The Seattle Freeze - The Sociology Explained In Detail, and How To Overcome It! :) (transplants, renting)

[certsevtxert]

Seattle Freeze, in my experience, is that it's hard to get people to take initiative socially. Your can literally invite yourself over to your neighbor's house and they are so friendly and you can have a good time hanging out. However, it's rare they actually invite anyone over.

Another example, is social groups - friends always invite everyone in their social groups to social events and parties. But they rarely hang out with anyone other than their roommates and people they've already known for a long time. So for someone new it's hard to get people to hang out, because they are simply reserved, and prefer not to branch out.

In contrast, in the same circumstance on the East Coast, people are always inviting their friends over to hang out all the time. You can't invite yourself over to the neighbor's house or they would think you are rude. But the neighbors are likely to invite you over just to meet you and hang out. I often made good friends with my neighbors on the East Coast, even if it was a completely new city I never lived in before and new people.



Social groups, as long as you're a normal and likable person, on the East Coast you are always invited to stuff. People will feel you out a few times hanging out. If they like you, you'll be invited over more and more to hang out. If they don't, then they just won't invite you anymore. It's kind of like a trial run - three strikes and you're out. Don't get three strikes and you're in. In contrast, in Seattle people don't invite you over to "try you out" a few times. They only even consider inviting you over if 1) you are already in their social group, and 2) they already know you really, really well.



This, is the Seattle Freeze. People are closed and reluctant to invite people into their close social circles, until they already know you really well. Which is circular, because it's hard to get to know people really well without hanging out, but they don't want to hang out until they know you really well. This creates a dilemma, because B comes before A, when A is a requirement of B, making B virtually impossible to attain.

On the other hand, people are more friendly up front, giving newcomers the idea that they are friendly people when in reality Seattlites are highly reserved and won't let anyone in without the highest scrutiny. Unaware East Coast and California socialites are taken off-guard, and it takes years to actually discover what's going on, and to be able to learn how to get through to Seattlites to gain close friends.

This, is the Seattle Freeze.

The key to overcoming Seattle Freeze is as follows:

1) Diligence: You must make due diligence and make sure you attend any and every event you can, especially the ones you are specifically invited to. This is one of the only ways to meet new people in Seattle.



2) Proactive: You must be proactive and go out of your way to get people to hang out. Even if you're turned down because they are busy or whatnot, keep trying over time again and again until they are free. East Coasters would see this as annoying. However, Seattlites don't, and even require it to show you're interested enough to be worth the time (as long as you're not being annoying, like three texts in a single day asking to hang out).



3) Use every tool in your arsenal. Phone, text, and Facebook are three vital ways to making and keeping friends in Seattle, and getting and staying connected, and getting invited to things.



4) Caution: Be Very Careful to portray your best qualities every time you can invited to anything. Otherwise, your new highly reserved friends may be quick to rush to judgment. It's not personal; it's simply the culture.



As a newcomer, it might seem that the fact that no one is asking you to hang out or taking the initiative means no one likes you. That would be true on the East Coast. It is not the case in Seattle. You might feel insulted that you are taking all the initiative. You must realize that it is not personal, it is simply the culture, and if you want friends in Seattle then you need to work with the culture and adopt a more laid-back approach and not take things personally. It's not like the East Coast or California. Seattle is special.

If you follow these tips you will end up with lots of very close friends! Once a Seattlite becomes a close friend, they are a true friend and won't just ditch you the first time something goes awry. But that's only after you became a close friend. Which will take a long time, and by long time, I mean years.

Happy friend hunting!



The sun is coming out and the ice is beginning to melt.

[Ghaukne]

Huh, well written. Good stuff and you definitely took some effort yourself with the pix.

I couldn't help thinking of a time I visited by friend in Philly, at one point we were at a home and everyone kept coming by, just hanging out on a summer day. Some people clearly didn't like each other even but there they were anyway. It was very much like the East Coast thing you mention.

Gotta ask why there is not a Seattle freeze sub topic and then all these threads could go in it from a content management perspective?

[Gentoo]

Originally Posted by Ghaukne

Huh, well written. Good stuff and you definitely took some effort yourself with the pix.

I couldn't help thinking of a time I visited by friend in Philly, at one point we were at a home and everyone kept coming by, just hanging out on a summer day. Some people clearly didn't like each other even but there they were anyway. It was very much like the East Coast thing you mention.

Gotta ask why there is not a Seattle freeze sub topic and then all these threads could go in it from a content management perspective?

