Let's put the Friendliness issue to bed (Seattle, Spokane: transplants, live in) - Washington (WA) -Seattle and King County Suburbs - Page 4 - City-Data Forum

jwb123 · 09-11-2007, 08:28 AM

Having just moved to Austin almost a year ago - after starting our family in the Seattle area and consciously NOT teaching our kids to say "Yes Ma'am" and "Yes, Sir" (you just don't do that in Seattle) I can tell you - we are OUT OF PLACE here!

We have had to relearn/reteach manners from a southern viewpoint. I will admit - we were in the "seattle" frame of mind completely, but I much prefer the way things are here, and how polite the children are.

PencilMeIn · 09-11-2007, 08:32 AM

joplinlb...don't be sorry about your post....you are absolutely right about the respect. I am amazed when I'm in a store and see kids running around grabbing things off the shelf while their mother is paying no attention at all (most likely on her cell). Kids think they can do anything they want if there is no authority figure to guide them. And I'm the mother of 3 (although they are grown now) but I think I have a little knowledge on the subject.
Back to the original thread...I'm wondering why so many people say that people from the south are so friendly...that's not always the case. I live in OK right now and a lot of the people are nice but that is where it stops. People are friendly but they don't want to be "friends". Very cliquish. Or there is the person you don't know at the checkout line who tells you their whole story...when all you want to do is get your groceries and go home. I don't consider either one of those types to be friendly...the first ones are fakey and the second ones are flakey.

joplinlb · 09-11-2007, 08:41 AM

Thank you Jenbar. I feel like you just validated what I am doing! I enjoyed reading your perspective. I am going to "plug at it" while I am still raising my children in Seattle even if we are looked down upon. I always enjoy seeing the high school / college student or young athlete respond with "yes sir" etc. when I see an interview on television or a response in person. I automatically think that their parents cared enough to teach them to be polite and respect authority. It is very impressive to me.

joplinlb · 09-11-2007, 08:53 AM

I was talking to my husband about this. He has spent many years working in D.C. and he said that it is the worst there as far as friendliness goes!

All, I have to say is that everything that I hear about people in Seattle, I experience with people in Atlanta! There are nice, friendly people everywhere and there are people that won't even respond when you hold the door open for them or let them take the spot in the parking lot. I am just going to go on being my nice, polite self and just "let it go" and not "worry about" what everyone else does and how they respond. It doesn't reaaally matter!

Samsmom, I like what you said about fakey and flakey!

joplinlb · 09-11-2007, 09:00 AM

For anybody who thinks it is inappropriate to teach their kids to say "yes, ma'am" etc. then they are misunderstanding their role as a parent. Teaching your children to say these things is to teach them to respect authority. What happens to these children when they grow up and have to get a job and don't show proper respect to authority? Answer: they get fired and jump from job to job. My husband works for a large, strategy consulting firm and they hire many "smart" kids right out of grad. school who have no idea how to show respect for authority. Those kids get reassigned to demeaning tasks very quickly. That is just the way it is. The whole idea is to teach your kids to be friendly, collegial, cordial and to respect those in authority over you and they will succeed in both life and the workforce. If not, they will fail in both.

ness · 09-11-2007, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joplinlb

For anybody who thinks it is inappropriate to teach their kids to say "yes, ma'am" etc. then they are misunderstanding their role as a parent. Teaching your children to say these things is to teach them to respect authority. What happens to these children when they grow up and have to get a job and don't show proper respect to authority? Answer: they get fired and jump from job to job. My husband works for a large, strategy consulting firm and they hire many "smart" kids right out of grad. school who have no idea how to show respect for authority. Those kids get reassigned to demeaning tasks very quickly. That is just the way it is. The whole idea is to teach your kids to be friendly, collegial, cordial and to respect those in authority over you and they will succeed in both life and the workforce. If not, they will fail in both.

I understand your point.....but there are other viewpoints on raising children. My parents taught me to be polite, think for myself, but also to question authority and that people have to earn respect. They didn't want me to be stuck in a "follower" role. I have my Master's degree and my own consuting business that I've built from the ground up. Teaching children to respect authority....just because...doesn't always indicate they will be successfull in life. AND teaching children that someone earns respect (my parents' way) doesn't mean that that child will not be successfull.

joplinlb · 09-11-2007, 11:46 AM

I respect your opinion. And, actually agree with most of it. Obviously, you have been very successful and were raised very well. I think that you were probably taught to respect authority regardless if you said "Yes Ma'am" or not ;-).

I believe that people in authority should be respected by children regardless of whether or not they have earned it. Should children be disrespectful until someone "earns" it? Should parents, teachers, coaches, and other people in authority not be shown respect until a child decides that they have earned it. I can't grasp that. That seems like a very subjective decision for a child to make. I think it is a parent's responsibility to guide a child to accurately make these decisions until that time in which a child can adequately make them on their own.

My example about the employer/employee relationship is founded on the belief that you should respect the person in authority, but does not mean you can't question their decisions.

i retract my comment "If not, they will fail in both." It was a bit harsh and not completely accurate. I hope it wasn't offensive.

ness · 09-11-2007, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joplinlb

I respect your opinion. And, actually agree with most of it. Obviously, you have been very successful and were raised very well. I think that you were probably taught to respect authority regardless if you said "Yes Ma'am" or not ;-).

I believe that people in authority should be respected by children regardless of whether or not they have earned it. Should children be disrespectful until someone "earns" it? Should parents, teachers, coaches, and other people in authority not be shown respect until a child decides that they have earned it. I can't grasp that. That seems like a very subjective decision for a child to make. I think it is a parent's responsibility to guide a child to accurately make these decisions until that time in which a child can adequately make them on their own.

My example about the employer/employee relationship is founded on the belief that you should respect the person in authority, but does not mean you can't question their decisions.

i retract my comment "If not, they will fail in both." It was a bit harsh and not completely accurate. I hope it wasn't offensive.

No offense taken. My parents taught me to be respectful of all human beings...including other children....but didn't emphasize that people in authority should be given more respect just because they are in a position of authority. In other words you don't need to show more respect to your teacher than your fellow students. My parents also didn't assign me a middle name because they wanted me to be able to choose one myself. My parents were hippies in case you didn't get that by now. lol. Just wanted to emphasize that children can be raised in many different ways and end up as well adjusted adults.

joplinlb · 09-11-2007, 12:24 PM

That is funny!!! Your parents being hippies that is!!

Now....back to the original thread. Sorry to hijack!

ness · 09-11-2007, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by joplinlb

That is funny!!! Your parents being hippies that is!!

Now....back to the original thread. Sorry to hijack!

Okay....so back on topic. I pose a question to all:

What qualifies as "friendly"? Maybe there are many different ways to view friendly.

Friendliness to me is saying good morning when you're out walking the dogs in the morning and you see someone else walking. Friendliness is being able to have a 20 minute conversation with your next door neighbor if you happen to be watering your front lawns at the same time. Friendliness is making someone new to a group feel welcome by including them in random activities like shopping, having coffee with the group, or taking the kids to the park.