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thanks again to all. I kind of feel bad for posting some of my comments in a negative frame of mind. So I publicly apologize to anyone offended or who are simply rolling their eyes at me, I am at myself. Such drama! Ozark is right, letting things happen naturally in there own time is the way to go. This really is a nice area, and I truly encourage anyone interested to just go for it. The problems of the area are liveable for the most part, and the plusses definitely outweigh the negatives. I am responsible for my own happiness, and am looking for another job as I write this. No point in negative workplaces, either..... It can happen anywhere.....
You have such a great attitude, sunshine girl. Even though you are feeling lonely and things are harder than you had hoped, you are still taking responsibility for your own happiness and going out to seek it! Good for you.
As for the question of whether or not to have friends at work, I think it depends on what is meant. I never have the type of friends at work that I would spend much time with away from work, because that usually does not seem advisable to me. I don't really go out to lunch with work friends much, or go shopping with them, or to concerts or museums or whatever. So in that sense, I do not choose my friends from those I work with.
On the other hand, the people at my work are pleasant and don't go out of their way to make me feel bad, and we get along cordially at work. I think that is necessary if everyone is to do the best job they can.
Also, what Ozarks21 was talking about makes a lot of sense, with the older neighborhoods with people of different ages maybe being a little more friendly than the newer neighborhoods. When people have lived in a neighborhood for half a century, they have more at stake than in a new subdivision so they would put more effort into it. .
Good luck and I hope things work out well for you, sunshine girl.
I really do think the newer neighborhoods are soul-zapping. All the houses are exactly the same distance from the road and placed as close together as the city will allow. The trees are ornamental or small - not true shade trees by any stretch. The streets are straight and gridded. The houses are all of a similar style and size. The yards are almost all the same.
Then up go the 6 foot fences so you can never talk to your neighbor in the back yard. All of us yuppy parents run our kids hither, thither and yon and close the garage door on our way into the house. The people are friendly and polite when you do talk to them, but that happens rarely and the conversations tend to be superficial.
I love my new house, but I really miss my old (no neighborhood association, no restrictive covenants) neighborhood.
I live in Springfield, and am actually not too far from where you live! When you said south of Republic road, I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about! We live in Abby Lane subdivision. I know what you're talking about with the commute, but let me suggest some alternatives, as I drive from the extreme north end of Springfield every single day. I'm not sure what part of Springfield you work in, but you can come east on Grand or Sunset to get to Kansas Expressway. Or, if you're further north, then Division or Chestnut to Kansas. I hop over (from Kansas Exp) to Mt. Vernon and take it west to Scenic. You get a nice view of the Nathaniel Greene park just before you hit Sunshine. Cross it and take it to Battlefield. If you keep going straight across on scenic, you'll end up at Scenic and Republic road. Or, if you turn right on Battlefield and take it down to Golden (turning left), you will come out at Republic road as well. Hope this helps with your commute time. I know it sure does with mine! Takes me anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes to get home every day. I'm really sorry you are having a hard time adjusting to Springfield. My family comes from here, so I guess you could say I'm a true Springfieldian. I'd like to think that I'm friendly, but I wouldn't necessarily speak to someone as I passed them in the grocery store. Most of the time, I just smile. Sometimes I get a good response, sometimes I don't. All I can suggest is to get involved in some things. Volunteer at Cox hospital a day or two a week, go to church and attend sunday school (smaller groups are really great and have lots of outside activities), take a class at OTC. My husband always says he doesn't have any friends, but I remind him that he has to 'cultivate' friendships. No one is going to walk up to him and say 'do you want to be my friend?' If you are into sports, you could volunteer coach at the YMCA or maybe even the park board. If you have any kids, get involved in their school (I know school just ended for the year). There's a great coffee shop downtown called 'The Muddhouse', and another one that's new and down on Commercial street called 'Big Mamas'. These folks are extremely friendly (especially the owner of Big Mamas, who I just met a week or so ago). There's neat little antique and furniture stores all over the city, and if you go garage saling you'll probably meet some folks and strike up a conversation with them. My husband is a pretty shy person, but I tell you what, he can strike up a conversation about anything with anyone. He buys and sells used furniture on the side, so he's always talking to people about this or that. He's met more people that way! We have alot of friendly people here. Maybe you're just not hitting the right places. I pray that things get better for you...
