Why are people so smug and flaky here? (Seattle: live in, vs)

[trysometh]

The two traits are not necessarily presented both at the same time, but that's the general vibe I get around here. The flakiness seems acceptable here for some reason. I've had multiple people try to do stuff with me last second, but wouldn't make plans ahead of time. When I turn them down because I'm already doing something, they almost seem surprised. I don't understand it. I also notice people try to be in your business when they don't really wanna be your friend, just nosy.

[Blondebaerde]

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” --Jim Rohn.

Flake in, flake out?

I don't associate with disorganized, mentally undisciplined people, so no there isn't any nosiness or so-called flakiness noted here. No, that isn't acceptable. Hope that helps.

[trysometh]

I understand that not everyone is gon be like that. I just dont understand why its so common here vs other places.

[daberkow]

Different places, and different regions have their own culture.

The one here is smug and flaky. And they think the weather is great.

[trysometh]

Yea, im from the Ny/Nj area so that kinda wishy washy attitude is strange to me. From where im from, these people would get cussed out. The culture here is def annoying, but Im trying to keep an open mind and meet good people.

[sunburned_in_seattle]

Hmm, I moved here last summer and mostly I associate with other Seattle newbies, there are tons...My roommates are relatively new to the PNW & from the south, and my closest friend is a newbie from Germany.

Finding a Seattle native - at least in my social circle - is like spotting a unicorn! I really only know one I would consider a friend, lol. At late 20's guy. When I met him I was pretty surprised, "you're from Seattle? Like born and raised?? Wow..."

Sooo, I don't really know about flakiness. When I make plans, people always show up, though a few may cancel in a large group...I think it's par for course in the day and age that we live in. Heck, I cancel too sometimes...so I'm probably "flaky" It happens in every city. Not just Seattle.

But stuff comes up 'ya know. Esp. when you are new to the area and have lots to do, adjusting and what not.

[cmswazey]

Originally Posted by daberkow

Different places, and different regions have their own culture.

The one here is smug and flaky. And they think the weather is great.

I would not call the weather great but after being raised in the NE where the winters are hideous, Seattle winters are an improvement.

I am smug as heck, but, trust me, I'd be that way even if I'd never come here.

[GatsbyGatz]

People make a point not to blow off someone if they are important enough not to blow off. So if you perceive someone as "smug", then it is possible that this type of individual doesn't see others as important enough to not worry about flaking out on.

In other words, if many Seattleites are smug, then they don't attribute much value to others to be concerned with not flaking out on them.

[trysometh]

Originally Posted by GatsbyGatz

People make a point not to blow off someone if they are important enough not to blow off. So if you perceive someone as "smug", then it is possible that this type of individual doesn't see others as important enough to not worry about flaking out on.

In other words, if many Seattleites are smug, then they don't attribute much value to others to be concerned with not flaking out on them.

I dont think thats the case with most people. I doubt its so deep, people jus feel like doin whatever they feel like doin. If Im not important to them then why they initiate or keep contact with me. Passive agressive, scared to offend, maybe keep me for later in case they want to? Well, thats rude and offensive on itself. Thats the worst kinda rude actually cuz u don't own it, u waste people time and leave it in the air. People here are wishy washy in general. Nobody is important to me until they earn a place with me so by that logic Ill flake on everyone, and that doesnt make sense. It has to do with how u operate as a person vs the importance of thers to u. If i said I ma do someth, I do it whether a person is important to me or not.

[treuphax]

Originally Posted by Blondebaerde

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” --Jim Rohn.

Flake in, flake out?

I don't associate with disorganized, mentally undisciplined people, so no there isn't any nosiness or so-called flakiness noted here. No, that isn't acceptable. Hope that helps.

Give trysometh a break.

When you just move to a new place you don't have a circle of reliable friends yet. Before you select (or are selected) by a group of peers or colleagues you have to get to know them. In the process many may prove to be insufferable flakes.

I too have experienced a frequent flakiness that I was unused to having lived more than a decade in Northern and Central Europe before moving to Seattle. I have really come to appreciate how straightforward the natives over there are with their willingness to say no, decline invitations, and not overpromise. However I don't know if the "flakiness" you are observing is specific to Seattle. It's not scientific, but I'm convinced there's truth in comedy. It can only be funny if there's some truth to it. In one of Aziz Ansari's comedy shows he has a bit in which he decries this kind of flakiness... and his experience is based on life in New York.

His conclusions summarized: we've got just way too many opportunities and thanks to our fear of missing out, we are reluctant to firmly commit to something because something better might come along later. And if we did commit to something and something better does come along, we have no problem "flaking" out and cancelling because we've got so many options and people in big city life that it's not really perceived as a big loss to disappoint somebody and burn a bridge. In short because there are so many people, possibilities and options in the big city, people are devalued and disposable and that's why we treat them like trash. And that's why he calls us "the rudest generation in history."

Even though Ansari describes the very familiar phenomenon in New York I'm convinced that it might be even more pronounced in Seattle culture because people are so passive and conflict shy here.