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Old 08-25-2010, 01:40 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,479,020 times
Reputation: 29337

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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
apples to oranges

You posters are comparing the way returning soldiers were treated 40 years ago in California to the way they are treated today in Missouri.

I doubt there was any state 40 years ago that treated returning soldiers well.
Right! You were there, correct!?!? Fruits to fruits indeed!

Whatever it was then, it gives us warm snuggies now; something I never felt or received in CA.

It's nice to be back in America!

By the way, that school I attended in MN was a military one. Go figure! Now if you'll pardon me, I have an appointment in Lake Wobegon!

Last edited by Curmudgeon; 08-25-2010 at 01:55 PM..
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:20 PM
 
45 posts, read 116,508 times
Reputation: 35
Default Thank you for the encouraging post

Thank you for your comments. As far as the feeling of isolation, I think whenever you venture beyond your normal boundries of what anyone calls home, to an entirely different region and culture, there is a certain amount of anxiety associated with that. If I do get the courage to do this, I would not expect to make instant friendships, but it would be nice if someone said hello if I walked into a neighborhood store for a cup of coffee or waved at me from across the street, that would be my idea of a friendly town.
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Old 08-25-2010, 03:30 PM
 
9,803 posts, read 16,191,954 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Right! You were there, correct!?!? Fruits to fruits indeed!

Whatever it was then, it gives us warm snuggies now; something I never felt or received in CA.

It's nice to be back in America!

By the way, that school I attended in MN was a military one. Go figure! Now if you'll pardon me, I have an appointment in Lake Wobegon!
I live in Lake Woebegon.
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Old 08-25-2010, 09:53 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,479,020 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marmac View Post
I live in Lake Woebegon.
See ya there!
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Old 08-26-2010, 06:39 AM
 
32 posts, read 54,513 times
Reputation: 62
In defense of DPihranna, I also found Missourians to be a peculiar sort. Growing up I lived in both Missouri and Kansas. Although I found Kansas to be esthetically bereft the people were generally friendly and accomodating. Missouri people were cliquish. On the surface they appear to be nice but beyond the informal "hi, how ya doin" they are rather cold and aloof. It's when you try and venture into more meaningful friendships that you discover this.
Missouri isn't for everybody, neither is California. You have to find a place that generally makes you happy and live there. I love where I live now but I could see that not everyone would like it.
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Old 08-28-2010, 06:24 AM
 
Location: Vancouver, WA
158 posts, read 376,343 times
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I've traveled all over the world and in my experience Missouri does not rank very high on the friendliness scale. It's not that people here are unfriendly, if I make an effort to strike up a conversation first many do respond, but in the 2.5 years I've lived here I think only one (!) stranger has ever said anything to me first in an effort to be "neighborly" and that was another passenger on the city bus.

By the way I don't think I'm all that odd, some people say I look a bit like Tom Selleck, so I really wonder what their standard of measurement is when I hear locals say this is a really friendly place.

Contrast that with Europe - a common practice in busy restaurants is to seat you at an already occupied table with complete strangers. I wonder how well that would go over in the Ozarks!!
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Old 08-28-2010, 08:36 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
694 posts, read 1,356,977 times
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When my Northeast born and raised wife first moved here one of the first things that stood out to her was the habit that rural Missourian's have of waving to one another as we passed on the back roads. She would ask "Who was that", and I would ask "who?". "The guy you just waved at". "No idea", I would reply. She then advised that if you were to wave at a stranger from where she came from, you would get a one finger reply - or worse.

