People of Texas, over all social demeanor?

[lonestar2007]

" boyfriend destroyer lines". Oh dear God. It's such a crazy mixed up world we live in now I thought, you know, this just might be a real 'thing' now, so I decided to look it up. Yep, you got it, seems it's a real thing.

I would expound on Kathryn's advice re judging and suggest you analyze your own self before passing judgment on anyone, southern, female, Millennial or whatnot. Not saying yea or nay, but could it be possible it might be a personal problem? Just saying. I do know it's always easier to blame everyone else for something that isn't going your way.

[RJ312]

Originally Posted by lonestar2007

" boyfriend destroyer lines". Oh dear God. It's such a crazy mixed up world we live in now I thought, you know, this just might be a real 'thing' now, so I decided to look it up. Yep, you got it, seems it's a real thing.

I would expound on Kathryn's advice re judging and suggest you analyze your own self before passing judgment on anyone, southern, female, Millennial or whatnot. Not saying yea or nay, but could it be possible it might be a personal problem? Just saying. I do know it's always easier to blame everyone else for something that isn't going your way.

Almost any male who has approached women in person has gotten the "I have a boyfriend" line. I am not unique at all. The reason that boyfriend destroyer lines exist is because a fair amount of the time that line isn't true and she's testing you. Even if it is true, she may be unhappy and looking for an escape, but putting up a false front to look socially acceptable, a phenomenon known as plausible deniability.

The boyfriend destroyer line is no different than anything taught in a sales training class. Salespeople are taught to overcome objections. Men who are looking to mate will often be presented with objections and one response to objections is to look to overcome them.


I don't know when you last had to date, but if it has been a while, many things have changed, and likely for the worse. C-D boards tend to skew older, so if you haven't dated in 30 years, you'd see some real changes. Things have even changed compared to 15 years ago. If you consider January 2004, which doesn't seem all that long ago, Facebook didn't exist, YouTube didn't exist, Instagram didn't exist, dating apps didn't exist (dating sites did), and cellular phones were primarily used for phone calls and not text messages.

I've seen the most amount of cowardly, indirect behavior from women who've lived mainly in Southern states, but that could be sample bias. Dallas might have more women from Southern states than other areas. The culture of more northern states, especially the New York-Boston-Philadelphia corridor is more direct. People in New York, Boston, and Philadelphia tell you to your face that they don't like you. That's actually kind of refreshing.

In general though, I would not want to leave Texas. I am happy to live here, because I do not want to pay New York City costs of living for the privilege of people being more direct.

[lonestar2007]

I agree that being direct is best, but there are different ways to achieve this. I would think it depends on the nature of the person, how they were brought up, etc. more than the area they exist in although I have to say I do believe environment can have a say in the matter. But while some people find it admirable to be brutally direct, that approach doesn't work for everyone. Some people are embarrassed to be so outspoken and are also bothered if they feel they have hurt someone's feelings when it could have been prevented if presented in a more polite manner. Trying to work around an uncomfortable situation by offering various excuses works for some people especially when they think they make it clear enough the recipient gets the message. I don't think it automatically makes them a weak or shallow person.

A lot of different scenarios here and it's hard to generalize. Your description might fit a certain elect percentage, but overall, I'd say no, but I'm not walking in your shoes and that's the key point here.

[tcualum]

Man, I'm glad I didn't date during a time when the phrase "boyfriend destroyer lines" was used. I'll be direct for those women who aren't. Get a clue. If a woman says she has a boyfriend it doesn't matter if she does or not. She's not interested so find someone else to hit on. One of the reasons why women are polite to men pestering them is because often the men are physically bigger and it's a safety strategy. While I've been fortunate enough not to be verbally, sexually or physically attacked after I turn someone down, I know women who have.

[Raynel]

Originally Posted by tcualum

Man, I'm glad I didn't date during a time when the phrase "boyfriend destroyer lines" was used. I'll be direct for those women who aren't. Get a clue. If a woman says she has a boyfriend it doesn't matter if she does or not. She's not interested so find someone else to hit on. One of the reasons why women are polite to men pestering them is because often the men are physically bigger and it's a safety strategy. While I've been fortunate enough not to be verbally, sexually or physically attacked after I turn someone down, I know women who have.

[Shooting Stars]

Originally Posted by KathrynAragon

I spent ten years in Georgia. Georgians are "friendly." Texans are "independent." It was easy for me to tell the difference.

Texans will give you the shirt off their back - as long as you're doing your best. But don't you dare be a slouch and expect a Texan to step up and carry a load for you. He or she is pretty busy carrying their own load, and doing a good job of it too.

^^^THIS^^^

I lived there for 17 years. Texans have an inner toughness to them that I've never experienced anywhere else.

It's definitely NOT a state where making excuses will fly, sometimes even if the excuse is valid!

