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Ah, a nice helping of "crazy man hatin' feminists!!!!" with a side of "submissive Asian girl" stereotypes. I can not possibly imagine why girls are "calling it off with no reason".
I'm sure the OP's ladyfriend's heart would just melt to hear that she's considered "very difficult to replace." What sentimentality.
Also, your observations regarding Asian women are somewhat stereotypical/racist.
So? It's not 100% always true, but there is a trend and I have a right to make observations about the world around me. It's not really my preference, but I know a lot of white and Asian tech guys date Asian girls, and was just pointing that out to not discourage anyone reading this forum.
Quote:
Do you think that MAYBE, at least in part, your inability to connect long-term has anything to do with you?
Yes, I have my own quirks and don't always say the exact right thing at the exact right time. But if I am finding this area to be a struggle right now, it probably always going to be.
Here's the math:
-I am going out far more and have more interactions than where I came from, just because I am new here and am trying to make an effort.
-At the same time, when I hit it off with a girl here, I have learned it is no indication of what the situation will be tomorrow. They seem very choosy and fickle.
-In my experience, I can get more with less effort elsewhere. It's frustrating because I keep thinking "ok, she seems like she might be a nice girl to get to know better" and then it never goes anywhere. If I had this many head-fakes anywhere else, one of them would have panned out the first month I was here.
I want to give this place a fair chance before I leave, because I otherwise like it here and there are some great opportunities for me here.
Maybe I will become super pretentious and brag about education and income. I generally hide/underplay that stuff because I don't want it to be the reason someone likes me, and I think it's pathetic to rely on that for your identity. I really don't like it when girls pry about that kind of stuff. I just let them know I am very happy with my job.
Last edited by FleeingSeattle; 11-14-2014 at 03:02 PM..
It sounds to me that what you want is not commitment, but submission. Try hanging out at churches, not bars, where you're more likely to find girls who want to marry young, unless, of course, you don't really want to settle down, but just want a submissive girl who won't tie you down.
Have you thought of looking for a female slave on one of the S&M sites? I'm serious...
Have you ever lived anywhere else aside from where you grew up? I ask because cultivating relationships, be they romantic or otherwise, is much more difficult when you don't have an established local network of people you trust. It makes sense that you're frustrated in Seattle. That's normal. But I find it hard to believe that Seattle is substantially different from any other large metropolitan area with a highly educated population. It's unlikely that the situation would improve much by moving to a different city where you've never lived before.
You moved to the most liberal and feminist city in the USA and you are complaining about the feministic quality of women and the lack of masculinity of the men?
Yes, I identify with everything you say Fleeing Seattle. I, myself, moved to a farm town where most of the women married out of high school and actually has the highest number of married people per capita of most towns in the USA. It's an interesting phenomenon compared to Seattle which actually has one of the lower numbers of married people, as with most liberal, cosmopolitan cities.
I, myself, would prefer a foreign wife, but due to lack of income and long working hours, I have chosen the celibate monk life. If you have the triple digits, then you really have it made. Most women around the world want a provider and/or a bodyguard and would be happy to commit to you if you possess those important qualities. Marriage is not give and take, in this day and age in the USA, its more about pleasing the woman. If you don't like it, then as blondbearde said, go overseas and try your luck with a more "old-fashioned" lady and be very cautious she is not trying to dig into that nice triple-digit/quadruple-digit bank account of yours.
I realize that women in Seattle, being the liberated, free-thinking, progressive, feministic, anti-male, career-oriented women they are are not exactly what I would consider wholesome marriage material.
I will go with what others say and the problem is you. You are expecting Seattle women to "Treat you like a king", to have old fashion values and to be what they are not. They probably don't want to commit to you, because they see you are a more "old-fashioned" and conservative minded guy in a city of very ultra-liberal/feministic progressiveness, where women are expected to shun every traditional female-like role. Two options. Get with the program and accept that a Seattle woman will not be "submissive" or have supper ready on the table when you get home from work every day. Or, take that big bank account of yours and go to a place where the women are more sincere and will uphold the traditional values you seem to be seeking.
This is not rocket science.
