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Old 09-05-2013, 11:37 PM
 
Location: The beautiful Garden State
2,728 posts, read 3,906,562 times
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Teen with autism hospitalized, mother arrested on attempted murder charge, police say | MLive.com

This is a tough one. It is very complicated. It raises a lot of issues.

This mother (and blogger) has a 14-year-old daughter with SEVERE autism. The daughter weighs over 100 pounds and is very violent -- she has apparently beaten her mother "senseless" on several occasions.

The family has tried to get help for their daughter but it has been very difficult. On Wednesday the mother tried to kill her daughter and herself.

The mother has discussed her troubles in her blog. You can see that the family was really trying to get the proper care for the daughter. If you read several of the posts you can see that she was reaching her breaking point, especially in the last post, where her daughter was rejected for a local school program:

The Status Woe | Rising above mediocrity one mishap at a time

The mother is expected to survive, but the daughter may have permanent brain damage (she is still in a coma, and it is too soon to tell). The mother will probably face attempted murder charges. And the poor husband (a school principal, no less) will have to deal with the fall-out.

This case has sparked fierce debate, including outrage from some autistic rights activists. Some are incensed that some feel sympathy for the mother. Others, while not condoning the mother's actions, say that she just totally lost all hope and crumbled.
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Old 10-28-2013, 01:43 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 4,035,228 times
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Surprisingly, I can sympathize with the mother. Raising a child with autism has got to be hard. It's hard to love someone who makes your life difficult. Her only other option would be to put her daughter in a group home, which she would have to pay for.
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Old 10-31-2013, 06:47 AM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,622 posts, read 5,568,561 times
Reputation: 3928
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Surprisingly, I can sympathize with the mother. Raising a child with autism has got to be hard. It's hard to love someone who makes your life difficult. Her only other option would be to put her daughter in a group home, which she would have to pay for.
It's DAMN hard. My son has HF autism (formerly referred to as Asperger's Syndrome). He's been violent in the past. He's been taken away in handcuffs for holding a knife to my throat, admitted to the hospital for "homicidal ideation.". The doctor said he was emotionless when his case worker asked if he understood why he was there, and he said, "Because I want to kill my Mom." He tried to kill me years earlier at age 6 with a pair of scissors.

But you know what? I never gave up on him. With the support of my family, he received every bit of help we could give him, since the age of two. Vanderbilt University, Emory University, The Marcus Institute. My mother founded a company that teaches social skills to kids and adults on the spectrum. I now counsel parents finding themselves feeling hopeless, as I once did. I work with the kids on stage, and in the classroom. The program is being incorporated into school systems, we are receiving calls from therapists and parents across the WORLD. My mother created this amazing thing out of what could have been something and someone so easy to give up on. My son is the inspiration behind it all.

He's almost 19, now, 6' 4, 165 lbs. He loves performing improv onstage through "his" company. He still has his moments, but the psychotic rages (ironically brought on by a doctor putting him on Risperdal while in in-patient treatment as a child to control his meltdowns) have been replaced years ago by sporadic anxiety and perseverating. He goes for walks to relax.

Despite all this, he is one of the sweetest "kids" I know. He keeps a picture of his beloved cat, Boots, (who died in 2008) on his nightstand, has a room with every light up gizmo you can find, a light sabre on his wall, and loves playing Super Mario games on his Nintendo 3ds. He is in a transitional program to get him ready for college, next year, now that he's a graduate. He has a part time job at the Gap, and volunteers at a local cat shelter. He is eagerly awaiting the birth of a baby half-sister at the end of November.

It's been rough going, to put it very mildly, and at times I didn't think I'd even survive; pictured myself becoming a news story of a mother killed by her 7 - 12 year old son. Now he has teenage hormones and occasional moodiness, but overall is a very sweet, charming, outgoing, funny and friendly kid with a love for the stage and performing.

This woman absolutely does NOT have my sympathy.
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Old 10-31-2013, 05:04 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 4,035,228 times
Reputation: 4962
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
It's DAMN hard. My son has HF autism (formerly referred to as Asperger's Syndrome). He's been violent in the past. He's been taken away in handcuffs for holding a knife to my throat, admitted to the hospital for "homicidal ideation.". The doctor said he was emotionless when his case worker asked if he understood why he was there, and he said, "Because I want to kill my Mom." He tried to kill me years earlier at age 6 with a pair of scissors.

