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Old 10-29-2016, 03:34 PM
 
800 posts, read 724,118 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moveagain View Post
Creepy indeed ...but somehow she highly recommends this guy to others, which is actually even creepier
It's wierd because she basically saying the reverse about what the men are saying. We say women don't k ow what they are doing and she says men don't. Lol. Guess no one does.

 
Old 10-29-2016, 10:34 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rockstar21 View Post
I have to admit, guys fantasize about having a relationship with a young beautiful hot model instead of any other type of girls, so maybe age does have to do with your issue with why it's a problem for you to find a date in Toronto.
This is likely why there are so many single men in the city....they are searching for the small pool of women of women that fix that bill..... once a normal women realizes she is basically being kept around just until he can find someone better .. it sours the experience. It also makes someone realize .... why invest too much of your heart and energy in anyone else.
 
Old 10-29-2016, 11:01 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Default .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karassmatic View Post
Toronto women expect you to do all the work when courting. Women of other places don't mind getting g the ball rolling or be nice to you even if they aren't attracted to you. I have this conversation with every guy from tor onto going somewhere else. Girls are flat out more approachable other places.

I find it funny how Klm didn't find that guy creepy even though he pursued her after he found out she was married. That's something that is creepy. Lol. He clearly just wanted to get in your pants.

That's one thing that different from people in Toronto and new York in general. They go after it if they want it. Women let you know they like you in new York and and don't try to hide it in toronto. Its the same for both genders. Like I said when yiu go somewhere else drop all the riddles and in directness. That is not appealing in other places. And why people find it easier to date other than toronto. Being up front and direct even to soneone you don't know. As clearly seen in Klm post. That canadian politeness doesn't bode well when it comes to dating. Boldness works better.
Okay. I am going to be 100% honest and admit I always expect the guy to pursue me. I would almost never approach a man to pursue him. I guess more women are like this in the city then I thought. I might approach in a friendly way .... ex with a general conversation.... but also I never really had to go there because I usually was in a relationship .

I actually like men that are more direct and don't confuse you ( if you are interested don't beat around the bush).

Re the continued pursuit even after knowing I was married ..... I have had some odd experiences with men doing that in the last few years.... not sure what that is all about. Some men will almost run the other direction if they realize you are married.... but it appears that the numbers of those that don't care might be climbing. The best part of that conversation was the "Well your husband doesn't need to know you gave me your number"... lol. I actually was having 2nd thoughts and was considering it because I actually think he would be a cool person to be freinds with ..... but not a good idea. Re being creeped out ... I think with age and experience little phases me. When I was in my teens or early 20s guys following me to talk made me more uncomfortable.... but men don't really act like that as much ( thankfully) due smart phones. It is almost environment. If someone approaches you In a busy area with other people neat that is less threatening. If some approaches you In a isolated area with no one around that is more uncomfortable. For example if I am walking on a residental street with no one else on the street walking around someone walking suddenly too close ties me would make me feel uncomfortable so I would either try and let them get a head if me or I would cross the street. I have been followed a long long time ago by someone a few times so I try and be mindful of this. Ex I cross the street and the person then does too of if I let them get a head .... but then they pull aside somewhere waiting. This might sound odd to some men reading this... but this is kind of how women have to think if they want to roam around the place at anytime of day alone. Also re: only wanting to get in to my pants.....it isn't that always the case?

Regardless I know myself well enough to know I can't be close freinds with a straight male if I am attracted to him. Self control is not my strongest trait. I would not be okay with my husband having female freinds and my husband would freak out if I was hanging out with a male freind.

Last edited by klmrocks; 10-29-2016 at 11:42 PM..
 
Old 10-29-2016, 11:45 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BruSan View Post
What I was brought up to believe:

Something worthwhile is worth extra effort.

Something easy isn't as rewarding as something "earned".

If you prefer "easy" you're forever denying yourself the superlative.

Frequent "easy" experiences cheapen the experience to it's lowest common denominator.

In other words; stop vilifying a particular group of females because they make you work for it. Something to consider is Canadian women probably having a greater degree of self respect than what you're used to. They're choosy because they can be.

Just say'n.

There is a lot of truth to that.
 
Old 10-29-2016, 11:55 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Default ......

Quote:
Originally Posted by moveagain View Post
Creepy indeed ...but somehow she highly recommends this guy to others, which is actually even creepier
Okay lol. That does sound bad. In all fairness he could not see my ring because my jacket was covering it and we were having a pretty good conservation until he asked for my number. He actually did say the 2nd time he asked jokingly I swear I wont touch you lol. I think he was more trying to meet people in Toronto. I think he was okay with just being freinds ...... but I was really attracted to him so I needed to get as far away as possible.
 
Old 10-29-2016, 11:58 PM
 
Location: Toronto
6,750 posts, read 5,672,126 times
Reputation: 4619
Default .....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Karassmatic View Post
It's wierd because she basically saying the reverse about what the men are saying. We say women don't k ow what they are doing and she says men don't. Lol. Guess no one does.
Agree ... I think it is likely both men and women in this city now tend to be more shy.
 
Old 10-30-2016, 08:50 AM
 
800 posts, read 724,118 times
Reputation: 304
Quote:
Originally Posted by klmrocks View Post
Agree ... I think it is likely both men and women in this city now tend to be more shy.
Well yeah. That's what I think the underlying problem is. That's why most people here need social groups, school or work to find a relationship or fling. Can't get over being shy. And I feel like it's frowned upon to be outgoing to. Women and even men are like how dare he/she for making a move on someone they like. As if that is weird. Lol.
 