I am a very traditional, old-school guy, but I know if I ever commit to a girl in Seattle it will be me wearing the apron, cooking her food, and even taking her out to dinner to hear about her long day at work and her horrible boss, co-workers, etc. SHe probably will care less about my problems. Being a guy you don't have problems, it's all about caring about hers. Liberal women, in general, are pretty self-absorbed and self-serving. It's about pleasing them. You really have to pamper these women and just enjoy them for that short-term company, as you say "Friend With Benefits". Seattle women do really come off cold and self-absorbed. I actually can see this is from their very liberal upbringing. It isn't just Seattle women, but the type of very liberal kind of woman that gravitates to a city like Seattle. Many of them are raised the same way and come to a city like this to prove themselves. Becoming a housewife is not on the agenda of why they came out here and in their mid 30s/40s are still unmarried and working a 50 hour a week job. You also have to remember how expensive it is to live in places like Seattle (cost of living is not good as you say compared to the local salaries). They put long hours into the company, just like a man, to maintain the upscale style of living in this very expensive and fast-paced environment. Being a girly girl and wifey is not really desirable once they become that liberated "career-woman".
By the way, I am also fleeing Seattle. The ultra liberal, radical, feministic mentality of Seattle is definitely not to my liking. I've been loathing it for years. Unlike you, I also grew up in the Pacific Northwest and have seen the moral values of this place degrade over the years significantly and the influx of the most liberal people from the around the globe to Portland and Seattle has turned it into a cesspool of ultra-radical liberalism. Just look at the City Council leader of Seattle, the Man-hating/Feminist/Communist Kshama Sawant.
If you do want a traditional kind of girl with those old-fashion values who you would possibly have a chance of finding in the Seattle area, consider attending a Russian/Slavic kind of church in the area. However, if you are not a Christian that is totally out the window. Most marriage minded women do come from religious communities. Atheistic communities tend to shun these more, "old-world" values.
This is what all of my single friends who keep doing the same things (which are not working) and expecting different results say . . . in Seattle and elsewhere.
Yeah, that's nonsense. There's no cultural hostility to men. The OP sounds like he's in a rut, chronically going after the wrong women, like so many of the guys on the Relationships forum. And the fact that even the people he does business with back away from him is indicative of something within him that's turning people off.
Well if you've only been there since the Summer -- you've not given it a fair chance. I've relocated several times and it takes at LEAST a year to really settle in and build relationships and networks and get used to the various "scenes". Also, if you are doing the same things over and over and not getting the results you want -- and not trying anything new, including working on yourself first -- you're not giving it a fair chance either.
If you've moved to Seattle and like it otherwise -- and you're going to ditch it because you are afraid of changing or are impatient -- you are not relationship material anyway.
Also, are you looking to meet a "girl" or a "woman"? And, if you had so much success in other places, why not just go there instead of a place that "hates men"? This mind-set already sets you up for failure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by FleeingSeattle
So? It's not 100% always true, but there is a trend and I have a right to make observations about the world around me. It's not really my preference, but I know a lot of white and Asian tech guys date Asian girls, and was just pointing that out to not discourage anyone reading this forum.
Yes, I have my own quirks and don't always say the exact right thing at the exact right time. But if I am finding this area to be a struggle right now, it probably always going to be.
Here's the math:
-I am going out far more and have more interactions than where I came from, just because I am new here and am trying to make an effort.
-At the same time, when I hit it off with a girl here, I have learned it is no indication of what the situation will be tomorrow. They seem very choosy and fickle.
-In my experience, I can get more with less effort elsewhere. It's frustrating because I keep thinking "ok, she seems like she might be a nice girl to get to know better" and then it never goes anywhere. If I had this many head-fakes anywhere else, one of them would have panned out the first month I was here.
I want to give this place a fair chance before I leave, because I otherwise like it here and there are some great opportunities for me here.
Maybe I will become super pretentious and brag about education and income. I generally hide/underplay that stuff because I don't want it to be the reason someone likes me, and I think it's pathetic to rely on that for your identity. I really don't like it when girls pry about that kind of stuff. I just let them know I am very happy with my job.
You claim to be telling it like it is, but don't like it when someone else does the same...
It seems to me that you want these girls, but don't respect their thoughts and beliefs (including being turned off by racial stereotyping?). If so, why do you think they will want and respect you?
So, start being open to their thoughts and beliefs, which means examining your own, or find a girl who shares your thoughts and beliefs (hard, but not impossible, to find in Seattle), or look for a girl who will respect you, without needing to be respected by you.
Sounds like you belong in Saudi Arabia or someplace where women are seen as "second class" to their men (not that I believe they are) . . .
