stand out of the crowd even if you have all those traits.

I agree to an extent, but by and large, NYC is still a good place for a man. There are two issues:

1) There is an undeniable, large suplus of single women.

(Article: In New York, It's Raining Single Women! | The New York Observer )

2) However, it's easier for women to get noticed, because of the density of the population. This could lead to the competition you're referring to.

(Article: What If It's Not Raining Men? | Miller-McCune Online )

Women also benefit from the population density of a place like New York, says Malov, because there are just so many opportunities for them to get noticed. “If you live in small-or medium-sized town, everything is so spread out, and women do not get approached as much,” said Malov. “And when a girl’s not being approached all the time, it’s actually easier for guys to meet women. I speak to guys all the time, and guys from other states complain it’s harder to meet girls here than in the Midwest or the South.”

[susangggg]

Originally Posted by clongirl

You don't have to agree! But I found my "Mr. Right" in San Francisco.. happily married 15yrs now.

I had plenty of boyfriends/dates back in the 90's San Francisco and after dating a lot of guys that just didn't mesh with me, (all real great guys though--all nice, good looking etc). I invested a lot of time trying to "make it work" or just going along to see if things would get better- learn to love them etc.

So um....apparently then, we are in agreement. Guys are nice in San Fransisco and you don't know about the dating scene here in NYC so this only reiterates what we've said before. It's not so much about what you're looking for or what your perspective is on finding someone, NYC is terrible for actually 'catching' a guy....it all goes back to the player cesspool NYC is

[susangggg]

Originally Posted by mayorhaggar

... the geography makes it hard to get around and a lot of people have long commutes. And even if you can get past all that, I find that people are kind of insular. They are more polite to strangers than on the East Coast but they are hard to get to know and generally only hang out with their small circle of friends. I find that people on the East Coast and Midwest are ruder and more judgmental about strangers, but once you break past that it's easier to get to know people, they are more gregarious and chatty.

I've heard this *alot* about the west coast vs. east coast social mentality. New Yorkers= tough on the inside, but straightforward and warm on the insides. San Fran= friendly and soft on the outside, noncommital and elusive on the inside..

[susangggg]

Originally Posted by Eugene80

I agree to an extent, but by and large, NYC is still a good place for a man. There are two issues:

1) There is an undeniable, large suplus of single women.

(Article: In New York, It's Raining Single Women! | The New York Observer )

2) However, it's easier for women to get noticed, because of the density of the population. This could lead to the competition you're referring to.

(Article: What If It's Not Raining Men? | Miller-McCune Online )

Haha, now I have two more articles to add to my NYC Dating Vengeance File. I will raise you:

New York City is Toxic To My Dating Life | Twanna A. Hines @ FUNKYBROWNCHICK.com | sex. dating. relationships.

Single Women on the East Coast; Single Men in the West

//www.city-data.com/forum/new-y...w-do-rate.html

Women’s Guide to NYC Dating | Bill Cammack

Dating in NY Sucks | New York | Yelp

New York City - Readers Comments - Page 7 - AskMen.com

New York City Dating Tips -- Relationship Experts Give Advice on New York City Dating

Dating In The Midwest | The Frisky

Creative Class » Blog Archive » The Singles Map - Creative Class

When Young Men Are Scarce, They're More Likely To Play The Field Than To Propose

lust for life » nyc, dating and gender ratios

Single Women on the East Coast; Single Men in the West


People have to be careful to make a VERY IMPORTANT distinction here between "getting noticed" as you mentioned- i.e. usually by 'players' who prey upon the attractive women their favorite fodder - and having a serious relationship. ENTIRELY two different things. Don't confuse the two!