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I do 100% of the cleaning, cooking, and childcare year-round (I'm at .6 FTE). Your OP rubs the wrong way though. It seems very dismissive of the amount of stress and work she deals with when it's not summer break. I'd be hurt, if I was her, to read that. This job is more difficult than most (and I say that as someone who worked in emergency services prior, not a cakewalk).
Can't help but wonder if there are underlying marriage issues or depression here.
My first reaction on reading it was that he sounded to me like he resents that she sleeps to slothful 8-9 am (gasp!) in the morning. Keeping a score sheet in a marriage is never a good sign.
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I don't know how others are diagnosing you with depression on one post. That's ridiculous.
And I also would guess if you (office worker) were female and the teacher were male, they would be saying that the teacher (male) should have the house spotless and dinner on the table the second the office worker (female) walks in the door.
ANYWAY: Sit down with your wife, discuss the adjustment in schedules over the summer and how it needs to shift. For instance, do you want to be free to do fun stuff together on the weekends or evenings? If so, she needs to pitch in more so the weekends are free for BOTH of you. Can you plan dinner for the week ahead of time? Make sure all groceries are in the house and you know who is cooking what on which day? Maybe there is a day you get home earlier than others, that can be your day. Or you could make a simpler dinner, she could make the more involved/longer cooking time stuff on her days. She could do the house cleaning that takes more time, you do the quicker stuff, etc.
Be a team. If she refuses to budge an inch, you are in for a miserable ride.
This isn't a teacher question, it's a relationship question.
Completely agree with this. Have you had a talk about responsibilities (in a calm, open way)?
When I was on a regular year teaching schedule (I've also worked full year in other support positions and am now working in a clinic setting full time), I definitely picked up more slack in the summer- both before we had kids and after. When we both worked full-time, I would say we split duties close to 50/50 in terms of amount, but with different duties (e.g., I did most of the "kid" stuff and cooking, he did more of the finances, shopping, and car stuff, and we both did cleaning- but not as much as we should have ). Now that I am working 50-60 hour weeks at a few jobs and my husband is trying to get a business up and running from home, he takes care of shopping, cooking, kid doctor appointments... kids do most of the cleaning (they are older now), and I still handle homework and most school stuff. My point is that we have adjusted our responsibilities according to our circumstances. That's what a relationship is all about.
FTR, I rarely spent more than $100/year on my classroom, and spent even less as time went on. I am absolutely blown away by how much money some teachers spend on their classrooms. I can't afford that. I've always been a "make do" kind of person, and I've managed to be a very successful teacher without spending that kind of money. I will say that I've been lucky enough to have worked in areas that at least supply paper for copies and the students are expected to bring in basic supplies. I've never worked in a district that had textbooks or curriculum materials, however, so I've been a very creative teacher without buying those materials myself (I've worked Pre-K-5 in self-contained classrooms, and specific classes 6-12)
Hello all... So my wife is a teacher and I work a standard office job. All is fine during the year but seems like every time summer comes we end up disagreeing about who should do what. During the year she gets up at 6:30 but during the summer it is common for her to sleep in until 8 or 9. Then I come home and there are still dishes and dinner to figure out as well as all of the other chores. Is it unreasonable to think that the household responsibilities should change during the summer months or am I being unrealistic?
Also, not related to summer, I can't stand how much we spend on her class room. Granted she is a newer teacher, just finished her second year, but it really seems like there should be a better way to stock her classroom other than it coming out of her checking account.
Do you have kids? That's her full time job in the summer when they're home all day.
Hello all... So my wife is a teacher and I work a standard office job. All is fine during the year but seems like every time summer comes we end up disagreeing about who should do what. During the year she gets up at 6:30 but during the summer it is common for her to sleep in until 8 or 9. Then I come home and there are still dishes and dinner to figure out as well as all of the other chores. Is it unreasonable to think that the household responsibilities should change during the summer months or am I being unrealistic?
Also, not related to summer, I can't stand how much we spend on her class room. Granted she is a newer teacher, just finished her second year, but it really seems like there should be a better way to stock her classroom other than it coming out of her checking account.
Old thread, but I'll reply anyway. I have a different take than most of the replies. I do think she should take on more the household responsibilities during the summer. I certainly did. If she wants to sleep until 9, that should be fine. She still has plenty of time to do the dishes, hopefully not from the night before , get some laundry done, and plan something for dinner, maybe even do some prepping for dinner too, and still have a lot of personal time just for her. You make it sound like she is just lying on the sofa all day long, eating bon-bons, and watching tv. If that's the case, I wouldn't go for that either.
If she was willing to do all of that, it would be nice of you to clean up after dinner and maybe wash her car or do some other little chores that you know she detests.
As for the spending on the classroom, that will slow down, and I'd just ignore it the first two years. With the excitement of setting up your first classroom, most new teachers do spend too much at first. They have this vision, and they want it to be perfect. I did it too. I don't think my husband ever resented what I spent on my classroom, but it did kind of tick me off at times. They gave us $100/yr to spend on specialty things, and provided the regular things like grade books, pens/pencils, tablets, copies/paper, and dry erase board markers, etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wasel
Do you have kids? That's her full time job in the summer when they're home all day.
There are plenty of stay at home moms and teachers who have kids at home in the summer, and they still manage to take care of the kids, grocery shop, plan and cook dinner, keep the laundry done, and keep their houses presentable. I kind of doubt they have young kids, unless they're magical kids who sleep late, if she's sleeping in until 9.
