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I am socially liberal on most issues and fiscally conservative.
So you dont vote? because that's not really a supported platform, I guess the closest thing would be libertarian not so much that they are socially liberal but rather they just don't care. The point is in most things you have the take the good with the bad, I don't like goverment waste like anyone else but I believe in a social safety net and because I am not 6 years old I understand that those programs costs money and need to be funded, therefore I cant very well say I am fiscally conservative I don't want the govt spending any money but yes people should not starve and be destitute.
I visit coffee houses, they are cool atmospheres and all but as far as meeting friends from scratch, it's deceptive. Coffee houses are mostly for strangers to hang out. You want to make friends, not be a stranger. Even when you show up each day and order the same drink, the baristas say hi, you recognize people, and build repore, but its like clockwork, you will still show up alone and leave alone most of the time.
Boutique coffee houses are definitely places to network, but still its not the best. They tend to be clique too, and judgmental. Also, even though many people in coffee shops are bored and would like to make friends just like you do, many of them are basically tazed from staring at their smart phones and wireless devices. That is anti-social behavior, and you need to identify that, and replace it with pro social situations.
What you need is socializing. You need to find places where a higher percentage of people are attentive to and planning to openly socialize.
Another thing is that when I go to the same exact coffee place with my boyfriend or my girlfriends, people almost always become noticeably more sociable towards us, they are warmer, and strangers see me as friendlier and more trustable, faster. Having social proof entices others to get to know you.
For somebody totally new to town with no friends yet, going places all alone all of the time, can be a very raw experience. Sometimes you get the guts to introduce yourself to an interesting looking person in hopes of sparking up a friendship, and you get an icy sort of response, and that shuts you down a bit, and prevents you from attempting to meet other people. You want to avoid those icy responses as much as possible, so learn how to interpret body language with better accuracy. Learn how to better sense your surroundings and the tone of places so you can minimize wasting your time trying to meet people who will be unreceptive.
Your social opportunites are drastically multiplied when you have a friend with you. Also if you show up with family members is huge huge. When family has your back it is a huge huge social boost. This can be frustrating for people that have limited social support, because a lot of family oriented people have no clue how much they benefit from having some decent family members to hang out with. They take it for granted. Others are just greedy with their social currency, and oddly enough, a lot of popular people are greedy and highly selective about who they want to let in to their sphere of influence. Popular people are sometimes mean and phony.
Also consider your locations. Is the cafe in a strip mall, or is it in a high-end mall? Personally, I would go to the high end mall, because it is next to other stores that cater to specific tastes. The key word there is specific. Whereas the strip mall is just your run of the mill go-to spot, its not very special.
Another example: is the cafe in a high-end mall, or is it in a country club? Again, personally I would go to the country club if I was looking to make contact with new people, because it is exclusive, and it is not completely open and free to the public. Being at a country club displays a sort of specific purpose for your being there, and being involved and verifiable. It is a busy and bustling place yet it is removed from public access. Also an important thing about country clubs is that there is a lot of activities and people being active and doing a variety of activities. The key word there is activity.
Healthy activity helps foster friendships. Coffee houses are generally there to feed our addictions like caffeine, internet, and sugar addictions.
Another idea is join the YMCA. Somebody can notice you there and say "Hi, have you ever played raquetball before? We need an extra player" and that is an invite to try something new, and move around, getting physical, shaking it up, not sitting and just reading your tablet in a cafe chair with your ear buds on and minding your own business.
Look around and really take a deep look at who else is in a coffee shop. Im a girl so I go to places that have girls, because Im comfy with that. When I visit a new cafe and it has a much older crowd, or I see married couples outnumbering the place, then I dont go there again, and I find somewhere else to go. You want to hang around with the optimum people you want to associate with, and they need to challenge you.
Look at retirement neighborhoods. The nicer ones are designed to make it so that older people can socialize like they are in Jr. High again. They are being force fed social opportunities like its nobodies business. They all have a few things in common, like their age, they own homes, they have money, and they don't work. They live in exclusive communities, sometimes gated, and they meet through classes, clubs, meetings, dinners, events, banquets, etc.
Retirement neighborhoods that are not so nice have more lonely and bored people with no social support.
