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Thanks for the suggestions. I just wondered what makes it more singlish than any other cafe or coffeeshop. Do they have lots of events or activities there or something?
They're just popular, and draw a lot of people. Every time I went there, it was pretty packed, lines of people waiting to order goodies. People go there to check everyone else out. In the evenings, they'd sometimes have someone playing guitar, or something. I don't know if these new locations have any evening entertainment.
It's like this: you go to a Starbucks, and it's a pretty sterile, institutional environment, sparsely populated, and not particularly welcoming. You go to the HoneyBear, and it's warm and inviting, and homey. (Bear in mind I haven't been to the new ones, I'm describing their original location.) It's really pleasant. And they have a great selection of items. Who doesn't like bakeries? They do a good job with creating a good atmosphere, and have great, home-cooked food. In the summer, they'd have tables outside, for a sidewalk cafe.
Check 'em both out, and report back to us. Hopefully my review isn't too out of date.
One thing you can do in Seattle is visit either Elliott Bay Books, or the University of Washington Bookstore. Both have a really wide selection of books, benches for people to sit down and browse, and are enjoyable to visit. Go out the back of the UW bookstore, cross the street to campus, and turn left to go to the Burke Museum. They have a coffee shop in the basement that's also popular, though only offers coffee/tea, and pastries. You can visit the museum, too. Take some time to stroll all around campus; there are gardens and fountains. It's really pleasant.
I agree meetups are a mixed bag for trying to meet people. I have been on a lot of meetups being brand new to Seattle and they just don't work that well for building a circle of friends. You tend to meet a bunch of different new strangers on every meetup, and it never goes further then conversation at the meetup. It's difficult to take the step from a meetup, to making friends with some people in the meetup at a deeper level and building a circle of friends outside of the meetup and hanging out outside of the meetup.
I have also found that meetups are so random, many times there just aren't good matches for you in terms of possible new friends or a significant other. A random group of people can show up at meetups and may be much older then you, much younger, or just really not a lot of people you connect with. I think some type of smaller group where you meet people in your age group with similar interests, and you see the same people over and over again, is better for making friends. Like softball teams, volleyball teams, things like that.
The hiking meetups with like 40 people on them can get really old. I like to hike with a much smaller group.
I have had fun getting out on hikes I didn't know about, exploring new areas, and trying new restaurants with meetup groups, but they have not been effective for me in making new good friends outside of the meetups. Meetups are kind of like Internet dating, there is quantity but the quality is not there. There is just something "off" about it that doesn't seem to work well for building friends.
It's nice to know where singles exist. At least in the 20-30 age group. They seem like a rare breed in the South Sound suburbs/Tacoma area. Out here in Federal Way most of the singles are 50+. Tacoma isn't exactly a hot singles spot either. Like in Tacoma most of the young girls I have talked to in the coffeeshops end up being high school seniors.. LOL. The rest are old enough to be my mother. And the bars in Tacoma are generally full of men or if there are girls they are with their husband. Not that I go to bars or coffeeshops for meeting women, but it was just an observation.
Thanks for the suggestions. I just wondered what makes it more singlish than any other cafe or coffeeshop. Do they have lots of events or activities there or something?
I only come to Seattle once or twice a week and usually its for shopping, coffeeshops and eating at various ethnic food joints. Basically, I have a hard time finding anything to do. Most of the quaint meetup groups I think I would enjoy usually are filled up and require you to reserve a spot 1-2 weeks in advance. The rest are just mega meetup groups at bars or dance clubs with 100s of people. I'm not into loud bars or concerts or anything like that. I'm sure if I lived in Seattle I'd have an easier time finding activities, but it's tough for me.
I definitely see way more people my age hanging around both coffeeshops and bars in Seattle. I've yet to bump into a high schooler at a coffeeshop in Seattle, whereas Tacoma a majority of the younger people in coffeeshops I am starting to believe are high school students.
I think it's interesting to note that you bring up having qualms about the social atmosphere in seattle in a fair amount of your posts. And no, I am not lurking, I have just seen posts of yours on the seattle forum frequently because I usually scan it once or twice a day. I'm going to college here soon so Id like to get a lay of the land.
For one thing, you seem to have gotten in your head that there is an extreme culture barrier between you and most other residents. This mindset doesn't necessarily accomplish anything and it can certainly come across as pretentious when you say: "people certainly don't conduct themselves that way in my culture," etc. It is obviously going to be somewhat of an adjustment for you but since your job is here and you'll most likely be here for a while its much more efficient to assimilate than to take on the isolationist perspective. You'll find that you'll enjoy yourself much more if you don't focus so much on what you percieve as a large gap.
One thing I've learned is that self pity rarely accomplishes anything and its rarely always everyone else's fault. The skewed perceptions you have established in your mind have probably caused people to feel intuititively thrown off. In other words the issues are all in your head and that's what's leaving you dry.
