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Old 01-24-2010, 12:16 PM
 
68 posts, read 324,219 times
Reputation: 47

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I used the word disabled because that is what is being used by this particular person that I know. And since I do not have a degree in Child Development or so forth, I have no idea if this person is right about using that word.

She has a child with Autism (I believe it is Asperger or something like that). She treats her child messed up (in my opinion). And her excuse for treating the child the way that she does is that he is disabled and that children with his disabilities need to be handles in a different way. Mind you, this child is an adopted child, that was adopted through a foster agency (she is a foster parent).

Like I said, I am no child expert, let alone a disabled child expert. But when I see that a child (regardless of mental issues) is being forced to eat large amounts of food at one sitting and refused to be given any water until he clears his plate, I do not think it is right. When I see a child punished for the dumbmest reasons (like, he did not say, yes mommy), I do not think that is right. When I see a child being given his older brother's worn out clothes I do not think it is fair (but yet the older brother gets new name brand clothing when he needs or asks for clothing?)...I don't think that is right.

So my question is....

Is that how a disabled child needs to be treated?

When I asked this person as to why she treats her son like that...she is quick to defend as to why he needs to be treated that way. She has told me that,
" You have no idea how Aspergers works. Children with that type of autism have no idea as to when they are full (of food). So you need to make sure they eat a lot because if not, in about an hour, they will tell you that they are really hungry. Plus, their brain activity is all messed up and have no idea what is going on."

In my heart, I think she is full if doodoo (if you know what I mean). But then I think, what do I know about raising a child with "disabilities" ....right?

What is your opinions on this? Is she right? Am I wrong to feel bad about how she is treating her adopted child?

Thanks!
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:59 AM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,881 posts, read 2,251,505 times
Reputation: 2414
Quote:
Originally Posted by bayarea2010 View Post
I used the word disabled because that is what is being used by this particular person that I know. And since I do not have a degree in Child Development or so forth, I have no idea if this person is right about using that word.

She has a child with Autism (I believe it is Asperger or something like that). She treats her child messed up (in my opinion). And her excuse for treating the child the way that she does is that he is disabled and that children with his disabilities need to be handles in a different way. Mind you, this child is an adopted child, that was adopted through a foster agency (she is a foster parent).

Like I said, I am no child expert, let alone a disabled child expert. But when I see that a child (regardless of mental issues) is being forced to eat large amounts of food at one sitting and refused to be given any water until he clears his plate, I do not think it is right. When I see a child punished for the dumbmest reasons (like, he did not say, yes mommy), I do not think that is right. When I see a child being given his older brother's worn out clothes I do not think it is fair (but yet the older brother gets new name brand clothing when he needs or asks for clothing?)...I don't think that is right.

So my question is....

Is that how a disabled child needs to be treated?

When I asked this person as to why she treats her son like that...she is quick to defend as to why he needs to be treated that way. She has told me that,
" You have no idea how Aspergers works. Children with that type of autism have no idea as to when they are full (of food). So you need to make sure they eat a lot because if not, in about an hour, they will tell you that they are really hungry. Plus, their brain activity is all messed up and have no idea what is going on."

In my heart, I think she is full if doodoo (if you know what I mean). But then I think, what do I know about raising a child with "disabilities" ....right?

What is your opinions on this? Is she right? Am I wrong to feel bad about how she is treating her adopted child?

Thanks!
Short answer - NO!

My son is 27 and we are just now getting the diagnosis of Asperger's. It took me until he was 23 before I even had a clue what was wrong with him. That said, he was never treated as this woman treats her son. He's an only child and I always treated him as I would treat any child - with kindness, respect, understanding (even when I was clueless why he did what he did) and lots of loving.

Asperger's is in the Autism Spectrum and the Aspie has no problem knowing when they are full. That is just dumb thinking. They do, however, have many issues with foods. My son hates the texture of fruits and veggies and has refused to eat them since he was 2. I just puree a lot and mix it into other things he loves (like pancakes or muffins). He has a ton of other food quirks, but he knows when he is full and always has. I never even forced him to finish a plate of food because I grew up having to do so and I hated it.
Yes, their brains are messed up, but that is their thinking process... not their intelligence. My son has always been aware that he is not like other people, and he has always been aware of what's going on around him.
His mental age is around 13 but I treat him as an adult. (He still lives with me and probably will for a few more years.)

You are not wrong for feeling as you do. The way she treats him borders on abuse. (The hand me downs aren't abuse, even if she does buy the older brother new clothes. Clothes are still clothes.) The force feeding is.
Maybe you should research Autism and Asperger's yourself and try telling this mom what you learned. Maybe she doesn't know how to handle him correctly.
Good luck.
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Old 01-25-2010, 10:27 AM
 
68 posts, read 324,219 times
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Thank you Tulani,

I have mentioned to this woman about force feeding and she went to tell her husband what I thought about regarding how they are treating this child (and his sister who has ADHD) and he told her "what does she know? sicne when does she have a degree in child psychology? when she does have one, let me know so I can pay her for her advise."

