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Thread summary:

Daughter lives in Atlanta, Elderly parents live in Texas, seeking advice on how to help parents downsize before health problems get too bad

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Old 06-09-2007, 11:29 AM
 
Location: Deep In The Heat Of Texas
2,639 posts, read 3,199,850 times
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I believe I'd give my right arm to have my parents with me. They took very good care of me and both of them had full time jobs, and I would do the same for them if they were still here, full time job or not. Sure, life would be different and maybe the caretakers wouldn't get to do all the fun things they used to do, but unfortunately, that is only a temporary loss of fun or whatever one thinks he or she would miss if "tied" down to aging parents.

To those of you who still have parents on Earth, savor every minute with them. Time goes by so quickly and before you know it, they are no longer here.
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Old 06-10-2007, 08:13 PM
 
Location: North of DFW
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My parents just relocated to an area called The Legends in Lindale, Texas...which is just 10 miles north of Tyler. The Legends is a 55 and up property. They offer 2/2 and 1/1 w/ carports. It is a rental community. The rents are like 520 and 720. They are built in 4 plexes. Right now...as soon as they build a new 4-plex they are already rented. My parents were on a waiting list for about 2 months. The people there are very, very friendly. They sold their large home in the DFW area of Texas and make enough money off a CD to pay for their rent. They no longer have yard worries as that is taken care of by the owners. IT'S WONDERFUL!
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Old 06-10-2007, 10:50 PM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,613,208 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KewGee View Post
I believe I'd give my right arm to have my parents with me. They took very good care of me and both of them had full time jobs, and I would do the same for them if they were still here, full time job or not. Sure, life would be different and maybe the caretakers wouldn't get to do all the fun things they used to do, but unfortunately, that is only a temporary loss of fun or whatever one thinks he or she would miss if "tied" down to aging parents.

To those of you who still have parents on Earth, savor every minute with them. Time goes by so quickly and before you know it, they are no longer here.
I love my mother very much and am glad that I have the opportunity to care for her, but there still isn't enough of me to go around to work full time, care for my elementary-school-age daughter and do everything for my mother that needs doing. As it is, I do the grocery shopping, wash dishes and take the trash out at her house and either cook dinner or make sure she has something to eat every night. During the day she eats cereal or peanut butter and crackers because she's afraid to cook. She hires someone to do her yard and has a lady clean the house every so often. At this point I'm just hoping she's keeping up with the bills and I know it's only a matter of time til I'm doing that for her too. She lives alone in the house and I'm scared to death she's going to fall. She fell a couple of years ago and it took 2 painful hours for her to drag herself--with a broken hip--to the phone to call me. Most of her friends have died and she spends about 99% of her time alone, watching television.

We don't have enough room for her to live with us, but we've talked about buying a bigger house so she could live with us. At this point, that's not something we're able to contemplate financially.

If she were to move to assisted living, she'd get 3 hot meals a day and would have someone to clean her space. She'd have people to talk to during the day and an emergency button to push if she needed help. She wouldn't have to worry about the yard and wouldn't have any bills to pay. She won't consider it because she doesn't want to leave her house.

Believe me, people who are looking for alternative living or care for their parents are not trying to ditch them, they are concerned about finding a safe, comfortable place for them to spend their last years. I realize that I'm way off topic, but I felt compelled to respond to the comment quoted above.
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Old 06-12-2007, 11:47 PM
 
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Marlow---I am sure you feel like you are at the breaking point much of the time...Have you contacted Meals on Wheels--hopefully your mother could qualify for a hot lunch from that agency--does your church or community sponsor any activities for the elderly---like a Day-Out type of meet and greet where she could be with people her own age? Churches in my area sponsor something like that one day a week--sometimes people go to different ones during the week

I don't think anyone should be ashamed for not taking their parents into their homes when they are older and getting into difficulties living on their own---as an adult, a parent, a wife or husband, you have responsibilities to other people beside your parent--usually it is the woman who must juggle all responsibilities and try to please everyone but herself...most homes don't have the space to add another person who probably needs a first floor bedroom....many, many people can't afford managed care--insurance is really no help anymore and gov't is not making it any easier...

it is good to know about that elder community in Lindale--that does sound like something that many elderly couples/people would enjoy--especially if there is some type of nursing oversight incase people are forgetful of their meds or have some health issues...
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Old 06-13-2007, 08:53 AM
 
16,579 posts, read 20,613,208 times
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Last year when I thought she was still able to drive I took her to a Senior Center which is only about 10 blocks from her house where they serve lunch and play bingo, etc. every day. She claimed to like it, but never went back. Now, even if she wanted to go she wouldn't be able to drive there. I was just thinking about Meals on Wheels the other day and may contact them about lunch for her. That would be helpful.

Part of her situation is that she has suffered from depression and anxiety for years. She does take medication for it, but changes in her routine and anything that involves getting out of the house causes her a lot of anxiety. She used to enjoy doing things with women she had known and worked with for years, but most of them have died or aren't able to get around themselves.

I don't mean at all to be having a pity party on here. Like I said earlier I love my mom a lot and am happy to be able to care for her, but elder care issues are very complicated. Caring for an aging parent is not like caring for a child because they ARE adults and have minds and wills of their own. But still, most need increasing care as they age and even when a person is doing all they can, it is not always enough.
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