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Old 03-09-2009, 11:15 AM
 
Location: Baja Arizona
2,916 posts, read 7,751,218 times
Reputation: 1135

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Dear Mr Tucson: I hate you! I hate your stupid little "column"! I hate everything about your dusty little COWTOWN. I hate "The Old Pebble" (haha!), which is full of brown sand, brown dirt, brown rocks and even more brown rocks. I hate rubbing elbows with nothing but out of towner transplants and snowhaters. I hate your stupid airplanes constantly buzz-buzz-buzzing over my head. I hate your stupid unforgiving hot sun burning my face.
I hate your stupid monsoons complete with howling wind and lightning crashing all around me. I hate driving into your stupid flooded arroyos and being pulled out by your stupid search and rescue teams, and then being forced to pay your "stupid motorist" fine! I hate being so close to the stupid border - I swear I can almost feel the bullets flying all around my head! I hate your big, stupid ugly mountains complete with over-rated "sun-splashed" colors. I hate your elitist foothills dwellers nestled in their stupid earth-toned, spanish-tiled, tract-type, ranch-styled gated communities. I hate your stupid, thorny cactus which caused me pain when I used to go hiking before I started hating hiking. I hate your stupid K-12 schools, your stupid community college, and your stupid university.
I hate your traffic-infested, pothole-ridden streets, and I hate even calling them streets when they are really COWTRAILS! I expect to see stampeding CATTLE next to my Yugo everytime I'm driving. I hate your stupid rodeos complete with its yee-ha wild west weirdos. I hate your sporatically grafittied and gun-loaded pockets of gangland ghettos. I hate Old Tucson, the Desert Museum, and the Saguaro National Monuments (both East and West). I hate your stupid "Dark Skies City" rules. I hate your stupid Mayor, stupid City Council, and equally stupid Board of STUPOR-visors!
In fact, I hate the WHOLE stupid sun-drenched southwest! I'm getting out of your stupid little COWTOWN complete with its hokey COWBOY mentality, and MOO-ving on up to beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska, up above the Arctic Circle, where life is wonderfully cooler WAY UP THERE, and best of all - WAY OUTTA HERE!
- I SINCERELY HATE signing my name!

Dear I SINCERELY HATE: Do they have a Starbucks in Fairbanks?

- Mr Tucson
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Old 03-09-2009, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Hillsboro, OR
2,200 posts, read 4,083,602 times
Reputation: 1374
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZonyPony View Post
Dear Mr Tucson: I hate you! I hate your stupid little "column"! I hate everything about your dusty little COWTOWN. I hate "The Old Pebble" (haha!), which is full of brown sand, brown dirt, brown rocks and even more brown rocks. I hate rubbing elbows with nothing but out of towner transplants and snowhaters. I hate your stupid airplanes constantly buzz-buzz-buzzing over my head. I hate your stupid unforgiving hot sun burning my face.
I hate your stupid monsoons complete with howling wind and lightning crashing all around me. I hate driving into your stupid flooded arroyos and being pulled out by your stupid search and rescue teams, and then being forced to pay your "stupid motorist" fine! I hate being so close to the stupid border - I swear I can almost feel the bullets flying all around my head! I hate your big, stupid ugly mountains complete with over-rated "sun-splashed" colors. I hate your elitist foothills dwellers nestled in their stupid earth-toned, spanish-tiled, tract-type, ranch-styled gated communities. I hate your stupid, thorny cactus which caused me pain when I used to go hiking before I started hating hiking. I hate your stupid K-12 schools, your stupid community college, and your stupid university.
I hate your traffic-infested, pothole-ridden streets, and I hate even calling them streets when they are really COWTRAILS! I expect to see stampeding CATTLE next to my Yugo everytime I'm driving. I hate your stupid rodeos complete with its yee-ha wild west weirdos. I hate your sporatically grafittied and gun-loaded pockets of gangland ghettos. I hate Old Tucson, the Desert Museum, and the Saguaro National Monuments (both East and West). I hate your stupid "Dark Skies City" rules. I hate your stupid Mayor, stupid City Council, and equally stupid Board of STUPOR-visors!
In fact, I hate the WHOLE stupid sun-drenched southwest! I'm getting out of your stupid little COWTOWN complete with its hokey COWBOY mentality, and MOO-ving on up to beautiful Fairbanks, Alaska, up above the Arctic Circle, where life is wonderfully cooler WAY UP THERE, and best of all - WAY OUTTA HERE!
- I SINCERELY HATE signing my name!

Dear I SINCERELY HATE: Do they have a Starbucks in Fairbanks?

- Mr Tucson

They have 4, actually.
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Old 03-09-2009, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Tucson
522 posts, read 1,464,383 times
Reputation: 703
:d:d:d
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Old 03-09-2009, 01:53 PM
 
10 posts, read 22,156 times
Reputation: 14
You hate everything, well are you gonna hate living in Siberia, cause that is basically where you are going. There is a reason why barely anybody lives up in Alaska, and people have been flocking to the southwest, Its better. Who wants to live in a place that has a winter that starts with getting snow in october, and has a day that doesnt even get any sunlight. You can look at your picturesque mountains, that is of course unless you freeze to death. Go ahead and move up to your igloo on the north pole that is completely isolated from the rest of the country.
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Old 03-09-2009, 01:55 PM
 
Location: Baja Arizona
2,916 posts, read 7,751,218 times
Reputation: 1135
I hate myself sometimes...
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:07 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,835 posts, read 83,416,134 times
Reputation: 22814
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZonyPony View Post
I hate myself sometimes...
Not to worry - you're not alone! I hate you, too, sometimes!
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Old 03-09-2009, 11:12 PM
 
Location: Baja Arizona
2,916 posts, read 7,751,218 times
Reputation: 1135
Quote:
Originally Posted by sierraAZ View Post
Not to worry - you're not alone! I hate you, too, sometimes!
Greatly appreciated!
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Old 03-10-2009, 12:40 PM
 
602 posts, read 1,923,821 times
Reputation: 407
I hate that I'm reading this thread sometimes.
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Old 03-11-2009, 01:32 AM
 
Location: USA
3,966 posts, read 9,997,059 times
Reputation: 2217
Zony, are you seriously leaving AZ?
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Old 03-11-2009, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Baja Arizona
2,916 posts, read 7,751,218 times
Reputation: 1135
Quote:
Originally Posted by w1ngzer0 View Post
Zony, are you seriously leaving AZ?
No, not me. This is my HOME, baby!

One of Mr Tucson's readers by the name of I Sincerely Hate is apparently fed up with the southwest and all we stand for.

We need to put all of these haters on the first bus out of here and wish them the very best as they speed off to their wonderfully greener pastures!
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