Best Way to Convince Wife to move out of Bay Area? (Los Angeles: renting, condo)

[gone down south]

You must be newlyweds, it's so cute that you still think you can talk your wife out of anything she's made her mind up about

[jaypee]

First, choose a couple of potential cities you can move to.
Second, make a spreadsheet showing COL differences and how much disposable income you'd have in these other cities
Third, show her pictures of potential homes
Fourth, accept the fact that you'd be staying here.

[capoeira]

Originally Posted by thechoson

That being said, I can't imagine spending the rest of our lives renting mediocre 1 br apartments and not raising a family and all that stuff that's just not going to happen here in the Bay Area.

How about getting new jobs in the Sacramento area and moving to Folsom? In Folsom you are under a 2 hour drive back to the Bay area to visit family. It is a safe community with very highly ranked schools. The earthquake risk is much lower there. The downside is the summer heat. Look what around 300k buys in Folsom:


Folsom Single-Family Homes For Sale

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by thechoson

This would actually not be a bad idea, and my wife may be amenable to this.

Our commutes would be absolute murder though, and since neither of us are in the tech industry, don't know if we can arrange telecommuting.

This might work without kids...but if you both are working full time AND doing long commutes, someone else will be raising your kid(s) and they will be more likely to get into trouble with two exhausted parents; you will spend a lot more on maintenance & replacing cars more frequently (which means you save less $$ than you think); you are more likely to end up overweight/obese with all the attendant health problems/costs it brings; and your risk of divorce goes up a lot.

The above experience is repeated ad nausem in far flung commter suburbs everywhere. Not worth it IMO.

[StandingRoomOnly]

We have friends on a lower income than you, 1 child, who bought a 400k 3bdr house in Newark and they are getting by just fine--they do have to be thrifty, but somehow they are making it. At the same time, she is a stay at home mom--they aren't relying on her to work. So if your wife were to stop working to be a stay at home mom, maybe that is what you should base your income on--just one income. Otherwise you have to factor in an extra $1000+ (on the cheaper end) a month for daycare per child.

My husband and I did the "vacation" trip to Raleigh to see if we might like to live there over a long weekend, but we just love California too much--and a 3500 square foot house on a acre was a bit overrated knowing we weren't going to be near family. ...Just more house to clean and grass to mow The pull of family being nearby in the bay area is huge, especially when you have kids.

[u225615]

Originally Posted by thechoson

There is really no upside to us living in the Bay Area. On a combined income of about 100k, we are basically lower class. Buying a home or having kids is a non-starter. And we aren't getting any younger (both of us are in early 30s). Plus we don't work in the tech industry.

Plus the QOL imo isn't superior enough to justify the price premium over Los Angeles or San Diego (I've lived in both).

I've wanted to move for the last 2-3 years.

But the big snag is my wife. She grew up here and lived here all her life, has family here, etc. She enjoys her job despite the meager pay.

I even asked her the million dollar question: "If you could live in the Bay Area but choose not to have kids, would you do it?" My wife REALLY wants kids, and yet she answered that that would be a tough choice, which goes to show how much she likes it here.

That being said, I can't imagine spending the rest of our lives renting mediocre 1 br apartments and not raising a family and all that stuff that's just not going to happen here in the Bay Area.

So any suggestions for convincing the wife? Divorce is NOT an option, although I may be open to the East Bay.

Take a drive out to burbs that offer decent schools, low crime and visit some model homes. You might start to see the wheels turning in her head to the point she can envision herself living outside the Bay Area.

Originally Posted by gone down south

You must be newlyweds, it's so cute that you still think you can talk your wife out of anything she's made her mind up about

So true, Happy wife...happy life

[Radical347]

Originally Posted by capoeira

How about getting new jobs in the Sacramento area and moving to Folsom? In Folsom you are under a 2 hour drive back to the Bay area to visit family. It is a safe community with very highly ranked schools. The earthquake risk is much lower there. The downside is the summer heat. Look what around 300k buys in Folsom:


Folsom Single-Family Homes For Sale

I'll second this. Also, I agree with the previous poster that Livermore or Vacaville (and I'll throw in Tracy, too) could be possibilities IF you find jobs near those areas. I don't recommend commuting to SJ or SF from them.

[MtnSurfer]

Originally Posted by jaypee

First, choose a couple of potential cities you can move to.
Second, make a spreadsheet showing COL differences and how much disposable income you'd have in these other cities
Third, show her pictures of potential homes
Fourth, accept the fact that you'd be staying here.

Haaha, this is Sooo funny but probably true!

I would seriously consider the outer Bay areas. That will be the closest to a happy long term solution while ensuring domestic tranquility.

Let's face it, while moving somewhere more affordable further away sounds like the best/easiest solution from your own perspective, that will not be for her. Since you are not from the Bay area you don't have the attachment as does she. Simply owning your home somewhere else in TX, AZ, CO, etc... will not replace all the things she loves about life in CA. And even if you could 'romance' her into the notion after seeing the homes, that will not change. That is why so many ppl move out of CA to greener pastures only to return years later. I speak as one who did this and bought the fancier home in another cheaper place in CO. Yet that love for the West Coast never really dies. For many it simply remains deep down inside calling one home.

The other strong pull you will experience once you have children is to be close to their extended family, specifically their grandparents. Even though American society is spread out all over kingdom more than ever before it is far from ideal especially for children.

Sacramento would probably be the furthest I would recommend. At least that way you will be within driving distance from the Bay area.

Derek

[Billy Millennium]

Tell her this same logic. Then say we're moving to Arizona or Texas and you're not taking "no" for an answer. Consider other states too, but I recommend these and not too far from CA.

Worst case scenario, dump her (yes, that is an option) and find someone in your new locale. The states above have a lot of very attractive single women. If status quo stays as is you're allowing her to decide YOUR future basically. And if she knows you won't break-up with her then she has you and your future by the balls.

Good luck.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by MtnSurfer

That is why so many ppl move out of CA to greener pastures only to return years later. I speak as one who did this and bought the fancier home in another cheaper place in CO. Yet that love for the West Coast never really dies. For many it simply remains deep down inside calling one home.

I'm sure this happens, but I think most people who move out of state don't come back. Most are people with moderate incomes who can't afford to move back even if they want to. California's slower population growth rate over the last 2 decades backs this up.