But you know what? I never gave up on him. With the support of my family, he received every bit of help we could give him, since the age of two. Vanderbilt University, Emory University, The Marcus Institute. My mother founded a company that teaches social skills to kids and adults on the spectrum. I now counsel parents finding themselves feeling hopeless, as I once did. I work with the kids on stage, and in the classroom. The program is being incorporated into school systems, we are receiving calls from therapists and parents across the WORLD. My mother created this amazing thing out of what could have been something and someone so easy to give up on. My son is the inspiration behind it all.

He's almost 19, now, 6' 4, 165 lbs. He loves performing improv onstage through "his" company. He still has his moments, but the psychotic rages (ironically brought on by a doctor putting him on Risperdal while in in-patient treatment as a child to control his meltdowns) have been replaced years ago by sporadic anxiety and perseverating. He goes for walks to relax.

Despite all this, he is one of the sweetest "kids" I know. He keeps a picture of his beloved cat, Boots, (who died in 2008) on his nightstand, has a room with every light up gizmo you can find, a light sabre on his wall, and loves playing Super Mario games on his Nintendo 3ds. He is in a transitional program to get him ready for college, next year, now that he's a graduate. He has a part time job at the Gap, and volunteers at a local cat shelter. He is eagerly awaiting the birth of a baby half-sister at the end of November.

It's been rough going, to put it very mildly, and at times I didn't think I'd even survive; pictured myself becoming a news story of a mother killed by her 7 - 12 year old son. Now he has teenage hormones and occasional moodiness, but overall is a very sweet, charming, outgoing, funny and friendly kid with a love for the stage and performing.

This woman absolutely does NOT have my sympathy.
Jeez! I'm glad everything is better and that he has found an outlet. I did a lot of musical theatre when I was younger. It's awesome!

I babysit a HF boy with Autism, and I love it. I'm only 19 and don't plan on having kids until 10 years from now… I usually have him for about 4 or 5 hours, but I couldn't imagine living every day like that. He can be a handful. It's embarrassing when I'm out in public with him and I'm trying to get him to behave. Everyone is staring at me like, "Why can't you control your kid?" (Even though he's not mine).

One day, we were crossing the street and I grabbed his hand (he's only 7) and he screams out, "Ow! You're hurting me! Stop it, stop it!"… When I asked him why would he scream that he told me, "Because I don't need someone to hold my hand when crossing the street"… I was scared that someone would call the police or something…

Obviously when you had your son, you never imagined that he would have any disorders, disabilities, or delays. How did you cope with it?
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:50 AM
 
2,168 posts, read 2,295,440 times
Reputation: 3530
Quote:
Originally Posted by Neemy View Post
It's DAMN hard. My son has HF autism (formerly referred to as Asperger's Syndrome). He's been violent in the past. He's been taken away in handcuffs for holding a knife to my throat, admitted to the hospital for "homicidal ideation.". The doctor said he was emotionless when his case worker asked if he understood why he was there, and he said, "Because I want to kill my Mom." He tried to kill me years earlier at age 6 with a pair of scissors.

But you know what? I never gave up on him. With the support of my family, he received every bit of help we could give him, since the age of two. Vanderbilt University, Emory University, The Marcus Institute. My mother founded a company that teaches social skills to kids and adults on the spectrum. I now counsel parents finding themselves feeling hopeless, as I once did. I work with the kids on stage, and in the classroom. The program is being incorporated into school systems, we are receiving calls from therapists and parents across the WORLD. My mother created this amazing thing out of what could have been something and someone so easy to give up on. My son is the inspiration behind it all.

He's almost 19, now, 6' 4, 165 lbs. He loves performing improv onstage through "his" company. He still has his moments, but the psychotic rages (ironically brought on by a doctor putting him on Risperdal while in in-patient treatment as a child to control his meltdowns) have been replaced years ago by sporadic anxiety and perseverating. He goes for walks to relax.

Despite all this, he is one of the sweetest "kids" I know. He keeps a picture of his beloved cat, Boots, (who died in 2008) on his nightstand, has a room with every light up gizmo you can find, a light sabre on his wall, and loves playing Super Mario games on his Nintendo 3ds. He is in a transitional program to get him ready for college, next year, now that he's a graduate. He has a part time job at the Gap, and volunteers at a local cat shelter. He is eagerly awaiting the birth of a baby half-sister at the end of November.

