Need some advise (San Jose: real estate, rent, mortgage)

[diamond g]

Hi
I am new to this forum and was hoping to hear from moms who are or have been in a situation such as mine.

I have been thinking long and hard about possibly quitting my job and staying home to raise my son (18 months now). I would like to return to the workforce once all my kids (present as well as future ones ) are in school

I work in high tech and make roughly half the household income. I have two masters degrees and have been working and financially independent ever since I got out of college.

I have an 18 month old boy who goes to daycare now and we want to start trying to have baby #2.

My husband has a good job and we'll be able to manage mortgage and living expenses. I will obviously pull my son out of daycare and raise him at home which will save us that expense.

However, I am worried that I may be making a wrong decision in times of recession. There are so many people that want a job and I am quitting for no reason but that I am not passionate about my job and want to be a SAHM. Seems bourgeois to me.

Also, we have plans to adopt our third child and that means $$. It will also take us longer to build a comfortable nest egg with one income. Also, I wonder if we can send our kids to good schools and colleges with one income. I have so many such doubts.

But I know I don't like what I do. I have "golden handcuffs". We bought a house and have a lifestyle which needs money to keep up. But I am not passionate about my job. I would love to spend my time raising my child, having one more, adopting one, volunteering (which I already do) but in a bigger way, etc.

I would love to hear from other SAHM in San Jose. Although probably inappropriate, I would like to ask how much your spouse makes for you to be able to afford to stay home. What sacrifices did you have to make? How do you feel about it now? What are your thoughts on reentering the workforce once the kids are in school.

[Nell Plotts]

I was a working mom, so is my daughter, I understand your angst. My daughter lives in SV and found a wonderful mom resource on the Internet. We will be with her at Christmas, I will ask her for the name of the site.

During my work life I was an HR Specialist. It is my observation that you will need to maintain your professional network if you should ever want/need to return to work in a professional capacity. Under some circumstances you can do that with project work which you can do, largely, at home.

With two small children the cost of day care approximates the cost of a nanny unless your employer provides/assists with day care. The advantage of having your children at home is that their, and your, life is less disrupted.

[80skeys]

Originally Posted by diamond g

My husband has a good job and we'll be able to manage mortgage and living expenses. I will obviously pull my son out of daycare and raise him at home which will save us that expense.

However, I am worried that I may be making a wrong decision in times of recession. There are so many people that want a job and I am quitting for no reason but that I am not passionate about my job and want to be a SAHM. Seems bourgeois to me.

You're adding one more open job to the market and maybe someone who is not as financially independent as your family will be able to get the job.

[easybay]

I am quitting for no reason

I think staying at home and raising your son is a pretty good reason.

I was a SAHM (my daughters are now 21 and 19), and I still haven't returned to the workforce. Looking back, I have no regrets on my decision to be at home. Ask yourself - in 20 years, would you look back and regret not staying home? Or as a SAHM wish that you had remained in the workforce? You can never get the time back with your son. And from his perspective, what would he want? Would he rather be in daycare or home with you? Think of yourself as a little kid - what would you have wanted?

As for money - be prepared to start budgeting. Probably your biggest expense will be food, but you will be saving tons by not going out to eat! When my kids were little, I made lunches for them and for my husband. We didn't by prepackaged food (lunchables or pizza-pops), and everything was in a washable container - rather than juice-boxes or ziplocks. I couponed, and shopped the fliers, and we had a mini freezer to stock up on sales.

Also - I don't understand why anyone would adopt a child to put him into daycare. If I was to place a baby up for adoption, I would choose a family that the mom was going to stay at home and care for him.

Lastly, if staying at home doesn't work out for you, you can always go back to work.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by diamond g

Hi
I am new to this forum and was hoping to hear from moms who are or have been in a situation such as mine.

I have been thinking long and hard about possibly quitting my job and staying home to raise my son (18 months now). I would like to return to the workforce once all my kids (present as well as future ones ) are in school

I work in high tech and make roughly half the household income. I have two masters degrees and have been working and financially independent ever since I got out of college.

I have an 18 month old boy who goes to daycare now and we want to start trying to have baby #2.

My husband has a good job and we'll be able to manage mortgage and living expenses. I will obviously pull my son out of daycare and raise him at home which will save us that expense.

However, I am worried that I may be making a wrong decision in times of recession. There are so many people that want a job and I am quitting for no reason but that I am not passionate about my job and want to be a SAHM. Seems bourgeois to me.

Also, we have plans to adopt our third child and that means $$. It will also take us longer to build a comfortable nest egg with one income. Also, I wonder if we can send our kids to good schools and colleges with one income. I have so many such doubts.

But I know I don't like what I do. I have "golden handcuffs". We bought a house and have a lifestyle which needs money to keep up. But I am not passionate about my job. I would love to spend my time raising my child, having one more, adopting one, volunteering (which I already do) but in a bigger way, etc.

I would love to hear from other SAHM in San Jose. Although probably inappropriate, I would like to ask how much your spouse makes for you to be able to afford to stay home. What sacrifices did you have to make? How do you feel about it now? What are your thoughts on reentering the workforce once the kids are in school.

I think you're going to have to start prioritizing what is most important to you and your DH. Unless your husband makes gobs of money, you probably can't have everything on your wish list. Unfortunately, you just locked yourself into a mortgage. If you used both your incomes to qualify for it, you're probably going to have to make some very painful trade offs such as: Sell the house and rent something cheaper? Forget a 2nd child? Forget adopting? Move to a cheaper area where it's easier to live on one income (That last option seems to be the most common scenario for those who want to raise kids, especially for those who want to be SAHMs. Owning Bay Area real estate typically demands 2 professional level incomes).

This is just my philosophy, but I really don't see the point in having a kid if neither parent is going to stay home for at least the first few years to raise him/her. And you said yourself your job is not all that fulfilling....so I agree with the general direction of your thoughts. But I'm gay, single, and have no kids, so YMMV. The tough part is being a SAHM mom in SV because of the high housing costs. A lot of people just can't do both home ownership and raising kids in SV at the same time.