dream job, worth relocating? (Portland OR to SW Florida) (Sarasota: insurance, find a job)

[Cardiff by the Sea]

For those who are offended or amused by my suggestion of marriage, I would like to clarify the reason for my suggestion.

Research shows that being raised by a single parent has detrimental effects on the child. The detrimental effects are attributed to the financial hardship, the lower quality of parenting, and the additional stress in single parent families.

*-*The Future of Children -

I was a child psychologist for 25 years (then a CPA for 12). I have worked with lots of single parent families and children in those families. I never counseled anyone to stay unhappily married for the sake of the children. But in a happy relationship, why not get married? Even the tax code is slanted to promote marriage.

The original poster and his girlfriend seem like a loving happy couple. She is willing to move with him. He describes her as "loving" and himself "eager to be a father". He wants to provide insurance for her and the baby. Their relationship is much more likely to endure if they are married than just living together. When just living together, it is too easy to throw in the towel. An enduring relationship is in the best interest of the child.

I used to laugh at my mother because she would not rent to unmarried couples (in the bible belt). But now that hubby and own rental properties, I see the practical wisdom. When we rent to families, they are stable. When we rent to unmarried couples they tend to split up and one moves out leaving the other economically unable to stay. In this case we are talking about a baby, not a rental apartment. It is friggin hard to raise a child alone.

I am not a prude, religious, anti women, etc. I grew up under the banner of feminism. But children come before mothers. The selfishness I referred to is when a parent puts their interests before the interest of the child. In this case, I believe the girlfriend is damning her child to a poorer and emotionally tougher life by staying single. If she was working in a profession other than hair dresser that provided her the equivalent of a two person income so she could hire high quality help to care for the child while she worked, I would feel differently.

I saw a tee shirt a construction worker was wearing. It said:

God first.
Others second.
Me last.


Those who are athestist or agnostic should start at number two.

[JanGG]

Originally Posted by Cardiff by the Sea

For those who are offended or amused by my suggestion of marriage, I would like to clarify the reason for my suggestion.


Those who are athestist or agnostic should start at number two.

Got to agree and I am not a religious person. Remember that movie "Fall in love, get married, have a baby" and they changed the order to 'Have a baby" first? Not a good idea IMO. Never saw the movie, but the title was interesting.

[beninfl]

There was a paper that showed how MTV's "Pregnant at 16" or whatever the shows name was, had been a key factor in reducing teen pregnancies because girls saw it and were shocked into reality.

When it all comes down to it, just tell the guy to pull out! Easy! Or, go oral. Most men like that better.

[Cardiff by the Sea]

Originally Posted by beninfl

When it all comes down to it, just tell the guy to pull out! Easy! Or, go oral. Most men like that better.

Aw jeez Ben. If I didn't know better, I would swear you grew up in the 1950s and never escaped. With all your science background, I would think you would know a little more about sex and birth control. When I get there, we will have to talk about how it all works. If this is your idea of birth control, god only knows how you think conception works. Maybe there is a reason that little Ben is not in the oven yet.

[beninfl]

Originally Posted by Cardiff by the Sea

Aw jeez Ben. If I didn't know better, I would swear you grew up in the 1950s and never escaped. With all your science background, I would think you would know a little more about sex and birth control. When I get there, we will have to talk about how it all works. If this is your idea of birth control, god only knows how you think conception works. Maybe there is a reason that little Ben is not in the oven yet.

It's worked for the last 20 years! :-) Quantum Physics != Biology. The stork will deliver me a little ben one day. I just dont know how its going to ring the doorbell to let me know he's here!

[Cardiff by the Sea]

Originally Posted by beninfl

It's worked for the last 20 years! :-) Quantum Physics != Biology. The stork will deliver me a little ben one day. I just dont know how its going to ring the doorbell to let me know he's here!

Like I said, I think you have some misconceptions. And they appear to be from the 50s.

[Frida7]

Ben, when you have your precious child, do you really want his/her future to depend on the guy's pulling out in time?

I don't think anyone in the world would disagree that parents being married and happy would be the ideal for the kids for many reasons, not merely financial.
But this woman may have good reason for holding back. Lord knows, his judgment looks shaky in my opinion, from this op. Who knows what her reasons are for not marrying this man.
For all we know, not marrying him could be the most unselfish thing she can do.
Yes, I know in an ideal situation no one would get knocked up by someone not worth marrying, but
What's done is done.

[beninfl]

Remember, 90% of what I type, is a joke of some sort.

[Frida7]

Originally Posted by beninfl

Remember, 90% of what I type, is a joke of some sort.

Remember, the point of a joke is to be funny.

[beninfl]

Originally Posted by Frida7

Remember, the point of a joke is to be funny.

Dont worry, I got plenty more you wont like! :-)