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I'll just blurt all of this out and I hope someone can give me some good advice or links or something,
My brother has two very cool kids (14 and 12). My nephew (12) has been tested very early on as somewhere on the autistic scale. He didn't really talk until he was three. Bro and wife have split up (which is good because she is a horrible person but I'll save that for later). My brother suffers from some form of PTSD and spends most of his time in his room watching tv or sleeping or *whatever*. Meanwhile kids are left on their own and fend for. My bro goes to work and he is trying I just think this is way too much for him. My niece has now run away twice and only comes back because she is worried about her brother. Nephew is bullied and abused in school, frequently goes to the nurses office to hide/sleep and has on a couple of occasions said that he wants to kill himself. Oh and he can't read or won't read. He just plays vids al day and watching you tubers playing games.
So there's a whole host of madness. What can I do? My brother doesn't believe there's a problem and has largely given up on my niece. Both kids were dumped by their mom years ago and she rarely contacts them. These two are such really good smart souls.
I want them to come be with me. forever (well as ever until they fly away). I don't have kids it just never seemed to be in the cards, but I think I could at least do better than this!!!!!
Has your nephew been evaluated for special needs services? Does he have an IEP? Resistance to reading can also be a sign of a learning disability like dyslexia and he can get help for that as well as for the autism if you can get a dx.
The bullying is worrying. What is the school doing about that?
Will your brother transfer custody to you? or is he resistant to that possibility?
My brother agreed to let me take me niece (J) but insisted on keeping my nephew (Q). Q cried when we left begging us to take him with us. Broke my heart into thousands of little pieces. According to my bro this is all J's fault for not "getting over" her issues with him. I know he's not abusing her sexually or physically however emotional blackmail and abuse I'm sure.
My niece now feels horribly guilty that she left him behind. I know it was difficult for him to accept any help but I'm still gravely concerned for Q. I asked my brother start to spend more time with him and help him with school.
I asked about a IED (or whatever) he said yeah he has one. That's it no details nothing. I asked is he getting homework or books for reading and he said no. The boy never has homework. Is that normal?
A friend has said that I should just call CPS and then present myself as the place to put Q while the case is worked. I really love my brother and I know he is doing the best he can. Its just not enough. Reporting him would lose me a brother and possibly my nephew which is scary too. Am I at a point now where I should lawyer up? Thanks in advance.
My brother agreed to let me take me niece (J) but insisted on keeping my nephew (Q). Q cried when we left begging us to take him with us. Broke my heart into thousands of little pieces. According to my bro this is all J's fault for not "getting over" her issues with him. I know he's not abusing her sexually or physically however emotional blackmail and abuse I'm sure.
My niece now feels horribly guilty that she left him behind. I know it was difficult for him to accept any help but I'm still gravely concerned for Q. I asked my brother start to spend more time with him and help him with school.
I asked about a IED (or whatever) he said yeah he has one. That's it no details nothing. I asked is he getting homework or books for reading and he said no. The boy never has homework. Is that normal?
A friend has said that I should just call CPS and then present myself as the place to put Q while the case is worked. I really love my brother and I know he is doing the best he can. Its just not enough. Reporting him would lose me a brother and possibly my nephew which is scary too. Am I at a point now where I should lawyer up? Thanks in advance.
What grade is he in? Is he in a mainstreamed classroom or a self-contained one? Is he in life skills rather than in an academic setting? You really do not have enough information to know if what he is getting in school is normal for his classroom.
If possible, you need to see the IEP so you can judge whether or not it has appropriate goals and whether he is making progress.
My 7th grade autistic grandson is in regular classes, but with resource reading, math and english. He does not bring homework home because they want him to do his work in class so they can help him. He does not read at grade level. They are attempting to get his reading level up and he is starting to read books at home, but several grade levels behind. At least he is reading. We use an incentive program for him. He is in tutoring twice a week for reading and once a week for math (he can do the math, but reading the word problems is not easy for him). Tutoring at the school is free before school on certain days, after school on other days, but it does mean getting him to school early on tutoring days.
Your brother is neglecting him, it would seem. You may have to bite the bullet and report him, but try the school first. Ask your brother if you can see his IEP report.
If he has a IEP (individual education plan) at school the parents have to be involved too. My son had one but if I wasn't on the teachers they dropped the ball most of the time. His IEP may include a no homework directive. But they set goals to attain.
