Single mid-30's woman considering a move to Seattle (Federal Way: fit in, low crime)

[gingerdancer]

Hello Seattle. I am a mid-30’s, single, straight woman (no kids) living in southern California, considering a move. I have lived here many years and would like a change. While there are some nice qualities here, I'm growing a bit tired of the increasing amounts of plastic surgery, socially-accepted flaky attitude, political apathy, and a lackluster dating scene. The idea of Seattle has always appealed to me for some reason. This would be a pretty major move and I’d plan on living there for a while so would like to feel I fit there, and I have given some thought to what qualities are important to me in city:

1)Decent dating scene and singles population for 30-somethings, i.e. a sizable populace of straight, friendly, intelligent, down-to-earth men…. [who preferably still look like men - not emaciated pre-pubescent adolescents in skinny jeans that are falling off. (thank you, 2011)]

2)Friendly, intelligent people who are genuinely interested in making new friends and connecting with others, etc, preferably not flaky. In particular, other women interested in making new girlfriends.

3)A strong arts scene, particularly in music and dancing, and a decent amount of culture – ballet, symphony - and most importantly, other people who enjoy these things. I am a dancer (Argentine tango, salsa, west coast swing, ballroom, ballet, country, etc) and a singer, so the arts are a large part of my social life. A strong dance community is important to me.

4)Healthy living: Health-minded folks, “green” lifestyles, low percentage of smokers, good air quality, etc

5)Safety of the city – especially for a single woman. (low crime)

6)Ideally, I sort of enjoy a European feel to a city (global perspectives, old-fashioned architecture, appreciation of arts) vs. the stereotypical American NASCAR beer and sports culture.

7) Ideally, politically aware and generally knowledgeable. Sizable independent-minded/moderate/libertarian leaning who think for themselves rather than blindly following party lines. However, political affiliation matters less to me than apathy. Apathetic types who don’t think or care about anything don’t appeal to me. Respect towards animals is also important.

My impression of Seattle has always been that it is educated, cultured, health-conscious, down-to-earth, respectful towards animals and the environment, and politically astute. (Please correct me if I am wrong.) Californian's tend to think of it as SF-light, if that makes any sense. However, as I have been researching cities and talking to more people, I have come to discover some concerns of which I was unaware, and am hoping for some possible feedback from the fellow Seattle posters:

My concerns:

Believe it or not, unlike everyone else, the weather is not much of a concern for me. On the contrary, I think it might be a refreshing change; I do not a sun worshiper, and I love greenness, freshness and don't mind overcast weather. While possibly not ideal, it sure beats hellishly hot summers and freezing cold winters dominating over 1/2 the country.

1)My biggest concern is this proverbial “Seattle Freeze” I am reading so much about. I do not know if it is greater within the genders or between the opposite genders, or if it spans all age groups (30-45 would be my peer group). I have heard and read that men do not approach women and act like they do not care to date. However, in the same post, they complain that the women seem cold, aloof and do not want to be bothered. I wonder if a woman is girly, friendly and approachable, the men would warm up a bit. I also wonder if the women are "chilly" to each other as I would like to make girlfriends. My disposition is warm, open and friendly. I strike up conversation at the sampling booth in Trader Joe's. I say "hi" to people passing me on walks/hikes. I am an extrovert, but not fake and superficial. I mean what I say. If I say, "we should get together this weekend," I mean it and will call - unlike the vast amount of southern Californians, by the way. To them, this is just a nicety and pretty much means nothing. (one thing I have grown to dislike about it here.) I can't imagine, though, that I would do well in a city were no one wants to meet anyone, the men don't want to date or talk to women and people are painfully antisocial. But I do not want to discard Seattle on a stereotype that isn't even true or applicable to the vast amount of people in my demographic.. I have also read the polar opposite - that the imbalanced ratio makes men more apt to talk to the fewer women who are out and about. One man complained that every 1 woman has about 4 guys hanging around her, and he is always one of them. In Seattle. It was like he was talking about a completely different city given my other reads.

2) My other concern is the supposed dislike for other Californian's relocating to Seattle. I can understand not liking the ghetto, plastic, shallow, superficial silliness. However, if a person is not this way, are they simply judged negatively for being from a overall nice, healthy, environmentally conscious, pretty state? I don't want to feel bad about where I am from. I am proud of the good qualities - more how it used to be - and in having some roots here. I would not be coming there to complain about the weather all day long. I am sick enough of hearing Californians complaining about the mild 50 degree winter evenings we have hear, calling it "freezing," and never wanting to go out - as if putting on a light coat would be the end of the world.

