Moving to Missouri (Ozark, Republic, California: appointed, sex offender, mortgage)

[YankeyProud]

Don't move anywhere in the deep south unless you are a Very Religious and a Republican! If you are they will tolerate you! I live in central Arkansas and am not religious enough to go to church I have been told numerous times that if you don't go to church your not a Christian and everywhere you go they only talk about Religion and How much they hate the president! there is alot of crime here just like Missouri! And Sex offenders galore!

[ozarksboy]

Originally Posted by Ultimateflyfisher

Bought it. Should be settled in by late September.

Just in time for the fall foilage show. If we have the right amount of moisture, and the temperature drops just right, nature will put on a grand show of color to welcome you. And you'll just be so doggone happy in your new home. You'll be telling everyone how happy you are, and what a wonderful decision it was to move to Missouri.

Then November will hit, and if it is a typical November, it will cloud up and rain and be cold and miserable. You won't be able to do much outside. You'll start having some second thoughts.

December might moderate a little, or it might turn frigid. If you're lucky, we'll have some snow, and you'll start feeling all Christmasy, and you'll be happy again, and you'll tell everyone what a wonderful decision it was to move to Missouri. Maybe. Then again, you might notice that in southern Missouri, Christmas is still a religious holiday for a lot of people who aren't afraid to speak openly about it being the day to commemorate the birth of Jesus. You might be like a lot of the Branson transplants who complain that they get tired of hearing songs about Jesus, people talking about Jesus, billboards about Jesus.

You'll write back to your folks at home in California about what a bunch of religious nuts we are.

Then after Jan. 1 hits, no telling what will happen. I've seen Jan. 1 act like a switch that when turned on immediately dumps a load of snow on us. Or maybe ice that will knock the power out for a week or more. Then later in the month it might be 75 degrees and people are out walking in shorts and throwing frisbees in the park and just having a good time. Then February hits and it turns to relentless subzero temperature, and by relentless i mean day after day after day of bone-chilling cold that depresses some people.

If you manage to get out of the house and make it to a diner or cafe where locals gather, you'll learn that many Missourians cope with the cold February by talking about the seed catalogs they started getting during the week between Christmas and New Year's. They deal with the winter by talking about what they'll do in the spring with their ground. In fact, many of them will do their best to get lettuce and onion seeds in the frozen ground on President's Day.

You'll shake your head and write back home about the craziness that is Missouri.

March will get a little warmer and then it might snow again. I remember many heavy snows in March.

There will be some hope in April and May, because it will start warming and you'll get the urge to try some gardening, and you might even plant some seeds real early in April and then when they sprout and come up, you'll be so proud of yourself and then one night you'll go to bed and find out the next day that there was a cold snap and your plants froze. You'll have to replant.

"This is nuts," you'll say to yourself and in letters to your friends back home.

Oh, but then June and July will get here and it will warm up and your plants will start to grow, and then the bugs will start eating them, and you'll start crying. August will roll around and it will be hotter than the hinges of the gates of hell and you'll forget how cold you were back in January and February.

Oh, my, you'll miss the weather of California so much. You'll say, "What have i done?"

Throughout all this miserable weather time, you'll also look for fun and exciting stuff to do, and there won't be anything to compare with what you experienced in California. When you get here, if you're not too busy settling in, you'll start noticing and being irritated about our interest in how our town's high school sports teams are doing. We love high school football in small towns across southern Missouri. And in the winter, we love high school basketball. We get real interested in the playoffs. My dad, who is 82, and I, 61, and my sister, four years younger than me, sat up late and watched the statewide televised basketball championship that was won by the high school my sis and I graduated from.

You'll think people are just crazy and boring because all they do is go to work, go to church, talk about the high school sports teams, fight the weather while working in their gardens.

You'll miss all of what they call "amenities" here on city-data. If you live near a small town, there won't be enough stores there for what they call "serious shopping" here on city-data, so you'll hop in your car and go to the city to spend your California dollars. Then you'll gripe about the small town merchants, or the lack of them. "Why can't this town have a .... or a ..... store?" you'll say. Like most city transplants you don't understand rural economics, and you won't get the fact that by taking your California dollars out of your small town and spending them in the big city, the merchant will never be able to expand his line of merchandise or add another employee or two.

