Official "Seattle Freeze" Discussion Thread (Tukwila: purchases, firm)

[Jennibc]

Originally Posted by K8K

True story. Last Saturday night I walked by my lonesome the three blocks from my new house in Columbia City to Lotties, sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. There was a couple there and I made some small talk about the music playing, Amy Winehouse on the day of her death. The exchange was awkward, but in the three weeks that I've lived here I've come to expect that. Still, it is such an unexpected feeling to go to a public place, a watering hole after all and get the cold shoulder. Anyway, as they were leaving someone they knew showed up and he was introduced to me. I'm 53 and this guy was maybe 40 so I wasn't interested in more than pleasantries, but what happened next left me dumbfounded. He knew I was new to Seattle, and I told him I moved from Bakersfield California (I grew up in Chicago) he told me he wasn't fond of it, to which I replied, "the whole state?" to which he replied, "harumph" and then flapped opened his newspaper right in my face. I sat there for a few minutes feeling embarrassed and then got up and left a $6.00 beer in a cup half full. Just writing about it brings a lump to my throat. I moved here for a great job, full of anticipation about living in a beautiful place, never imagining that I would be shunned by total strangers in a city I thought would be welcoming to someone like me. I am single, fun, creative and friendly but in less than a month I have had dozens of encounters like this, at the grocery store, on the light rail, at the dog park, walking in my neighborhood, in Bartells, in coffee shops and even while registering my son for school that have left me shaking my head in disbelief. After last Saturday I came home and googled 'anti social Seattle' and found this forum. I went back to the beginning and read most of it. I wonder if I'd known about this arctic freeze if I would have made this move. I can feel my attitude shifting - today while walking my dog as a man approached on the sidewalk I stared straight ahead, something I never ever would have done. I experimented while walking from the light rail to my office downtown, trying to make eye contact with anyone, and it was alarming the extent people would go to avoid seeing me. I felt invisible in a sea of humans - it was so depressing.

This story makes me really sad. I am so sorry. I think sometimes people forget (especially up there) that it is natural for people to want to connect with other humans. We evolved as social beings. We finally left Seattle because we needed to be somewhere where people would make eye contact, where you didn't have to find a "clique" of friends to feel like you were part of a community.

[evergraystate]

Even though I'm living in Seattle temporarily, its embarrassing to read stuff like this. I've had enough similar encounters to learn to adapt and lower my expectations. We try to get the heck out of this city as often as possible because of the people and the weather.

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by K8K

I can feel my attitude shifting - today while walking my dog as a man approached on the sidewalk I stared straight ahead, something I never ever would have done. I experimented while walking from the light rail to my office downtown, trying to make eye contact with anyone, and it was alarming the extent people would go to avoid seeing me. I felt invisible in a sea of humans - it was so depressing.

I probably said this before a gazillion posts back but when we lived in Seattle, my husband and I would go for city walks and as we passed other couples, he would make eye contact and say, "Good evening."

Just to mess with their heads because Seattleites hate eye contact or greetings from anyone they don't know.

So glad we moved...

[seattlerain]

Originally Posted by Topaz

I probably said this before a gazillion posts back but when we lived in Seattle, my husband and I would go for city walks and as we passed other couples, he would make eye contact and say, "Good evening."

Just to mess with their heads because Seattleites hate eye contact or greetings from anyone they don't know.

So glad we moved...

In some parts of the world making eye contact is considered confrontational.

Just saying...

[Topaz]

Originally Posted by seattlerain

In some parts of the world making eye contact is considered confrontational.

I know. I don't want to live in those places.

These were neighborhood streets with families out for evening walks. Not exactly high risk locations.

[seattlerain]

Originally Posted by Topaz

I know. I don't want to live in those places.

These were neighborhood streets with families out for evening walks. Not exactly high risk locations.

I understand.

I don't know what to attribute this to...but when I was a kid growing up in Seattle in the 50s and 60s people were quite different.

There has always been a bit of a reserved trait here...but that hasn't always translated into downright unfriendliness...

[Dport7674]

To add my $.02 cents, I've visited my Uncle and Cousin in Seattle a few times and found people to be pretty friendly. Just as friendly as anywhere else. I'd transfer my job to Seattle in a minute if I could.

[K8K]

I should add that after I left Lottie's I walked down the street to The Bourbon where I heard live music. There were three middle aged guys standing together and I asked them if it was a private party - it seemed like it. One guy turned and walked away and another put his head down and muttered something. I tried to catch his eye and understand him but he refused to communicate. It was the strangest thing, especially after being shunned just moments before. Thankfully the third guy was normal and answered my question without making me feel like I was asking for money. I stayed and listened to a great band that anywhere else would have had the crowd on their feet, but the dance floor was packed with young people standing still as statues, staring straight ahead and not even swaying to the beat. Why bother to go out?

[spfldnet]

I wouldn't attribute the "freeze" to a geographic location. It's fairly typical human behavior that is newly discovered when one becomes an adult and leaves the phase of life when it was easy to make friends because everyone around you didn't have jobs, kids, debt, etc.

I know the difference because I'm 47 and have no kids, no debt, and a crappy job, while everyone I grew up with is tied down with kids, careers, pets, spouses, in-laws, etc. When we get beyond a certain age, we just get into a fixed routine where we have little time for new people.

It's sad because I didn't grow up around the same people all of my life, so I have very few friends and it's not fun, but I'm used to it.

[Jennibc]

Originally Posted by spfldnet

I wouldn't attribute the "freeze" to a geographic location. It's fairly typical human behavior that is newly discovered when one becomes an adult and leaves the phase of life when it was easy to make friends because everyone around you didn't have jobs, kids, debt, etc.

I know the difference because I'm 47 and have no kids, no debt, and a crappy job, while everyone I grew up with is tied down with kids, careers, pets, spouses, in-laws, etc. When we get beyond a certain age, we just get into a fixed routine where we have little time for new people.

It's sad because I didn't grow up around the same people all of my life, so I have very few friends and it's not fun, but I'm used to it.

You and I are pretty close in age and we are not having the same experience down here in Austin as we had up there. K8K wrote he was in his fifties and moved from another area. There really are cultural differences.

It's true it's easier to establish deep friendships when your younger, BUT what we are really talking about at this point in this massive thread is just a sense of community. When I go on my daily walk here around the neighborhood, people make eye contact, smile and nod as they walk by, even though I don't know them. People in the checkout lane bend over to help you pick something up if you drop it. The sample ladies at Costco warmly say hello.

I do agree that Seattle doesn't have a monopoly on aloof public behavior, I lived in the Northeast for five years and saw it there. I think the difference is I expected it there. Also, over time we were able to establish some really close friendships with people there that 12 years after we've gone, we've maintained.