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That you resorted to online dating shows how desperate your situation really is (only the biggest losers of men do online dating)
LOL, EVERYBODY does online dating. I mean everybody, the biggest most handsome alpha males I have known did online dating, it allows you to meet more people, not everybody hangs out in a bar 3 times a week. Your ignorance is astonishing.
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Maybe instead of the I'm perfect and everyone is the problem mentality maybe you can listen and really have an edge over other women in the dating scene. That isn't an insult as you keep taking these pieces of advice but it's just the truth that can't be avoided
I have never claimed to be perfect. To suggest that men are put off by women who have careers, in the city, and then say someone is a loser for dating online, in the city, sadly suggests that you are massively out of touch with reality.
I guarantee you, that no successful man in New York or Moscow would ever feel threatened by a hard working independent woman, quite the opposite, they would seek them out.
I'm not offended, I'm just shocked that in 2015 in a supposedly progressive place like Canada people actually write that kind of twaddle and believe in it. I'm starting to understand why this place isn't for me, and why so many women are unhappy in Toronto.
Right, it's just the way it is, and this fits every woman everywhere. Women won't make it easy whether you are in Toronto or NYC or LA. As the man you are the one who has to jump through hoops and juggle balls to prove to her you are worthy. Women sit back and decide whether you make the cut or not. Obviously, very physically attractive women have a lot more men to presenting themselves, ugly or overweight women, not so much.
Shawn, Torontonians and English Canadians are more cold and unfriendly than California but it doesn't matter. If you are in Toronto you have got to work with what you've got. No woman is going to say "oh I didn't realize how hard it is for you to be rejected! Now I'll have sex with you!". You have to suck it up and be a man. Just go out and have fun. If a woman rejects you, who cares? It's some woman you'll never see again. Go out and try again. It's really not a big deal. You've got two options: complain and hope that women change, or assess the challenges and tackle them head on, like a man does. In my experience, if you go out and be a man then women in Toronto are easy meet, especially with all the not-too-sure-of-myself pseudo-men running around Toronto and English Canada.
Anna something to keep in mind is that you are 34 and you were younger when you were in those other cities. This is going to be harsh but true - for men there is a steep decline in a woman's physical attractiveness when they hit age 28-30 and it continues to decline pretty drastically. It's just how it is. Men value youth and beauty, it's just how we're wired. This is why you see 40 year old guys going for 24 year old women and that 34 year old man is going after the 27 year old woman. The truth that a lot of "nice guys" don't want to admit out of fear of hurting someone's feelings is that your career or wealth means absolutely nothing in terms of attractiveness to men. 99% of what men care about when deciding to approach you are your looks, plain and simple. My brutally honest advice is that if you want marriage then you need to take care of it now. It's probably not what you or any other unmarried mid 30's woman wants to hear, but the clock is ticking and time is almost up.
Yes, we are dogs, but we don't get to choose who are attracted to. It's just how it is, coming from the other side of the coin.
You are pushing your own interpretation onto what he has said. A 58 year old man can love his 55 year old wife with all your heart, but we all still have the natural desire to have sex with the 20 year old nanny. All (yes, all healthy men) in relationships have to fight this desire everyday and we do it just because we love you. That's what it's like to be a man. It doesn't make sense from your perspective, but it doesn't have to, it's how it is.
It wouldn't be the first time I've seen it argued that gays have it in a sense easier than straight men. I've never been gay so I'm not even going to attempt to tackle that one.
Boy, you're really batting 1000 here. Well done.
Ladies pay attention to what this man says; he speaks the unvarnished truth, a truth that is substantiated by science (some of which I've read).
Ladies pay attention to what this man says; he speaks the unvarnished truth, a truth that is substantiated by science (some of which I've read).
I appreciate honestly, but ... then what is the point? If as a woman I got an attraction best before date of around 30s max in most men's eyes then what is the point of investing in a relationship with a man? What is in it for me? Why would a women want to get married or be in a relationship with a man? Sex? Is that all? In the world of modern technology their are other plastic devices sold all over the world that can replace that function of a man. If a women wants to have a child... there are banks that supply the needed ingredients or adoption. There has to be more to this then that or Disney really needs to really get a class action laws suit slapped on them for misleading the world.
Okay maybe by mentality is strange, but I have a go after what you want train of thought. If you say to me that if I am not a 20 years old super attractive women, your attention will always be pulled towards other better looking youger women ... my attitude would be if that is what you want why are you not going for it? Why are you with me? Why are you waisting my time? I would never want to be someone's chairty case? I would never want to be a super needy person on that level. I would end the relationship. I just don't get that. There is a different between randomly just noticing that another person is attrative to you and going out of your way to lust after people that look a certain way. Ex noticing someone walking by vs. going to a strip club.
The comments related to women that have careers makes me laugh. It reminds me of the concept of power blances in relationships. I really do not think that anyone male or female should dumb themselves down to make their partners feel better about themselves. I think each member of a team brings certain skills to the table and I see no need for that role to be fixed based on weither someone is male or female. Should I be less ambitious because I am female? Should I only be in relationships with men that have the same education and income as me? How much I make or how educated or not I am is only a sprinkle of relevant information. It does not define the type of people I connect with, my values and interests. I have never been the type of person to ask for someone's T4 or what they do for a living before deciding if I like them or not. I do not get that mentality. Oh well to each his own.
The whole biology stance seems a little foolish. Serious men have not evolved even a bit since the days of cavemen? I know more men that are terrified of getting a woman pregnant then actually want to have children so the firtility thing is a little out to lunch in this city. Maybe some people are just more forward/ evolved then others?
The whole biology stance seems a little foolish. Serious men have not evolved even a bit since the days of cavemen? I know more men that are terrified of getting a woman pregnant then actually want to have children so the firtility thing is a little out to lunch in this city. Maybe some people are just more forward/ evolved then others?
