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Old 11-12-2014, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Durham
660 posts, read 911,556 times
Reputation: 521

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I think it's different for everyone -- but for me it was a DEFINITE reality.

I moved to Seattle in 1995 from the East Coast and lived there for 13 years. I lived in all different parts of the city (downtown, Queen Anne, Capital Hill, and Ballard) and found that people, in general, were VERY difficult to get to know, and NOT for a lack of trying; I initiated conversations, invited people to events, made small talk, pointed out commonalities, joined groups, all to little avail.

I can also list dozens of different people who I had to my home, cooked for, invited out, etc. and who either never reciprocated or half the time would come up with an excuse at the very last minute not to come/join in. This happened over and over and over again for years until I just accepted it as reality -- which does not mean that I liked it.

It even happened after I fell in love and met my partner, who had lived there for 20 years at that point, and we experienced the same thing as a couple.

Now that I moved back to the Northeast, I see just how unfriendly people in the Northwest are; and, truly, it's not so much "unfriendly" as it is reserved and an inability to be vulnerable and open.

Now, I DID make a few good friends, who are friends of mine to this day, but people in Seattle are so "to themselves" that it often borders on rude in my opinion.

Two things I don't miss -- the endless gray/drizzle and the Seattle Freeze.

I'm glad your experience has been positive, but I think you are in the minority.

Quote:
Originally Posted by seattlefun View Post
I'm sure I'm gonna get a dozen or so people that sit behind their computers and completely disagree with me. But I truly believe that the Seattle freeze is an urban legend and is absolutely fake! So for anyone that disagrees with me. I will be happy to give you social lessons.

My experience is that Seattle is one of the friendliest places that I have been in the United States. I bought my house in April. I was here for two weeks in July and moved here permanently August 15th. So cumulatively I have lived here for 3 months and 2 weeks. With that being said.... I have made friends with four couples and 3 single guys. The couples I have met were not friends with each other. So it wasn't a situation where I met one and was introduced to the rest. But since we met I have had them all over and they have all met. Which is a total blast! I am totally friendly with my daily people that I run into such as Bankers, Waiters, grocery store people, etc. So much to the point that I have run into a few of them out and about and they have approached me to say hello. That doesn't seem very FREEEEZY to me.

I think the big difference is this....
I am an initiator! I make things happen in my life. I make things happen in others lives as well. So, if you are the type of person to wait for people to come to you. Then I believe you will experience the Seattle Freeze in full effect. But that would be the same anywhere you go in life. However, if you want to change your views on the Seattle freeze I would suggest that you change YOUR personality and not blame it on the area. All you have to do is be friendly. Say "hello" to people! Now with that being said..... I CHALLENGE YOU!


MY CHALLENGE:
I challenge each and everyone of you that has experienced this freeze to make an effort to break it. Say "Hello" and start a conversation with someone. When you are at Starbucks or your local coffee place and they ask for your name to write on the cup. Ask them what their name is! Then say hello! When you are at the grocery store say "hello" and talk to the grocery checker. Give them a compliment and ask them how their day is going. My point is this... You are the person in charge of your own world. If you want people to interact with you.... Then you start the conversation. You be the first one to say something. It truly works. Try building relationships with everyone you run into. Say "hello" and give a compliment! Do it with everyone you meet. You might find some people that don't respond. But, don't give up. Talk to the next person. I promise you that you will find a huge difference in your life. Not only are you making a huge difference in your life. But you are passing it on to others and starting a chain of people being friendly.

Seattle is a great city and the people are amazing. It's up to you to be a part of this amazing city! Get involved. You'll be so happy you did.

David

Last edited by Professor46; 11-12-2014 at 12:28 PM..
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Quimper Peninsula
1,981 posts, read 2,805,513 times
Reputation: 1764
I think the freeze is real.. On second conversations IF someone finds you boring or annoying.

Plain and simple people are not going to pretend to like you if they don't.

Heck, If someone babbles on about stuff I have no interst in I am not going to encourage them.

Some people fit and others do not.

Those that rant and brag about themselves, or "shallow smalltalk" will get froze.
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Durham
660 posts, read 911,556 times
Reputation: 521
Default Correct!

This is so RIGHT ON!

Many times I'd chat with someone several times -- and then hardly get a "hello" the next time I saw them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gkrispy View Post

The odd thing to me is that I can initiate and have a lovely conversation with someone, say at the bus stop- someone I see more mornings than not- and then the next day when I say hello, I might get a grunt or hello in return, but no apparent recognition that we spoke the previous day. It's happened a few times in a few locations. And I've never been one who gets a negative reaction because of my personality in general. I just think they probably don't want to be bothered, and we said all we had to say the time previous
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Durham
660 posts, read 911,556 times
Reputation: 521
Default Californiacation!