After knowing how they think and how offended they both get whenever anybody brings up any concern, I notice that people (including myself) just let it go and leave it as that.

In my heart, I feel really bad. And feel that there is no getting through to this two idiot parents. I just hope that the day comes when those two children mention to their teachers how they are being treated (since they are mandated by law to report).
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Old 01-25-2010, 11:52 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 3,872,457 times
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I am a custodial stepmomma of an ASD son. He knows full well when he is full. He knows when he is hungry. Yes, there are issues with food texture. We do "force" him to try (one bite) of food he is unfamilliar with because if we let him he'd eat ramen noodles, chicken nuggets and waffles at every meal. We do have a rule (for all the kids) that if they want a treat (little debbie, ice cream, etc) they are required to eat all their dinner. But it is up to them as to whether they eat everything or not.

The hamd me downs, while unfair from your description, is not illegal or mistreatment.

IMHO, I feel that ASD children (or children with any disability) have the right to be treated with every bit of respect a "normal" child would be treated with. My DSS was referred to as broken by his mother, it is a sad situation where a child is seen only as their disability instead of the person s/he is.

If this family is a foster family, they are recieving money for the care of the child, which may be a motivating factor for fostering a child. If I were in your position and felt that the child was being mistreated, I'd put in an annomous call to the foster agency.
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Old 01-25-2010, 04:07 PM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,881 posts, read 2,251,505 times
Reputation: 2414
Quote:
Originally Posted by bayarea2010 View Post
Thank you Tulani,

I have mentioned to this woman about force feeding and she went to tell her husband what I thought about regarding how they are treating this child (and his sister who has ADHD) and he told her "what does she know? sicne when does she have a degree in child psychology? when she does have one, let me know so I can pay her for her advise."

After knowing how they think and how offended they both get whenever anybody brings up any concern, I notice that people (including myself) just let it go and leave it as that.

In my heart, I feel really bad. And feel that there is no getting through to this two idiot parents. I just hope that the day comes when those two children mention to their teachers how they are being treated (since they are mandated by law to report).
You're very welcome.
As rockinmomma said... put in that anon call.
One doesn't need a degree in child psychology to witness and report abuse.
It does hurt to watch someone deliberately hurt a child - force feeding to me is abuse.
I agree that there is no getting through to some parents (I know a couple that are the same way). I tried to tell the mom what he** she was in for down the road, but she refused to believe me and all her kids ended up in trouble with the law (various reasons) and none live with or near her anymore.
We can't parent other people's children because we don't want them to parent our. Sound advice (to us) doesn't always sound good to others.
The day will come when the kids say something.
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Old 01-25-2010, 07:16 PM
 
68 posts, read 324,219 times
Reputation: 47
I agree...the day will come when the kids say something.

Yes, the parents are foster parents. After taking care of the 2 children (brother and sister) for 6 months, they legally adopted them. They still are foster parents for the agency as well and receive children through the agency from time to time. And when they get a child/ren they say that they want to adopt them as well (without thinking things through...just right away saying things like, "oh, we want to adopt this child too and give it a permanent home.")
But too me, it is all about the $, more than anything else. But, then again, what do I know, I do not have a child development degree ☺.

Is there any way that I may be able to find out what agency they are going through? I am pretty sure of the agency's county.
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Old 01-26-2010, 02:10 PM
 
Location: central Oregon
1,881 posts, read 2,251,505 times
Reputation: 2414
Quote:
Originally Posted by bayarea2010 View Post
I agree...the day will come when the kids say something.

Yes, the parents are foster parents. After taking care of the 2 children (brother and sister) for 6 months, they legally adopted them. They still are foster parents for the agency as well and receive children through the agency from time to time. And when they get a child/ren they say that they want to adopt them as well (without thinking things through...just right away saying things like, "oh, we want to adopt this child too and give it a permanent home.")
But too me, it is all about the $, more than anything else. But, then again, what do I know, I do not have a child development degree ☺.

Is there any way that I may be able to find out what agency they are going through? I am pretty sure of the agency's county.
I can't really help you here. I suggest you go to the state Human Service site, or even try googling "foster care (in whatever state or county)" and see what you can find. The info you need should be available online if you do a bit of searching.
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Old 01-30-2010, 03:16 AM
 
Location: 89074
500 posts, read 658,998 times
Reputation: 850
I have to second what everyone else here is saying. I have a dd with ASD and I can guarantee you none of what they are doing is appropriate for a child with autism (or any child for that matter). Since they are so defensive when asked about how they treat the children, I'd ask where are their degrees? And since they don't have one on what basis are they making their decisions? Challenge them to at least get informed about the conditions these children have, from professionals instead of 'making it up as they go along'. Maybe that will shake them up. Who knows? You can only try, and if that doesn't work, then threaten to report them.
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