Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Hello my son is 6 years old, he was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism/Aspergers 2 years ago. It has not only been a battle for him, but for myself as well. Sometimes I think he can ignore what is going on in his "world" unless he cannot get his mind to slow down and then he will complain that his "brain is going to melt away", but as a parent I cannot overlook his battles. I love and care for my son, therefore I want to protect him. I feel like I am constantly having to justify why he does the things he does, not only to myself but to others as well. When I get angry at him about something I have a huge overwhelming feeling of guilt, I sometimes dont know how to get through to my son, I worry what his future holds, etc. At times I feel like I am losing my mind as well. I dont know if anyone has any advice for me on how to cope with the everyday life of a parent with an autistic child or any advice on how I can get him to understand that certain things he does are definatly his "quirks" but they are not acceptable. He has no interaction with other children except for his sister and even then it is for short periods of time, then he goes off by himself. I dont know how to get him to do things that to the average person are common sense, ie: throwing trash in the garbage not shred it and throw it around the house, not going in peoples bedrooms and taking things that dont belong to you, when your dirty and your in the bath, wash your body, these are just a few things, but as all you other parents know the list goes ON AND ON! I feel like I need a good support group of parents that understand,because right now I am doing this alone and I have no one to talk to that does understand.
It helped when I found some online support groups then also met IRL some folks that have kids with Asperger's and it helped a lot to talk and laugh with them, helps keep me sane...
I found that networking with the other parents in my son's autism spectrum class to be a huge help. They are great support system because they are going through many of the same things I am and are great for finding outside resources that I would never have found by myself.
What has helped my DSS is that we teach him in steps. He is also high functioning. We just say "DSS, trash goes in the trash can, put it in there" If he were to shred it all over the house, I would take him by the hand and walk beside him as he picked up the shreds and threw them away. With bath time, I would run his bath then wash him... then I would run his bath and give him verbal instructions on washing while he did it. Then I would give instructions on running a bath, and supervise his washing. Then I would supervise the running of the water, leave him alone to wash and then inspect him after he got out. Yes, there were times he had to go back in. Now, we just say "DSS, you need to take a shower" and he does with no help from either DH or myself.
As for the quirks, you have to find a place for him to go that is acceptable to "quirk out" If he is banished from expressing himself you are more likely to have meltdowns.
I know things dont change overnight, and in time hopefully things will balance out. I have been reading alot of what other parents have been saying and it has been helpful, and I am putting a lot of the tips to use, right now it is not working, but I figure I will keep doing the steps over and over and hopefully it will sink in with my son.
Hello my son is 6 years old, he was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism/Aspergers 2 years ago. It has not only been a battle for him, but for myself as well. Sometimes I think he can ignore what is going on in his "world" unless he cannot get his mind to slow down and then he will complain that his "brain is going to melt away", but as a parent I cannot overlook his battles. I love and care for my son, therefore I want to protect him. I feel like I am constantly having to justify why he does the things he does, not only to myself but to others as well. When I get angry at him about something I have a huge overwhelming feeling of guilt, I sometimes dont know how to get through to my son, I worry what his future holds, etc. At times I feel like I am losing my mind as well. I dont know if anyone has any advice for me on how to cope with the everyday life of a parent with an autistic child or any advice on how I can get him to understand that certain things he does are definatly his "quirks" but they are not acceptable. He has no interaction with other children except for his sister and even then it is for short periods of time, then he goes off by himself. I dont know how to get him to do things that to the average person are common sense, ie: throwing trash in the garbage not shred it and throw it around the house, not going in peoples bedrooms and taking things that dont belong to you, when your dirty and your in the bath, wash your body, these are just a few things, but as all you other parents know the list goes ON AND ON! I feel like I need a good support group of parents that understand,because right now I am doing this alone and I have no one to talk to that does understand.
Everything you feel is normal. Networking with other parents is a great tool, not only for resources but also to build friendships with others that have been there.
Asperger Parent Support Group of Topeka
Monthly support group for parents; also an email listserv offered.
Brad and Linda Sloan
Phone: 785-246-0363
Email: aspieparents@aol.com
Phone: 785-608-2438
Email: kc_asd@sbcglobal.net
Overland Park Circle of Support
Autism Asperger Parent Facilitated group. Affiliated with the Autism Alliance of Greater Kansas City. Monthly support group meetings. Meets the 2nd Saturday of each month at 10:00am at the K.U. Regents Center on 126th and Quivira.
Julius and Kay Karash
Email: kc_asd@sbcglobal.net
Website: www.autismalliancekc.org
Lastly, I recommend reaching out to parents in your child's class.
Depending on what therapy you are doing with him, you can also join a yahoo group specific to that therapy. I work with RDI with my kids and own a yahoo group with resources for that but it is not very active in terms of support.
Again, your child is 6...how many 6 year olds who are 'normal' don't want to wash (boys especially) and would rather be playing or doing something else?
Who has perfect social skills at 6?
(I think of Leave It To Beaver). Did Beaver have a problem washing? Sure did. Aw, gee, Ma, I wanna play...
Take it slow and don't think at 6 is how it will be forever. Let your child grow up and guide him.
Let him be a little kid! Don't fixate on the AS or autism.
I dont know if anyone has any advice for me on how to cope with the everyday life of a parent with an autistic child or any advice on how I can get him to understand that certain things he does are definatly his "quirks" but they are not acceptable. He has no interaction with other children except for his sister and even then it is for short periods of time, then he goes off by himself. I dont know how to get him to do things that to the average person are common sense, ie: throwing trash in the garbage not shred it and throw it around the house, not going in peoples bedrooms and taking things that dont belong to you, when your dirty and your in the bath, wash your body, these are just a few things, but as all you other parents know the list goes ON AND ON! I feel like I need a good support group of parents that understand,because right now I am doing this alone and I have no one to talk to that does understand.
Sometimes autistic kids' need for rituals is your friend.
Create a schedule. Write the bedtime procedure (bath, brush teeth, etc) on poster board, laminate it, and hang it in his bathroom or bedroom. Come up with five cardinal rules and laminate those and put them in his room (but for Pete's sake, be prepared to live by them yourself!). Keep it simple. Decided which hills you're prepared to die on and choose those. "Always wear clothes in public" is probably more important than "suits and ties are only for church", y'know? (And "don't step on the cat", "don't hit your sister", "don't bang your forehead" can be combined into "No hurts".) Other stuff, like "try not to hand-flap in public"...eh. Not as big a priority, IMO. Eventually you can point out to him "y'know, most people don't do that, and think it's kind of weird". Probably not for a year or two, though.
Thank you to everyone who has been posting. I have been reading everyone's posts and been taking into consideration all the advice, and have been trying my hand at it. The hardest thing is keeping at it and not just letting it slide because I am tired or because he doesnt "want to do it, or he is having a meltdown, etc. Today we had a rough morning. I had to take away his favorite toy from him due to him not keeping trash picked up. IE: shredded paper throughout the house, so I marked on the calendar a5ck. When I asked him to repeat the rules back to me, he told me he did not know. So I repeated the rules again, then asked him to repeat the rules again, he said he did not know. I went through them 5 times, FIVE TIMES, I felt like I was talking to myself. But I will tell him again tonight the rules and again tomorrow if need be because he keeps asking for his toy and unfortunatly it is the only toy he loves more then anything in his entire room so I hope that it will spark something in him. But hey I am making steps...lol. I like the post about the schedule, that is a great idea.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
