Bad Parenting?? (Tampa: fit in, home, private school)

[seain dublin]

Originally Posted by Maggi07

Parents of kids my children hang out with don't behave that way. It's pretty easy to tell who's doing what right away and I am one of those mean moms who keeps a very close eye on what my kids are doing.

So, no, not everyone in the Tampa Bay area is a terrible parent.

No it's not always that easy to tell who's doing what right away. Some people who abuse drugs/alcohol are good at hiding it.

You can ask some questions and get a feel for what kind of people they are, if the mother is on her 3rd husband or has had a series of live in boyfriends, probably not a house you want your kid spending the night in.

If you have parents that have steady long term jobs that usually indicates that they're responsible people.

OP, why do you let your children spend the night at the house of people that you don't know? Your situation #2 is scary. You have the mother's ex-boyfriend driving your kid around after he has been drinking, while the mother is passed out. I would have been out the door and in the car and over there so fast.

If your child says that a friend from school says they can spend the night you say "sorry I don't know the parents, after I meet them I will consider letting you stay over there, but not before".

In fact I would wonder about people that are comfortable having a child spend the night in their home without knowing the family of the child who is staying in their home.

[Sumermarie]

Thank you to everyone for your replies, its comforting to know there are some out who take responsibility.

To seain Dublin, that's the scary part about that situation, we met and spent time together on two separate school functions and her daughter had stayed at our house previously. I had all the contact information, had spoken to her mother at length before and nothing gave me the impression that she would be like that. Admittingly, both occasions were school functions so that may have been why she seemed well put together but most people aren't going to offer up that they have a substance abuse problem.

[algia]

I think you should hang out with us...we don't do drugs, smoke anything and are only looking to have the kind of fun we remember the next day!!! (Actually funny enough, I can't have any "mommy friends" because they are all (it seems) into happy hour...and I am NOT)...LOLOL


I think what these ppl were doing was AWFUL; and that's to put it nicely. We will never allow the kids to have an unsupervised party, that's insane. My parents always threw parties for me, and they were always around. We did the same when we had parties for our daughter.

I agree with Maggie, not all parents are bad...but it does take a while to befriend someone around here exactly for THAT reason...it almost feels like we have to SCREEN them! Shouldn't be the case though!

BUT WOW.... and then they wonder how come the majority of kids around are uneducated spoiled brats...Its not just "bad parenting", but more so the LACK of parenting all together.

PS I don't let my kids sleep over anywhere...they can have sleep overs here, where we can watch them like hawks. Sorry if it sounds too strict...but "I" don't know what these other kids have seen in their homes, and I restrict what my kids get to see. There is an age for everything and I definitely don't want mine to get into inappropriate stuff.

[Maggi07]

Originally Posted by seain dublin

No it's not always that easy to tell who's doing what right away. Some people who abuse drugs/alcohol are good at hiding it.

You can ask some questions and get a feel for what kind of people they are, if the mother is on her 3rd husband or has had a series of live in boyfriends, probably not a house you want your kid spending the night in.

If you have parents that have steady long term jobs that usually indicates that they're responsible people.

OP, why do you let your children spend the night at the house of people that you don't know? Your situation #2 is scary. You have the mother's ex-boyfriend driving your kid around after he has been drinking, while the mother is passed out. I would have been out the door and in the car and over there so fast.

If your child says that a friend from school says they can spend the night you say "sorry I don't know the parents, after I meet them I will consider letting you stay over there, but not before".

In fact I would wonder about people that are comfortable having a child spend the night in their home without knowing the family of the child who is staying in their home.

Well, I should clarify that by the time I would consider letting my kids go to someone's house enough time has gone by that I've got a really good idea of what they're about. You can watch family dynamics and how closely the other kids are supervised and that is a huge clue. I generally do have a good idea right away, but I'm still careful.

We had one of my dd's friends over a while ago to spend the night. I wasn't 100% comfortable with the other parents, so she came here instead of vice versa. The friend ended up having a fit and hating it here because I wouldn't allow her to go on line unsupervised, watch movies unattended, or to have her iphone in the bedroom. I ended up taking away the phone until she left, actually.

I guess we're super boring/annoying parents, but I'm OK with that.

[Sumermarie]

Originally Posted by algia

I think you should hang out with us...we don't do drugs, smoke anything and are only looking to have the kind of fun we remember the next day!!! (Actually funny enough, I can't have any "mommy friends" because they are all (it seems) into happy hour...and I am NOT)...LOLOL


I think what these ppl were doing was AWFUL; and that's to put it nicely. We will never allow the kids to have an unsupervised party, that's insane. My parents always threw parties for me, and they were always around. We did the same when we had parties for our daughter.

