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A Canadian family has taken a vacation in Orlando, Florida. While the mother and children sleep in their hotel room, exhausted by a day at Disneyworld, the father (we'll call him Rick) is unwinding in his own way in the hotel bar enjoying his second 2 oz. CC on the rocks. After a while, an American man (Todd) takes a seat beside him and orders a Vodka and Soda, also exhausted by a day of ferrying his family around theme parks. This is a portion their conversation.
Todd: So you're from Canada, huh?
Rick: Yup.
Todd: Gets pretty cold up there, doesn't it?
Rick: Yeah. In the winter.
Todd: Well I could never do it - live in such a cold country.
Rick: Where did you say you lived?
Todd: Oh, just outside Chicago.
Rick: Well actually....
Todd: You know, some of my wife's people live up there in Canada. Scott and Gina Wilson. You don't happen to know them, do you?
Rick (chuckling): No, I'm sure I don't. Canada's a pretty big place, you know.
Todd: Oh, I know, I know. But the population is pretty small, isn't it?
Rick: Well, it's smaller than the US for sure, but it's still about 35 million.
Todd: Where abouts in Canada do you live?
Rick: Just outside Toronto.
Todd (sounding more animated): Is that right? Cause Gina and Scott live somewhere near Toronto too! You sure you don't know them?
Rick: (beginning to sound annoyed) Well, the Toronto area has something like 5 million people living in it, so it would be highly unlikely. (flags down the bartender and orders a third double CC on the rocks. Todd takes the opportunity to order a second drink.)
Todd: So you live in the suburbs?
Rick: Yeah, Mississauga.
Todd: You don't say! Gina and Rick live in Mississauga too!
Rick: (sounding still more annoyed) Mississauga is a big place - something like 750,000 people.
Todd nods his head, looking defeated and a little annoyed himself. He takes a few sips of his drink, sighs, then calls the bartender over to pay his tab.
Todd: Well, I guess I'd better turn in. Got another big day tomorrow and I want to be in good shape.
Rick: Where you heading tomorrow?
Todd: Universal Studios.
Rick: Oh yeah? We did that the day before yesterday. You're kids will love it.
Todd: Oh, they already love it. This is our third time down here. Damn kids never get tired of this place.
Rick: (smiles, takes a long sip of his drink, orders another).
Todd: You'd better watch yourself partner, or you're going to be in no shape to drag your family around a theme park in the beating sun tomorrow.
Rick: Naw, tomorrow we're just taking it easy, letting the kids hang out at the pool.
Todd: Ah, smart man. (leaves a tip and makes to leave, but then hesitates). So maybe we'll see each other around before we leave, maybe get the families together for dinner. Marie's gonna be over the moon when she finds out I met someone who knows her sister.
Rick: (now obviously annoyed) I told you friend, I do not know those people. What is it with you Americans thinking Canada is this frozen wasteland of like 200 people, all living in igloos, where everyone knows each other. I may live in the same city as your wife's family, but it's a big city.
Todd: (unperturbed by Rick's outburst, he seems lost in thought) Sorry buddy, I really didn't mean to annoy you. It's just that I don't meet too many Canadians, so I thought, "who knows?" I guess you're right - I don't know much about Canada at all. (he pauses, scratches his head) That said, just out of pure curiosity, where in Mississauga do you live?
Rick: (seeming resigned to Todd's questions, he decides to play along) It's called Erin Mills. I doubt you ever would have heard of it.
Todd: Erin Mills! Well that's where Gina and Scott live.
Rick: (incredulous) Really? And I suppose they live on Buttonbush Crescent, too.
(Todd looks taken aback by this)
Todd: Actually, yeah. They do live on Buttonbush. I know that for sure, because I always thought it was kind of a funny name.
Rick: You've got to be kidding me.
Todd: No, I'm dead serious. Are you sure you don't know them? Scott and Gina Wilson?
Rick: Well, you know even Buttonbush is a big street, with about 20 families living on. I don't know all of them.
Todd: But do you know Gina and Scott Wilson? They just moved there five years ago.
Rick sighs and takes a mighty slurp from his glass. He shakes his head, chuckling softly to himself
Rick: (raising his voice) Yeah, I know them, okay? They live two doors down from me. Gina and my wife are good friends and Scott and I go fishing together every Fall. So I guess all of us Canadians do know each other after all. Is that what you wanted to hear, eh? Does that make you feel better, eh?
Todd: (giggling) You said "eh".
I wrote this in about ten minutes just as a silly parody of Canadian insecurities about themselves. What is it about this piece that you find nationalistic and racist? My intent was to make fun of the Canadian, not the American. In the end it turns out that, not only does the Canadian guy knows the American guy's in-laws, but lives two doors away from them and fishes with Scott. He's so certain that the American has typical stereotypes about Canadians that he is completely incredulous and ultimately frustrated that he does indeed know Gina and Scott. So in the end it's the Canadian who is stereotyping the American, and to put salt in his wounded pride, he finds out he fits the stereotype he was so furiously trying to dispel as he chatted with the guy.
Funny, this actually happened to cousins of mine. They're from Alberta, they went down to Mexico and met a couple from BC. They had a similar conversation, and turned out the couple from BC lived across the street from their aunt. It's a smaller world then we think.
That is kinda funny. Comedians have made similar things part of stand up. "Oh, you're from India? I know someone from there. Maybe you know them, too". "Why not, there are only 1.3 billion of us".
Hahah. I'm a Canadian and this gave me a good chuckle :P
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