And if you truly don't like the way people conduct themselves in your area, why spend time and energy complaining about them and reminiscing about your native culture? Sure doesn't accomplish anything.
Either way, you need to channel your energy to different things.
My suggestion would be to sign up for a class, like an art class or exercise one. I am currently taking three pottery classes (I'm kind of addicted to pottery), and have made some really interesting and great friends. I've also taken a photography class (which can be good since they usually have "field trips" planned) and a Qigong class. I still don't have close friends, but it's definitely given me a chance to get to know more people. These classes are typically through community centers (i.e. Phinney Ridge, or Lynnwood Recreation Center - not Seattle but you get the point), but a couple of them are through a community college's continuing education program.
Also, when I lived in NYC several years ago, my boyfriend started up a cafe (tea and coffee), and we made many friends with whom we are still friends. I am not saying that you should go out and create a coffee shop, but start hanging out in one on a regular basis and you're sure to become friends with the baristas and some of the regulars. They probably have community events, too, or if you're willing, will let you create your own there.
I think it's interesting to note that you bring up having qualms about the social atmosphere in seattle in a fair amount of your posts. And no, I am not lurking, I have just seen posts of yours on the seattle forum frequently because I usually scan it once or twice a day. I'm going to college here soon so Id like to get a lay of the land.
For one thing, you seem to have gotten in your head that there is an extreme culture barrier between you and most other residents. This mindset doesn't necessarily accomplish anything and it can certainly come across as pretentious when you say: "people certainly don't conduct themselves that way in my culture," etc. It is obviously going to be somewhat of an adjustment for you but since your job is here and you'll most likely be here for a while its much more efficient to assimilate than to take on the isolationist perspective. You'll find that you'll enjoy yourself much more if you don't focus so much on what you percieve as a large gap.
One thing I've learned is that self pity rarely accomplishes anything and its rarely always everyone else's fault. The skewed perceptions you have established in your mind have probably caused people to feel intuititively thrown off. In other words the issues are all in your head and that's what's leaving you dry.
And if you truly don't like the way people conduct themselves in your area, why spend time and energy complaining about them and reminiscing about your native culture? Sure doesn't accomplish anything.
Either way, you need to channel your energy to different things.
I'm new in town and I've been disappointed in meetup as a means of meeting new friends. I suggest trying to find something in a age range that fits you and a common interest. I've found that a lot of random people show up that may be a lot older or younger or just not a good fit for a friend. You can spend a lot of time running around town to stuff with no results. Also many times each meetup is a whole new set of folks so you just end up doing hikes, dinners or whatever with strangers you see once.
Seattle's meetup groups are very high stressed and seem quite superficial.. As ctr said, you don't really even see the same people at the groups. I just found most people at the groups to be a bit too uppity and snooty for my tastes. However, that phenomenon is not confined to meetup groups, but rather the large number of pseudo-intellectuals that dwell within the city of Seattle who are out to prove their sophistication and extravagance at the cost of other people who they deem below them or not up to their standard of intellectual fortitude.
Anyhow, I've given up on Seattle as a place to meet kind, friendly, go-lucky, happy kind of types. Portland still has enough people who just like hanging and having a good time without the stress of proving your worthiness to the constant judgment of the pretentious, self-righteous pseudo-elitists.
I am just tired of pretentious nature of people in Seattle and that people seem so high strung and volatile in social situations. It's not the kind of place where you can relax, kick back and meet easy going people over a beer or two. Everything is a matter of life and death, people are high strung, they are shallow, superficial and a bit sterile. Conversing with them always feel like you have broken some social rule that is worthy of punishment and social banishment from the grandeur of their omnipotence.
Seriously, whatever happen to the day you can just meet friendly folks who you can shoot the breeze with over a beer or something. People in Seattle need to get their heads of their tight rectal cavities and realize the world doesn't revolve around their inflated egos.
Also, a majority of the meetup groups in Seattle cater to the affluent and wealthy. Is this surprising? More and more wealthy people are escaping from where they came from and moving to Seattle to drive the price of living through the roof.. The cost of living is skyrocketing, the attitudes are getting snobbier , traffic is getting worse and all the cool, normal, easy-going people are jumping ship and finding places to live that are more sane. Seattle in the 90s was actually a cool place, had good music and more fun people, like Portland. That isn't to say it was my scene or anything, but it wasn't saturated with the arrogant, snotty, elitist types that now are prominent in the city.
I'm looking to get out of the city.. Well, I cannot even afford to live in the city, which is another reason I want to leave. I'd like to move to an area where I can live closer to the city center and not sacrifice having kids because of the cost. I've come to the conclusion not to live in any more ultra-liberal wealthy, elitist cities.. Seattle, may not be much different than Boston, Manhattan, San Francisco, etc... Perhaps Seattlites are a bit more anti-social than these other cities, which just adds to the woes.
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Hopefully my review isn't too out of date.
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