Daughter choosing college...concerned about drug culture as recent frat death (Houston: renting, house)

[ma23peas]

I am not new to this..but want to gain perspective. My oldest is a junior at a private college and has been offered marijuana once...he is very health conscious as an athlete and only drank after his 21st birthday..he has had three drinks and decided that was enough. He is not in a fraternity but sees his fellow teammates get sloshed once a week (they are kicked off team if caught drinking on any day but Saturday night) no practices on Sunday.
My oldest daughter is a freshman at another state school, she 'smells' stuff from neighbors but has never been offered anything. If she was she would feel it her mission to stop them from even smoking cigarettes.
My third daughter will start next Fall. She is considering A&M...I just reviewed the news article on the Sigma Nu student who died of an overdose:
1. Scales, heroin, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, hydrocodone were found in the house. Ten rooms had drugs in them!
2. He was celebrating his birthday the night before..his nice drug dealing friends gave him four types of drugs to enjoy
3. They did not want cops called bc of the drugs used. Huh??? Your 'brother' is dying and you all are too much on a drug hangover to assess if he needs an ambulance? Some brothers!

Now, my kids do tell me everything, some things they may not have discussed if I did not ask..but their honesty is intact.

How do so many 'frat' boys have these kinds of drugs they are selling (report said evidence of distribution) and their parents have no clue? I was in a sorority and frat little sis (25 years ago) and never saw anything more than alcohol (I never drank before 21 either)...my kids will never go Greek...

I could understand if one or two in the frat house had a problem, but police said it was all over the place. They had a party, hundreds or at least dozens were in and out and none of them spoke up that this is WRONG?

My heart mourns for the family of this young man..
My questions:
1. How rampant is this culture on campus (A&M and others)
2. Is there not a reporting protocol in place so a Good Samaritan could get these idiots help?
3. They were 'selling' drugs...how does a parent not know?

Need to wrap my head around this

[KathrynAragon]

I am sorry but I can hardly believe you are asking in all seriousness "How did the parents not know their kid away at college was selling drugs?"

Yes, drugs are rampant on college campuses. Yes, many of today's college students use a wide range of drugs, including but not limited to meth and heroin. It's not at ALL limited to fraternities and sororities.

It's very sad.

[DanielWayne]

Drugs are everywhere. The US has a culture of excess. There is no way around it. You are about to see a lot of posts from the most vociferous of the legalization crowd. But the answer to (1) is drugs are everywhere. They are not hard to find at all. My ex used to counsel people with addictions. And she worked in a Houston suburb where the median income was 6 figures. Doctors, police, you name it. It affects everybody. It's deeply ingrained in the culture to imbibe to excess. And for (3) sometimes the parents don't care, or they just choose to look the other way. I'm not joking. 'Merca.

[froglipz]

Once they are old enough to be on their own, all you can do is hope you raised them well!

[ma23peas]

Originally Posted by froglipz

Once they are old enough to be on their own, all you can do is hope you raised them well!

That's my point, if they are on my bill they are still my responsibility...shame on the parents of those boys who contributed to this child's death.

[ma23peas]

Originally Posted by KathrynAragon

I am sorry but I can hardly believe you are asking in all seriousness "How did the parents not know their kid away at college was selling drugs?"

Yes, drugs are rampant on college campuses. Yes, many of today's college students use a wide range of drugs, including but not limited to meth and heroin. It's not at ALL limited to fraternities and sororities.

It's very sad.

I absolutely am asking this!! I see a great deal of 'it's rampant, it happens' well not on my watch! Other parents may dismiss their responsibilities when their child goes away to college. Mine know I will be in their business, fly to them in a second in need (have not had to do this, yet), drive 20+ hours to visit them at campus just to surprise them and bring goodies (have done this), They know their dad and I love them, we are a family, we never let them think they are without a support system.
It starts with checking all their social media..my kids have never had an account that we could not access. We pay for the phone, we have access to check it anytime. My kids could have easily been three decisions away from where these frat boys are today..but we discuss the actions of others and how we respond..encourage integrity and compassion...Parents...you are not a friend...police their wayward hearts!! They need it to survive this world.