Old 11-07-2016, 01:28 PM
 
Location: Niagara Falls, NY
22 posts, read 25,424 times
Reputation: 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by fusion2 View Post
You straight people are really f****d lol... I'm glad i'm gay...

Sorry - please continue with the popcorn entertainment.. Btw there is a Psychology and also a relationships section in C/D....jus sayin

//www.city-data.com/forum/psychology/
//www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/
Whoa whoa whoa...not so fast.

Here's what it's like being gay in Toronto and trying to navigate dating and even friendships among gay men. You better be under 35 or else nobody will talk to you. You better have a college degree, a white-collar job, own some expensive downtown condo, drive an expensive car, have expensive clothes, travel to the most expensive locations...you are NEVER good enough no matter how hard you try. So what eventually happens is, you spend 10-20 years after coming out (and it doesn't get better) and you can't find anyone. Because you have, let's say, 5000 gay guys who are all looking for this fantasy guy that doesn't exist in the gay community - and if he does, remember, he has to like YOU too. So we have this huge group of gay men who are alone, have zero interest in other gay men, are all expecting to find this man I've described above, and won't settle for anything less. As big of a city as this is, we still only make up 2-5 percent of the male population - and that's basically nothing. After you've lived here a while you start to see the same guys over and over, still alone, still expecting that fantasy they are dreaming of whenever they look at online gay porn. The line between that online fantasy guy, who is likely not gay in the first place, and the reality of what's locally available to date has become very blurred. That has left young gay men in one of two places: either feeling like since he's never going to meet all these ridiculous expectations thrown at him from within the gay community he'll never find anyone - so really, why bother with university and compete for high paying jobs and all that impressing other people if you're just going to be alone forever anyways?; or the opposite: this attitude that he deserves the best and don't bother talking to him unless you look like one of these perfect men. If you're gay here you better be a success object as well as a sex object.

Some of the comments I've read are correct. This is a very cold city...and having spent a large part of my life in one of the coldest, most passive-aggressive places on the planet - northern Minnesota - that Scandinavian coldness could give Toronto lessons on icy passive-aggressiveness. But this is something that most people grow out of after a certain age. Because gay men traditionally have not had kids or gotten married (that has changed recently but work with me here) we have no life milestones that others have to inspire them to GROW UP. So the behaviours and attitudes you see at 20 you still see at 50. Why change your behaviour if there's no reason to?

Clearly the difference between being gay and being a member of any other minority group here is that of exclusion, and sadly the joy that the gay community gets in excluding their own people for those reasons I listed. If you work a blue collar job here and are over 40, or rent a room monthly or are lacking the money for things that come very easily to others, you'll never break into the community here and they'll be happy to remind you of that. I know of no other minority group that seeks to block out their own communitys' less fortunate through pricing them out of their own neighbourhoods, etc...but oh yea - gay men do it. It's one of the most passive-aggressive hurtful ways but you better believe they do it.

Being part of that community is nothing to be proud of. They are more concerned with how they look when they're seen with you - and if you don't match their level of 'good enough' then you might as well not exist to them. And in many cases you are merely a body that they seek to spend 10-20 minutes of their time with and never have anything to do with you again. So no, we are certainly not the experts on how to have relationships, marriages or christ, even friendships because those too come with success and looks-based criteria. And not to get too preachy here but through these examples there's a crisis with the gay male community of loneliness, severe depression and even grief based on what being gay actually is versus what most of us were led to believe before coming out (nonstop friends, parties, great people) there's such an unseen epidemic of drug/alcohol abuse and suicide that nobody wants to acknowledge because we are going through this in silence since nobody talks to each other! Sorry if that sounds harsh but I've tried to help out a couple of guys I've known who turned to substances after this deep feeling of loneliness and rejection from within the community became too much for them and they lost their lives to addiction. We can't demand equality and act as we're 'all in this together' at pride or this slogan of 'you can sit next to me' or whatever when the reality of how this community treats it's own people is a very stark contrast to that.

Last edited by Niagara716; 11-07-2016 at 02:15 PM..
 
Old 11-08-2016, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Land Of Smiles
295 posts, read 261,128 times
Reputation: 363
I see there are two kinds of posters participating in this endless discussion: people born and raised in Toronto (or Canada) and those who immigrated here (as adults). The life experiences of these two categories of people are usually very different. Also those who were born and raised here have established social circles / friends / families. On the other hand most immigrants / transplants leave their social circles / friends / relatives and have to develop most of things from scratch.


So we get a pretty pointless discussion: many native born Torontonians say it is normal here (because they never lived in other places and can't compare, they have established social circles), while most immigrants / transplants complain, comparing Toronto with their places of origin.
 
Old 02-19-2017, 01:12 AM
 
800 posts, read 724,118 times
Reputation: 304
This Is the definitely the most popular thread. I was at the grocery store and heard some British lady complaining that people in toronto are so down and antisocial I thought of this thread and dint do anything. So I'm going to stop complaining and just be the cold person toronto taught me to be.

Like If you want to have random small talk with people go to Virginia lady. Now **** and let me pay for my things.
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