Hello all... So my wife is a teacher and I work a standard office job. All is fine during the year but seems like every time summer comes we end up disagreeing about who should do what. During the year she gets up at 6:30 but during the summer it is common for her to sleep in until 8 or 9. Then I come home and there are still dishes and dinner to figure out as well as all of the other chores. Is it unreasonable to think that the household responsibilities should change during the summer months or am I being unrealistic?
Also, not related to summer, I can't stand how much we spend on her class room. Granted she is a newer teacher, just finished her second year, but it really seems like there should be a better way to stock her classroom other than it coming out of her checking account.
Think of the spending on her classroom as stress reduction for her. I spend about $500/year and most of what I buy I buy to make MY life easier even though my students benefit. Why do I buy hundreds of pencils before school starts? Because I don't want to write passes for six students a day to go get their pencil (they don't seem to realize they need one for class ) Why do I have a heavy duty printer at home? So I can have more time to get things done that I need to print and I can print things on days the copy center is closed. What irritates me isn't that I spend what I do but that the government doesn't let me write off everything I spend.
As to the chores, apparently your wife thinks you're being unrealistic and it's her opinion that counts here. I'm going to discount this because she just finished her second year and I remember those first few years. The first years of teaching are to be survived. I got to summer UTTERLY burned out. No I was not thinking about fairness in chores. I was exhausted and needed to just veg out for a while. My first two summers were pretty much veg out for a while and then start preparing for next year. Now, after 9 years, I'm not so burned out at the end of the year and I don't have quite as much prep going back so I actually have a period where I do things. Let your wife get to this point before you worry about the chores.
I get that. Guess I picked the wrong forum as I was looking for how spouses handle the summer times versus others not just a bunch of teachers trying to explain that they need to summer to recover.
Are you serious? People are explaining to you why your wife needs the summer to recover and you're unhappy because no one has validated your feelings on this???
The first few years of teaching are physically and emotionally draining. I don't care how many spouses of teachers you get to agree with you that the chore break down is unfair during the summer you still won't change that. Spouses of teachers don't know what it's like unless they are teachers too and I'd be willing to bet they'd be a lot more understanding than you're being.
My suggestion is you have a discussion with your wife before next summer and you BOTH decide what is fair.
There are different types of people in this world. There's my sister who spends her free time organizing, cleaning, taking care of her son (her hubby doesn't do much but she says she doesn't mind). She's anxiety ridden though so it's not healthy for her to have nothing to do. She is a teacher as well.
Then there's my friend's wife, who does not clean or do anything around the house. She refuses. They moved a month ago and my friend comes home after working 12 hour days to not a single box unpacked, even though she's home all day.
It sounds like your wife is similar to the 2nd scenario. You should probably have a talk with her about the summer months and let her know that while you appreciate what she does during the school year, you would appreciate if more was done around the house when she is home.
If I had the summer off you bet I would be cooking and cleaning. It's only fair.
Are you serious? People are explaining to you why your wife needs the summer to recover and you're unhappy because no one has validated your feelings on this???
The first few years of teaching are physically and emotionally draining. I don't care how many spouses of teachers you get to agree with you that the chore break down is unfair during the summer you still won't change that. Spouses of teachers don't know what it's like unless they are teachers too and I'd be willing to bet they'd be a lot more understanding than you're being.
My suggestion is you have a discussion with your wife before next summer and you BOTH decide what is fair.
No flames intended, nor requested. I totally sympathize with BizrulesSD...
Ivorytickler, Are YOU serious? if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.
Neither the Mrs. nor I are teachers (though we have both taught high-tech and medical courses for free...)
Personally, I think the "summer to recover", (and all the whining on this forum) is ridiculous.
If, at anytime, you want exchange jobs with either myself or my spouse, feel free. You will then learn what physically and emotionally draining really is. Ever have a 'code pink' in a hospital, when you are responsible for all the nurses? Ever work 12 hours a day seven days a week including holidays, for several years, to get a business off the ground?
Don't even get me started with the teacher's union... It's just me, but virtually any union nowadays is a relic that should go the way of buggy-whip makers.
Just my humble opinion, so no flames please, but when I hear, in effect, "It's so hard", then perhaps an occupation change is appropriate.
Are you serious? People are explaining to you why your wife needs the summer to recover and you're unhappy because no one has validated your feelings on this???
The first few years of teaching are physically and emotionally draining. I don't care how many spouses of teachers you get to agree with you that the chore break down is unfair during the summer you still won't change that. Spouses of teachers don't know what it's like unless they are teachers too and I'd be willing to bet they'd be a lot more understanding than you're being.
My suggestion is you have a discussion with your wife before next summer and you BOTH decide what is fair.
......." first few years of teaching are physically and emotionally draining "..........
Many people have year long jobs that are..."physically and emotional draining "
They don't get the summers off to re-charge and use that as an excuse to escape daily chores!
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). Now that I am working 50-60 hour weeks at a few jobs and my husband is trying to get a business up and running from home, he takes care of shopping, cooking, kid doctor appointments... kids do most of the cleaning (they are older now), and I still handle homework and most school stuff. My point is that we have adjusted our responsibilities according to our circumstances. That's what a relationship is all about. 
(I've worked Pre-K-5 in self-contained classrooms, and specific classes 6-12)
, get some laundry done, and plan something for dinner, maybe even do some prepping for dinner too, and still have a lot of personal time just for her. You make it sound like she is just lying on the sofa all day long, eating bon-bons, and watching tv. If that's the case, I wouldn't go for that either.
who sleep late, if she's sleeping in until 9.
) Why do I have a heavy duty printer at home? So I can have more time to get things done that I need to print and I can print things on days the copy center is closed. What irritates me isn't that I spend what I do but that the government doesn't let me write off everything I spend. 
