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Hi. Just wondering if any of you have any insight on our situation.
My daughter is white/Trinidadian and currently in Senior Kindergarten. Most of the kids in her class are white with the exception of 4 kids. The thing I'm worried about is how my daughter sees herself. She draws herself with white skin and Blonde Hair. I asked her why she drew herself like that and she said peach skin is better and her skin is the colour of poop. She has been increasingly saying things like I don't like my hair or I wish I had peach skin. Of course we tell her she is beautiful, no skin colour is better than another etc. But I'm still worried. Is living in a predominantly white neighbourhood and going to a predominantly white school affecting her self image? Would being in a more diverse community be better for our biracial kids? We are considering selling our house and wondering if we should make a move to a more diverse neighbourhood while our kids are still young. Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe it's a phase? Any experience or advice would be appreciated!
That's a tough question to answer. It's hard to deny from what's she's saying that she's not absorbing some subtle prejudices. It seems to me that the more diverse the community or school, the less she'll feel like she stands out.
Ethnic prejudices are so widespread, though, everyone absorbs them to some degree. I'm white and somewhat "fair", but grew up around a lot of people with indigenous genes. When I was a kid, I didn't like being pale, and wanted to have brown eyes, brown skin, brown hair... then I got older and moved away, and started running into a lot of people telling me how much they liked my blonde-brown hair colour, or my pale eye colour... Life is weird.
You can't shield your children from all of that social and cultural baggage. But diversity's never a bad thing.
Hi. Just wondering if any of you have any insight on our situation.
My daughter is white/Trinidadian and currently in Senior Kindergarten. Most of the kids in her class are white with the exception of 4 kids. The thing I'm worried about is how my daughter sees herself. She draws herself with white skin and Blonde Hair. I asked her why she drew herself like that and she said peach skin is better and her skin is the colour of poop. She has been increasingly saying things like I don't like my hair or I wish I had peach skin. Of course we tell her she is beautiful, no skin colour is better than another etc. But I'm still worried. Is living in a predominantly white neighbourhood and going to a predominantly white school affecting her self image? Would being in a more diverse community be better for our biracial kids? We are considering selling our house and wondering if we should make a move to a more diverse neighbourhood while our kids are still young. Maybe I am overreacting? Maybe it's a phase? Any experience or advice would be appreciated!
Okay this post hits on a lot of topics for me personally. I am white Trini-Canadian (my parents are Trinidadian). I went to school from JK to grade 12 in Catholics in Toronto that had mostly children from Italian backgrounds. Are you from Toronto? I did not even know that this city still had pockets with large mainly white populations? (I am serious). I can speak to feeling a bit out of place to some extent as my lunch or cultural foods were very different then by classmates. My extended family is multi-racial so it was challenging explaining to classmates that come from families that have a pretty homogenous look that these people that really did not look like me where related. I also remember feeling like I needed to verbally tackle anyone who made offensive or ignorant racists comments in my presence about people that looked like people in my family. My god son lives in a very white area around Aurora and he black and his parents (mom from a Caribbean background like me and Dad from Nigeria) have mentioned stuff like that. Both of his parents have Master Degrees and tend to be at times over analytical like me so they noticed comments or behaviours that my suggest that this kids are being made to feel stereotyped or less then anyone else in any way.
My cousins husband is of East Indian decent and grew up in Woodbridge when it was still almost exclusively Italian and every expressed every feeling that he was being excluded or people where being racist towards him ( I almost must admit he is like a Indian Gino, almost acts like he is Italian, has a really vibrant and fun personality ... so it might be pretty hard not to like him so he never appeared to have much difficulty making friends). They live in Woodbridge right now and even though their son is a visible minority they have never expressed any concerns, he has lots of friends in his area and in school ... none of which visible look like him (East Indian/ Indo West Indian).
I know growing up around mainly Italian kids/ one predominant cultural group at times especially was difficulty as I often felt like the odd ball because we ate different foods, different cultural norms or sometimes they would be speaking in a language I did not understand at school with other friends or with their parents/ grandparents. If was feeling this considering my household could visible pass for being Italian I am pretty sure that someone who looked visible different might feel the discomfort or passive exclusion worse. When we were older my friend who is Black and from the Caribbean who I went to school with stated that she hate her elementary and high school experience because she felt marginalized. We have been friends since the age of 6 until present. It is tricky to be the minority especially when their is a homogenous majority. In elementary and high school most of our teachers. priests were also Italian so their heritage and "the viva Italia because we are the best" attitude was better much shoved down our faces even though I doubt it was done intentionally. I think our could swap in any cultural, national or religious group in to the roles of being the minority and homogenous majority and the outcomes would be similar. I am not trying to say that Italian people are more like this then any other group because I don't think that is true.
I do remember having a few teary eyed moments as a little girl in elementary school when I sort of felt sad because everyone seem very different then me ex. they would be taking out their nutella or mortadella sandwich for lunch and I would be taking out my ham and cheese sandwich. Or the time I forgot my lunch and my KJ the teacher tried to offer me a nutella or peanut butter sandwich I am was in tears horrified that she was trying to feed me this stuff that was wired/ gross looking to me.