You definately want to fill your calendar with classes. Classes are exclusive. It forces people to interact. It forces people towards meeting each other, and remembering who your classmates were, learning their names, and having a few laughs. It's conducive to building friendships. If the class charges money then it changes the dynamics of who will show up. Charging money for public classes often improves the quality and intentions of people in attendance. If the class is totally and completely free, then literally anybody can and will show up and have no commitment to being there.
Lectures are great too because they are special. Lectures are unique. You get be part of an audience. Doing unique things makes other people want to make friends so if they see each-other another day afterwards, they can say "Oh hi I remember you from that lecture about ancient art in Eygpt" or whatever it was.
Otherwise you should learn to identify that negative pattern of that bland style of repetition experienced from just hanging out at some coffee shop the same time every day, ordering the same beverage, and saying hi to the same baristas who don't genuinely want to hang out with customers. You need to avoid that familiarity because it quietly cultivates stagnation without you even realizing it.
What kind of classes? College is a good start, or meetups, painting, photography, and music are others. Maybe open mics or poetry readings might be decent for meeting people. Also, some open mics and poetry readings are very clique, so maybe it is better to avoid those situations until you have some social proof backing you up.
Social proof is like protection, or insulation. People will not mess with you as much.
Sport teams are huge huge huge. Softball and volleyball. Teams like those hang out after games. They wind up exchanging numbers and being part of teams, and then texting you invites to other events. Sport teams have an exclusiveness and competitiveness to them that creates healthy bonds.
Yoga is less socializing, and less meeting people. Its strange but yoga can be a really uptight crowd, with a lot of wishy washy intentions.
Public libraries are okay for meeting people, but they are not the best really. They are totally open to the public, so anyone can be there, and there is nothing exclusive about it.
College libraries are a step beyond public libraries, but can you say that you are enrolled as a Student? Are you involved and committed to taking college classes, or are you just some odd ball hanging out? A key word there is being committed to going to classes. You have invested into educating yourself, and so have all the other students, so that is a similarity. Similarities are always present with every friend you will ever have.
Also consider that students are really busy studying on a college campus. They are stressed out too but many students somehow find the time to forge relationships. Or actually, a large percentage of them secretly struggle meeting enough people to satisfy their social needs.
Also I do not try making friends with staff members anywhere, I only build trust with staff members such as barristas, librarians, wait staff, bartenders, cafe workers, etc. Instead focus upon making friends with other patrons, because you are also a patron or customer. If you are a student then try making friends with other students, not the teachers, and not the staff people because you are on different sides of the fence.
If you work at a restaurant, put all you effort into meeting others who are also employed there with you.
Find commonality with others. Improve your posture. I can spot people who have a healthy social network opposed to those who dont. They look down and out, sad, weak, and its all in their posture. Watch the people with friends and who freely socialize, and do what we do.
So you dont vote? because that's not really a supported platform, I guess the closest thing would be libertarian not so much that they are socially liberal but rather they just don't care. The point is in most things you have the take the good with the bad, I don't like goverment waste like anyone else but I believe in a social safety net and because I am not 6 years old I understand that those programs costs money and need to be funded, therefore I cant very well say I am fiscally conservative I don't want the govt spending any money but yes people should not starve and be destitute.
It does make it difficult when voting, but I ignore party platforms, as I realize people need to pick a party to run and do not necessarily agree with the platform on every issue. When I say fiscal conservative, I do not mean not spending money, but rather spending it wisely. If, like the OP, these issues were deal breakers with friends, then I would not have any......as I agree with some of what everyone is selling, but not all of what anyone is selling. I prefer to focus on the quality of the individual, rather than their political leanings.
I'm finding this to be more of a challenge than I expected! I'm originally from MN, moved here a few years ago. I'm learning that I'm not the average "Southerner" (I guess!): I'm socially liberal, I believe in equal rights for all, I don't think the confederate flag is "prideful"......not to sound offensive but I seem to come in contact with mostly conservative people here and I'm just not able to establish strong friendships. I've searched Meet Up many times, tried out several groups, went to a church for 2 years (made some connections there but then the church merged and things changed). Where can one meet 30-50 year olds (married or single, kids or no kids) go to meet people???? Any suggestions? Has anyone else experienced this "problem"?
Yes. City or not, the Tampa area is very conservative. The west coast of Florida is heavily midwestern and southern conservative. I found St. Pete to be a little younger and less conservative, but the west coast in general is just too conservative for me. Some people like that, and to each their own. I found it boring, and when I was single I never found anyone that I had enough in common with to date or even hang out with. Met my spouse in SE Florida.
