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Old 01-21-2014, 09:10 PM
 
Location: Seattle
34 posts, read 86,241 times
Reputation: 52

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Joyinthejourney:
I've been here since 2007, and it doesn't get any better. One of my New Years' resolutions is to relocate to some civilized place. If you're not into drugs, deviant sex or welfare there's nothing for you here---thank goodness for the Internet and the many friends I've made where I've lived before, or I'd have no social interaction at all.

It's a shame, because this could be a good city if had a better class of people living in it. As it is, you can't run simple errands without running a gauntlet of homeless bums and psychopaths; not to mention the rude, antisocial trailer-trash urban rednecks who think they're 'sophisticated' for living the Big City.

Apologists for the culture here are usually people who can't fit in in any other place and will tell you that you have to try harder (funny no one has to try hard anywhere else) to make friends, but they all overlook the fact that you have to have some VENUE for meeting people to begin with. That doesn't exist here. This is also the 'Groupthink' capital of the planet: that's not 'liberal' groupthink, but left-wing extremism, as exampled by our recent elections.

Just look at the statistics: Seattle leads the world in consumption of prescription psychiatric drugs; has the highest number of unmarried people over 30 (excluding retirement communities); has more dogs per household than children; a massive welfare culture; and overarching all of it is this kitchy, bad-taste that permeates everything: voted the worst-dressed city on a personal level---'high art' here are statues of dead Soviet leaders, pig sculptures, decorated toilets, and talking eggshells in our public library.

What a collection of losers---it frustrates me even writing about it. And don't worry, Moderator cut: see note---I won't let the door hit me in the a-- on the way out.

Last edited by Count David; 01-22-2014 at 12:43 AM.. Reason: language
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Old 01-21-2014, 11:35 PM
 
Location: US Empire, Pac NW
5,003 posts, read 12,329,208 times
Reputation: 4125
All I will say is no city is perfect for everyone. There will be haters and lovers of this city on both sides but the reality is making friends anywhere is how you fit in locally, early choices who you hang out with, luck, and many other variables.

I struck lucky. I moved here and hung out with friends I knew from college and other cities. I made new friends, a couple at work, and I got involved in professional organizations that do a lot of social mixing, and randomly met my future wife. No deviant sex required. No drugs either.

And one person's deviant sex is another's good time ... don't knock it till you try it! IN all seriousness, I dismiss any 1-poster who joins just to post some random drivel on prescription drugs and sex. To me that sounds like a typical weekend in Vegas, not Seattle.

And in a city of misfits you join misfit organizations. Go to an anime or cartoon convention and chat up some of the interesting characters (well, some are interesting, others live in their parents' basements). Join a professional organization for your career. Volunteer doing work for the US Parks and bonus on that for doing good in the community and getting gorgeous views and making a connection to the earth which connects us all. Join a soup kitchen and learn what REAL problems are, not some fabricated first world problems.

If people aren't willing to go the extra mile to get what they want they don't deserve it at all. Expecting others to shower you with attention isn't the mark of an adult. We all need friends, just don't expect them to come to you, in ANY city.
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:12 PM
 
Location: Seattle
34 posts, read 86,241 times
Reputation: 52
"And in a city of misfits you join misfit organizations."

Like I said, people who don't fit in anywhere else...

"Join a soup kitchen and learn what real problems are"

Those kinds of places ARE largely the problem here.

"Expecting others to shower you with attention isn't the mark of an adult."

No---but it's the mark of a typical Seattlite. See if the rest of this post doesn't bear out what I said above:

"I moved here and hung out with friends I knew from college and other cities" ( Seattle Cliquishness)

"I dismiss any 1-poster who just joins to post some drivel..." (Seattle Superiority Complex)

"Any person not willing to go the extra mile doesn't deserve it at all." (Seattle 'love it or leave it' attitude)