I think you should try and help your child develop a strong sense of self pride. In life you cannot continue to run from situations like this. Not sure if moving is this answer. I prefer more racially, socially and religious diverse areas because I do not want to feel like I am being overwhelmed by any one group of people and exposure to diversity to me just makes life more interesting. That is actually one of the reasons I never wanted to move to Woodbridge/ Maple when I buying a house unlike many people I grew up with around North Toronto. However areas and diversity of areas change so the class this year might look very different a very years from now.
On a side note... as a visibly white person from the Caribbean I use to get brushed off both ways ex did not exactly fit in well with the Italian kids or the kids the were from Caribbean families because I was white. So I actually ended usually becoming friends with the kids in the others category (ex the handful of kids from Latin American places, White Canadian, Asian or Eastern European places). Mind you this situation did not really do much harm in the grander scheme of things and probably helped us all build character as all of us are professionals with great jobs (Engineers, public relations specialist, stock traders, health care professionals, teachers etc) or maybe not really 100% fitting in helped up become more assertive.
To be honest if you live in Toronto now days I am still pretty surprised you found a "white" area. Most areas appear pretty multicultural. Also are you certain this is coming from influences in school before you jump the gun and move. Kids absorb everything. Are their other adults in the child's life that could be saying things in front of her or watching tv shows or music that could be influencing her. These ideas could have be trigged by over hearing a movie depicting a racist character expressing these thoughts. A child would not get the context of over hearing that.
We live in Brooklin, North of Whitby. And I'm not kidding when I say it is 99% white. My daughter told me a kid in her class said her skin is the colour of poop. I know kids will be kids and they don't necessarily understand what they are saying but they pick it up from somewhere. Makes me wonder about the parents. And I just wonder if she would feel less "different" if she went to a school somewhere more diverse ex: Ajax which is pretty close to 50/50 white and "visible minority".
I'm biracial and grew up with mostly white people. I remember drawing myself with the "skin colour" pencil crayon and such as well, but some of what we take as really absorbing racism is kids just wanting to fit in and conform and not understanding that what they're saying isn't PC. I don't think it's worth moving over and disrupting her whole life will probably be much more harmful and traumatic to her then what for her probably amounts to a pretty small issue that she will grow up and gain perspective on. Just continue to give your daughter good messages like you've been doing, I'm sure it make a bigger impact then you imagine, and as she grows up she will incorporate it more into her perspective.
We live in Brooklin, North of Whitby. And I'm not kidding when I say it is 99% white. My daughter told me a kid in her class said her skin is the colour of poop. I know kids will be kids and they don't necessarily understand what they are saying but they pick it up from somewhere. Makes me wonder about the parents. And I just wonder if she would feel less "different" if she went to a school somewhere more diverse ex: Ajax which is pretty close to 50/50 white and "visible minority".
I live in East Toronto/ Scarborough and know a lot of Trinidadian/ West Indian people that live in Ajax and Pickering. These 2 cites are a lot of diverse by comparison. I would also wonder about the parents if their child was making comments like that. My extended family look very different from me. The cousin I was with looks East Indian as her mom is Indo-Trini and they little boy who was white started to call her a "brownie" while we were playing in the park. I was like 5 and she was 8. Let's just say I took care of the situation . I think being visbly white and having a look that can allow me to pass for many backgroups I grown up hearing people say really really not okay things about other cultural groups. Ex At my White Canadian freinds house having dinner with her parents when they found out a guy from a Chinese backgroud that we were freinds with had a crush on her and over hearing her father say no kid of mine is dating any Chinese guy. Her dad was super nice to me and I really really liked him so hearing this really made me wonder what he thought of my family? Good luck.
We live in Brooklin, North of Whitby. And I'm not kidding when I say it is 99% white. My daughter told me a kid in her class said her skin is the colour of poop. I know kids will be kids and they don't necessarily understand what they are saying but they pick it up from somewhere. Makes me wonder about the parents.
OK, so this makes me think of a few things.
First of all, some comments (especially from kids) can be relatively innocent even if they are hurtful. I know people are going to be skeptical but it's totally possible. The possibility that this kid has racist parents who tolerate or encourage this thinking is real as well of course.
Secondly, regardless of malicious intent, stuff like this should be raised with the school whose responsibility it is to address it.
First of all, some comments (especially from kids) can be relatively innocent even if they are hurtful. I know people are going to be skeptical but it's totally possible. The possibility that this kid has racist parents who tolerate or encourage this thinking is real as well of course.
Secondly, regardless of malicious intent, stuff like this should be raised with the school whose responsibility it is to address it.
I agree that reaching out to the school is probably a good idea, but I got to say sometimes people that work in the school system are no better. I remember having teachers say and do something really ignorant things growing up. Teacher are not less likely to be ignorant or racist then anyone else. It is also a pain to be the the token "bi-racial kid" or what ever else is the minority. My freind who is black and from the Caribbean alway use to get annoyed that when in University she was one of the only black people in her program and every time any topic that related even slghtly to being black her professor would put her on the spot about the topic like she had some special connection with everyone in the universe that was black.
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Sounds too familar ...
. I think being visbly white and having a look that can allow me to pass for many backgroups I grown up hearing people say really really not okay things about other cultural groups. Ex At my White Canadian freinds house having dinner with her parents when they found out a guy from a Chinese backgroud that we were freinds with had a crush on her and over hearing her father say no kid of mine is dating any Chinese guy. Her dad was super nice to me and I really really liked him so hearing this really made me wonder what he thought of my family? Good luck.