I agree with Maggie, not all parents are bad...but it does take a while to befriend someone around here exactly for THAT reason...it almost feels like we have to SCREEN them! Shouldn't be the case though!

BUT WOW.... and then they wonder how come the majority of kids around are uneducated spoiled brats...Its not just "bad parenting", but more so the LACK of parenting all together.

PS I don't let my kids sleep over anywhere...they can have sleep overs here, where we can watch them like hawks. Sorry if it sounds too strict...but "I" don't know what these other kids have seen in their homes, and I restrict what my kids get to see. There is an age for everything and I definitely don't want mine to get into inappropriate stuff.

You're right unfortunately, after this last incident I had to tell her she is only allowed to have sleep overs but she can't sleep at any of her other friends.

In regards to sounding too strict, I don't think you're being that way at all. Sounds to me like you're being responsible and caring for the safety of all the kids involved.

Originally Posted by Maggi07

Well, I should clarify that by the time I would consider letting my kids go to someone's house enough time has gone by that I've got a really good idea of what they're about. You can watch family dynamics and how closely the other kids are supervised and that is a huge clue. I generally do have a good idea right away, but I'm still careful.

We had one of my dd's friends over a while ago to spend the night. I wasn't 100% comfortable with the other parents, so she came here instead of vice versa. The friend ended up having a fit and hating it here because I wouldn't allow her to go on line unsupervised, watch movies unattended, or to have her iphone in the bedroom. I ended up taking away the phone until she left, actually.

I guess we're super boring/annoying parents, but I'm OK with that.

I don't blame you for what you did with that friend, it would be the same situation in my house. For a long time I wondered if there was something wrong with us because we don't drink, do drugs or allow our kids to run around unsupervised.

When my daughter has sleepovers I'm always checking on the kids to see what they are doing and offering up suggestions for how they can have fun.

But realistically, they are kids, they are going to try and do things they shouldn't, that's why its our job to make sure they don't have access to things they shouldn't.

I remember what it was like being 12, I imagine the mindset hasn't changed much. lol

[Marielamb]

What kind of grades does your daughter make? Is she is honor or advanced classes? What kind of friends is she hanging out with? Your kids need to befriend some nerds, the kids doing really well is school most often have involved, normal parents. The nerdy kids worried about grades and college often come from good families. This is obviously a generalization, but find some kid getting As, playing an instrument and participating in after school sports or other activites, and I'll show you some parents who probably aren't abusing drugs and ignoring their kids. Now would these parents be any fun as friends? Depends on what you're into, I suppose....

[crazynip]

There's nothing wrong with teens experimenting with drugs (weed, not heroin, crack or meth) or booze, because if you repress them too much they will just end up going ape**** as soon as they leave your home (college) and end up passed out in an alleyway with a needle in their arm

You teach them about this stuff, maybe even with them, they learn moderation, etc

[BucFan]

You post a lot of really poor advice.

[Soup Not See]

Originally Posted by Sumermarie

Thank you to everyone for your replies, its comforting to know there are some out who take responsibility.

To seain Dublin, that's the scary part about that situation, we met and spent time together on two separate school functions and her daughter had stayed at our house previously. I had all the contact information, had spoken to her mother at length before and nothing gave me the impression that she would be like that. Admittingly, both occasions were school functions so that may have been why she seemed well put together but most people aren't going to offer up that they have a substance abuse problem.

You'd be surprised how many mothers we met would leave their daughter at our house the FIRST time they met us and then take off for 4-5 hours. And how many mothers were appalled that we would not do the same ...

[Marielamb]

Crazy nip, going to disagree with you on this one. Kids are going to experiment, that is true. But by providing a good example for them, not drinking to excess, not smoking pot or doing other drugs (especially in front of them or with them), showing them how to be responsible with your actions, and setting clear limits and boundaries.... This is how you keep kids from getting off on the wrong path. Telling them thAt you expect them to not Smoke cigarettes or meth or pot or whatever because that is harmful. You expect them to drink responsibly, moderately, when it is legal, and not drink and drive. I'm not talking about repressing them, pretending the stuff doesnt exist, or threatening them.

Kids want to feel safe, they need to be taught right and wrong, and how harmful this stuff can be. Will kids who were taught this still try pot? And cigarettes? And drink too much on occasion? Of course. But because their parents who love them told them it was wrong, they will be more likely to keep it at the experimenting stage and not create damaging habits. Ultimately, if kids feel safe and loved, and have interests and passions in life, they probably won't have issues with drugs and alcohol.

Five bucks says the kids of the parents the OP was speaking of are going to have major issues in the next 5 years. Sad.