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I'm baffled, first off, at all of the people making sweeping generalizations about a STL, a large metro area. Almost every metro has the same issues, on different scales and different issues. No city is perfect. Regarding comparisons, it is stupid to compare cities. Each has it's own identity. Now, regarding meeting people, I've never understood people saying it is impossible to meet friends in St. Louis. If you don't seek out people, they are not going to come banging on your door. Just like any city, you have to join organizations, clubs, dating sites, whatever, to meet new people in a new city. I can assure you, outgoing, good people, will have NO issue meeting new people in STL. Chicago, St. Louis, wherever, new friends do not come knocking on the door, typically. I know lots of non-native STL'ers that are very happy here and have made great friends. To label a city as unfriendly to newcomers, is just stupid. A city is what you make it. It does not happen automatically, with no effort. I'll admit, some STL natives do ask what high school you went to, but that does not mean you are written off, when you say I went John Doe HS in Wyoming. People label STL'ers as parochial because you hear that question so often here. I have friends from Iowa, Chicago, LA and several other 'transplant' friends. I can guarantee anyone, if they have an interest, hobby or desire, seeking out people that share those interests is the way to go. Also, internet dating is so common now, there's no excuse for a single person that wants to meet people, to be sitting home alone every night. I don't buy it!!! Sorry for the rant, but I get sick of STL being labeled as the only place on earth that is hard to meet new people. Clearly, if you have that issue, your not trying hard enough.
We can agree to disagree. I know of a handful of people, including myself, who have tried joining organizations, attending classes, online dating, etc. and still find it difficult to make good friends in STL. For one thing, there are not as many opportunities for involvement as you might find in a larger city. That doesn't mean that no one will have success, but to guarantee that people aren't trying hard enough is simply discounting their feelings and personal experiences. I agree that sweeping generalizations shouldn't be made, but you are doing the same thing with your statement, just with the opposite perspective. STL is definitely not the only city where people feel this way, but it is a city where many people do share the feeling.
"STL is definitely not the only city where people feel this way, but it is a city where many people do share the feeling."
That is my main point. Other point being, people are different. Just because you have had difficulties, doesn't make STL a bad place for newcomers to meet new people. I know for a fact, since I am friends with several transplants, that not everybody has had your same difficulty. It will all come down to what your interests are. Of course the options are endless in a Chicago, NYC or LA. Those are not only some of the largest US cities, but also the largest in the world. STL is a mid-sized US city. I think you will find comparable opportunities in any similar sized city, give or take a million people. In other words. the generalization that was made, that STL is any different, IMO, is wrong.
PS- If I came across as assuming NOBODY could have the experience you are having, I understand that is unrealistic. I understand that your situation can and does happen. From the same perspective, labeling STL from a "handful" of people, does not represent an accurate sample size. I do truly believe, if there is a will, there is a way. Obviously, many newcomers start with school, work, neighbors/neighborhood organizations or churches. Outside of that, you go with your interest. Example (soccer fan) could contact The STL chapter of the American Outlaws & St. Louligans. He or she would instantly have a big group of friends. Many of the people in that group are not only from other cities, but also from other countries. They have made great friends. Just an example. With social networking, internet dating, etc. the options are there, even if you moved to a much smaller city. This metro has almost 3 million people. There are plenty of opportunities.
"STL is definitely not the only city where people feel this way, but it is a city where many people do share the feeling."
That is my main point. Other point being, people are different. Just because you have had difficulties, doesn't make STL a bad place for newcomers to meet new people. I know for a fact, since I am friends with several transplants, that not everybody has had your same difficulty. It will all come down to what your interests are. Of course the options are endless in a Chicago, NYC or LA. Those are not only some of the largest US cities, but also the largest in the world. STL is a mid-sized US city. I think you will find comparable opportunities in any similar sized city, give or take a million people. In other words. the generalization that was made, that STL is any different, IMO, is wrong.
PS- If I came across as assuming NOBODY could have the experience you are having, I understand that is unrealistic. I understand that your situation can and does happen. From the same perspective, labeling STL from a "handful" of people, does not represent an accurate sample size. I do truly believe, if there is a will, there is a way. Obviously, many newcomers start with school, work, neighbors/neighborhood organizations or churches. Outside of that, you go with your interest. Example (soccer fan) could contact The STL chapter of the American Outlaws & St. Louligans. He or she would instantly have a big group of friends. Many of the people in that group are not only from other cities, but also from other countries. They have made great friends. Just an example. With social networking, internet dating, etc. the options are there, even if you moved to a much smaller city. This metro has almost 3 million people. There are plenty of opportunities.
Fair enough. I don't disagree that it's possible to make good friends when effort is put in. My point is only that, even with a good deal of effort doing the very things you suggest doing, it doesn't work out for everyone. Many do find it difficult to meet people. The OP asked for personal opinions based on others' experiences, and that's all I intended to give - my opinion, based on my experience. Seeing as I've only lived in Chicago and St. Louis, I can only compare the two, despite the fact that they are two entirely different cities of different sizes. I understand you have a different opinion than I do, but please do not discount mine just because your experience and that of your friends has been different.