Maybe you can speak to his teacher as a concerned adult. They will not release any information to you but maybe they can intervene somehow, they are mandatory reporters and may be able to get social services involved somehow. They must realize that something isn't right, but not all are and most are overwhelmed with dealing with IEP's. They may be at the tipping point of wanting to intervene but not really seeing any abuse, more of a neglect situation.
Maybe your brother will come to the realization that he needs help with his son and is not able to do what's best.if the school can't help maybe you can contact social services.
my brother has refused to return my texts or calls. He won't respond to his daughter's calls either. I called the school and all they were able to tell me is that Q is going. We have asked other friends to go over and see Q but no one has seen them at all. I have also now learned that my brother moved in his girlfriend and her 19yo daughter. the 19yo daughter has verbally abused Q calling him a retard. I made the decision last night to call the police for a welfare check. I have no idea if this was a bad thing or what but it just seems messed up to me that he would choose to cut his own daughter out of his life like that. He is supposed to the the adult here right?
And now J/Q's mom has mysteriously shown back up. So all of this may be for naught if J decides to go live with her. J's been abandoned by this woman for 5 years. I can't see that going with her would be in her best interest. I don't suppose I can prevent that from happening?
Thanks for listening... i know I am killing my husband by talking about this all the time so having an outlet helps.
Making a report to the police to have him checked on is not a mistake, never a mistake. A child's welfare should always come first. I know it could not have been easy. This may move them toward getting their acts together. Sometimes a 3rd party has to become involved. You have done about all you can, I am hoping for the best of outcomes.
Welfare check was a bust. They went over and dad said that he has a new number. They can't force him to call and they can't do anything else. We have had news that Q is going to school but seems withdrawn, sad. He is being bullied on a regular basis on the school bus and no one can stop that now that his big sister is not riding the bus with him. I doubt my brother knows about this so I am at loss. One of Q's bus mates was able to take a picture of him for us and I cried. His eyes are sad and it breaks my heart. What next do I have to call CPSS?
Mom while back on the scene for a minute, has retreated back into what ever was capturing her attention previously. She contacted me and said she would be willing to help. First, I would have preferred she give me Guardianship over Q so i could just go and pick him up. Settled for her witness to get copies of his Birth Certificate. Gave her money to get that done and she took the money and crawled into a hole. Abandoned her daughter in just 2 days after saying she was gonna "get herself straight" so she could get J and Q. It was just $100... nothing extravagant. Meant to cover copy fees and a taxi to get this done. Back to square one I guess.
Sadly J has let this all become so much for her its affecting her daily life. She's failing school and has developed an attitude of $%^& You, I won't do what you tell me to do. Even things like seeing friends are a chore and she has retracted into her room. I've been sooo worried about her. She's got a history of cutting and acting out. Today, my husband and I decided to try and get her into an inpatient center here so that she could have a chance to get her mind and heart and spirit into a good place. i've been calling this place for two days and today they told me to come down for intake.
We get there and after several grueling hours of interviews in which this girl who has trust issues from the jump, at my urging, explains that she has had suicidal thoughts with a plan a couple of weeks ago but thinks of suicide almost daily. She is sullen withdrawn and my heart hurts as she has to reveal these very personal details in front of me and strangers. Guess what... no bed. We went through that for NOTHING! Now she has to be a prisoner in my house with unequipped people until something kicks open. I have never felt more angry in my life. And betrayed... I told her that she was doing the right thing and that she needed to trust in me. And well that is not going to happen again anytime soon. If it was not a sure thing, I would have chosen to just wait it out. We will try for outside counseling but she now refuse to open up to anyone. She's also refusing to go to the school that will help her get back on track for grades. So yay, we are all getting crushed. I don't dare challenge her for fear she'll run and I can't force her to do anything. No school, socialization, chores, watch the dog. NOTHING.
We are all under house arrest until something gives and frankly I haven't ever been held hostage in my own house. I guess I'm at the point of you want to run, then run. I'll report you as missing and I will have my door open but what else can I do? I failed her in being able to get her into a program that I think in the end would have at least helped her start on a path. Now...
Definitely call Child protective services. You need to do that before your nephew turns 18. Unfortunately, the teachers cannot tell you anything because of HIPPA laws.
Keep trying to get J into an inpatient program. It may take a while before a bed opens up, but you have already done the intake, so they should take her once there is an opening.
You can call the school about the bullying. Keep calling them and ask for updates. They will keep an eye on him that way and keep him on radar.
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Update - One down one to go