And there are many Seattle-ites who think there are too many people from CA in the city. :-)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I notice you're from CA, OP. Californians tend to be outgoing and friendly. I pretty much was when I lived in Seattle, and it didn't get me anything. IME people aren't comfortable chatting with strangers. That's different in some of the suburbs, as others have noted on this forum. But for some reason, people in Seattle are stand-offish. I'm glad things worked out for you, though.
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Durham
660 posts, read 911,556 times
Reputation: 521
Default Time Will Tell

So very true - - - my experience as well Ruth4Truth. Keep in mind this OP has hardly even lived in Seattle at all so far.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Sorry, but for many coastal Californians, it's a cultural thing. Most transplants posting on the Freeze threads agree that the friends they made in Seattle were other transplants, mostly from CA.

But, whatever.
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Durham
660 posts, read 911,556 times
Reputation: 521
Default Serve It!

Now THIS is a fun post . . .


Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingsaucermom View Post
Well, isn't this such a faaabulous post...

Great for you. I'm glad you've found Seattle to be such an accommodating home.

I'm appreciative of the Freeze. I don't like superficial chit-chat so please don't try talking to me while I'm buying groceries or coffee. Serve me my short drip, no room and move on to the next-in-line.
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:32 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
90,987 posts, read 87,651,288 times
Reputation: 98235
Quote:
Originally Posted by seattlefun View Post
So now it's "coastal" Californians? okay well we all have an opinion!

The couples I met are like this:

Couple 1 - Both are Seattle natives
Couple 2 - Both are Seattle Natives
Couple 3 - One is Seattle native and the other is from New Zealand
Couple 4 - One is from San Francisco and one is from Ohio

The single guys I met are from all over the place.....

Bottom line is..... you make it what you want it to be and I choose to make it fun and meet as many people as I can. If they don't all want to be friends than there is someone else to take that place.
OP, I already congratulated you and said I'm happy it worked out for you. What more do you want, a Nobel Prize?

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Old 11-12-2014, 12:47 PM
 
4,035 posts, read 4,386,661 times
Reputation: 5336
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor46 View Post
I think it's different for everyone -- but for me it was a DEFINITE reality.

I moved to Seattle in 1995 from the East Coast and lived there for 13 years. I lived in all different parts of the city (downtown, Queen Anne, Capital Hill, and Ballard) and found that people, in general, were VERY difficult to get to know, and NOT for a lack of trying; I initiated conversations, invited people to events, made small talk, pointed out commonalities, joined groups, all to little avail.

I can also list dozens of different people who I had to my home, cooked for, invited out, etc. and who either never reciprocated or half the time would come up with an excuse at the very last minute not to come/join in. This happened over and over and over again for years until I just accepted it as reality -- which does not mean that I liked it.

It even happened after I fell in love and met my partner, who had lived there for 20 years at that point, and we experienced the same thing as a couple.

Now that I moved back to the Northeast, I see just how unfriendly people in the Northwest are; and, truly, it's not so much "unfriendly" as it is reserved and an inability to be vulnerable and open.

Now, I DID make a few good friends, who are friends of mine to this day, but people in Seattle are so "to themselves" that it often borders on rude in my opinion.

Two things I don't miss -- the endless gray/drizzle and the Seattle Freeze.

I'm glad your experience has been positive, but I think you are in the minority.
I pretty much agree with this. OP says it is what you make of it, and he chooses to make it fun, etc. Well, so do a lot of people choose to be the fun, outgoing type, but they're met with cold shoulders. Just bc you choose to be friendly doesn't mean you'll get the response you want.

I started out in Seattle as a university student. I made a few friends in my program there, who I stayed friends with until a couple of 'em moved back to their home state. But none of those friends displayed the lack or reciprocity and flakiness that people on this forum tend to complain about. But I figure, that was bc we bonded as students, and those bonds held. Try to get something like that going with people after they're in the work force and kinda have their own lives, and it's harder. Not really sure why that would be, but it is. In Seattle, anyway. I'm from California, and eventually moved back there, and I've never had any trouble talking to people in public, or making friends who acted like friends and reciprocated invitations and were happy to hang out on weekends, and all that normal stuff that becomes alien when you're in the Seattle environment.

But more power to you, OP. Just don't assume that bc it's easy for you, that there's no such thing as the Freeze. If it didn't exist, people wouldn't have named it and wouldn't be discussing it all the time. Try to have a little compassion. It's not for lack of trying that people get Frozen out.
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Old 11-12-2014, 12:55 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
90,987 posts, read 87,651,288 times
Reputation: 98235
Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor46 View Post
And there are many Seattle-ites who think there are too many people from CA in the city. :-)
Yeah, too much friendliness going on for their taste, I guess.
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Old 11-12-2014, 01:15 PM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
2,981 posts, read 4,355,730 times
Reputation: 3381
From my general experience, girls in SoCal are a lot more flirtatious. That alone can have an effect on the psyche of men. But hey, that's just my personal observations and experience.
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