Quote:
Originally Posted by PepperAnn15
Im sooo frustrated! hes been on the medication the dr recomended for 5 days and the thursday,friday his teacher and our nanny oth commented on what a different kid. Thursday night homwork was done know tears and no frustrations. So I was filled with hoe even though i know it should take a while to see if the meds are going to work..
But then Friday afternoon, My husband took them to get haircuts and our son suddenly started climbing al over the stranger next to him at the barbour shop and was trying to bite him. My husband was getting a haircut and this is a ritual they often do and normally J just stands beside him and watches and chats to the stylist, but today he seemed agitated and out of control. My husband was so embaressed and frustrated when he came home we nearly ended up in an argument.
I asked J why and he said "he was a vampire, i needed to bite him" and seems non phased by this whole thing! he has been even less attentive as each day goes on which we were told could be a side effect!
Keep the advice coming, im trying to sink up as much as possible. Specifically any techniques other parents would have used in the "Vampire Incident"
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Medication usually takes a bit of time to work, so don't be worried about ups and downs yet. He is still new to the meds.
Some things to try: Self calming techniques for children. Teach this when he is calm and in a receptive mood. Then create a word, phrase, sign or touch that will remind him of the idea.
We have learned to teach our children to name feelings which is good, but need to teach them how to cope with feelings.
Your first defense is heading off things before the situation starts to deteriorate.
Prevention: give choices; say yes when you can (yes – you can have a cookie after dinner); use skills you’ve learned (e.g., leaving the house, give warning, transitional object).
We do want to help kids identify and name their feelings. But we really want to teach our kids how to cope with their feelings. These are life skills. The emotionally literate child is more likely to be successful in school, at work and in interpersonal relationships. Emotional intelligence helps safeguard children from drug and alcohol addiction, eating disorders, aggressive behavior and depression.
When we pay more attention to certain emotions we see more of it (e.g., your child falls down and looks to Mom to see if they should cry).
The Self-Calming Plan
1. Acknowledge and name the feeling (just knowing someone is empathetic helps)
2. Set limits (its okay to be angry but hitting the cat is not okay)
3. Offer self-calming choices (limit two for young children)
Six Categories
Audio/Verbal
listen to calming music, sing a song, talk to someone sympathetic ear), listen to water, use your words
Visual
look at/read a book, look outside, go to your happy place, watch an aquarium
Creative
draw a picture (mad picture), make something (craft or cook), write a letter (journal), write/draw on paper and throw it away
Self-nurturing
get a hug, get a snack (hungry? – low blood sugar; careful, don't just offer food as substitute), take a warm bath
Physical
(these ideas can be better than a time-out) run, shake (hands or all over, like a wet puppy), relax muscles (melt like a snowman), breathe (pretend to be a balloon and then blow bubbles), hug yourself, hug a critter, playdough, float like a feather, massage
Humor
watch a funny video (funniest animals), make silly faces, read a funny book, find humor in a situation
**Use different calming techniques for anger, versus anxiety, versus sadness.
**For frustration with toys, ask what you can do different next time.
**With younger kids, experiment with what works. For older kids, don’t forget to communicate – ask them what works.
Pick out a couple of self-calming techniques to suggest ahead of time (for, or with your child depending on age). Observe your child. They may have come up with something on their own. Consider the types of stress. You may want to offer different self-calming choices for anger or frustration than you would for being anxious.
What could we do different next time? Talk about it when both of you are calm.
Kids go through three stages as they learn self-calming skills:
1. They learn the activity itself. If a child can’t do the activity easily when calm, asking him/her what to do when upset will increase anger or frustration rather than decrease it.
2. They notice that doing an activity changes how they feel.
3. They realize that they can use a specific activity to intentionally change how they feel.
There are a few ways to teach breathing with games:
Ballooning
When you balloon, you breathe in (deeply) and as you breath in you start with your arms at your sides and raise them up parallel to your shoulders and up over your head. Then you blow it all out, make it exaggerated like a balloon spewing out all the air. The kids really like it and it really lowers tension.
Draining
When you drain, you put both hands out in front of you, you twist (and twist, and twist and twist) your hands around like you were turning off water and you *********r face all up, then you blow the air out through your lips (I know... there will be a little spit!) but the kids really like that one and you can feel the stress and tension leaving your own body! (automatic stress relief!)
**************
RDI
Relaxing together -taking deep breaths together. Practice that with him as a regulatory pattern . Take him away from that scene first. Then hold his hands say "You are not calm. Let's become calm. Breathe in........." "Breathe out...." Breathe in a very exagerrated manner. He may not be able to really do the heavy breathing but will probably try. This will take his mind off whatever was bothering him first. After a few minutes, tell him "You are calm now! Wow! We both are calm and that feels so much better" and return to what you were doing.
Your husband might try the RDI technique above. It's a great way to get social contact going as well as calming.
Dorothy
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