And you shouldn't knock other cities (i.e. Vegas) until you've tried them.
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Old 01-22-2014, 11:34 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,096 posts, read 107,215,903 times
Reputation: 115905
Quote:
Originally Posted by joyinthejourney View Post
I just moved here from CA about 6 months ago and so far I dont have a single friend. It's depressing. Where can I find some friends? Or even just one friend? I go to a church here. No friends there. I don't work. That might be a part of the problem. I didn't realize it'd be so lonely here.
If you like hiking, join the Mountaineers. If you like soccer, join the city's soccer leagues via the Parks Dept. Join one of the many Sister City committees as a volunteer. Look in the newspaper for listings of groups to volunteer with; enviro orgs, WashPIRG (Ralph Nader's political action and consumer advocacy org), Rain Forest Action Network, whatever suits your fancy. Do you like to sew? Join one of the quilting groups in the city that network through a couple of the fabric shops. There's a group that volunteers to watch for stranded sea mammals along the beaches. There are city and county trail maintenance groups. There are women's choirs, folk-dancing, salsa dancing, swing. Photography workshops and groups. There are film festival volunteer organizations. Arts organizations. It all depends on what your interests and inclinations are.

btw, the YMCA gym in the University District is a very friendly place. It's easy to meet people there. And the University District Street Fair is coming up in the spring, you could volunteer to help set up the booths.

Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-22-2014 at 11:46 PM..
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Old 01-23-2014, 04:47 PM
 
366 posts, read 643,100 times
Reputation: 267
Quote:
Originally Posted by GatsbyGatz View Post
How do you expect to make friends if you don't have a job? What are you expecting, people walking down the street to just go up to you and say, "oh please be my friend, stranger!" Are you in school or what? What do you do with your time? If you don't have a job, hobby, or any interests, then the problem with finding friends seems to be a personal matter.

People living here, like anywhere else, already have friends. You have to be the active party in making friends and show an interest in other people; i.e., join a club and ask someone for their phone number and tell them you want to hang out.

It's not just Seattle; every time you move you will have to reform a new circle of friends. I suggest you learn basic friend-making strategies as soon as possible as to avoid future aggravation. Making friends is as simple as starting up a random conversation with someone and saying, "hey, I moved here sort of recently so I'm not that familiar with the area, want to meet up for lunch/a drink later?" Abra kadabra, you have a friend. It's not that hard.
Are you the defender of seattle....sorry to bust the bubble but people don't like it here. Even people who grew here! I hear it all the time! So we aren't just whining as outsiders your own people can't stand this place. Its wet, cold, grey and its why people are committing suicide.
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Old 01-23-2014, 08:49 PM
 
Location: Seattle
34 posts, read 86,241 times
Reputation: 52
Adenescobar:
One common thing I've noticed with all the apologists for the city's culture is that they're all quick with suggestions about how we should change to fit in better with their culture. IOW, their premises are that friendships and relationships are made by conformity. That's a perfect example of the kind of Groupthink mentality I mentioned above.

Everywhere else in the civilized world the first rule in making friends is being yourself. Normal people in less dysfunctional cultures hate superficiality, put-on, and phony veneers. The second thing is doing something to earn the respect of like-minded people and offering them something of value in return for their friendships. Not a bit of that will work on Seattlites; who envy anybody who's not part of the Herd Mentality.

It's like the old saying: 'I'm not changing my face to fit your mask.' Yet that's what the culture here expects---nay, demands--- of people living here. And you can well imagine the what type of people would find that kind of forced phoniness appealing!
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Old 01-23-2014, 09:54 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,096 posts, read 107,215,903 times
Reputation: 115905
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minneconjou View Post
Adenescobar:
One common thing I've noticed with all the apologists for the city's culture is that they're all quick with suggestions about how we should change to fit in better with their culture. IOW, their premises are that friendships and relationships are made by conformity. That's a perfect example of the kind of Groupthink mentality I mentioned above.

Everywhere else in the civilized world the first rule in making friends is being yourself. Normal people in less dysfunctional cultures hate superficiality, put-on, and phony veneers. The second thing is doing something to earn the respect of like-minded people and offering them something of value in return for their friendships. Not a bit of that will work on Seattlites; who envy anybody who's not part of the Herd Mentality.

