Single men: DO NOT move to St Louis (St. Louis, California: transfer, to live)

[wolfman85]

Originally Posted by BoomBoxing

How do you know that your personal defects aren't the problem? I don't want to be mean because none of us are perfect, but just because you are striking out in St. Louis doesn't mean the women are necessarily the problem. I don't doubt you have encountered some aspects of the parochial nature of a certain subset of St. Louisan that exists in all cities that is distrustful of outsiders. Heck I have some serious doubts west Texas is some sort of open minded melting pot utopia where all are welcome. The problem is that you seem to hold that up as an excuse for your failings in the dating department when that just doesn't hold up in a metro area of millions of people. And your use of a few examples as justifying your generalization and stereotype just comes off as dishonest and a bit immature. Meet more people and just keep at it and you will find your niche, and maybe even your dream girl. Just drop the negative attitude and see what happens.

My "negative attitude" only came about after two years of constant searching and getting nowhere. I did not have this negative attitude when I arrived. I didn't even have it after a year of failure. It's the same old pseudo-psychology that you people use all the time "just be positive". Being positive alone isn't going to get results. I could be positive about wanting to be able to fly like a bird, but that doesn't mean it will happen.

My "few" examples number the more than 300 women who I asked out since arriving here. Once again, pseudo-psychology.

West Texas is far more open than St Louis. As someone who has lived in both areas, I can compare the two and it would be wise for you to listen to my experiences instead of just attacking the messenger.

[Amercity]

I hate threads like this. because you fail at getting women, everyone must be a failure at getting women too. No, you're just terrible at what you do.

[wolfman85]

Originally Posted by Amercity

I hate threads like this. because you fail at getting women, everyone must be a failure at getting women too. No, you're just terrible at what you do.

This thread isn't directed towards St Louis people like yourself.

[Dawn10am]

Originally Posted by wolfman85

What was that supposed to mean?

It means that if you're from West Texas originally then you might find it easier to make friends there. People are generally more comfortable in areas where they're from. Chill.

[flynavyj]

Wolfman,

Honestly the issue is your first post. You came here and said "single men: Do not move to St. Louis". So, that's to the point I guess, but it probably isn't the best delivery. What would have been significantly more constructive would be to come here and say "StL Transplants, what do you do to meet women?". So, you throw that up there as the title, you could even have the first post say something about "I've asked out 300 women, but have come up hitless...the ladies don't seem interested in guys who didn't go to high school / college with them...what can I do to get a date?" And I bet you'd have seen significantly more positive and helpful responses. You don't walk into a bar, shout at the top of your lungs that the food sucks, and expect to get good service, you have to play to the crowd.

All this being said, we might have found your dating problem and it could be self induced. Check your delivery, connotations, etc. Folks don't like to be insulted, and if that's the mood that's set, then it will likely turn off your audience. Maybe the ladies in West Texas were willing to put up with a bit more than the girls you've met in St. Louis. I don't know if that's it or not, but typically when everyone you encounter is a "problem" it normally means that the problem is internal and not external.

[DinsdalePirahna]

Yes the area is very insular and parochial. And I agree it was very difficult to build friendships with locals. I could not wait to leave and I did.

But I never had an issue with my accent (California/NewYork Hybrid) or angry, bitter women.

[billiken]

I met my husband in STL, neither of us is from there, and we both went out on plenty of dates before meeting each other. You might say I had it easier because I was in college for the majority of the time I lived in STL (4 out of 7 years), but my husband spent nearly 5 years as a single guy in STL right out of college before he met me...and went on plenty of dates, had plenty of friends. I'd say we were very active in the community though--made friends with people from work, joined up with our local university alumni clubs, volunteered, etc. I also don't think "transplant" is much a dirty word. It sure does sound like you had some interesting co-workers, though...best of luck wherever you're headed!

[BoomBoxing]

Originally Posted by wolfman85

My "negative attitude" only came about after two years of constant searching and getting nowhere. I did not have this negative attitude when I arrived. I didn't even have it after a year of failure. It's the same old pseudo-psychology that you people use all the time "just be positive". Being positive alone isn't going to get results. I could be positive about wanting to be able to fly like a bird, but that doesn't mean it will happen.

My "few" examples number the more than 300 women who I asked out since arriving here. Once again, pseudo-psychology.

West Texas is far more open than St Louis. As someone who has lived in both areas, I can compare the two and it would be wise for you to listen to my experiences instead of just attacking the messenger.

Yeah and open hostility and the know-it-all attitude that you've displayed on here have nothing to do with it. And 300 women, really? And not one of them found you interesting or was non-hostile towards you? If that's the case I would bet a very large sum of money that you are the problem. And I'm not sure you appreciate the irony of accusing me of "attacking the messenger" considering how defensive you are being. Would you be willing to post more details and perhaps pictures of yourself for us to maybe give some good advice? There is also a relationships forum on here you may find helpful. And I'm not even saying STL isn't "some" of the problem, but rather it isn't insurmountable, and especially if you are a guy most women find somewhat desirable. Again, it just sounds like excuse making, my friend.

[BioMechanical]

I was born here, but moved away when I was 3 years old, and just returned to St. Louis 1.5 years ago.

Since I have been back I have met tons of people, made lots of new friends, and I dated steadily until meeting my current girlfriend and we decided to become exclusive. Maybe you're just looking in the wrong places. But you can find women almost anywhere in this town. For example, I just left the zoo 15 minutes ago and it was crawling with gorgeous women. If I was single i would have been getting numbers left and right.

The problem is not St. Louis.

[tallahasseehero1]

Originally Posted by BoomBoxing

Yeah and open hostility and the know-it-all attitude that you've displayed on here have nothing to do with it. And 300 women, really? And not one of them found you interesting or was non-hostile towards you? If that's the case I would bet a very large sum of money that you are the problem. And I'm not sure you appreciate the irony of accusing me of "attacking the messenger" considering how defensive you are being. Would you be willing to post more details and perhaps pictures of yourself for us to maybe give some good advice? There is also a relationships forum on here you may find helpful. And I'm not even saying STL isn't "some" of the problem, but rather it isn't insurmountable, and especially if you are a guy most women find somewhat desirable. Again, it just sounds like excuse making, my friend.

Agreed 100%. St Louis is fairly big and its not like people are all completely the same. Ive seen people make similar arguments as this guy about other cities. It takes a real inflated ego to blame a whole city instead of yourself for your relationship problems.