I do not disagree with the fact that is a possible that you are having this issue. I just do not think a sweeping generalization of a city should be made based upon a handful of people. It is very possible for people to have issues and people to have an easy time. Everyone is different. I have a good friend from another city who joined a kickball league and has made so many good friends and he has only been here about 2 years. I'd find something you are very interested in and find those individuals that share those interests. You will find people to socialize and become friends with. I hope you decide to give it another try and have luck with it.
Last edited by DogtownBnR; 07-29-2015 at 02:39 PM..
I appreciate your thoughts of luck, Dogtown, but, after five years of attending Meetups, online dating, networking with colleagues and friends from the long ago past, attending special interest classes, and joining various organizations, I just recently gave up and moved back to Chicago. I made two close and long-lasting friendships during my recent time in St.Louis. I don't intend to say my experience is the norm, just that it's my experience... and I'm well aware of others with a similar experience to mine. That said, I'm sure many others do have social success in St.Louis and other mid-size cities.
As long as we're sharing anecdotes, half my friends are transplants from other cities. But, I totally buy that a city like Charlotte or San Diego that is awash in transplants may make it easier to meet people. People who are in a new place are naturally more open to forming new relationships; it's just a part of human psychology.
I think Frank nailed it. I have a lot of friends that are transplants as well, and I've always had a hard time believing that people have trouble making friends here because I've always thought of us as friendly people and typically we are. Maybe someone who's used to being a transplant in cities that attract more transplants might see things differently though. I've probably never thought about it from that perspective. Who knows though everybody is different.
I've never had a problem with it personally. I think St. Louis needs new blood.
I grew up in the Chicago area and also lived in Denver for 2 years. I actually grew to appreciate STL more after my time in Denver (which is why I moved back). Chances of moving back to Chicago are pretty slim. No place is perfect. I definitely don't hate living in a safe, interesting, affordable neighborhood. We've made great friends here, and there's always plenty going on. The cheap housing allows us to save aggressively and travel a lot.
STL compared to Chicago: Chicago has more going on, with a lot more diversity and great urban neighborhoods. I miss the transit options. I used to miss the faster pace, but not as much anymore. Pretty much what you would expect out of a much larger city. However, I don't envy my peers who have at this point moved to bland boring suburbs 25-40 miles outside the city so that they can afford a single family home. Or my friends who have sucked it up and sunk $400k into a condo in a good elementary school zone of CPS. Traffic is a nightmare and would make my job difficult (involves a lot of car commuting). I don't miss the Big 10 influence. IL is also a political nightmare to me.
STL compared to Denver: For us, Denver is the most over-hyped place in the country. Closer to some interesting outdoor options, but that stuff means very little to us. Very fast urban growth. In terms of stuff to do in the city, I found it on par with STL. Not much sense of nostalgia; everything is new and hip. The douchebag white hipster presence is strong. Crazy (and rising) real estate prices pretty much had us running back to the midwest.
Take every word of this as truth about Denver . We fell for the Colorado trap and are returning to STL after being in the Denver area for only 2 months. Can't leave quick enough!! STL is truly unique (friendly neighbors, low cost of living, great sports town, etc..) and like others have said you really don't quite understand this until you have left.
Traffic:
The Denver traffic is a complete nightmare and their infrastructure has not caught up to the sheer amount of people that move here. Think highway 270 in STL with only 2 lanes in each direction, this is highway 270 in Northern Denver and its completely horrible. I-25 (north/south through Denver) and I-70 (east/west through Denver) are also highly congested at anytime the sun is shining. The only improvements that CDOT makes is creating toll lanes for their highways. This does not fix the issue of congestion btw.
Real Estate:
The real estate market is INSANE out here with no end in site (love letters to sellers, house bidding wars, houses easily fetching 10-50k over asking price, etc...). This is because of the super low amount of inventory coupled with people moving here from much higher cost of living areas such as California. We bid on a home that was listed at 360k (3bd/1ba, 1,7000 sqft) that sold for over 425k for cash. Every option for us to buy instead of rent was quickly shut down with much higher offers and looking back, we are glad that all doors shut for us!
People:
Don't even ask.... I'll take STL neighbors any day of the week.
Colorado in general is quickly becoming California 2.0 and if you can't stand the liberal agenda and entitlement which follows, do not, I repeat do not fall for all the hype! Great place to vacation and visit the mountain scenery and then GTHO
STL compared to Denver: For us, Denver is the most over-hyped place in the country. Closer to some interesting outdoor options, but that stuff means very little to us. Very fast urban growth. In terms of stuff to do in the city, I found it on par with STL. Not much sense of nostalgia; everything is new and hip. The douchebag white hipster presence is strong. Crazy (and rising) real estate prices pretty much had us running back to the midwest.