It's like the old saying: 'I'm not changing my face to fit your mask.' Yet that's what the culture here expects---nay, demands--- of people living here. And you can well imagine the what type of people would find that kind of forced phoniness appealing!
Until now, I never bought into the theory that part of the blame for the Seattle Freeze was on Seattle's Scandinavian roots. It just didn't seem plausible that a small minority (formerly centered in Ballard) could affect a diverse majority, not to mention all those transplants. But this post got me thinking. This is starting to sounds like Scandinavia. And Seattle's sucky weather is very Scandinavian, too.

hmm....


Wouldn't you think, though, that all those Californians would have given Seattle a real positive shot in the arm? I guess not.
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:12 AM
 
1,927 posts, read 1,889,756 times
Reputation: 4760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Until now, I never bought into the theory that part of the blame for the Seattle Freeze was on Seattle's Scandinavian roots. It just didn't seem plausible that a small minority (formerly centered in Ballard) could affect a diverse majority, not to mention all those transplants. But this post got me thinking. This is starting to sounds like Scandinavia.
Seattle also has a large Asian population, which, I've been told, further reinforces Seattle's Scandinavian culture.

Asians are known for 1. their reserve, 2. placing the needs of the community ahead of the individual, and 3. a desire to "fit in."

The combination of Scandinavian and Asian cultures, plus the gray skies, have created a perfect storm for a culture of emotional reserve and conformity.

That said, I have met friendly people in Seattle.
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:23 AM
 
1,927 posts, read 1,889,756 times
Reputation: 4760
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minneconjou View Post
Everywhere else in the civilized world the first rule in making friends is being yourself.
You sound like a TV sitcom,

Seriously, an article in the Writers Guild of America magazine once observed that almost all TV sitcoms can be reduced to one of two themes: 1. You gotta be yourself, and 2. Everything will be all right as long as we have each other.

But for all that talk of "being yourself," I doubt all that many people actually accept other people as themselves.

It's ironic. Here in Los Angeles, the entertainment industry produces hundreds of hours of media every year, in which characters mindlessly say, "You just have to be yourself, honey," or some variation. Yet almost no one in that same entertainment industry is satisfied with being themselves. They're all changing or lying about their names, noses, skin tones, personal histories, economic status, and everything else.

Nope, even outside Seattle, not much call for being yourself.
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Old 01-24-2014, 12:35 AM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,734 posts, read 4,137,778 times
Reputation: 3671
Quote:
Originally Posted by joyinthejourney View Post
I just moved here from CA about 6 months ago and so far I dont have a single friend. It's depressing. Where can I find some friends? Or even just one friend? I go to a church here. No friends there. I don't work. That might be a part of the problem. I didn't realize it'd be so lonely here.
I used to struggle making friends until I realized that I was the problem. I figured that the other person was the one who had to make all the effort . I'm not saying that's your problem, but it was mine, because I was extremely shy and introverted.

Anyway, there's plenty you can do:

1. Join a different church if your current one is unfriendly. Some churches have very active membership activities, and some don't.
2. Join a club that interests you (Meetup is great). A book club, a sports club, film club, photography, something, anything -- as long as it interests you.
3. Join Toastmasters (learn to give speeches without fear)
4. Start a blog.
5. Join a political committee if you are political.
6. Get a part-time job.
7. Volunteer.
8. Cheer for the Seahawks! Even if you hate football, they are in the Super Bowl! Perhaps there are some Super Bowl parties that are open to everyone.


Of course, you must make the first move in talking to people. Smile and be friendly.

Here are some articles about making friends in Seattle.

Apartment Therapy (yes! Apartment Therapy):

10 Tried & True Tips: How to Make New Friends in a New City | Apartment Therapy

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

How to make friends in frosty, unfriendly Seattle - Seattle's Big Blog

The Seattle Times:

The Seattle Times: Pacific Northwest Magazine : Our Social Disease

Other links:

Meetups:

friends Meetups near Seattle, Washington - Meetup

Yelp:

How do people make new friends in Seattle? | Seattle | Yelp

Toastmasters:

Find a Club Results - Toastmasters International



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