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I have an 11 year old daughter, will be 12 in October. She was born 3 months early. She has been diagnosed with ADHD , Anxiety, ADD, and recently as a high functioning autistic. Recently reading about ODD , I wouldn't even be somebody to tell me she is that as well, as it fits he perfectly.
The recent school closing (COVID-19), even though school is a massive struggle for her, has raised her anxiety and in ways made her behavior worse.
She is in general a sweet, caring, yet extremely emotional child. She has trouble with school even with the extra help she receives. Especially with math. Her behavior is much worse at home than at school or in public, however the part year or so it has branched a bit more into other places. She struggles with impulse control as well. Lots of tantrums. Many times it would simply be viewed as she just doesn't want to do what is asked of her, but she just panics and freaks out when asked to do nearly anything.
She will do anything from scream, yell, cry, get angry or even all 4 within a 15-20 minute span. We have tried about 8 different ADHD medications and not 1 had any impact. We love her doctor but we don't seem to always get a lot of him and we're too the point of maybe needing some long term help. As a dad, I worry mostly about her being ready to face the real world when older, simply can she live on her own, earn money and live. I know she has time to go, but I just am more worried now than ever before.
I know we should probably try medicine until we find the one, but I truly feel some had negative impacts on her, it's expensive even with insurance, and it's beyond frustrating to watch your child go through this and take this medicine that does nothing but make it worse. I know we could maybe seek additional professional help but not sure where to turn honestly.
The sadest part when watching her have these "fits" is afterwards and she turns into a different person. Almost like bipolar and she's saying she is sorry and she cannot help it and even crying. Right after she just was nasty to us and went off the rails.
More than anything even just a discussion would be great too.
Does she see a therapist? Docs that prescribe drugs do just that—prescribe drugs. Usually no therapy involved. She needs to learn some coping skills, gain some introspection into her behavior. Also, if she’s 11, the hormones of puberty are starting/becoming more prevalent. That monkeys even with “typical” preteens.
Is her prescriber an ADD doc or her pediatrician? She probably needs a doc that specializes in this.
It's her pediatrician. We haven't seen anybody else yet.
Agreed on the therapy, just hope it is affordable. I've heard it's extremely expensive. But when the covid stuff has become a little better , hopefully we can get looking into that.
There's a new video game which seems to help kids with ADD - been lots in the news about it just this past week. Sorry I didn't note its name, since this is not something I'm dealing with, but a quick search should locate articles which you might want to read and pass along to your daughter's pediatrician.
How much outdoor exercise does your daughter get? Also, do you adhere to a regular schedule at home, and give her five-minute warnings when it's time to change activities? If not, give it a try: "Susie, your artwork (or whatever) looks great - we'll be having dinner in about five minutes, so it's time to start wrapping things up now". A ten-minute warning followed by the five-minute warning would be indicated if it is likely to take more than five minutes for her to switch gears.
Having an adequate and convenient place for her to keep her toys, books, school supplies, and projects would also make life easier for everyone, I expect. This could be in her room or somewhere else - just needs to be a specific place for her stuff - and for her stuff only: "Susie's shelf".
She seems to have considerable awareness that her problem behaviors are not constructive, since she feels guilty and apologizes for her melt-downs afterwards. Perhaps keeping a journal of when they occur and what seems to trigger them would help pinpoint areas in need of attention - and probably change.
Is she hungry? Has she just changed activities, perhaps unwillingly if she was in the middle of something and was forced to stop and do something else? Is she physically comfortable? Is she tired, or scared of something or unhappy or worried about something she's overheard and doesn't really understand fully (perhaps the COVID-19 pandemic and its effects on everyday life)? Is she worried or confused or scared about the approaching onset of puberty's physical manifestations? Are other family members' moods reasonably stable? Is she able to keep in touch with her friends via phone or email or Skype or in other ways? Lots of potential factors to consider...
Having a calm, respectful conversation with her about the melt-downs at a time when she seems stable might also be indicated, but of course pre-adolescents can be very embarrassed, guarded and private, so this technique might backfire. Still, it's worth a try.
You could always reminisce about your own childhood/early adolescence - "You know, Susie, when I was about your age I was really worried because I didn't know what I was going to do for a living when I grew up. So I talked to my mom about it, and she took me to the library and we checked out a lot of books about different careers, and that really helped. I'm so glad I told your Grandma, even though I was kind of embarrassed about it at first. I expect lots of kids have secret worries like that, though".
Just to set the scene, and it doesn't have to be this real-life story example (from my own experience at that age) Don't immediate start prying into her own issues - much better if she can confide without being obviously led into doing so.
Good luck in helping your daughter. Start with consulting her pediatrician, and see if some of these suggestions might be helpful.
I have an 11 year old daughter, will be 12 in October. She was born 3 months early. She has been diagnosed with ADHD , Anxiety, ADD, and recently as a high functioning autistic. Recently reading about ODD , I wouldn't even be somebody to tell me she is that as well, as it fits he perfectly.
The recent school closing (COVID-19), even though school is a massive struggle for her, has raised her anxiety and in ways made her behavior worse.
She is in general a sweet, caring, yet extremely emotional child. She has trouble with school even with the extra help she receives. Especially with math. Her behavior is much worse at home than at school or in public, however the part year or so it has branched a bit more into other places. She struggles with impulse control as well. Lots of tantrums. Many times it would simply be viewed as she just doesn't want to do what is asked of her, but she just panics and freaks out when asked to do nearly anything.
She will do anything from scream, yell, cry, get angry or even all 4 within a 15-20 minute span. We have tried about 8 different ADHD medications and not 1 had any impact. We love her doctor but we don't seem to always get a lot of him and we're too the point of maybe needing some long term help. As a dad, I worry mostly about her being ready to face the real world when older, simply can she live on her own, earn money and live. I know she has time to go, but I just am more worried now than ever before.
I know we should probably try medicine until we find the one, but I truly feel some had negative impacts on her, it's expensive even with insurance, and it's beyond frustrating to watch your child go through this and take this medicine that does nothing but make it worse. I know we could maybe seek additional professional help but not sure where to turn honestly.
The sadest part when watching her have these "fits" is afterwards and she turns into a different person. Almost like bipolar and she's saying she is sorry and she cannot help it and even crying. Right after she just was nasty to us and went off the rails.
More than anything even just a discussion would be great too.
Thanks for listening.
Some quick questions based on your post/ answers:
1) How is your pedi able to describe 8 different antipsychotic meds? Do they have a certain specialty?
2) If she isn’t in therapy and hasnt seen a specialist, how were these diagnoses arrived at?
3) Have you considered that her issues may be behavioral not mental?
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