I have the impression that MN is more liberal than other parts of the midwest, so it might be a little too conservative for you. You might want to check out other cities in FL, as different parts of FL are radically different on social, cultural and political levels.
The obstacle I've been having so far since moving to Tampa or HIllsborough county, maybe I am reaching here but theres a chance I am not off base either.. but the obstacle is not necessarily the "conservatism" they say the area has but finding a place to live that is a LONG term rental. It seems like I run into some loony or run into someone who associates in some way with sketchy people or some people dont keep their houses nicer. From the ones I looked at and the ones I moved into, a lot needs remodeling and owners to constantly clean up after themselves. I dont know why but I find this hard around here. I see a lot of these people and I'd rather have few to no friends often times than keep sketchy company. I tend to have a bad temper and I lose patience easily with crackheads and sketchy types. If I moved to Gibsonton for instance, I would get myself into trouble there and not be well liked. I'd be the "bad guy" on the block. So please if someone can help me, I want to find a rental with nice people with very little shady past for reasonable money. I am not made of money either though and I have to save some so if anyone can direct me in any way, I'd like to know because again, I lose my patience quick around sketchy people.
Transplants here don't want to make friends, unfortunately.
You meet the wrong ones, I want to make friends, I just dont want to hang with sketchy types and will seem like the biggest snob around them. But no I do want to meet people and I am new here. But mind you I am trying to sort my life out too with my housing situation. I like either Riverview/Brandon or Bloomingdale, possibly Busch Blvd area. I feel those areas would reduce my chances of getting into some bad **** or conflict with others.
I thought I was the only one saying things like these!
I don't think one should be forced to limit what they enjoy talking about because others cannot handle that the next person has a different opinion about something and that's OK!
OP; expecting to move here and start making friends right away is unrealistic. People are wary of transplants and most of us locals have a hard time making friends with people who we know they'll eventually move elsewhere. This sucks the most for our kids who no longer have the option of making long lasting friendships, and all they get is a bunch of "aquaintances"!
Those who move here move here to supposedly be outdoors! So, they're all out boating, kayaking etc.
You may have to lower your expectations in regards to finding lasting friendships here, and find things to do on your own like most ppl do here.
My problem with this you see is that maybe these people would not seek another area to begin with if they felt the population was cleaner, receptive and just not as sketchy with gangs or panhandlers on every corner. An insular population if anything drives more people away. I want to stay in Hillsborough so its like here I am, where are you? They arent ready for you when you're here so when you leave, they also dont care it seems. The problem is not all with us new comers. A lot is internal that has been in this state long before some of us even came.
Friends... its more like close acquaintances. At least I know I can find nice folks to hang out with in Florida. Right now I'm in Portland with a moving truck scheduled for the end of the month.
Sure I don't like the idea of unloading a truck in early August but I'll be happy to leave this incredibly liberal minded place.
I was in Portland for a bit, I liked the IDEA of it but found it wasnt my cup of tea. Dr Martin Luther King Blvd in Portland is identical to N Florida Ave in Tampa or at least to my set of eyes its a similar neighborhood. Thats where someone I knew lived in Portland, that area and now I find myself residing off N Florida. Independent is nice and Red Star gets crowded a lot but those are Portland style bars right here in Tampa. That whole strip reminds me of Portland for some reason. North Portland. But ya overall Portland was too much and people smoked pot to extremes usually and many people there did not like outsiders either.
Try not talking politics and religion and you may have better luck. I am socially liberal on most issues and fiscally conservative, and I have my own seperate spiritual belief system. There is no way a political or religious conversation would go smoothly with just about anyone who wants to push their agenda on me. I just avoid those topics, as I am not out to convert anyone, and everything goes fine.
I think it is easy to be friends with someone who you disagree with on fiscal issues. However, social issues are a different story. Could you be friends with someone who flies the confederate flag and uses the N word? Could you be friends with someone that doesn't believe in equality for all people?
You meet the wrong ones, I want to make friends, I just dont want to hang with sketchy types and will seem like the biggest snob around them. But no I do want to meet people and I am new here. But mind you I am trying to sort my life out too with my housing situation. I like either Riverview/Brandon or Bloomingdale, possibly Busch Blvd area. I feel those areas would reduce my chances of getting into some bad **** or conflict with others.
You are one of the few.
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