It's been rough going, to put it very mildly, and at times I didn't think I'd even survive; pictured myself becoming a news story of a mother killed by her 7 - 12 year old son. Now he has teenage hormones and occasional moodiness, but overall is a very sweet, charming, outgoing, funny and friendly kid with a love for the stage and performing.

This woman absolutely does NOT have my sympathy.
You son is HF, this woman's daughter was/is not. The mother was hospitalized twice due to her daughter's violence.

She has blogged about her daughter attacking and beating her on a daily basis.

I'm not condoning her actions but clearly her situation is different than yours.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:56 AM
 
Location: On the Rails in Northern NJ
12,380 posts, read 25,563,800 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pinkmani View Post
Surprisingly, I can sympathize with the mother. Raising a child with autism has got to be hard. It's hard to love someone who makes your life difficult. Her only other option would be to put her daughter in a group home, which she would have to pay for.
She was apparently given all the resources for free which she used and 100k in Money for other things by the community but she still chose to kill or try to kill. Raising a kid with Severe Autism is hard , but from what I read this girl had high functioning which is easy....its basically a normal kid with some extra problems. It would appear the Mother is more of the problem than the child.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:59 AM
 
Location: On the Rails in Northern NJ
12,380 posts, read 25,563,800 times
Reputation: 4558
Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed hour View Post
You son is HF, this woman's daughter was/is not. The mother was hospitalized twice due to her daughter's violence.

She has blogged about her daughter attacking and beating her on a daily basis.

I'm not condoning her actions but clearly her situation is different than yours.
Actually the child appears to be High Functioning , and there are reports that she abused her other children.... The Violence could have started due to the abuse , its reactionary violence.... But we don't really know the truth here , the one appears to be an attention seeker so this could all be exaggerated to benefit her.
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:49 AM
 
4,750 posts, read 4,035,228 times
Reputation: 4962
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nexis4Jersey View Post
She was apparently given all the resources for free which she used and 100k in Money for other things by the community but she still chose to kill or try to kill. Raising a kid with Severe Autism is hard , but from what I read this girl had high functioning which is easy....its basically a normal kid with some extra problems. It would appear the Mother is more of the problem than the child.
Raising a HF child with Autism cannot be easy. I have a hard time babysitting a HF boy for the measly 4 or 5 hours that I see him. I have to be on my toes because he likes to just leave the house. He also plays the typical, "My mom lets me" which every kid says…
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Old 11-03-2013, 04:19 AM
 
Location: ATL with a side of Chicago
3,622 posts, read 5,568,561 times
Reputation: 3928
Quote:
Originally Posted by charmed hour View Post
You son is HF, this woman's daughter was/is not. The mother was hospitalized twice due to her daughter's violence.

She has blogged about her daughter attacking and beating her on a daily basis.

I'm not condoning her actions but clearly her situation is different than yours.
I read her blog.

You do not know my whole story, I shared very little, and I'm not putting anything beyond what I stated above here for you, or anyone else, to judge. However, we did document, and since you apparently require more information to understand that I know more about this woman's situation than you think, here's a little visual, a VERY tiny slice, of my life, back then. Notice I am not in these photos, and the reasons behind that will remain private.

I stand by what I said: NO SYMPATHY.




Last edited by Neemy; 11-03-2013 at 04:41 AM..
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Old 11-04-2013, 12:22 AM
 
Location: interior Alaska
6,207 posts, read 4,775,551 times
Reputation: 20589
All my sympathies lie with the child. No matter how difficult her behavior, she's 14. And while I understand that blogging is often an outlet for one's own frustrations, perspective, and feelings, the mother's blog comes off as very self-centered - it's all about her problems with having an autistic child and what she's doing, not about her autistic child's problems and what they're doing. If she had attempted suicide alone, I would have sympathy - depression can lead to a certain myopia - but to decide to take the kid with her...well. For family annihilator types, though, the child is an extension of their own ego, and cannot exist without them...it denies the very individual personhood of the child.

I don't give much credence to the lack of services lament, or the overwhelmed, overworked mother argument, either. The kid was just in fully funded residential treatment for 6 months and had only just come back. Even now people are using that blog to raise money and bolster sympathy and public support for someone who just attempted to murder her child. Not to raise money for the girl's recovery treatments, or for support structures for her, or for the father who is left to pick up the pieces. It's still all about the mom, even now. So misdirected.
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