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Old 08-22-2008, 07:20 PM
 
Location: home...finally, home .
8,512 posts, read 19,822,317 times
Reputation: 18640

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I realize that iam going to sound like a terrible person, but here goes. I have a nineteen year old daughter who was adopted from Mexico as an infant. She had a major brain tumor when she was eight, but it was , for the most part excised. She has been a major problem for the past four years. She steals, lies, comes in whenever she wants, loudly screams and curses, throws things and throws tantrums. She does take anti-psychotic drugs. She's been hospitalized.

She , of course,did nothing in school and does not have a real diploma. She's not cognisant of this, however. Or of much elese having to do with reality. None of her friends from her special school, work or do anything, but hang around and take drugs. Their parents are all on disability so that is their outcome, also, I guess.
I was a teacher and have just retired. This was to be a time of peace for me. I come from a family of professionals. She does not even speak as we do, but deliberately uses poor grammar and slum talk.

I have to lock up everything because she steals so much. Her friends stole my desceased dad's coins and took them to the coin shop and got money. He had these coins since 1909 when he was a little boy. THis one terrible boy ripped up all of my wonderful dad's letters that he had written as a child. I can not forgive her for this. The boy's father was a police officer who threatened me into not pressing charges.

New York state law says I am fiscially responsible for her until she is 21. Isn't there some interim place where she could live? (She ran away from one place already). I lock myself in my room. She is huge and I am tiny. Her friends are scary and gigantic and often refuse to leave my home when I ask.

Are there any agencies who can help me find a temporary place for her that she will not be able to leave on a whim. So far, I have not found any.

What if i were just to sell my house and leave to a different state......
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People may not recall what you said to them, but they will always remember how you made them feel .

Last edited by nancy thereader; 08-22-2008 at 07:29 PM..
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Old 08-22-2008, 09:44 PM
 
Location: el paso tx.
756 posts, read 1,882,146 times
Reputation: 401
she sounds lost almost like she can not find herself so she acts out, does she see anyone she can talk to?
I am sorry for your pain, I do not know how the law works it seems like there would be a place she could go that would help her and you.
good luck
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Old 08-22-2008, 10:44 PM
 
Location: Tejas
7,600 posts, read 17,374,177 times
Reputation: 5209
I am sure there is a nice bed in jail for her ? If she steals like you say and you are afraid of your you have no choice but to call the cops on her IMHO.
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Old 08-23-2008, 10:07 AM
 
8,413 posts, read 37,577,433 times
Reputation: 6329
I would say "cut the **** or you are out next time it happens."

And next time she steals call the cops.
Dont make empty threats.

She sounds like someone who uses or drinks.
Which many 19 year olds do...Some grow up and some get worse.

Its your home. No matter how big and scary they are...The cops are scarier.
I wouldnt say you are calling either. Ask them to leave and if they dont they are trespassing. Call the cops to have them removed.

Keep that lock down attitude and I am sure she will emancipate on her own.
CHange the locks after that.
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Old 08-24-2008, 06:50 AM
 
203 posts, read 879,809 times
Reputation: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by nancy thereader View Post
I realize that iam going to sound like a terrible person, but here goes. I have a nineteen year old daughter who was adopted from Mexico as an infant. She had a major brain tumor when she was eight, but it was , for the most part excised. She has been a major problem for the past four years. She steals, lies, comes in whenever she wants, loudly screams and curses, throws things and throws tantrums. She does take anti-psychotic drugs. She's been hospitalized.

She , of course,did nothing in school and does not have a real diploma. She's not cognisant of this, however. Or of much elese having to do with reality. None of her friends from her special school, work or do anything, but hang around and take drugs. Their parents are all on disability so that is their outcome, also, I guess.
I was a teacher and have just retired. This was to be a time of peace for me. I come from a family of professionals. She does not even speak as we do, but deliberately uses poor grammar and slum talk.

I have to lock up everything because she steals so much. Her friends stole my desceased dad's coins and took them to the coin shop and got money. He had these coins since 1909 when he was a little boy. THis one terrible boy ripped up all of my wonderful dad's letters that he had written as a child. I can not forgive her for this. The boy's father was a police officer who threatened me into not pressing charges.

New York state law says I am fiscially responsible for her until she is 21. Isn't there some interim place where she could live? (She ran away from one place already). I lock myself in my room. She is huge and I am tiny. Her friends are scary and gigantic and often refuse to leave my home when I ask.

Are there any agencies who can help me find a temporary place for her that she will not be able to leave on a whim. So far, I have not found any.

What if i were just to sell my house and leave to a different state......
If your still responsible under the law............now is the time to give her a reality check..........your not a terrible person, just a mom stressed out of her mind
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Old 08-24-2008, 07:00 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
746 posts, read 2,051,135 times
Reputation: 436
First, has she been to the neurologist since her bad behavior started up? If her tumour is back it could be responsible for her behavior. Just something to check into.

Second, if there is no medical reason for her behavior, then go for the tough love. If she is stealing or abusive, call the cops. No warning, just do it. Her behavior won't change unless you force the issue. It's time for her to sink or swim.

Good luck, it's got to be tough for you.
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