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Old 08-20-2009, 08:11 PM
 
Location: Ohio
1,217 posts, read 2,828,142 times
Reputation: 2253

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Quote:
Originally Posted by DixonCox View Post
Just one more thing...this is not spur of the moment decision. I have been wanting to move to FL for about the past 10 years. It's not some decision based on a recent trip for vacation. I have discussed it with my wife the entire time I have known her. It's not a surprise, it's just the reality has finally set in.
You've now given another missing piece of the puzzle when you say you've discussed it as long as you've known your wife. So it's not a new idea to her. But she never thought it would happen.

I am now in the camp that she's needs to budge a little. It can't be ALL her way, marriage is a 2 way street.

FWIW I have a friend from Maine who met and married a guy when she was living in Alaska. They have a deal, 10 years in Maine then the next 10 in Alaska, then the next 10...et cetera. Yes they have kids and careers.

But...no ultimatums. Go to a marriage counselor, go to a religious advisor. You need a mediator outside of the family.

Good luck. There is a way if both of you are willing to work it out. That is the key.

 
Old 08-20-2009, 09:17 PM
 
Location: WI
1,133 posts, read 2,925,190 times
Reputation: 264
We feel your pain Dix. We're in Wisconsin. 'nuff said.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 09:30 PM
 
Location: Playin' with me dingy!
60 posts, read 59,675 times
Reputation: 15
Thanks. There's more to the story, but there was no way I was going to write a book about it.

When we met, I told her of my dream to own a bed and breakfast in the Caribbean. She thought about it, laughed about it, but I don't think she took me seriously. She told me she would consider it after I gave her a child. (Wasn't a "deal") I think it was her way of shutting me up about it. I held her to it and had her sign a statement that she would keep her promise. It is locked in my safe. (Not that it has much weight) But in the past couple of years, I told her I would trade Florida for the Caribbean, to keep us in the States. She thought that would be a good idea for learning and medical reasons, not to mention more lawful than the crazy Caribbean.

She should know me by now, that when I go after something, I usually succeed.

Several years ago, we were camping with some friends. We were all sitting around a campfire drinking beer, and someone made a statement that changed everything for me. I quickly typed it into my PDA so I wouldn't forget the next morning, and proceeded to hang out the rest of the night.

When I got home the next day, I had it all planned out in my head. I sat down and penned out my plan, and presented it to her. She laughed at me and told me I should stick with my day job, that it would be a waste of time.

That pissed me off, so I was hell bent on showing her I meant business.

I took $500 out of MY savings (not ours), bought the supplies I needed to buy, and commenced to opening my first business. It is entirely internet driven, and I have been able to quit my full time job and focus on my business entirely. The first year, I made $35,000. I grossed $250,000 last year. I have no employees, and I do it all myself. It takes me on average, 10-20 hours a week. This affords me the time to be with my family, and live a fairly comfortable lifestyle.

I don't run around on my wife, I am home every night, I'm not an alcoholic, I'm not addicted to drugs, but I AM driven by the dollar, the quest to be happy and free, and to make sure my children get to see as much as I can show them about how the world turns.

Everything I have ever done while I have known her, I have done well.

Moving to Florida is something I really have no doubts about either. We could make it work, if she would just afford us the opportunity.

She has this image of me laying around on the beach all day long, sipping fruity drinks, and being lazy.

You can't survive doing that kind of crap all day, every day.

But I like the beach, and I like to boat, so living near the ICW will be almost a priority for us. Just the nature alone is worth living on the coast.
 
Old 08-20-2009, 11:47 PM
 
Location: sittin happy in the sun :-)
3,645 posts, read 7,129,770 times
Reputation: 1877
I am not gonna knock the OP, everyone has to seek happiness in life and sometimes make hard decisions. Its not a simple case of him running away from his responsibilities but also his wife being partly responsible for not considering his needs/dreams.

He is only going to get one life-is he not entitled to some happiness.

To the OP, if you have doubts -read a book called the Celestine Prophecy. I did,its an eye i opener, briefly its message is that in life there are no coincidences everything has a reasonand that also you have to learn to follow your instincts.

You are in for the toughest decision of your life, good luck in making the right one.

Oh and remember money cannot buy you the 3 most important things in life -health happiness -and class !
 
