Connecting with young people (Sarasota, Venice: condos, high school, college)

[Cjhill88]

Hi i moved to Sarasota 2 1/2 years ago from a suburb of Philadelphia. I still have not made friends and it is becoming a problem for me. My parents up in Philly were not getting along well so I was relocated here to Sarasota to live with grandparents. I am a 27 year old male. In Philly I had a lot of friends and it was no problem connecting with strangers even, but here in Sarasota I'm not blending in as well or something. My grandparents have a condo where I stay and I am not exactly allowed here because of my age, but we get away with it for now even though some residents have complained about me being here. I do not meet anyone my age here at the condos. My job is not much, it is painting empty condo units, and I only meet older people from work. I am always out and about in Sarasota and I have been just about everywhere, mostly alone. Im confused about how to meet people my age here. Ive tried meeting young people at various groups and all kinds of things. I even tried an actual young peoples group here and had a bad experience. Ive noticed that young people seem disinterested in making friends outside of their close groups of friends or if I try getting close with their group one of them is plain mean. It has happened a lot. I miss being in Philly and having cool conversations with strangers in the city and meeting people who do not judge me so narrowly like this. Since living here I have become an outcast and its lonely. I also tried meeting young people by getting a part time job working at a clothes store with other young people and I did not make friends and actually quit because some of them were just plain mean. I seriously keep running into angry and judgemental young people intent on rejecting me lol. I have dated a few girls from online who I liked alot but then after a few weeks they lose interest and then get vindictive and probably spread lies and rumors about me making it more difficult to be accepted into young friend groups. Ive went to bars and tried a lot of them too but did not meet anyone. The bars here are not fun going to alone because everybody else is with someone theyve already known a long time so Im seen as a weirdo with no friends even though I am sociable and fun and comfortable. Even the bartenders here give me bratty holier then thou attitudes for no reason. Its like they have their noses up in the air. I have had a few fun times at bars but did not make any friends yet from going there, not even acquaintances. I dont even like drinking!! I just like socializing!! Now I have no ideas for what to do in Sarasota after dark because it seems like everything closes early or it is just these bars that are open late. Or it is swanky restaurants that I can not afford even if I could land a date to take with me. Another option is the starbucks which is open until 11 but I never seem to meet anyone there because people are so stuck on their laptops and phones. Theres not much to do for me. I go to beaches and its amazing but its a weird vibe, its not the kind of place for loners to meet new people I guess even though it really should be. Also I have super white skin so I burn easily and can not spend all day on the sand. I do spend alot of time fishing but its getting boring to always fish alone. Also I go to the gym and weight lift alot and the young people at the gym seem disconnected and in their own worlds. People I do talk with at the gym are in such a hurry to workout and then leave that if I do manage to spark up a conversation we have no time to even hang out and talk long enough for me to decide whether or not to give them my number. I talk with older people more often and I do not get the same difficulty having friendly conversations and I do not feel disliked so much by them either. What is the big deal with making friends here? Sarasota is an amazing place but I do not have the right friends to enjoy this place with. What should I do to meet young people? Where should I go to meet people here?

[beninfl]

If you had a hard time reading this wall of text with no paragraph spacing, here are the cliffnotes:

"I'm 27 and I'm looking for friends around my age. Where should I go?"

[Cjhill88]

Hello ben, my name is Cj. This was my first post at City Data. For everyone else, I would appreciate it if you take time to read my introduction and share with me sound advice about how I can meet better quality people in your town. Thank you

[Cardiff by the Sea]

Yes the wall of text is hard to read, but Ben your cliff notes miss the point. As a physicist, understanding emotional issues does not appear to be a core strength for you. And CJ--good for you for not letting Ben's diss get you down.

CJ--I hear the problem. You have a good history as far as a social life. You are putting out the effort to meet people--going to places that you would expect to be able to connect--but it is not working. People are either involved with their own friends and not interested in you or they are flat out rejecting and mean. I hear the pain you are experiencing.

My first career was as a licensed psychologist, but I am not "Dear Abby". The root of your problem is not obvious to me. I have no clue whether the problem is the environment or you.

I can understand that the problem could be the environment. Hubby and I moved to Florida from California because it was impossible to make friends there. Everyone was too selfish absorbed and busy. The kind of people who move to SoCal are people who are outdoors and active and would rather be cycling than talking. And the hour commute to anywhere made it difficult. We were there 25 years and only made a couple of enduring friends at the end. Maybe there is some similar dynamic in Sarasota that makes it difficult. Maybe those who grew up here and stayed are not interested in outsiders. Maybe those who are here think they are "all that." The older people here are amazingly friendly, but this forum is not a place that young singles post, so it is hard to know what life for the young is like.

