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Old 05-21-2016, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aether View Post
Lol, you have bombarded me with an ocean of statements to respond to. I can see you feel very passionate about this topic.


It might seem like an assumption but this has been my experience with a wide cross-section of girls I have known in both high school and university along with those in my own family. I can see where you are coming from in terms of how men should approach and how unsavory some approaches can be. From what I have heard and observed girls in general do not want to be approached. They only want to be courted through 'acceptable' avenues such as through their social circles or online dating. Any other avenue is completely accrptable. I will explain why I think this is and what I generally got from past female friends and those in my family. They will be judged harshly by their friends if they say they met their boyfriend at the bookstore, or at the concert, or worst of all on the TTC. You look like pretty desperate and worthless if you can't get a man through your social circle or at worst through online dating. Hence even if they meet a man they are attracted to who approaches them in the 'right way' they would still reject them. They also hinted that essentially it reduces the man's stature greatly in their eyes for if he has to approach them at the park or on TTC that must mean he has very few options and is looking pretty desperate otherwise he would use his social circle to get into a relationship. Hey, that is just what I am getting from them. Feel free to disagree.

As for me I would never do the approaching thing. The last thing I ever want is to come across as a creep. I am also way too busy and running from one place to another when out in public that I have no time to waste like that. Also look at the whole street harassment that is blowing up right now. The popularity of that movement to me demonstrates a large number of women do not want to be approached and are tired of being 'harassed' by men in the streets. That is a pretty big deal. Lastly, just how many girls look approachable in the city? They either have headphones on whether they are or aren't listening to music, have a permanent scowl on their face, and avoid eye-contact at all costs. It's not exactly completely crazy to assume trying to strike up a conversation with thesr girls can and will turn sour very quickly.

You also mentioned in another thread if I remember correctly that you are in your 30s. IMO that is a big gap from the people in my age and what is considered socially acceptable to them vs your age group. So there is that aspect that you might not be considering.
Re the difference is generations. I am sure there must be different standards. Regarding the attitude towards meeting guys outside of their circle no one I knew was like this. We actually were looking for that. Some different, new and exciting, but I am sure they are people do think like that. I never dated anyone I went to school with or that lived in my area. I can speak for most women, but sinc the area of 14 me any my freinds were most of the time trying to attract guys (though we would not forward my admit it). We would literally get all dressed up to go for walks and have guys chasing down the street. Did we actually give our numbers out or start hanging out with any of them. Hell no our parents would have flipped. When we entered later teen years we entertained more number swaps and started actually dating people.

Outside of our circle was easier especially preferred by me because what happens between you is less likely going to effect your school and local situation. If it does not work out you won't see each other all the time so it would be less uncomfortable. I think in my opinion it is really dumb to be so anti men approaching. I think it is how they approach that could be the case. I never had a problem and still don't have a problem with someone approaching me. It is usually a complimemt if anything. No need to be rude about it unless it is very offensive.

 
Old 05-21-2016, 07:49 AM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Default Recording....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karassmatic View Post
It's weird that girls here think you are being a creep. As if pretending to be on your phone or listening to music isn't weird introvertred behavior in itself. Lol. Its ok I don't have to get to talk to you I can stare at nothing and be bored too. Which is what I do in the city. This why I like going other places. I like to socialize and no feel like a creep for making small talk. No I don't want your number, unless youre hot, I just like to friendly banter. And ill literally talk to anyone that gives me time of day unless they actually say/do something wierd. They say the grass isn't greener on the other side. But in this case I think it is.

I feel like Toronto can be soulless sometimes. And I don't want to get lost in that again. I'll try to be different but I must say being different and standing out is not appreciated here. Tor onto loves the status quo.

Imo

I do think the club scene is good though. I'd say great but I been to vegas. Lol. But I am 31 now and it's just not as fun. Due to my age. Or the fact everyone wants to record everything and always wants to take a picture. I guess looking like having fun is more important than actually having fun. I guess pics or it didn't happen is the Mantra for these kids.
The need to film everything annoys the hell out of me. Especially as you start to realize this stuff can come back to haunt you later. When everyone has a camera in your face it makes it harder to cut loose and have a great time.
 
Old 05-21-2016, 12:14 PM
 
174 posts, read 212,065 times
Reputation: 247
It's all in the way you approach someone. I realize some still won't respond kindly, and that's on them, but if you're authentic and friendly and non-creepy, many will. If you rely on lame pick-up lines or come on strong or try to posture or brag like you're a big shot, good luck with that. But if you're real, warm, and show genuine interest in THEM (not in trying to impress them) it can go a long way. I, personally, have had some great successes doing so with complete strangers.
 