There won't be any what the city-data posters call "cultural experiences" in the small towns. The closest many small towns come to having that are high school plays or high school concerts, maybe a church performance like a gospel quartet or a bluegrass band or something.

At the diner, you'll sit in a group and say, "What this town ought to do..." and then you'll expound on what the city in which you lived did. You'll say, "Missouri is a low tax state ... This town can afford to raise the tax rate and spend the money on ...." and then you'll name some project you think needs to be done. the people will listen politely to you and then change the subject. You'll feel like you've been shunned by these unfriendly folks.

"I'm dying on the vine," you'll say in a year or two. "The weather is terrible, the people are unfriendly. They're not smart. They spend too much time going to church. There's no intellectual life here, no cultural life. There's no night life. They could have more, but they're not willing to raise the taxes to pay for it."

Oh, yes, you're going to have a wonderful time as our newest transplant.

Welcome to Missouri.

[Curmudgeon]

^^^^Wish I'd said that!

[ozarksboy]

Well, heck, Curm, I've read most of what you've posted and I believe you have said this. Many times. In different ways.
You are the only California transplant I know who didn't turn out to be just another Califoreignyer.
I'm glad Missouri turned out well for you and the Mrs.; it turned out well because you have empathy and are not self-centered. You are a good Ozarks neighbor.
Give my regards to Mrs. Curm.

[Vols44]

Fine use of emoticons. Could have summed up the lengthy post with TL, DR, read my sig (about move here, don't gripe about us).

[MoNative34]

Originally Posted by ozarksboy

At the diner, you'll sit in a group and say, "What this town ought to do..." and then you'll expound on what the city in which you lived did.

Also complain about the diner not having hummus on the menu.

(Just kidding around with the OP, although I'm sure ozark boy isn't)

[MoNative34]

Originally Posted by ozarksboy

Well, heck, Curm, I've read most of what you've posted and I believe you have said this. Many times. In different ways.
You are the only California transplant I know who didn't turn out to be just another Califoreignyer.
I'm glad Missouri turned out well for you and the Mrs.; it turned out well because you have empathy and are not self-centered. You are a good Ozarks neighbor.
Give my regards to Mrs. Curm.

I noticed you've been on the Texas forum and considering retiring here. Have you considered Austin? If you do, you should buy a Vespa Scooter. They're pretty popular around here. And you can cut down on your carbon footprint. You can wear the scarf if you feel like accessorizing and making a fashion statement when you and the wife are heading to the yoga studio like I'm assuming this couple is.

[SW Missouri Dave]

Originally Posted by Ultimateflyfisher

Bought it. Should be settled in by late September.

Congratulations on your purchase and welcome to Missouri.

[imbored198824]

Originally Posted by MoNative34

I noticed you've been on the Texas forum and considering retiring here. Have you considered Austin? If you do, you should buy a Vespa Scooter. They're pretty popular around here. And you can cut down on your carbon footprint. You can wear the scarf if you feel like accessorizing and making a fashion statement when you and the wife are heading to the yoga studio like I'm assuming this couple is.

This is becoming popular in southern Missouri as well. With more people than ever moving in from California we are a liberal Mecca for democrats. From Lebanon to joplin from Branson to west plains. I would guess it is 80% democrats now. Most wear the furry scarves too. Tons of hipsters here. Just love it I see more and more energy efficient cars!! I did see one dodge ram 4x4 once. Everyone around was simply appalled by it!!! From what I understand Branson and Springfield are also going to legalize gay marriage soon! It is on the city ballot now!

[Curmudgeon]

Originally Posted by ozarksboy

Well, heck, Curm, I've read most of what you've posted and I believe you have said this. Many times. In different ways.
You are the only California transplant I know who didn't turn out to be just another Califoreignyer.
I'm glad Missouri turned out well for you and the Mrs.; it turned out well because you have empathy and are not self-centered. You are a good Ozarks neighbor.
Give my regards to Mrs. Curm.

Thank you, Sir (one of those archaic terms Ozarkers use). Regards to Mrs. OB from us. Hope to get up your way again soon.