Genetically we are not really different from 100's of thousands of years of evolution. Its taken millions of years to get to where we are now KLM so fundamentally no, I don't think we are that different. A man's brain in the 'cave' man age is no different in structure than a man's brain now. You could teach a caveman how to use an IPhone and use apps etc if you spoke his language at the time.
Of course there are environmental factors that will shape behaviour, but when speaking about our fundamental genetic make up which drives things like sexual attraction and other of our more basic fundamental drives these things would take millions of years to change.
This isn't to say a woman greater than 35 or 40 wouldn't be attractive sexually, its just speaking to desire and men desire women in their 20's sexually more than north of 30 - this doesn't mean men would have no desire for sex with all woman over 35.. Add to that other things that make a woman more appealing to a man and I do think that a lot of men would absolutely be interested in an 'older' woman for pair bonding and yes sex but yes, he'd prefer sex with a woman of child bearing age who is attractive and healthy looking.
Here is a good article in support of the basic premise of what Hobbes wrote.
Just wanted to put out some positive energy on this thread before I shut my eyes and head to sleep. Single women reading this .... You do not have to be a supermodel to meet and maintain the genuine love of a good man (good does not have to mean wealthy, model or whipped ... If your expectations in someone are unreasonable you have no right to feel sorry for yourself if you end up alone and the same applies to men). I am not a super attractive female that fell off the pages of a sports illustrated magazine and can say with confidence that their are good quality men in this city and world ...there often a bit more humble or tricker to come across. So when you do find them try to recognize these qualities, treat them well and try not to keep looking for the a hidden agenda because sometimes they actually don't see your imperfections as much as you do. If you are looking for love and not just lust you should not try and be something you are Not.
I am a 34 year old, educated Russian female and I have lived in London UK, New York, Chicago and Barcelona. Moved to Toronto 2.5 years ago and I am currently trying to decide whether to stay or go back to Europe. While my career has took off here, my standard of living is waaaay above the one I've had in NY or London (which are both super expensive and much much less affordable than Toronto) I have become super depressed here.
It seems like the city is full of robots. Whenever I go out in NY or London or Chicago, whether it's a bar, night club, a gallery or a patio, I end up meeting new people, having random conversation with someone and being hit on. Always.
Here, not only men do not approach women (and this isn't solely my observation, it's what other women, Canadian ones specifically, complain about), they also act with suspicion if I decide to say hello or strike up a conversation.
Is this Canadian reservdness people have warned me about before I have moved here?
Online dating isn't any better. Men I meet through Tinder or other dating sites say hello, but that's about it, after that initial basic introduction they pretty much expect me to carry the conversation, suggest the meeting and plan everything too.
While I have attempted to date several Canadian men I have became excrutiatingly bored after few weeks and finished things off. I am noticing guys here lack confidence. Even if I meet a guy that I like and make it clear that I like him, he will never make a move and lets say, try to grab me and kiss me. They just kinda sit there, staring, lifeless, insecure..
This is so depressing. What are your thoughts? Where are the strong, confident, funny, alpha males? Are they all in US and Europe?
Can't say for certain, but maybe I snagged the last 'best' one...? 'Course, that was thirty years ago!
Seriously though; I haven't noticed any lack of 'strong, confident, funny, alpha males' in Canada, nor anywhere else I've been for that matter. I'm not even looking, but I work with far more males than females, and there appears to be a healthy crop of gentlemen in my business. Perhaps you're not looking for gentlemen...?
European Anna you are screwed. Most of the lowest-hanging fruit (rich kids, jocks, alphas, smart & social guys) were already spoken for in high-school or by university at the latest and most immigrants come in as ready-made couples or families (otherwise the population here would collapse or stagnate). I don't doubt that as a Russian girl you likely clean up very, very well. Even if you don't I know a couple of Russian whales who managed to land good guys in Toronto/the GTA anyway. That's the way it works here, even female quasi-rejects in their 30's here can land a respectable sucker unless their sights are set way too high.
You are better off in any proven European city rammed full of slick, street-wise, thirsty guys as opposed to the relatively recent experiment that is Toronto/GTA full of beaten-down, low-energy beta leftovers (though I know guys who are 10x more alpha than me or even the average guy who are the leftovers of average/career women here). This experiment has been a perfect storm that has resulted in a mountain of negative karma built up by women in their prime over the past many decades. You are feeling the slow, suffocating blowback of that negative karma and its conditioning of men here. The average person here dreams of finding someone and moving out of the city to somewhere excruciatingly boring where nothing happens, people rarely talk or see anybody, and where the most convenient form of fun/distraction is to be able to drive 5-10 minutes to the nearest mega mall, WalMart, HomeDepot, Canadian Tire, Ikea, Tim Hortons, McD's, or Metro.
When a guy seems to withdraw, be stunned, or short-circuit from how you behave, it's because men here have an abused mindset. They are like that abused child who flinches when their mother or father moves their hand a little too fast even just to scratch an itch so don't be surprised when they're stunned, in disbelief, or don't know how to act around women who are more worldly (not provincial like Toronto women), normal, down-to-earth, and maybe a bit forward if a guy sticks his neck out a little. When I was in my late 20s even I was guilty of turning off/down an E. European girl fresh to Toronto as I wasn't used to anything but the abusive, indifferent, charmless and superficial manner of Toronto women in their prime. I didn't make that same mistake again on the rare occasions I'd come across newcomers before they'd probably become Torontoized.
Last edited by Equalizer101; 10-09-2015 at 01:36 AM..
In high scool I had an ex who was from Ukraine. She was definitely much more forward then girls from my high school. She was awesome until some crazy stuff happened that made us break up. Honestly I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her at the time. Lol. O well.
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