Single gal in Silicon Valley - where to find a guy? (San Jose: 2015, to rent)

[single_gal_siliconvalley]

Your post made me laugh! I didn't know men in Manhattan were sooooo promiscuous.

[single_gal_siliconvalley]

I don't see what's so shallow about going where the single men are. People do it all the time...many young single men and women move out of small college towns and into larger cities to increase their options to date from a larger dating pool. Dating is a numbers game...if you increase the number of dates, you increase your odds of finding the right one.

We single women in our mid-thirties have to be very proactive about finding a husband because there aren't many men our age left, no matter where we are.

[whiterabbit2]

Originally Posted by single_gal_siliconvalley

If I were to move to Silicon Valley, are there any single men in their thirties left over there?

Go to high tech companies, see tons. But if those guys are not married, it doesn't mean they want to, and if they want to, it doesn't mean they will. Many are nerds that had very brief experience with women, keeping their own bachelor's company. Gfs require too much time and work. Just my own observations in high tech companies.

You might have a chance though if you're able to get into their inner circle, such as get a suitable job. Then stay at work late crunching numbers with a guy, he might like it.

I'm not sure about NY, but they would be the same level of workaholics.

Originally Posted by single_gal_siliconvalley

Do they ever leave their cubes to go get lunch and dinner at a restaurant, deli, or sandwich shop? If so, where do they go?

To cafeteria, as companies like to serve free food, so employees don't spend time going out.

[xani]

Originally Posted by whiterabbit2

Then stay at work late crunching numbers with a guy, he might like it.

What? What kind of guy is she going to meet "working late crunching numbers with a guy" after hours?? Something like that would be enough to make anyone sane to run to Mexico...

[xani]

Yeah, Manhattan is like that....yuppies living in their big playground trying to sample everything that the city can possibly offer--for them it's a game of numbers too, and the numbers mean the number of girls people can sleep with... it's a merciless culture when it comes to relationships. Living in NY, I heard of a girl who was asked out to dinner and the guy walked out on her, when he pretty much realized she will not go to bed with him the same night... pragmatic person figured he better leave cause it still wasn't too late to call and ask out someone else. New York bars have a lot of beautiful young girls who came to the city to be models hanging around. You'd face a big competition in NYC. As to SF Bay... I didn't date anyone in Bay area; I didn't feel the place was my kind and had my kind of crowd and couldn't wait to get out of there, but I heard dating can suck in Bay area big time... cause many people are either anti-social and closed, very neurotic, or too busy, or just want to stay within their small cliques/cultures. A lot of professionals don't want to marry either; these guys know that as they get older they won't face more trouble finding partners, as they only will make more money, and many girls judge men by how much they make. SF itself has a lot of attitude that everything should be free... including love, so watch out for "polyamorous and available" or "accepting concubines"...

You better travel to Bay area and spend couple of weeks there before you even start thinking of moving there... see if you like the place and can adjust to it.

I heard China has about 40 million men who'll never find a partner... due to gender imbalance in China... this makes Bay area look like a toddler's sandbox I mean...

[whiterabbit2]

Originally Posted by xani

What? What kind of guy is she going to meet "working late crunching numbers with a guy" after hours?? Something like that would be enough to make anyone sane to run to Mexico...

I don't know, but I married a nerd and I'm happy myself. They are easy going people and don't cheat.

Male outnumbered businesses are a heaven to get a guy, if a gal is IN this business and shares this culture. If she's a bit prettier then average, she's a beauty queen. Also, lots of choices and a lot of competition for her attention. If it's a small company she might be the only female. But this would end if she decides to add any "complexity" to it such as playing games, making drama, creating rules, or being too demanding. Keep it simple! A friend of mine failed with a few guys in SV because she didn't.

[xani]

Originally Posted by whiterabbit2

I don't know, but I married a nerd and I'm happy myself. They are easy going people and don't cheat.

Male outnumbered businesses are a heaven to get a guy, if a gal is IN this business and shares this culture. If she's a bit prettier then average, she's a beauty queen. Also, lots of choices and a lot of competition for her attention. If it's a small company she might be the only female. But this would end if she decides to add any "complexity" to it such as playing games, making drama, creating rules, or being too demanding. Keep it simple! A friend of mine failed with a few guys in SV because she didn't.

