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Something I'd add that I didn't mention in the earlier post. When you are a single guy in advancing age,
you may find yourself being seen as a walking "red flag".
When it comes to dating, on the first few dates both parties are usually on their "best behavior" trying not to mess up an opportunity that isn't as common now as it was at 19. Often a couple doesn't have time enough to get to really know each other before other well intended friends & family try to push them to their objectives. Being married or at least engaged by some Hallmark Holiday season. It can make a fraud
out of that relationship all too quickly.
I actually had a 13 year old girl say to me after dating a woman I was interested in for only a month, "If you like it put a ring on it!", and then she went to sidle up to her grandmother sitting off at a distance as if to ask granny if she did it right. I got the drift and later told this woman I didn't think it would work for us and ended it. For that woman's family this would have been a self fulfilling prophecy, a "see we told you so" moment.
Most girls learn in teen years that if they want a guy to get him off to where there are no outside influences to meddle, and secure the relationship to where it can stand up against any of these "helpers" who want so badly to butt in only to wind up ruining things for them. Myself, I've learned better than to date a committee with an elder matron who sends out signals to her players, like a catcher to the pitcher.
Most of us career single people know to hide during the Holiday Season in order to avoid this brand of BS.
Last edited by Jewel City Joe; 12-04-2020 at 04:34 PM..
I'm not sure if this is the right group to ask this question on, but has anyone here never married? If so, what is it like to be single your whole life? Are you happy you did it or do you regret it? I am only 25 years old, but I feel like I don't ever want to marry. It just seems like women are such a huge commitment, and I don't think I want to make that commitment. I kinda like the idea of just living on my own and taking care of myself without having to worry about anyone else.
I’m almost 50 now and have not been married nor do I have any children that I know of or have been informed of. To be honest it cuts both ways. I do have a dog but puppy love only goes so far. Life is much simpler without a commitment, however I do feel a considerable amount of loneliness at times, particularly around the holidays (not exactly practical to cook a whole turkey for 1 at Thanksgiving). It seems to come with the territory. The best part of it is that I have not had to worry about things like divorce or paternity suits or getting arrested in the middle of the night, and the freedom that I enjoy is unparalleled bar none. I also don’t have any worries about bad actions on the part of ex-wives or coming home to the surprise of an empty house or bank account either. If I want to do anything I don’t need to clear it with someone else without landing in hot water. As long as I got the cash I can just up and go anywhere I want and do anything I want without so much as a peep. I also am able to buy a house and live in it without the fear that it may be taken away from me, or forced to make payments on a house I cannot live in because of a restraining order. My paycheck does not get garnished for alimony just because someone wasn’t happy at home for whatever reason. As far as what you said about women being a huge commitment, truth be told I have had the same sentiment and it is the most fundamental reason I have stayed single, so don’t feel like you are alone on that one. I am certain that there are many who have gotten married that may not have any of these problems, though in my own experience, I have noticed that such are the exception and not necessarily the rule. At 25 you should be getting as much education as you can and if not, should be banking and investing every nickel you can get your hands on. Something else that you probably could not do very much of at your age while tied up in a marital relationship. I hope this helps you some and good luck in whatever decision you make.
Not really a self sufficency and preparedness question, but there is a romantic relationships forum, or a psychology forum that would be more suited to this kind of question.
If you ask me though, it's up to you. What makes you happy and how do you want to live your life.
It most certainly is about self-sufficiency! Do you depend on a woman for ANYTHING? Be honest.... Or are you REALLY self-sufficient? Oh, I know, you're doing HER a favor because SHE couldn't be self-sufficient.
I think it's just another whole level of self-sufficiency that goes beyond husband-wife or nuclear family.
It most certainly is about self-sufficiency! Do you depend on a woman for ANYTHING? Be honest.... Or are you REALLY self-sufficient? Oh, I know, you're doing HER a favor because SHE couldn't be self-sufficient.