I live in Springfield, and am actually not too far from where you live! When you said south of Republic road, I knew EXACTLY what you were talking about! We live in Abby Lane subdivision. I know what you're talking about with the commute, but let me suggest some alternatives, as I drive from the extreme north end of Springfield every single day. I'm not sure what part of Springfield you work in, but you can come east on Grand or Sunset to get to Kansas Expressway. Or, if you're further north, then Division or Chestnut to Kansas. I hop over (from Kansas Exp) to Mt. Vernon and take it west to Scenic. You get a nice view of the Nathaniel Greene park just before you hit Sunshine. Cross it and take it to Battlefield. If you keep going straight across on scenic, you'll end up at Scenic and Republic road. Or, if you turn right on Battlefield and take it down to Golden (turning left), you will come out at Republic road as well. Hope this helps with your commute time. I know it sure does with mine! Takes me anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes to get home every day. I'm really sorry you are having a hard time adjusting to Springfield. My family comes from here, so I guess you could say I'm a true Springfieldian. I'd like to think that I'm friendly, but I wouldn't necessarily speak to someone as I passed them in the grocery store. Most of the time, I just smile. Sometimes I get a good response, sometimes I don't. All I can suggest is to get involved in some things. Volunteer at Cox hospital a day or two a week, go to church and attend sunday school (smaller groups are really great and have lots of outside activities), take a class at OTC. My husband always says he doesn't have any friends, but I remind him that he has to 'cultivate' friendships. No one is going to walk up to him and say 'do you want to be my friend?' If you are into sports, you could volunteer coach at the YMCA or maybe even the park board. If you have any kids, get involved in their school (I know school just ended for the year). There's a great coffee shop downtown called 'The Muddhouse', and another one that's new and down on Commercial street called 'Big Mamas'. These folks are extremely friendly (especially the owner of Big Mamas, who I just met a week or so ago). There's neat little antique and furniture stores all over the city, and if you go garage saling you'll probably meet some folks and strike up a conversation with them. My husband is a pretty shy person, but I tell you what, he can strike up a conversation about anything with anyone. He buys and sells used furniture on the side, so he's always talking to people about this or that. He's met more people that way! We have alot of friendly people here. Maybe you're just not hitting the right places. I pray that things get better for you...
How cute you said "garage saling" is that southern?
How cute you said "garage saling" is that southern?
What else would you call driving from one garage sale to the next? I've never heard it called anything else. (I'm a Missouri native, by the way.) Maybe a "yard sale" instead of "garage sale".
What else would you call driving from one garage sale to the next? I've never heard it called anything else. (I'm a Missouri native, by the way.) Maybe a "yard sale" instead of "garage sale".
Sorry am I toting your horn? It just looks weird when you read saling. It is not a southern thinging. We go yard saling here too and we call it garage sale or yard sale here but you meant when you go looking at these sale. That is why you said garage saling... LOL
Hey Sunshine Girl...sounds to me like you did not do enough research for the community before heading out. Are you a religious person? Because MO is. What are your politics? In this area, most folks are R. Are you all about the wholistic healing or an actual MD? Do you get where I am going with this? Smokers and bad drivers? Are you kidding me? Get over it! In fact, if that is the best you can complain about, get out while you are at it.
Location: Finally escaped The People's Republic of California
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What I find interesting is the completley diferent prospectives of people. Some folks comment on the friendlyness of others and some say they are dissapointed by the lake of neighborlyness. (is that a word)...
Here I live in the suburbs Halfway between San Francisco and SAcramento. I could throw a rock and hit probally 15 to 20 houses. I wave to some of my neighbors and don't wave to some of them, I talk to the people next door and across the street, but that is about it. Of all my neighbors I have been in 3 of there houses. I have lived here for 20 years and it that time only 2 of my neighbors would I have concidered friends, They have both moved, and I'm still in contact with 1 of them..
I do have quite a few friends though, just not my neighbors, people I have something in common with either Fishing or Race Cars, So maybee what folks should do, is seek out those they would enjoy doing things with uther than just being neighbors....
However if I'm your neighbor and need a hand just say the word and I'm there for you...
I am responsible for my own happiness, and am looking for another job as I write this. No point in negative workplaces, either..... It can happen anywhere.....