I know how nerds are, I'm a software engineer (not typical luckily). I'm saying when it's "late" she should be partying somewhere, or dining or enjoying whatever nature.... not sitting in some cage of a cubicle crunching numbers hoping to snag some boring guy with no social skills who's growing a belly/gut and gettin old and bald while slaving away at the screen... I'd advise to stay away from any men with this lifestyle. It shouldn't feel great to land someone knowing it happened... cause of low competition... no alternatives, so to speak. She should stay away from that hellhole of SV since she's not a nerd herself.... there's DC close to Atlanta it has plenty of non-religious people with jobs.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by single_gal_siliconvalley

Aww, thanks, Mystical Tiger. It was very sweet of you to type out such a detailed response. Is East Bay Berkeley and Emeryville? Is it cheaper to live in the East Bay or in the South Bay? Ultimately, it'll all boil down to $$$ and where I can find a cheap rent deal. I will probably end up renting a room in someone's house or find a roommate.

You're welcome. Examples of East Bay cites would include: Berkeley, Oakland, Emeryville, Alameda, Hayward, Union City, Fremont, Richmond.


Inland parts of the East Bay such as: Walnut Creek, Danville, Plesanton, Livermore, Concord, Moraga, Lafayette are more affluent/suburbia...although there are towns far inland like Antioch that are suburban but otherwise not considered the best places to live.

Cities further south like Fremont have more of a look and feel simialr to San Jose/Silicon Valley (more tech industry & tech oriented people...noticeably warmer weather than Oakland or Berkeley).

Cities like Oakland and Berkeley tend to have more far left politics like San Francisco (especially Berkeley). Cities in the inland East Bay tend to be more conservative but usually not super conservative. I don' think the East Bay has the sex ratio inbalance like Silicon Valley does.

Yes, the East Bay has generally cheaper rents than San Francisco, the Peninsula, or Silicon Valley, although it's COL is still well above the national average. However, the pay tends to be a little lower if you work in that area, too, so it evens out.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by single_gal_siliconvalley

I don't see what's so shallow about going where the single men are. People do it all the time...many young single men and women move out of small college towns and into larger cities to increase their options to date from a larger dating pool. Dating is a numbers game...if you increase the number of dates, you increase your odds of finding the right one.

We single women in our mid-thirties have to be very proactive about finding a husband because there aren't many men our age left, no matter where we are.

This is all true. Just be aware the culture/attitudes toward marriage are probably different than where you're coming from. Immigrants & first generation Americans tend to marry people from their own culture group and tend to have traditional attitudes about marriage & as well as large extended family networks. Many other people who live here tend to be pretty liberal and some may not see marriage as all that important. A fair number of techies in Silicon Valley are workaholics....so that's something to watch out for.

[Doctor Blues]

OK, San Jose native here:

There are men literally crawling out of the woodwork in your age demographic, the ones that would LIKE to have married by 30 were not so lucky as to have pulled that off (too many men here, a lot of women looking for gazillionaire tecchie guys, refuse to settle, kinda like NYC), OR the guys are too busy climbing the corporate ladder to stop and smell the roses.

And FWIW not that many gay men as a % in the South Bay (silicon valley's original name), they're mostly in SF.

The three primary cities are: San Jose (called Man Jose for a reason), Sunnyvale and Santa Clara. (Actually the cities all run together kinda like in L.A., there really is no dead space between cities; and unless you could afford Los Gatos/Saratoga - $2500-3000 a month for a dive apartment, tony zip codes, stick to the main larger cities I just mentioned).

You could meet them while they're out getting a burger, going to a movie with friends, walking downtown SJ looking for an ethnic meal or park experience, doing their laundry at a laundromat, it's more casual here. I met my current gf when my car broke down, I chatted her up at a bus stop, found out she hates the Oil companies, was riding the bus as a protest, we've been going out for 3 years now. Or try the local comedy club. Or the beach at Santa Cruz (about 21 miles south on the freeway).

And lest I forget, of course there are more single men in NYC, it's the largest metro in the country.