Old 08-21-2009, 04:24 AM
 
Location: Central Connecticut & North Port,Fl.
425 posts, read 1,102,790 times
Reputation: 145
Default Good Luck

my DH dream was to move to florida, I have 2 children, but they are older and out on there own. I used to visit my grandparents in florida on holiday,but wasnt much up for a move
BUT life does take turns,Ive grown up alot,life has changed, the DH and I visited with his family down there, did alot of soul searching, we both have jobs here in Connecticut and eldery fathers and and my kids,
we did buy in a 55 park, I know your not of that age ,but there are nice family parks down there that you might be able to buy in.
Would it be possible for you to get something down there that you could go to, bring the family down,see how it goes for vacation, and take your wife around? Im just making suggestions, I Love it down there but dont think I could handle the summers down there, I love the birds and wildlife down there, we live in a wonderful park and enjoy our time down there, but obligations keep us here.
I have said this to many people the things that are most important , are God first , Family second, and friends third, thats whats most important to me.
Best wishes and good luck in your life quest and
I live by this prayer
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can , And the wisdom to know the difference
God Bless
p.s. when we fly in my DH says he's home

Last edited by grandmallie; 08-21-2009 at 04:25 AM.. Reason: add more
 
Old 08-21-2009, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Florida
4,893 posts, read 14,112,659 times
Reputation: 2329
I believe this post needs to be moved over to the relationship forum.

That said, from what's been said, the wife, for some reason, has no desire to follow her husband to Florida. They aren't on the same page re: being adventuresome in life. There are so many people just "stuck." Being stuck wastes time. It's miserable to be stuck somewhere you don't enjoy being. Many of us, at times, can even feel "stuck" in Florida. However, it's time to make a decision based on your needs, wants & desires. If your wife won't follow you, forge ahead. (I can't understand how two people in love wouldn't take a chance on anything?). No one knows what's really going on in your relationship but you. You don't have to get divorced to move to Florida and you don't have to give up your family. With the type of income you bring home, you could spend time here as well as there. Maybe the time apart would give each of you a better focus on what's important regarding life.
 
Old 08-21-2009, 09:15 AM
 
Location: 1988 yugo
329 posts, read 773,061 times
Reputation: 351
Quote:
Originally Posted by DixonCox View Post
Oh brother...

My marriage is not in shambles. We never fight about anything except this, and it's more of a major disagreement than a fight.

To those who feel I am a bad dad, well, up yours. I have the right to be defensive. I spend every single day and night with my children. They love me, and I love them. I can't say on here what I would really like to say. Some of you calling me a bad dad obviously haven't read the entire thread to see that I gained custody of my daughter from my first marriage. I could have been like thousands of other men, ran away and left my kids for their grandparents or who knows who else to raise them, but I fought in court for 4 years, and spent over $20K to gain that custody. I have been through more crap than most people care to go through in an entire lifetime.

Now, lets ice that cake.

I also have SAD. On top of that I have Crohns Disease. So my Crohns doesn't kick in as bad in the summertime as it does in the winter time, because I am not cooped up with cabin fever in the summertime. Then the SAD comes along, and my Crohns flairs up, and it makes for a LONNNNNNNNG winter.

So put that in your pipe and smoke it. I didn't include any of that in the OP because I wasn't looking for sympathy, and I still ain't.

It is what it is, and YES, I am an A-Hole to dumbf*cks. I can't stand some people. What difference does it make?

Some of you only look around things, and some look through them.
the young one don't know you, tell your wife you and the oldest are going. we want you to come along...but i'm going..period.
 
Old 08-21-2009, 09:19 AM
 
17,290 posts, read 29,349,509 times
Reputation: 8691
Perhaps you can take a diplomatic approach?

Get a small vacation place here, and perhaps spend all summer here with the entire family.

Your wife is also a partner in the relationship, so she should make sacrifices to make you happy, just as you will make sacrifices the rest of the year. When the kids are grown, you guys can "snowbird."
 
Old 08-21-2009, 10:03 AM
 
Location: Playin' with me dingy!
60 posts, read 59,675 times
Reputation: 15
Well, I had a chat with my neighbor last night, and it appears there is hope. Seems he and his wife had a chance to talk to my wife while I was in Florida last week, and without disclosing much to me (I didn't ask either) he indicated she was curious about my idea, but worried about it.

So there is hope.

It's time to put my salesman cap on.

I just have to convince her that Indiana won't lock the door on us on our way out.
 
Old 08-21-2009, 10:05 AM
 
Location: Playin' with me dingy!
60 posts, read 59,675 times
Reputation: 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladywithafan View Post
I believe this post needs to be moved over to the relationship forum.
Please don't move it. I didn't intend for it to be a relationship post, but it somehow turned out that way. It will die if it is moved there. I only wanted to talk to folks like you, who have moved to Florida from somewhere else.
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