I think misplaced said it about as good as anyone could. Is Missouri the friendliest place on earth? I don't remember ever seeing a billboard claiming that fact. Missourian's tend to be reserved, but polite, when meeting new people. (and I speak in generalities because no one description defines every Missourian - we are a fiercely independent lot). I am not a therapist but it would seem to me you have different levels of acceptance, no matter where you go. There is the level of acceptance that you are there, better defined as an acknowledgment of your presence. At this level, a typical rural Missourian will wave at you, greet you on the street, and open the door for you (it's old fashioned Southern manners). A second level of acceptance is the beginning of a relationship, but not yet a friendship. Conversations are held, invitations to church or other civic events. This is the get to know you and figure out what makes you tick stage. Do you share mutual interests, and beliefs? The next step would be an interest in a relationship, what I call the "they seem like decent folk" stage. Maybe they invite you to their house for supper or a barbecue or on some sort of event that doesn't involve 10,000 other people. A this stage the protective wall is starting to show serious cracks. Depending on how this goes, there could be a close friendship that forms, "over time". As trust builds, the wall gradually disappears and you form a bond. Coming into a new community puts you at an immediate disadvantage, because the locals have already had time to figure each other out, and formed these bonds.

If your looking for Mayberry, you can find small towns in Missouri like it, as you can in many Southern states, but if you want to live in this dream, look at the 'reality of the dream'. How many characters on the show Mayberry were out of state transplants? None - they were all locals, who grew up together, and thus had formed a close bond over many years. If you are looking for a cross between Mayberry and the "we welcome you with open arms, come as you may, let's pop some acid and have sex" greeting you may have heard about in the Haight Ashbury District of the 60's, then you won't find it in Missouri. Or anywhere else, I imagine.

And comparing a small town to a big city is comparing apples to oranges. There are so many 'groups' in a city, you are bound to find one that you can find the perfect fit in. In a small town, there aren't as many, so it can be much harder.

No, we Missourian's like just about everyone else in the country, take new people at face value, and just because they cross the border, or move into a town, doesn't mean they automatically become part of the 'community'. I would be willing to bet that if you can't make close friends where you live now, you probably won't have much better luck making close friends here.

The Missouri state motto is not "the friendliest place on earth". Only Disneyland claims that, and that's only when they're open. Stay after hours and they'll have you arrested for trespassing.

The Missouri state motto is the "Sho-me State". Show up with an expectation that the community should bend over and kiss your backside, then the community will probably demand the same strategically located, platonic kiss from you.

Show up with a desire to become part of a community - then "Show em" you can be part of the community.

Just my two cents worth. Enjoy your weekend. It's absolutely gorgeous here in Missouri today, although the weatherman says the humidity level is sneaking back up.
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Old 08-28-2010, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
11,314 posts, read 8,655,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SW Missouri Dave View Post
The Missouri state motto is not "the friendliest place on earth". Only Disneyland claims that, and that's only when they're open. Stay after hours and they'll have you arrested for trespassing.

Show up with a desire to become part of a community - then "Show em" you can be part of the community.
:
All this Mayberry stuff is really quite funny, I rermember thinking the same thing a few years ago, everyone is going to be friendly and the whole damn state will be your friend in no time....then I thought about my situation here, I've lived in the same house for over 20 years, with neighbors, 50 ft to either side, and I know 3 of them by name, and wave to maybee 7 or 8 of them..My friends I've met through my interests, Fishing, Horses or Car racing, and the guy's at work are just that, I recon when I retire, I'll never hear from them at all.............I got a good wife and a couple of loyal dogs, and cousins scattered all over Southern Missouri, I recon I'll do fine....
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Old 08-28-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,593 posts, read 37,479,020 times
Reputation: 29337
Quote:
Originally Posted by SW Missouri Dave View Post
When my Northeast born and raised wife first moved here one of the first things that stood out to her was the habit that rural Missourian's have of waving to one another as we passed on the back roads. She would ask "Who was that", and I would ask "who?". "The guy you just waved at". "No idea", I would reply. She then advised that if you were to wave at a stranger from where she came from, you would get a one finger reply - or worse.
Yup! Liable to get ya shot in some places, especially Kahleefornia.
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Old 08-28-2010, 11:02 AM
 
Location: Vancouver, WA
158 posts, read 376,343 times
Reputation: 109
Default after hours?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SW Missouri Dave View Post
The Missouri state motto is not "the friendliest place on earth". Only Disneyland claims that, and that's only when they're open. Stay after hours and they'll have you arrested for trespassing.
So, I wonder what happens if you stay "after hours" in Missouri? Is that "dueling banjos" I hear playing in the background?
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