You are exactly right, Sunshine Girl! It sounds like the problem is your workplace. I don't know how it happens but someone there is the trigger and others follow. It may even be that the person who does the hiring tends to hire people like he or she is. I'm a sunshine type person, too, and I know that even in CA, I ran into people who were just incompatible with me and uncomfortable with my instant friendliness. I imagine it might happen more living here in "the show me state".
I've known people and have even had bosses that tried to "tone me down" and didn't appreciate my enthusiasm, maybe even thought it was fake. I've seen myself on video and would even agree with them! Hahaha! But that's the way I really am inside! It can come across as fake or contrived but it isn't. Around those people, I am eventually miserable. I can try to adjust to their speed and style but eventually I realize that's dumb...God made me the way I am so why am I letting them make me feel bad about myself? You're doing the right thing...chalk it up to incompatibility and move on, girl!
You've gotten some great responses here and I don't want to be redundant so let me say that this isn't about you. It's not about Missouri or Springfield, either. It can happen anywhere. It is about your particular work setting, office or whatever. And it is about your neighborhood. I don't think you can research that sort of thing, either. We live and learn and we move on and we work to change what we can. To be honest with you, I agree with what some have said about not getting chummy with neighbors or co-workers. I've been burned by both and they make it very difficult to continue living and working there!
So, what other things interest you? I am about to get involved in helping to form a new group for Christian writers and wanna be's in Springfield. I love genealogy and there's plenty of opportunity to get involved in that. Besides attending church, I love crafting, singing and reading. There are groups and volunteer opportunities for everything! My husband loves gardening and we love birds. We've even raised birds and tamed them and in the past, joined groups with other like-minded people.
And therein lies the key. Friendships are most often formed by people with things in common. The ages of our kids has had a big influence on friendships, too. So, look around you...think about your interests and I believe you'll find there are others with like interests and who will be happy and relieved to find such a fast friend in you!
Heck, I think we may just have to get a bunch of US together...gonna think on that one and maybe start a new thread. I wonder where we could find an air conditioned place to meet?
MrsG
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenijoy
Hey Sunshine Girl...sounds to me like you did not do enough research for the community before heading out. Are you a religious person? Because MO is. What are your politics? In this area, most folks are R. Are you all about the wholistic healing or an actual MD? Do you get where I am going with this? Smokers and bad drivers? Are you kidding me? Get over it! In fact, if that is the best you can complain about, get out while you are at it.
Jenijoy, your words come across as unkind and are not appreciated. It sounds like you're "kicking someone when they're down". Sunshine Girl was being honest and even apologized for her negativity. She doesn't deserve to be made to feel worse. I understand that sometimes words come across worse in print because our tone and facial expressions are missing and can't offer their emotion so if I am wrong, please clarify your comments. I will gladly apologize. I just had to say something since I love this group because of its friendliness and wanted to nip any perceived meanness in the bud.
Jenijoy, your words come across as unkind and are not appreciated. It sounds like you're "kicking someone when they're down". Sunshine Girl was being honest and even apologized for her negativity. She doesn't deserve to be made to feel worse. I understand that sometimes words come across worse in print because our tone and facial expressions are missing and can't offer their emotion so if I am wrong, please clarify your comments. I will gladly apologize. I just had to say something since I love this group because of its friendliness and wanted to nip any perceived meanness in the bud.
Rut Roh....looks like jenijoy may have stepped in it big time! Walking through the MO forum with p o o p y shoes ain't gonna fly and MrsG is standing tall at the front door! We seem to have a pretty good mix of very helpful folks here that really enjoy this forum. I'm sure nobody here is looking to chase anyone away and all opinions are welcome but i really don't think anyone wants to see outright weenieness from anyone like so many of the other C-D state forums have to deal with. I sure hope all is well with Sunshine Girl and she comes back on to let us know how things are going.
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What am I getting myself INTO?
Sunshine Girl was being honest and even apologized for her negativity. She doesn't deserve to be made to feel worse. I understand that sometimes words come across worse in print because our tone and facial expressions are missing and can't offer their emotion so if I am wrong, please clarify your comments. I will gladly apologize. I just had to say something since I love this group because of its friendliness and wanted to nip any perceived meanness in the bud.
We seem to have a pretty good mix of very helpful folks here that really enjoy this forum. I'm sure nobody here is looking to chase anyone away and all opinions are welcome but i really don't think anyone wants to see outright weenieness from anyone like so many of the other C-D state forums have to deal with. I sure hope all is well with Sunshine Girl and she comes back on to let us know how things are going.