Quote:
Originally Posted by RotseCherut
You moved to the most liberal and feminist city in the USA and you are complaining about the feministic quality of women and the lack of masculinity of the men?
Yes, I identify with everything you say Fleeing Seattle. I, myself, moved to a farm town where most of the women married out of high school and actually has the highest number of married people per capita of most towns in the USA. It's an interesting phenomenon compared to Seattle which actually has one of the lower numbers of married people, as with most liberal, cosmopolitan cities.
I, myself, would prefer a foreign wife, but due to lack of income and long working hours, I have chosen the celibate monk life. If you have the triple digits, then you really have it made. Most women around the world want a provider and/or a bodyguard and would be happy to commit to you if you possess those important qualities. Marriage is not give and take, in this day and age in the USA, its more about pleasing the woman. If you don't like it, then as blondbearde said, go overseas and try your luck with a more "old-fashioned" lady and be very cautious she is not trying to dig into that nice triple-digit/quadruple-digit bank account of yours.
I realize that women in Seattle, being the liberated, free-thinking, progressive, feministic, anti-male, career-oriented women they are are not exactly what I would consider wholesome marriage material.
I will go with what others say and the problem is you. You are expecting Seattle women to "Treat you like a king", to have old fashion values and to be what they are not. They probably don't want to commit to you, because they see you are a more "old-fashioned" and conservative minded guy in a city of very ultra-liberal/feministic progressiveness, where women are expected to shun every traditional female-like role. Two options. Get with the program and accept that a Seattle woman will not be "submissive" or have supper ready on the table when you get home from work every day. Or, take that big bank account of yours and go to a place where the women are more sincere and will uphold the traditional values you seem to be seeking.
This is not rocket science.
I am a very traditional, old-school guy, but I know if I ever commit to a girl in Seattle it will be me wearing the apron, cooking her food, and even taking her out to dinner to hear about her long day at work and her horrible boss, co-workers, etc. SHe probably will care less about my problems. Being a guy you don't have problems, it's all about caring about hers. Liberal women, in general, are pretty self-absorbed and self-serving. It's about pleasing them. You really have to pamper these women and just enjoy them for that short-term company, as you say "Friend With Benefits". Seattle women do really come off cold and self-absorbed. I actually can see this is from their very liberal upbringing. It isn't just Seattle women, but the type of very liberal kind of woman that gravitates to a city like Seattle. Many of them are raised the same way and come to a city like this to prove themselves. Becoming a housewife is not on the agenda of why they came out here and in their mid 30s/40s are still unmarried and working a 50 hour a week job. You also have to remember how expensive it is to live in places like Seattle (cost of living is not good as you say compared to the local salaries). They put long hours into the company, just like a man, to maintain the upscale style of living in this very expensive and fast-paced environment. Being a girly girl and wifey is not really desirable once they become that liberated "career-woman".
By the way, I am also fleeing Seattle. The ultra liberal, radical, feministic mentality of Seattle is definitely not to my liking. I've been loathing it for years. Unlike you, I also grew up in the Pacific Northwest and have seen the moral values of this place degrade over the years significantly and the influx of the most liberal people from the around the globe to Portland and Seattle has turned it into a cesspool of ultra-radical liberalism. Just look at the City Council leader of Seattle, the Man-hating/Feminist/Communist Kshama Sawant.
If you do want a traditional kind of girl with those old-fashion values who you would possibly have a chance of finding in the Seattle area, consider attending a Russian/Slavic kind of church in the area. However, if you are not a Christian that is totally out the window. Most marriage minded women do come from religious communities. Atheistic communities tend to shun these more, "old-world" values.
Did you try the Eastside? We tend to have a little less of those "Damn Seattle feminist!" qualities.. at least I think so.. but maybe not....
I don't think you'd be the first to leave on the account of the women, nor the last....
I'm from Texas.... more or less.. and I think if I hadn't found my foreign-born husband there, or moved, I might have remained single until I died. So unlike most who are chiming in, I get it. Sorta.
But I still think you're giving up too easily. If you enjoy it here (and can afford it), maybe you really should try something like online dating. Why not? It's not for people who lack confidence... if that's what you think... I think it can be helpful to weed out the prospects, find the ones that are really worth the effort. Time saver. Organizational tool. Short cut.
But if you must go, maybe try some nice southern hospitality.
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Oy!