Quote:
Take every word of this as truth about Denver . We fell for the Colorado trap and are returning to STL after being in the Denver area for only 2 months. Can't leave quick enough!! STL is truly unique (friendly neighbors, low cost of living, great sports town, etc..) and like others have said you really don't quite understand this until you have left.
Traffic:
The Denver traffic is a complete nightmare and their infrastructure has not caught up to the sheer amount of people that move here. Think highway 270 in STL with only 2 lanes in each direction, this is highway 270 in Northern Denver and its completely horrible. I-25 (north/south through Denver) and I-70 (east/west through Denver) are also highly congested at anytime the sun is shining. The only improvements that CDOT makes is creating toll lanes for their highways. This does not fix the issue of congestion btw.
Real Estate:
The real estate market is INSANE out here with no end in site (love letters to sellers, house bidding wars, houses easily fetching 10-50k over asking price, etc...). This is because of the super low amount of inventory coupled with people moving here from much higher cost of living areas such as California. We bid on a home that was listed at 360k (3bd/1ba, 1,7000 sqft) that sold for over 425k for cash. Every option for us to buy instead of rent was quickly shut down with much higher offers and looking back, we are glad that all doors shut for us!
People:
Don't even ask.... I'll take STL neighbors any day of the week.
I second these 100%. I grew up in STL, left to go to school in SC, and have since lived in Pittsburgh, San Diego, and now Denver. We're also trying to leave.
Pittsburgh<STL. I actually loved Pittsburgh and I think the two cities are equal in every way except weather. I'll take the humidity over the rain any day.
San Diego>STL. This is a no-brainer, you just have to pay for it.
Columbia, SC<STL. I also love Columbia, but it's too small to compare to STL. Both are cheap with good food scenes, but Columbia doesn't have as much to do and while I am a huge college sports fan, it's too small to have any pro teams. Humidity is very similar in summer time, but Columbia has easier winters.
Denver<STL. I am so glad I found other people that agree! We have been out here for a little over two years and for me, it's been two years too long. It's been hard to meet people (I have worked for very small companies here). The weather is great, but it's also way too dry for my skin. Good sports scene, but not as good as STL IMO. Way too expensive and traffic is a complete nightmare.
I would move back to STL to be near my family, low COL, friendly people everywhere, and great food scene. Hopefully we'll land in Charlotte first though - I've become a weather snob, that's the only thing holding me back.
I second these 100%. I grew up in STL, left to go to school in SC, and have since lived in Pittsburgh, San Diego, and now Denver. We're also trying to leave.
Pittsburgh<STL. I actually loved Pittsburgh and I think the two cities are equal in every way except weather. I'll take the humidity over the rain any day.
San Diego>STL. This is a no-brainer, you just have to pay for it.
Columbia, SC<STL. I also love Columbia, but it's too small to compare to STL. Both are cheap with good food scenes, but Columbia doesn't have as much to do and while I am a huge college sports fan, it's too small to have any pro teams. Humidity is very similar in summer time, but Columbia has easier winters.
Denver<STL. I am so glad I found other people that agree! We have been out here for a little over two years and for me, it's been two years too long. It's been hard to meet people (I have worked for very small companies here). The weather is great, but it's also way too dry for my skin. Good sports scene, but not as good as STL IMO. Way too expensive and traffic is a complete nightmare.
I would move back to STL to be near my family, low COL, friendly people everywhere, and great food scene. Hopefully we'll land in Charlotte first though - I've become a weather snob, that's the only thing holding me back.
The only positives to Denver are the weather during Summer. Definitely better/more enjoyable during the evening hours than STL. The Rocky Mountains are a plus as well, but it has become so crowded out here that it seems like you go to any well known trail within 50 miles of Denver and its like you are walking on top of other people....
Its really a shame because this place could be so much better. I guess we were blinded by the supposedly 300 plus days of sunshine. There is a lot of sunshine but there is also extremes in weather. It can go from blizzard like conditions to 60 degrees in a matter of hours. The reality is that this place has become a realtors wet dream. I'm not sure what Denver will look like in 5 years, but if it continues to draw in people and grow at the current rate, this place will be so crowded traffic will be more of a nightmare than it currently is, along with real estate prices. I truly feel sorry for the CO natives here, they must hate the fact that all these people are moving here and driving up the prices of real estate to unaffordable levels.
Also, the hipster/hippie drug presence is strong here. A little too strong. Its almost like the people here are trying a little to hard to be different. And I think that is what is part of the problem with drawing these types here, pot is legal.
We learned a good life lesson, grass is always greener and we are happy we came out here and experienced it and are going back to STL.
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. We fell for the Colorado trap and are returning to STL after being in the Denver area for only 2 months. Can't leave quick enough!! STL is truly unique (friendly neighbors, low cost of living, great sports town, etc..) and like others have said you really don't quite understand this until you have left. 
