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Old 01-20-2016, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Seattle
8,161 posts, read 8,227,040 times
Reputation: 5967

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Scary article about what devices are doing to communication and empathy in our youth: http://mobile.nytimes.com/2015/09/27...?_r=1&referer=

The piece is titled, "Stop Googling, Let's Talk", link above.

"COLLEGE students tell me they know how to look someone in the eye and type on their phones at the same time, their split attention undetected. They say it’s a skill they mastered in middle school when they wanted to text in class without getting caught. Now they use it when they want to be both with their friends and, as some put it, “elsewhere.”These days, we feel less of a need to hide the fact that we are dividing our attention. In a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center, 89 percent of cellphone owners said they had used their phones during the last social gathering they attended. But they weren’t happy about it; 82 percent of adults felt that the way they used their phones in social settings hurt the conversation.

I’ve been studying the psychology of online connectivity for more than 30 years. For the past five, I’ve had a special focus: What has happened to face-to-face conversation in a world where so many people say they would rather text than talk? I’ve looked at families, friendships and romance. I’ve studied schools, universities and workplaces. When college students explain to me how dividing their attention plays out in the dining hall, some refer to a “rule of three.”In a conversation among five or six people at dinner, you have to check that three people are paying attention — heads up — before you give yourself permission to look down at your phone. So conversation proceeds, but with different people having their heads up at different times. The effect is what you would expect: Conversation is kept relatively light, on topics where people feel they can drop in and out.

Young people spoke to me enthusiastically about the good things that flow from a life lived by the rule of three, which you can follow not only during meals but all the time. First of all, there is the magic of the always available elsewhere. You can put your attention wherever you want it to be. You can always be heard. You never have to be bored. When you sense that a lull in the conversation is coming, you can shift your attention from the people in the room to the world you can find on your phone.

But the students also described a sense of loss. One 15-year-old I interviewed at a summer camp talked about her reaction when she went out to dinner with her father and he took out his phone to add “facts” to their conversation. “Daddy,” she said, “stop Googling. I want to talk to you.” A 15-year-old boy told me that someday he wanted to raise a family, not the way his parents are raising him (with phones out during meals and in the park and during his school sports events) but the way his parents think they are raising him — with no phones at meals and plentiful family conversation.

One college junior tried to capture what is wrong about life in his generation. “Our texts are fine,” he said. “It’s what texting does to our conversations when we are together that’s the problem.”It’s a powerful insight. Studies of conversation both in the laboratory and in natural settings show that when two people are talking, the mere presence of a phone on a table between them or in the periphery of their vision changes both what they talk about and the degree of connection they feel. People keep the conversation on topics where they won’t mind being interrupted. They don’t feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us".

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In our family, we don't let our 11 year old daughter have a cel phone, I pad or watch cable TV. She doesn't know the products out in the world because she doesn't see commercials. She does get to watch 2 movies per weekend that we agree on and use the computer for about 2 hours a week to practice math. She reads voraciously, draws, paints, builds things, writes stories, asks to go for hikes often. She sometimes will come to my wife and I and say "Mommy and Daddy, I'm bored. Can I watch another movie?". Our answer "Only boring people get bored". She grumbles and moves on to something else.

No path is perfect, it's just what works for us. We got scared a few years ago how technology affects kids' brains and attention span. Perhaps we are overreacting, we believe we can always introduce technology selectively. For now, she seems to have a very good attention span and still has the ability to get lost for many hours in a book or magical world that she is creating.

Last edited by homesinseattle; 01-20-2016 at 04:18 PM..
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Old 01-20-2016, 04:51 PM
 
1,630 posts, read 3,872,432 times
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It's not only our youth ... just this weekend at the REI children's play area, every parent with a child there was glued to their device, not interacting with their own child, whom I guess they only get to spend quality time with on weekends.
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Old 01-20-2016, 05:08 PM
 
810 posts, read 846,280 times
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We limit our daughters tech time to about an hour a day.

If hubby was not a geek computer guy she would have even less, Everyone needs to put down their phones etc and take time to communicate with the people who are important to them.

She does NOT have a cell phone although she asked for one for Christmas. But I guess Santa ran out before he got to our house :-)
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Old 01-20-2016, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Washington state
450 posts, read 546,106 times
Reputation: 643
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobester View Post
It's not only our youth ... just this weekend at the REI children's play area, every parent with a child there was glued to their device, not interacting with their own child, whom I guess they only get to spend quality time with on weekends.
I almost always try striking up a conversation with another parent when not taking photos of the kids. Other times though I end up looking at my phone because every parent hanging around waiting for <insert kid's class or activity here> to finish is looking at a phone so who am I supposed to talk to?
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Old 01-20-2016, 09:10 PM
 
305 posts, read 652,526 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tobester View Post
It's not only our youth ... just this weekend at the REI children's play area, every parent with a child there was glued to their device, not interacting with their own child, whom I guess they only get to spend quality time with on weekends.
I don't know about REI, but I used to take my kids to play areas so they'd play with other kids, not me. I don't even have a data plan for my phone.
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Old 01-21-2016, 05:16 PM
 
117 posts, read 142,704 times
Reputation: 203
Quote:
Originally Posted by tobester View Post
It's not only our youth ... just this weekend at the REI children's play area, every parent with a child there was glued to their device, not interacting with their own child, whom I guess they only get to spend quality time with on weekends.
i know it's not fair, but you aren't supposed to be in play area if you are over 12 years old. Most park playgrounds have the same rule but are more lenient, but be careful you don't get stuck in a tube slide while interacting.
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