Homesick for Hawkins County!! (Loudon: fit in, lease, insurance)

[bam531]

A year ago we moved to Loudon ( my husband started a new job here), and I have been miserable ever since. Our son stayed in Hawkins County because of his girlfriend and his grandparents. He and his girlfriend come down every other weekend so that works out pretty well. My husband and I were informed last week that the girlfriend is pregnant. Yes, I know they are not married yet ( wedding set for April 2008), wish they were but they are not. Already been fighting with the inlaws about that, which I will not get into. Baby is due in February, and I want to go home!! This will be our first grandchild and my son has already said " Mom, please come home and help us" Now I am even more miserable!! We have a house up there that we are trying to sell ( renting it out now to a guy that says he wants to buy it...has told us that for 9 months now), so we would have a place to go. We cant get out of our lease here till the end of January, so I know we cant go anywhere till then. I have talked to my husband about moving back....he is not thrilled about it. He really likes the job here and I told him to keep his job and either commute or come down here and rent a room for 4 nights a weeks. Am I being selfish? He knows I have been miserable ( wish I could turn back time to 13 months ago when we made this decision.) He is afraid that he won't be able to find a job up there that pays as well as this one does. Talked to the kids about coming down here, but they won't. I don't blame them, her mother is up there and she wants to be around her family. Any ideas? Should we turn our back on our only child ( and grandchild)? Do we go back and start over? I know alot of parents live farther then that from their children, I am just not sure if I can do this anymore. Was lucky to make it though this last Christmas ( depressed, didn't want to decorate or shop, wasn't eating or sleeping). We have no family down here, and really don't have alot of friends to hang out with. I am sorry if I sound whiny, just don't know what to do. Husband's parents are getting older too, and mother in law said yesterday that they are going to need help on the farm this next summer. What would you do? I don't think that money is more important then family, but I don't want to lay a guilt trip on hubby either. Son is scared and worried about the baby ( mother- to- be has high blood pressure) and really needs some support. So confused!! Any ideas? Thanks for letting me vent!!

[alleycat]

Could you arrange some kind of "travel schedule" that would work. Say, you go stay with your son for a week, then go back home; maybe a couple of weeks later your son and future daughter-in-law could come and stay with you and your husband. Could you rent your old house out to your son? If you went and stayed with your son, or stayed nearby, every three or four weeks, you could offer the support they might need. But, of course, eventually they're going to need to stand on their own two feet. Maybe it's better that you're not there all the time. Just a thought.

By the way, sometimes there's an insurance factor to consider on these types of things. Sometimes it's better to go ahead and get married so the mother to be is covered if one has insurance and the other doesn't; sometimes it's better to wait if the girl is covered by some kind of family plan with her family (I have a friend like this . . . she had a baby and got married a week later).

[hiknapster]

How old is your son? Does his future wife want your help? Sounds like she has plenty of help from her mom and family. Having your son and his future wife visit you every other weekend is a lot on them and I am sure that they will cut down on the visits after the baby is born.

I think that having your Christmas destroyed because you are not near your son is a bit extreme. Perhaps it is best to take a breather and stay put?

Imagine how your husband feels? He's happy at his job, anxious about having to find another job and probably hurt that you are more concerned about your grown son and not your own husband.

Just trying to give you a little outside perspective. You might want to talk to your doctor or minister about this. Not eating and sleeping is a huge concern. I think rather than moving back you might want to look at why you are reacting this way.

<<<<Hugs>>>> to you.

[CAtoGA]

Okay, so here's my two cents. Please forgive me if I seem callous or rude. I certainly don't mean to be, just trying to be blunt (again, forgive please, I'm from CA ). It seems that maybe your son is the one being selfish here. I don't know how old he and his girlfriend are, but asking you to pack up and move in order to help them seems a bit selfish. You aren't that far away from them in the grand scheme of things. When I consider that my husband and I are planning on taking our kids (now 10 & 13) a good 2500 miles from any of our family, a few hours drive doesn't seem all that far. I sounds as if you are looking for an excuse to move back, and your son is providing you with that. I agree with Hik in that you should take some time, do some soul searching and figure out why you are so unhappy in the first place. Have you taken the time to explore the new area? I read this forum and see lots of people asking if they will fit in, will they like it, etc. Well, you get out what you put in. If you had doubts and reservations about moving in the first place, you are not necessarily going to take the time to learn about your new home, whereas if you are excited at the idea of an adventure, you'd take every opportunity to explore and get to know things. Maybe you just need to get out and explore and keep busy. Keeping busy can do a lot to ease depression. I might also suggest that you talk to your doctor.

Anyway, as I said, my 2 cents. I personally can't wait to make TN my home.