I think it's just another whole level of self-sufficiency that goes beyond husband-wife or nuclear family.
Feminist rhetoric aside, my wife, the She-Bear is additive to the equation. She raises dogs, chickens and rabbits, cares for the garden and helps me collect wild edibles.
She's an accomplished huntress with several kills to her credit.
Could I survive without her? Sure. Did for many years before I met her. But it's not an either or situation. I didn't marry her for her survival skills.
The OP's question didn't pertain to survival, more to the psychological issues of being married vs abstaining. That's why I recommended the other forums to him as those are the forums to address relationships and psychological questions.
He didn't ask about finding a woman that could gut a chicken which would be more in line with the subject matter on this forum.
I'm not sure if this is the right group to ask this question on, but has anyone here never married? If so, what is it like to be single your whole life? Are you happy you did it or do you regret it? I am only 25 years old, but I feel like I don't ever want to marry. It just seems like women are such a huge commitment, and I don't think I want to make that commitment. I kinda like the idea of just living on my own and taking care of myself without having to worry about anyone else.
Well, no one here can truly respond to "being single your whole life" because if we are responding, our lives are still works in progress, not a summed up whole. . FWIW, I've never been married and I'm now on Medicare. I've usually had long term friends of both genders, just never met anyone I'd want to marry or who wanted to marry me. Wait, take that back...there was one person but the timing was terrible and we both realized it. He went on to marry/raise kids quite happily, and we are still friends 35 years later. I don't think of marriage as a limiting circumstance per se, but I don't have anything to compare it to. Marriages are as different as the people in them. As for "commitment", IMHO that is about loyalty, caring about someone else's welfare, and trust, not some limiting burden. You don't need to be married to be committed to someone. I am still committed to this friend, but how I demonstrate it is different than if I was married to them.
Of course there are trade offs...planning what I want to do with my time, my energy, my money, where I want to live and in what manner is simpler because it only affects me directly, no one else. Decisions are easier as there's only one person participating in the discussion. OTOH, there's no partner, no backup, no companion to share experiences or troubles with in the wee small hours either. Do get lonely? Sure I do but it tends to be temporary as I am pretty self sufficient through years of practice and usually content with my own company. Experience does build on itself after all. As I get older and a bit less "able" there are more and more times when I realize a devoted partner would be nice to have. Still, marriage is only one avenue to get that.
I also think you are very very young. Grasshopper, you are probably just enjoying flexing your independent muscle right now. Chances are you won't feel the same in 10 years. Either way, its totally fine.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-05-2020 at 03:47 PM..
I turned 50 recently and am single. I was married & divorced in my 20s. Almost remarried in my 30s but called it off. I have dated some great men. Thankfully, I have two adult kids who I admire (from my marriage), 3 grandbabies, and a great career. I travel and live my life. I don't feel lonely EVER. Sometimes I wonder if something is wrong with me. lol I mean should I feel lonely..am I out of touch?? Honestly, I really don't.
I like the "idea" of a relationship. But, can't get used to someone being around all day every day. I enjoy my solo life. I'm not anti-man, and would welcome a relationship again. I don't do boo-ships or botty calls or whatever they call them these days. I'm good on that. I just haven't seen much value in being married again since my last one 20 years ago.
As you can see, people who married well are happy they got married.
People who did not, prefer being single.
See the logic here?
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. FWIW, I've never been married and I'm now on Medicare. I've usually had long term friends of both genders, just never met anyone I'd want to marry or who wanted to marry me. Wait, take that back...there was one person but the timing was terrible and we both realized it. He went on to marry/raise kids quite happily, and we are still friends 35 years later. I don't think of marriage as a limiting circumstance per se, but I don't have anything to compare it to. Marriages are as different as the people in them. As for "commitment", IMHO that is about loyalty, caring about someone else's welfare, and trust, not some limiting burden. You don't need to be married to be committed to someone. I am still committed to this friend, but how I demonstrate it is different than if I was married to them.