3) So the only other concern is not about anything I have heard on the message boards, but more the "word on the street," at least in California, so to speak. Californians do not speak about a Seattle Freeze, and likely do not even know about it. Instead, the big impression and stereotype they have of Seattle is that it is, "The hipster capital of the world!" Now there are tons of hipsters here, but I thought hipsters were 16-25 year old kids, who don't have a career and don't really care about much. I don't think 30-45 year old men even fit in skinny jeans! Nor would they be caught dead with their pants falling off. The way Californian's paint Seattle is that every 15 yr old kid to 55 yr old man is a militant hipster. But how the heck can you have a well-paying, intellectually-driven career in a professional office, dealing with clients, with your body covered in tattoos, huge rings through your ears, plaid flannel shirts that look like pajamas, and skinny jeans cutting off your circulation? This just can not be. And there are many professional, educated, successful people in Seattle, so this does not add up to me. I have defended Seattle based on pure logic but am told I am wrong. Could some Seattle locals please set the record straight?

I would really appreciate any feedback and clarification anyone might have, especially on the dating scene, but really on all three potential roadblocks I listed. I am also open to other city suggestions, but given that most of the country has extreme weather (and horribly hot summers) we are sort of limited. lol

Thank you in advance!

[SitoUK]

Originally Posted by gingerdancer

1)Decent dating scene and singles population for 30-somethings, i.e. a sizable populace of straight, friendly, intelligent, down-to-earth men…. [who preferably still look like men - not emaciated pre-pubescent adolescents in skinny jeans that are falling off. (thank you, 2011)]

Mhh, sometimes I think in Seattle it's either skinny-jeans wearing hipsters (of all age groups) or your typical Amazon/MS/etc.. software development nerd...the demographic groups inbetween those two extremes seem comparatively small ;-)

[sekhmet1974]

Ok first off, Williamsburg in Brooklyn, NY is hipster capital of the world. Seattle doesn't even hold a candle to that place. That said, there is some of that mixed with biker/outdoorsy/nature/eco friendly types. And arty types and business types and and and....you won't find a lot of plastic women/people here. The Seattle Freeze thing is true, but that doesn't mean you won't make friends or find good matches for dating. I met my husband there (after he moved from CA, btw). People will not care whatsoever that you are from CA. Or what you look like or dress like etc. The only thing that will likely get you slack is if you are a raging right wing Republican.

[gingerdancer]

Originally Posted by sekhmet1974

The only thing that will likely get you slack is if you are a raging right wing Republican.

I'll be sure to leave my "Michele Bachmann 2012" tee shirt back in Cali then. Kidding...

[Seacove]

Originally Posted by sekhmet1974

The only thing that will likely get you slack is if you are a raging right wing Republican.

Hear hear! No issues with Californians, I think West Coasters tend to be most comfortable with each other. And I guess there are a small group of the types you describe but I think of Seattle as more corporate than anything.

Seattle does have a personality type though and you may or may not have issues with it. Seattleites tend to be introverted and passive-aggressive. They won't confront you if they are unhappy, in fact, they might become overly polite and they hate confrontation. They're polite since being polite is easy to do and they can walk away feeling good about it. They'll hold the door, they'll INSIST you go first at a four-way stop and no one honks their car horn. But if you rush them, if you take the quick smile and interpret it as a moment of bonding, they might back off quickly. Maybe that happens in SoCal too but I find Californians to be more extroverted overall and Seattle - well just more comfortable with their own group of friends and their little world. Lots of people come here and find their circle of friends but that Seattle Freeze thread has been going strong for a long time. It doesn't mean you won't make friends, just that it can take longer here.

If you meet someone in Seattle and they seem a little standoffish, it's just normal, and it's not because you're from California. But it could be the Michele Bachmann T-Shirt!

[The Siobhan]

Wow, reading all that makes me remember the whole perception of elitism that seems to be associated with Seattle.

[Seacove]

You think a tendency to be introverted is elitist? I tend to think it's the weather. The winters are long and sort of dark and you get used to reading and it's misty outside, just a theory.

[The Siobhan]

My apologies. I meant the original post.

[Mr.Pissedoff]

I moved to Federal Way, Wa. from L.A., Ca. and it rains 360 day's out of the year, but the people are less egocentric than Southern Californian's, and I grew up in L.A. Good luck.

[Seacove]

Got it