dating in seattle, east-indian population... (food, best, phone)

[Hamza]

As a Seattle-bound white guy happily partnered with a desi girl, may I say that you folks not dating Indians don't know what you're missing.

[seakid]

Haha; "desi", wow that's the first time I've heard this term on an American forum

[jenlion]

I don't think it's wrong to be OPEN to dating a person of a particular group. I just can't understand why someone would TARGET a particular group.

I used to work with three guys. They all agreed that it was best they married women from other countries because they didn't give them sh*t. One of them made his wife hurry around for him and do things for him and he thought it was hilarious. One day he wanted to set off a bug fogger, and she was taking 'too long' to get out the door and get to her job. So he set off the fogger with her still in the house. Another one's wife was pregnant. Very close to her due date. We were all at lunch one day -- NOT working, just chatting -- and his phone rang. He checked it; it was his wife. He ignored it. Said the rule is, you NEVER answer the phone on the first ring. You only answer it if they call back. Regardless of whether you're available. The other guy just thought ALL american women were too fat, and was trying to find himself a nice, submissive, teensy asian girl. He wasn't sure which type of asian he was after, yet, just one with an accent that didn't know *too* much english (so she couldn't fight with him), one that didn't live here but wanted to (so she'd be dependent on his goodwill to get here and stay here), and one that would do any kinky thing he wanted. Sounds like HS trash-talk, but this guy was in his 30s. And dead serious.

So now, anytime I hear that someone is looking to date someone of a particular group, rather than looking for love among friends or (gasp!) equals or whoever happens to come along due to a common interest or random encounter or whatever, I think of these guys. I've learned since then just how common it is for american men to desire non-American women so they can have some docile, submissive, pert young thing to dominate. I'm sure it's nice to be king, but the arrogance of that mindset just boggles my mind. We're not going to solve all of our social problems on this little forum, but thank god there's more men NOT like that than are.

So, I have no idea what the desire for looking to hook up with an Indian girl is. Maybe it's the dream to have Indian food cooked for you the rest of your life. Who knows. Maybe the smell of curry is a fetish. No idea. But I don't get it at all, unless it's another simple example of the mindset described above.

[Hamza]

Originally Posted by jenlion

I don't think it's wrong to be OPEN to dating a person of a particular group...

The examples you mentioned above all sound like jackasses. It's a myth that a particular race or ethnicity is more "subservient" to men. If anything, it has more to do with economic class. An impoverished, uneducated woman of any particular race will unfortunately be less able to defend herself from mistreatment or abuse.

I can assure you that, at least speaking for myself if not for others, the urge to date outside one's immediate ethnicity does NOT stem from misogyny. People have particular attractions and fetishes for many reasons, or more often than not, no reason they can particularly think of. They just like what they like.

On an evolutionary level, I'm sure that the motivation to date outside one's ethnicity comes from a subconscious urge to hybridize. Just like in the wild, mixing up my gene pool with fresh blood from elsewhere will increase my chances for healthy, competitive offspring.

On a social level, and if you're inclined to it, exploring someone else's culture can be fascinating and fun. It's why people travel, for instance, and men have been travelling across the world mating with new and interesting women for thousands of years. It's part of the spice of life, is a mainstay of life itself, and thankfully, one that a few hundred years of racism and xenophobia haven't extinguished. I'm not arguing that a person make it a point to date outside one's race -- though maybe I should as it'd solve most of the world's problems -- only that one approach such differences as a boon in any future romances. Race is something that might be fun to explore and learn about, like dating a scuba instructor or a guy with a Maserati.

[nishira]

Originally Posted by jenlion

Uhh... dare we ask WHY you're looking specifically for an Indian woman to marry?? Curious as to how you'd "blend" with them given you say you're white yourself??

wow - hadn't realized this thread had been resurfaced.

in short, although i certainly wasn't limited to dating ~only~ people from one culture, for many personal reasons - i felt that i would have more in common with someone that had an indian background.

in the time i've been here, i've now met someone that is not indian - and who i have much in common with, and i'm crazy about - couldn't be happier!

[Redline]

Too funny. The majority of my friends in Chicago were "brownies". Over there, we just called people from India "Indians" and not "East Indians" like the way people in the PNW like to say it. And yeah, desi parties were craaazy. I still get emails from them!

I saw a guy driving around here once with a license plate called BRWNBOY and lo and behold he was Indian! Best license plate evar!

[impatient Pete]

On a kind of side note-

Sorry this is kinda off-topic. I'm not looking to date a desi-beauty (though my wife would probably tell you otherwise- ohhh Madhuri...) but this seems like a good place to post this.

I am a big Bollywood fan (no-I'm not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that!). I've seen a bunch of them and almost all of my CD purchases for the past 6 years have been Bollywood soundtracks. I checked the area out for theaters that show Bollywood movies and found a couple, but does anyone here have any first hand experience with any of the theaters? Also, I'm looking for a good Indian movie and music store.

Oh, and here in the Bay Area, we have a TV station that shows "Showbiz India" and Namaste America" on Saturday mornings. Is there anything like that in Seattle? I would love to have my Saturday morning Bollywood fix again (we got rid of TV 4 years ago)

Danyawad! Shukriah!

Pete

[sassygirl2008]

Hey guy - don't worry about the way indians look at you and your wife. I'm east indian myself, and I plan to marry a guy who I love, whether he is indian, white, black or purple. Yes, most Indians will give you funny looks, they do have a fetish about fair skin, just ignore it. If you and your wife love each other, then be happy you found each other and made a commitment. Walk down the street enjoying your love, don't worry about what anyone else is thinking. If they stare, look back and smile. There are lots of people in this world who are open-minded, and you can be friends with them. Generally, people exhibit this behaviour when they don't have experience with new situations. If a guy saw his sister or daughter abused by her east-indian husband, and then later she found a guy (black, white, whichever) who treated her with love and respect, he wouldn't stare or be rude, he will have had an experience to open his eyes. God made us all equal, and just enjoy your wife.

Originally Posted by vw2005

I have moved to this area recently. My spouse is from India and I am Black. The stares that we have got from Indians make us feel very uncomfortable. Our experience with people from East India here, men or women, have been sadly negative. We encounter many Indians at work and where we live, and my wife or I would say hi and try to strike a casual conversation. While we have made some friends that way and most people are polite, Indians here are very rude and aloof. A friend told me that a lot of East Indians have a fetish about fair skin and skin-lotions that would make the skin fairer for girls are wildly popular in India. Perhaps they don't like black people. Anyway, good luck in your search ;-)

[lotuslove16]

And to add to that, why is someone's personal desire to be friends based on country/religion/color/race wrong? Why can't I cherry pick who I want to be friends with, just as I can choose who I'd like to go out on a date, share a bed at night, or spend my life with?[/quote]

I agree. Ultimately I make my decisions based upon a person's character but I admit that I'm physically attracted to Indians and those of Mediterranean descent. (Yes, I'm one of those "white" gals whose heart goes pitter-patter over Shahrukh Khan. - lol)

[Mistertee]

We live in a white world....get used to it...