I do quiz waiters, valet parkers, etc about what it is like for them and where they meet people. The take I have it that while the social life is not great, it is also not horrible for them. They work at it and seem satisfied.


Let's consider the possibility is you. What could it be? You keep mentioning running into people who are mean and judgmental or are holier than thou with their noses up in the air. There are three possibilities. 1. There is a big concentration of very mean young people in Sarasota. 2. You are doing something that is bringing it on, like being needy. 3. You are depressed and perceive superior attitudes when they are not there.

The only thing that jumped out at me from what you wrote that suggested that you are weird in some way is that you don't sound adult enough for your age. Being sent here because your parents aren't getting along makes you sound like you are a minor rather being 27. And if you were a more self reliant adult, you could go back to the city that made you happy.

I am not that person who suggests everyone should go to therapy, but I think you need more help sorting this out that is possible in an one line forum. Group therapy would be especially helpful given the issues you are struggling with. In group therapy you would get feedback on what you are contributing to the problem. However group therapy is generally hard to find and it would probably be impossible to find a group with younger participants. I have not been in Sarasota long enough to know how you would go about finding a counselor. Sorry.

Now that I have given you probably more than you want to hear, I have a minor idea for you. I suggest you try to make friends through church. I don't attend church so this is not religion pushing. The churches here seem to recognize that many people here have the same problem as you and they have many social groups to help people with this need. The last valet parker that I quizzed loved the groups at Hope Church near Fruitville and 75. I have read posts on this forum about people loving the groups at their church, but I don't remember which church it is. Why don't you just go to random churches and see if any have friendly young people. Talk about a low cost, low risk option. I would also suggest you not try to hard to connect when there. See if anyone comes to you.

Good luck.

[Nancy in Nokomis]

Yes, 27 yrs old is too old to be living with your parents or grandparents - but I understand times are tough.

First - I would join a church - there is a church here in Venice called First Babtist - they have a social group for every age group - young adults, 30s, 40s etc - I am sure many other churches in the area do this too. These people are very accepting - even if you do not have religion.

Also - have you attended the Nokomis or Siesta Key drum circles? - I see young people there - hippie types but they seem very easy going and friendly - not stuck up. There are even classes you can take to learn to drum.

Have you tried a biking group? There are tons of these groups here and they ride all over.

Volunteer to walk dogs at the local animal shelter - Sarasota County has one - after a background check they will let you volunteer there. Animals are better friends than people sometimes.

I have noticed that to make friends here you have to have a common interest - golfing, biking, sailing, SUP, drumming - get my drift? You need to find something you like and go out and do it - the friends will just naturally fall into place - it might take a long time - but it will happen.

And if none of this works - try therapy - I think you might be able to find it for free or low cost at one of the social service agencies around. Also, I have found out many things by asking people what my personality is like - that way I can correct anything that annoys people. If I want to - LOL

[beninfl]

I would not join a church unless you *are* religious. Pushing church on people simply as a way to meet people is absurd. Inflicting values and beliefs upon someone just to make friends if you aren't a believer yourself is the core definition of hypocrite.

[Nancy in Nokomis]

Hellow sweetie beinfl - What do you think is the best way to become religious or to have more meaning in your life? Go to church is the best advice in the world - and I gave it! Yeah for me! I am sure God loves the advice I just gave.

I am deeply religious. Are you? Since you know so much about it.

[beninfl]

I don't mean to offend anyone who believes in religion. I disagree with the idea of telling people to just join a church to meet people.

How do I think the best way to "become religious" is? By an adult using critical thinking, of course.

I am an agnostic. Which is different from an atheist who is a "disbeliever", I simply feel there is no evidence to suggest that God is a good theory, or even a remotely reasonable one. If suddenly Jesus or Allah appears in the sky, I'll adjust my beliefs accordingly.

[MsOrange]

Okay first of all a disclaimer; I don't live in the Sarasota area (yet) so no specific area-related tips from me. I am however the same age as you.

What kind of people did you hang out with back in Philly? Friends through work? Sports? Hobbies? People you knew from high school/college? Personally, I don't like to hang out with people just to hang out. I like people that share similar interests and I would say at least 95% of the people I've met over the years fall short of that. I'd never be mean to someone just because of it, but I also don't want to waste my time too much with these people as social settings are already tiring enough. What are the things you are passionate about? Do they overlap with the things that the people you met are into?

[SoundsGood2Me]