Texans expect people to try their hardest. They also expect people to be positive and enthusiastic. If you don't seem to be trying, or if you are not exuding positivity, they will not be too shy to indicate their disapproval. Even if the Texan is kind and generous to a fault, they'd rather not be around anyone who lacks initiative, stamina, and enthusiasm.

Back in the 1980s/1990s, Dallas used to bill itself as a "CAN DO City", and that wasn't just a public relations campaign. It was accurate.

To be honest, the tough attitude was sometimes uncomfortable for me to witness when I lived there. I like a more sympathetic culture. But I noticed that transplants who naturally gravitate to this attitude themselves, and who are above all focused on their own achievement, tend to settle there happily.

I haven't lived in Texas in ages, but I still know Texans whom I keep in touch with. No matter where they live in Texas, they ALL have this inner toughness, and they ALL are generous at the same time.

[KathrynAragon]

Originally Posted by Shooting Stars

^^^THIS^^^

I lived there for 17 years. Texans have an inner toughness to them that I've never experienced anywhere else.

It's definitely NOT a state where making excuses will fly, sometimes even if the excuse is valid!

Texans expect people to try their hardest. They also expect people to be positive and enthusiastic. If you don't seem to be trying, or if you are not exuding positivity, they will not be too shy to indicate their disapproval. Even if the Texan is kind and generous to a fault, they'd rather not be around anyone who lacks initiative, stamina, and enthusiasm.

Back in the 1980s/1990s, Dallas used to bill itself as a "CAN DO City", and that wasn't just a public relations campaign. It was accurate.

To be honest, the tough attitude was sometimes uncomfortable for me to witness when I lived there. I like a more sympathetic culture. But I noticed that transplants who naturally gravitate to this attitude themselves, and who are above all focused on their own achievement, tend to settle there happily.

I haven't lived in Texas in ages, but I still know Texans whom I keep in touch with. No matter where they live in Texas, they ALL have this inner toughness, and they ALL are generous at the same time.

Amen and amen!

I say it all the time, and research and state policy bears this out: Texas is a state made for youth and making money. Want to build a career, with emphasis on the "build" part? Move to Texas. Texas is the fourth "youngest" (median age) of all the states. It has no state income tax. Real estate is not particularly expensive. In so many ways, it's the perfect state to build a business, a career, a family, a future. But be ready to roll your sleeves up. You may even have to get dirty!

I have a brother who is mentally ill. Thankfully, he had his rather spectacular mental breakdown in a state other than Texas, because Texas basically has no public mental health services to speak of. So he got arrested and then put in this state's mental health care program, and got on disability and all that jazz, and has lived there, with all sorts of public assistance, for six years. He literally does not WANT even a part time job. He is comfortable (and fat) on disability and other public assistance, and on his meds to control his moods and paranoia.

So recently he's been wanting to move back to Texas. He's actually come out here and stayed with a friend for awhile, trying to piece together some sort of framework so he can move back. There simply is no framework to be found. Finally I just told him, "Texas is not wired together to support indigent care, mental illness, etc. There IS NO system for you here. The state you're in is a great state to be poor in. Texas is not. I don't recommend moving back but that's up to you."

[Shooting Stars]

Originally Posted by RJ312

Southern Millennial women have been some of the most spineless people I have ever had the misfortune of encountering. Spineless, gutless behavior is the antithesis of my passionate and brash personality. Some people might call that friendly since it isn't confrontational. I've noticed that Southerners tend to be nice in person, but prone to exhibiting cowardly behavior via text message.

Sometimes a situation calls for being direct. I would rather have some say to me on a date "this isn't working, bye" than clearly fake a headache to leave a date.

There was one instance of a Southern woman agreeing to plans with me, then I texted her, and then she gave me some saccharine story about being involved with someone. In that situation, I would have preferred her to say something in person. If she had said something in person, I would have used some of my boyfriend destroyer lines to attempt to suss out whether or not she was telling the truth about being involved with someone. If she couldn't do that, a complete non-response to the text message would have been preferred.

Don't move to Texas and then complain when people act like they were brought up with southern manners.

No proper southern family would teach their daughter to do something so RUDE as to walk out on a date in progress. A date is an opportunity to get to know someone better. Even If the date isn't going well, etiquette requires you to stick it out and act as politely as possible. And you THANK them for taking you on the date when it is over. If you discover on the date that you aren't interested, PROPER ETIQUETTE is to POLITELY decline any future dates, and to say something like, "I had a great time, but I don't think we had a connection."

The only excuse for walking out on a date is if the other person does something abusive or predatory.

Now the woman who agreed to plans with you and then later said she was involved with someone, is NOT an example of southern manners at all. That was just plain wrong. If she had a boyfriend, she never should have agreed to a date.

And you shouldn't even want to go out with a woman who says she has a boyfriend, FFS! If she says she has a boyfriend, it's not your job to "suss out" the truth. Move on to the next (available) woman. You're making your dating life so much harder than it needs to be.