Old 05-21-2016, 10:14 PM
 
Location: Toronto
15,109 posts, read 15,717,413 times
Reputation: 5191
Quote:
Originally Posted by visitingthisplanet View Post
It's all in the way you approach someone. I realize some still won't respond kindly, and that's on them, but if you're authentic and friendly and non-creepy, many will. If you rely on lame pick-up lines or come on strong or try to posture or brag like you're a big shot, good luck with that. But if you're real, warm, and show genuine interest in THEM (not in trying to impress them) it can go a long way. I, personally, have had some great successes doing so with complete strangers.
In a sea of lunacy, I appreciate the sanity of your posts.
 
Old 05-23-2016, 10:44 AM
 
298 posts, read 274,951 times
Reputation: 243
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aether View Post
Incredibly weird post. I would think one of the great draws of Toronto to women is the socially reserved nature which greatly looks down on approaching and hitting on women. That's what the weirdos, and 'creeps' as the girls I know around here call them, do.

I have never known a girl say she doesn't get hit on or approached. In fact, I would think most would perfectlu hapoy with never getting hit on or approached.


This is entirely true, in fact in Toronto is obvious that women here would love to include you into that creep category once you try to hit on them and even if you are only just saying hello to them.
 
Old 05-23-2016, 11:35 AM
 
126 posts, read 555,424 times
Reputation: 213
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aether View Post
Incredibly weird post. I would think one of the great draws of Toronto to women is the socially reserved nature which greatly looks down on approaching and hitting on women. That's what the weirdos, and 'creeps' as the girls I know around here call them, do.

I have never known a girl say she doesn't get hit on or approached. In fact, I would think most would perfectlu hapoy with never getting hit on or approached.
Wow, just wow.
 
Old 05-24-2016, 11:22 AM
 
400 posts, read 419,157 times
Reputation: 523
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leaving on a Jet Plane View Post
Wow, just wow.
I'll see your 'Wows' and raise it 20 times higher.

If women don't want men to approach and women refuse to approach men for various reasons, then how on earth does she suppse that people will enjoy any kind of a social life?

Toronto is a heaven for women, a borderline hell for hetero men. And the world thankfully is starting to find out about it.
 
Old 05-24-2016, 11:43 AM
 
800 posts, read 724,118 times
Reputation: 304
Quote:
Originally Posted by lookyhere View Post
I'll see your 'Wows' and raise it 20 times higher.

If women don't want men to approach and women refuse to approach men for various reasons, then how on earth does she suppse that people will enjoy any kind of a social life?

Toronto is a heaven for women, a borderline hell for hetero men. And the world thankfully is starting to find out about it.
I used to defend the women in this city saying it was a major draw. But there are honestly women just as pretty. More down to earth and more friendly. Sucks to find out you been playing the wrong side all along. Thought women treated me well here. Until I saw how well women treat you elsewhere. I was wrong and I see whey a lot men from other places feel this way. I was simply born here so they got to see the real me. Not going ro complain it just seeing other places really puts a perspective on this topic.
 
Old 05-24-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Seriously ... you guys are killing me. Just a reminder there is no collective union of women in this city that plot together and make the rules on how women should collectively treat men. That is just not realistic. Each person really pretty different. You like a woman apporach her... if it does not work try someone else. Put it this way if every women you approached said yes then how would you ever pick ! Too much of a good thing can be stressful too.
 
Old 05-24-2016, 12:58 PM
 
800 posts, read 724,118 times
Reputation: 304
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmrocks View Post
Seriously ... you guys are killing me. Just a reminder there is no collective union of women in this city that plot together and make the rules on how women should collectively treat men. That is just not realistic. Each person really pretty different. You like a woman apporach her... if it does not work try someone else. Put it this way if every women you approached said yes then how would you ever pick ! Too much of a good thing can be stressful too.
Your ignoring other people who have lived in other places. If you disagree you disagree. But I do know different cities have different social norms. American are generally more loud and boisterous and Canadians are more shy and reserved. It is realistic to come to a conclusion about a social norm of a city. New York is gritty. LA is glamorous. Las vegas is the city of sin. Do everyone follows that characteristic? No. But people characterize it as so for a reason. Toronto is a reserved city and there is really nothing you can do about it. This characteristic has taken generations to instill and there is nothing wrong with it. Don't get upset because Certai people don't like it. I'm sure others do. And others thrive. And they are the future of this city. Reserved viewpoints is the social norm for this city. Just have to accept it. I know I do.
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