There's a Seattle Freeze thread somewhere. it may be pinned. I really son't know because I call BS on the whole Seattle Freeze thing.

[UrbanAdventurer]

It's supposed to be like 73 degrees today. Even the Californians and Arizonans (sp?) can't be freezing.

[shaylahc]

I think the Seattle freeze is a personality thing. So many techies here, I swear about half of us fall on the spectrum somewhere, and we just aren't very sociable. I am a die hard introvert, so I fit right in here. My neighbor across the street went on and on when we first moved here about how "hard it is to make friends". But I'm guilty of hiding in my house and being antisocial. I like people, but in small doses. What I see all around me are people who work hard, long hours (little free time), and aren't the most social critters to begin with. I just don't NEED a lot of social interaction. In my old n'hood in NC I felt like a recluse because the neighbors were always getting together in groups to play Bunco or go drinking (guess who was the designated driver??) and that just isn't my thing. I like people in small doses--I like to form intimate relationships with a select few people. I don't crave parties or large group get-togethers. I find Seattleites to be friendly but introverted. I don't think there is a cure for the Seattle freeze, other than getting to know people one on one, instead of pursuing people in groups. I think someone nailed it awhile back when they said that people in Seattle don't like having a lot of acquaintances (many, shallow friendships) but rather cultivate a few close (and very connected) friendships.

[Ruth4Truth]

OP, what you outline is way too much effort for a lot of people. It's easier for some just to move to friendlier climes. But for those who don't have that option, I suppose the military strategy-style approach is helpful to know about.

[AT-AT28]

I think this just boils down to Seattle have a larger population of introverted personality type people vs other larger area's, combined with the lack of reliable "happy" weather system that puts a lot of people in down moods as a result which equates to being non sociable and or non approachable. I guess im not surprised by hearing this over and over in regards to the Seattle and Portland areas, and I haven't even moved it!

This picture pretty much sums it up every time I look at it. Would you wanna try to approach people who look like this? Unless you real outgoing and or an extrovert, likely not

[cylee777]

One thing funny though...is that just yesterday, I was hanging out at Shorty's (It's one of my favorite bar in Seattle as far as bar goes.) in Belltown and talk to this guy. He's from Philadelphia and was raised in the projects and he moved to Seattle in 2011. He was talking about how he thinks Seattle is better than Philly-As corny, lame, dorky, unsociable as Seattlites might seems, they're harmless. He never got robbed or anything in Seattle like he did in Philly. Which I agree...compares to the dumb, racist bullies "gang bangers" in LA and the whole "you gotta hustle and get cash or be hustled and have your cash taken" thing in Philly projects as he described, Seattle is a cake-walk when it comes to being dangerous.

And now that's where it gets interesting...after I briefly talked about the way my roommates are and how I dated this hipster vegan chick and broke up after I'm sick of her psuedo-intellectual bs (I did mentioned about it somewhere before. pm me if you trynna know.), he mentioned that the trick for us transplants to live here is being very careful about picking people as your close friend, girlfriend/boyfriend and share a living space as even if you somehow managed to form a close-relationship with them through various meaning, you'll realize that they're somewhat...odd. I was like dude I'm so agree with you here. It fits my experience in Seattle perfectly.

The conclusion I've came up is that Seattle is a good place if you're into: a. avoid troubles. b. outdoor activities. c. just trynna raise a family and have your kids growing up in the safest environment you can think of (I don't agree with this type of parenting, but I do personally know some people who moved here just for that. To each its own I guess.).

Do NOT move to Seattle if you're: a. Californians or Eastcoasters who moved here for cheaper place to live (While it might be cheaper than LA or New York, but I say move to the South if you want something dirt cheap.). b. You're into socializing. c. Unable to tolerate weirdness.

[JBVirtuoso]

I agree that this has everything to do with the nerdiness of Seattle's population. I went to a nerdy college, and the measures the OP describes are exactly what it took to get people to do anything fun. My friend group ended up being the people who would actually respond to my invitations to go do things. If only I had a dollar for every time someone gave me some lame excuse for why they can't walk down the block and get frozen yogurt...

[AT-AT28]

I'm mostly into Seattle or Portland because its in the NW which is what im born and raised and used to weather and climate wise, I can still remain close to my family in the area and there are crap more opportunties to meet and be with fellow computer nerds and geeks then in my current situation AND the dating scene is just a lot better all around, especally for a guy who doesn't want to have kids.

Its a win, win, win scenario for me. Others? Maybe not