[ma23peas]

Originally Posted by DanielWayne

Drugs are everywhere. The US has a culture of excess. There is no way around it. You are about to see a lot of posts from the most vociferous of the legalization crowd. But the answer to (1) is drugs are everywhere. They are not hard to find at all. My ex used to counsel people with addictions. And she worked in a Houston suburb where the median income was 6 figures. Doctors, police, you name it. It affects everybody. It's deeply ingrained in the culture to imbibe to excess. And for (3) sometimes the parents don't care, or they just choose to look the other way. I'm not joking. 'Merca.

Drugs are everywhere they are tolerated and 'allowed' by default parenting. Drugs have never been in my home or our cars. They are not 'everywhere.' That's where my outrage lies... Where are the parents thirty years ago who fought to have explicit lyric songs banned? I won't get involved in that debate, but we have become a society of passive parenting. Just thankful my kid only smokes pot or down a few on the weekend...at least he's not doing the 'hard' stuff...oh yeah? My daughter just spent five hours writing three essays to gain acceptance into this college. She has worked her tail off to maintain a high gpa the past four years...these kids had to do the same...for what? To watch a friend slowly have his brain fried on the cocktail of drugs they peddle? Sigma Nu will hear from me today!

[Trainwreck20]

Originally Posted by ma23peas

my kids have never had an account that we could not access.

Heh, prove it .

[DanielWayne]

Originally Posted by ma23peas

Drugs are everywhere they are tolerated and 'allowed' by default parenting. Drugs have never been in my home or our cars. They are not 'everywhere.' That's where my outrage lies... Where are the parents thirty years ago who fought to have explicit lyric songs banned? I won't get involved in that debate, but we have become a society of passive parenting. Just thankful my kid only smokes pot or down a few on the weekend...at least he's not doing the 'hard' stuff...oh yeah? My daughter just spent five hours writing three essays to gain acceptance into this college. She has worked her tail off to maintain a high gpa the past four years...these kids had to do the same...for what? To watch a friend slowly have his brain fried on the cocktail of drugs they peddle? Sigma Nu will hear from me today!

Well I didn't mean it literally, but I agree with everything you are angry about. Even the explicit lyrics. I was just trying to point out that drugs are more and more accessible with every passing day, and drugs and other extreme vices are glamorized in our television, movies, and music. It is almost impossible to avoid.

[lonestar2007]

Originally Posted by ma23peas

I absolutely am asking this!! I see a great deal of 'it's rampant, it happens' well not on my watch! Other parents may dismiss their responsibilities when their child goes away to college. Mine know I will be in their business, fly to them in a second in need (have not had to do this, yet), drive 20+ hours to visit them at campus just to surprise them and bring goodies (have done this), They know their dad and I love them, we are a family, we never let them think they are without a support system.
It starts with checking all their social media..my kids have never had an account that we could not access. We pay for the phone, we have access to check it anytime. My kids could have easily been three decisions away from where these frat boys are today..but we discuss the actions of others and how we respond..encourage integrity and compassion...Parents...you are not a friend...police their wayward hearts!! They need it to survive this world.

OK, so you want to vent, we all get it. but you also need to get off that high horse you're on and instead of brushing off others comments as unworthy of your condescending time, you should open your ears and listen.

When Kathryn remarked "I am sorry but I can hardly believe you are asking in all seriousness "How did the parents not know their kid away at college was selling drugs?",there's no need for you to get all high and mighty and say NOT ON MY WATCH!. When Daniel remarked "drugs are everywhere" you knew full well what he meant and that is they are abundant and easily accessible. Just because you don't have them IN YOUR HOME, you try and derail his comments.

Listen, just because you have 3 kids and want everyone on here to know you have done your parenting the right way and your kids are fine, upstanding pillars of the society and all in college or on the way, does not even remotely give you the right to break your elbow patting yourself on the back. You have only done what many others have done, but they never thought to go on a public forum to expound on on the fact they only did what they ere suppose to do.

I don't know the point of you telling us all of this either. We are all very much aware of it so unless someone has their head in the sand. we already know everything you had to say. We know there are parents who work hard at raising the kids the right way and even then, sometimes things can go south. We know there are some parents who either don't care enough or just too occupied with their own personal life, they don't want to be bothered and choose to ignore the signs their kids are in trouble.

But hey, temptation is always out there and it's not just with kids. Your children are becoming adults and they will be making decisions. If you have given them the tools they will need to deal with things in the world, you have done your job. Hopefully, your children can lead by example in life and hopefully they don't adopt your attitude of 'I'm doing the right thing, so stop what you're doing and pat me on the back' because frankly, that just sucks.