Salary advice please family of 3. Bay area (San Jose, Sunnyvale: rent, crime)

[jeopardyd]

Originally Posted by Mossy

Thank you all for the input. My gut feeling is the salary isn't going to be enough. Can't believe I'm saying that but the harsh reality of housing makes that what it is and I accept that. It would be worse to be living there and realize how hard it is. I don't want to live paycheck by paycheck.

I don't know what kind of lavish lifestyle OP has, but $185K base salary for a family of 3 is far more than enough, not to mention RSU, bonus etc.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by Mossy

I really wished this could work out but you are all right. Our quality of living will decrease and the thoughts of no vacations or old paid off cars make me sad.But housing is just a lot. We even thought of moving to Davis and commuting but that has its drawbacks.

I'm glad I'm getting a more clear picture of this. I don't know if they would come up in Salary but it sounds like we need more considering housing. Thank you for sound advice.

Is this a major promotion for your husband? A once in a lifetime career move that will lead to other better things? Is he likely to get major raises each year to keep up with the ever rising Bay area cost of living? Is there a STRONG possibility that the stock options he's been offered will let you recoup any loss in your ability to save for retirement or college BEFORE you need those funds?

If the answer to one or more of these questions is a definite yes, that might change the equation a bit.

However, if the "yes" is a more qualified, "probably", then I still would deduct out what you're currently saving for retirement and your child's college fund from the base salary and use that as your actual living budget.

No job is worth sacrificing your family's financial future.

You can live with the inconvenience of fewer vacations, a smaller house, or a longer commute.

But you can't really recoup lost retirement and educational savings sacrificed for such a move, even if only for a few years.

Of course, only you and your husband can decide on the best course of action for your family.

But, my dear Irish grandfather always told me, "never run after a bus or a boy, because they'll be another one along in a few minutes." Change "boy" to "job".

If this truly is a once in a life time opportunity that can never be replicated, or it's a pretty safe bet that you'll come out ahead with stock options in the long term, that's one thing. I wouldn't necessarily let fear or a few less vacations stop me from making the decision.

However, if another bus is likely to come along soon and take you guys to a better place for your family, it may be worth considering.

But again, only you and your husband can make the decision. And, I wish you good luck with whatever you decide!

[Hacker1234]

Originally Posted by dogandcat

Not sure why people torture themselves doing this. Maybe they have a free house in Gilroy so in that case it's understandable. Prices are not so catastrophically different to spend half a day for a commute especially if we are talking about renting not buying.

This was in the 90s, I was still living with my parents for free lol.

[skris4]

My spouse has an income similar to yours but we have 2 kids. I make six figures too and in the past we have debated whether we can survive living on a single income(his). After a year of tracking expenses etc. we decided that it is doable but requires constant monitoring of finances and significant reining in of our leisure budget.

[Hacker1234]

Originally Posted by skris4

My spouse has an income similar to yours but we have 2 kids. I make six figures too and in the past we have debated whether we can survive living on a single income(his). After a year of tracking expenses etc. we decided that it is doable but requires constant monitoring of finances and significant reining in of our leisure budget.

Yup, thats why I was saying I wouldn't move back unless I was close to 300k. Even at 200k I wouldn't want to live like that.

[Moddedintegra56]

gilroy housing for a "nice" house is nearly as much as those in some san jose areas. but i think the mindset of some people is, if i'm going to spend $500-600K in a ghetto area closer to my job, i can pay the same and commute "a bit" from someplace else but at least i come home to a nice house in a nicer neighborhood.

[fluffythewondercat]

Originally Posted by RosieSD

Is this a major promotion for your husband? A once in a lifetime career move that will lead to other better things? Is he likely to get major raises each year to keep up with the ever rising Bay area cost of living? Is there a STRONG possibility that the stock options he's been offered will let you recoup any loss in your ability to save for retirement or college BEFORE you need those funds?

It also depends on what kind of stock.

These days companies tend to grant Restricted Stock Units, which means each year a portion of the grant vests. Typically it's five or six years before you own the stock in that grant.

RSUs from a prosperous Silicon Valley company can be a significant source of income but not right away.

Find out what kind of stock options they're offering.

[RosieSD]

Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat

It also depends on what kind of stock.

These days companies tend to grant Restricted Stock Units, which means each year a portion of the grant vests. Typically it's five or six years before you own the stock in that grant.

RSUs from a prosperous Silicon Valley company can be a significant source of income but not right away.

Find out what kind of stock options they're offering.

Yes, exactly. And, also weigh the odds of the company being "prosperous" in the longer term.

Stock options can pay off handsomely, but, just like owning any stock, there are risks as well.

Cash in your pocket from disposable income is not as risky when it comes to paying bills.

On the other hand, I try to not let fear alone make my decisions for me. Factor in the risk-benefit ratio, of course, but sometimes you really do have to feel the fear and do it anyhow.

Again, only you and your husband can decide whether that's the best choice for your family. Best wishes!

[joejerryronnie]

Originally Posted by Moddedintegra56

gilroy housing for a "nice" house is nearly as much as those in some san jose areas. but i think the mindset of some people is, if i'm going to spend $500-600K in a ghetto area closer to my job, i can pay the same and commute "a bit" from someplace else but at least i come home to a nice house in a nicer neighborhood.

Can confirm (although you're looking at closer to $1 million now). I commute a little over an hour which isn't great. But it sure is nice to come home to a new 3200 sf home in a gated golf course community minutes away from a dozen or so fantastic wineries.

[joejerryronnie]

You can certainly get by with that salary in the Bay Area but you're not going to enjoy the type of lifestyle that you'd expect with that kind of money (e.g. executive home, new cars, high end private schools, expensive vacations, regularly dining out at the best restaurants, etc). In fact, purchasing a home in the heart of Silicon Valley may still be very tough without some other type of income like significant equity from another property or a windfall stock cash out. You'll have to make tradeoffs and keep an eye on your budget as those after tax dollars will go quickly here. With that said, the Bay Area is a fantastic place - diverse, easy access to world class outdoor activities and amenities, progressive mindset (if that's your thing), one of the best cities in the world to explore, expansive dining options, unbeatable weather, and extreme career potential, especially if you're in tech.

My advice would be to make the move and try it out for two years. Start by renting a smaller place (maybe even a condo or town home) close to your husbands work and in close proximity to an exciting, walkable district. Palo Alto, near downtown & Stanford, would by ideal if you can swing it. And then one of three things will happen:

1. Your husband will luck into an early gig with the next Facebook, in which case "Hello Atherton!"

2. You will fall in love with the area and figure out a way to make it work for your family.

3. You'll realize the cost/benefits don't work for you and decide to take your Silicon Valley experience to any one of a multitude of exciting but much lower cost cities across the US - or possibly go big and look international for your family's next adventure (I'm always a bit jealous when I jump on a conf call with colleagues in Amsterdam).

Best of luck with your decision!