Black Women Dating in Seattle (co-op, neighborhood, theater)

[winterblue37]

Black woman dating in Seattle, is it impossible? I lived in Portland my whole life and found it strange that Men would stare (sometimes a bit intense with the googly eyes) and flirt but never ask you out. Or better yet they stared and flirted but have a wife or GF. I moved to Seattle, for work, and Men don't even look lol. So forget them asking you out. What is it? I am financially stable, independant in that aspect, I don't think I am bad looking, I can be a bit shy, sometimes awkward if I find the person attractive, I like fitness as much as the average person. I am not looking for yellow eyes, 8 feet tall with a 20 pack...just someone who complements me...so what am I missing?

P.s. i have been on 3 online dating sites and well it's slim pickings but the ones you "like" you don't hear from... It's my first time online dating so maybe I am doing something wrong. What is hard is personality is very important to me, it definitely boost the physicial attractiveness. In the past, girl meets guy, interacts with guy, finds his sense of humor, playfulness attractive, suddenly girl has crush on guy despite not noticing physical characteristics initially.

[Returning2USA]

You are a good catch assuming what you say is true.

Note: Seattle is offish, nerdy, and slow socially.

Give it time.

[Wanderlust19]

Skip the dating sites... get out and make new friends Join social groups such as Meetup. You can have fun doing activities with new friends and who knows, maybe Mr Right or Mr Right Now is out there ������

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by Wanderlust19

Skip the dating sites... get out and make new friends Join social groups such as Meetup. You can have fun doing activities with new friends and who knows, maybe Mr Right or Mr Right Now is out there ������

This is the standard advice for people in the Northwest, and the Seattle area in particular; go out and join group activities: hobby clubs, sports (biking, hiking, boating, Chi Gong in the park, soccer may not be your thing, but the neighborhood soccer leagues have resulted in quite a few couples, even marriages), Parks Department classes & activities (the facility in the Central District (on Yesler) has a drama program, they may have marimba classes, self-defense/karate, etc.), and so on.

Seattle doesn't really have a cohesive AA community per se. Whom are you seeking to date? There have been a few AA techie guys posting here over the years, who say they can't find hardly any AA women to date. Some of these guys were based in the east side, with the Microsoft crowd. If you're open to dating from a more diverse crowd, I'm not sure that would help you, since (contrary to what some of the frustrated and bitter guys say) it's not uncommon for women of any stripe to have trouble dating in Seattle. The more average ones have trouble getting noticed at all.

As to OLD (online dating); you're not doing anything wrong. Your experience is typical. At least you're not getting anything offensive in your in-box (yet ).

[eugene_b]

It was a while back and in a different city but my general experience with dating sites has been that they are not worth the trouble. I eventually found my SO through mutual hobbies. Just find something you genuinely consider fun and interesting, whatever that is - soccer, dancing, drawing, hiking, etc.. And then do this in social setting. Some of these naturally tend to be social (e.g. soccer) but some require conscious effort (e.g. joining hiking meetup as opposed to soloing everything).

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by eugene_b

It was a while back and in a different city but my general experience with dating sites has been that they are not worth the trouble. I eventually found my SO through mutual hobbies. Just find something you genuinely consider fun and interesting, whatever that is - soccer, dancing, drawing, hiking, etc.. And then do this in social setting. Some of these naturally tend to be social (e.g. soccer) but some require conscious effort (e.g. joining hiking meetup as opposed to soloing everything).

Since you mention hiking, Seattle's hiking club, the Mountaineers, has singles hikes. REI Co-op also has singles social events that center around illustrated travel lectures and such. You can check their calendar online. All of this is fine for people who like hiking or soccer, and other outdoor sports/recreational activities, but not everyone does. The suggestion of dancing's a good alternative. There's folk dancing, swing, salsa, Contra-dancing, and probably more.

[eugene_b]

Yeah, hiking and such is for sure not for everyone - I think it's pretty important to find the activity you are genuinely into, rather than doing something purely with the intention of finding someone. There are a lot of random non-sports/outdoor activities - improv, theater/acting, music, drawing, etc, etc..

Also, OP... if you do find "yellow eyes, 8 feet tall with a 20 pack", please send us a picture! I can't get this image out of my head now.

[travis t]

If they stare at you with the googly eyes, it means you are beautiful, but a lot of us males are naturally shy, and the whole race thing just adds another layer of difficulty. I would suggest being more aggressive.

[musicfamly5]

Originally Posted by winterblue37

Black woman dating in Seattle, is it impossible? I lived in Portland my whole life and found it strange that Men would stare (sometimes a bit intense with the googly eyes) and flirt but never ask you out. Or better yet they stared and flirted but have a wife or GF. I moved to Seattle, for work, and Men don't even look lol. So forget them asking you out. What is it?

As a fellow PNW raised black woman I know exactly what you're going through. I grew up outside of Seattle and during my dating days I found myself having to be the one to initiate any relationship, and it wasn't just me. Growing up I noticed many women here initiate all and any dating or relationships here; most girls in my high school would ask out boys instead of the other way around and it was the same in college. I think it's a combination of the Seattle man being less aggressive in relationships by nature and not wanting to be accused of fetishizing; especially those of color. In many ways it's a blessing and a curse as I've found it easier to build non-intimate relationships with men, but when you're single and really desiring companionship it can suck if you're not wanting to put in the work to make men comfortable enough to engage with you in a intimate way that will eventually lead to dating.

My best advice is stick to continue putting yourself out there, stay confident about yourself, and try to find group activities that help you find ease at engaging with others as well as help showcase your personality. I loved going to meetup events regarding my interests in books or gardening and meetups can help you meet all kinds of friends. Try to foster friendships first and see where that takes you naturally; I ended up meeting my best friend who in turn introduced me to my husband knowing we would be a great fit. Get into a routine outside of work/school and try engaging with people that you tend to see on a regular basis. In a weird way dating in Seattle goes best when you're not acting like you're trying to date.

I wouldn't put a lot of faith in online dating. In Seattle it seems to be used nearly exclusively for hookups or people who fail at maintaining relationships for whatever reason you'll most likely uncover on your first/last date. Personally I had the most success with dating by avoiding the traditional dating routine of finding someone your attracted to and flirting; instead simply looking for people to have a good time with and you enjoy. I believe the less pressure you place on yourself and others when attempting to build relationships the easier it is to naturally fall into the best relationship.

[winterblue37]

This is a lot more of a response than I expected! thank you for the words of wisdom and the kind words.

As far as online dating goes...too late I already committed to six months on 3 different platforms :-( so... to make myself feel better about the money spent, I will just keep these until my sub expires.


@ Eugene_b hahaha, for sure.

Like most, I have the ideal guy in mind, then the unexpected with a great sense of humor will come along and distract me then all that gets thrown out the window. I could say I am picky, but then a sense of humor is all it takes to disrupt that.

As for being more aggressive, If I am not interested in a guy I am very assertive, but the minute I develop feelings I become shy then start acting like I am in high school. So while I have no problem initiating a date, it may come across real odd...or awkward because I get nervous. it's annoying but I can't fight it.

I have looked at meet up briefly when I visited Seattle a while back but didn't make an effort to go to an event.

My busy work schedule hasn't allowed me the opportunity to get out as much as I would like but I appreciate the resources for the various activities and will definitely have to push past the introverted side of me and start getting more involved.

Thank you!