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Disappointing relocation to Tulsa, Oklahoma, meeting people outside of work, social circles at work, social activities, office politics, bible thumpers, small town mentality
Thanks all for the support, and advice -It really does mean alot
As far as "getting out there" I made that a priority when I came here. I love OK history, so pretty much any historical point of interest within 50-75 miles from here, I have visited at least once. I bike pretty much every day since March, tried the church route, but as a diest, it really isn;t my thing.
Will Join Tulsa Packerbackers, of course, I enjoy biking, waling in the nice weather we have here. Animals are my favorite, along with sports, but I DO miss walking in the woods. I could do that pretty much anytime in WI, but here, the woods are farther out, and after work, it gets dark soon, plus most woods anywhere near here are private property, and I don;t want to get chased off
I have tried Rocklahoma, , the Zoo, an acting class at TCC, Oktoberfest, festivals, Tulsa state fair, TU sporting events, Union HS football games, Krav-maga (awesome workout bike clubs, church activities, historical areas, Riverwalk. I think that's about it so far. Met so many friendly folks, too numerous to count BUT, that doesn;t always equate into friendships, as i have found out.
The bike clubs were a bit of a let down, as I live .3 to 1/2 mile from the bike trails, but the rides are always a good 15-20 mi from home, and with my schedule, i can;t always pack the bike in the carrier, strap it down, drive 15-20+ or more miles, and get there at the scheduled times. Plus it so much easier to go the short distance. Plus I thought these were "rides" not races, and as an intermediate to advanced, but not an elite rider, it wasn;t as much fun as I had hoped.
When I do bike alone on the paths, I usially meet, and end up ridingn with some friendly folks, for a good portion of the ride, and I know if we'd meet up again wed' ride together also, but like most of the other activites, I seldom if ever, meet the same folks again, as there is so much to see and do here, I seldom go to the same place twice, and when I do frequent certain places, it;s at different times, and as friendships do take a little time to form, that explains some of it.
My SO, as I found out rather shortly after moving, will NOT be able to meet up with me here, as takign care of family and family matters, will most likely keep here in WI for a long while, a fact I probably should have taken more into consideration prior to moving.
So that's pretty much it, sorry for the novel again, and as I said earlier, there ARE lots of good folks here, and on C-D but for whatever reason or reasons, it's been a solo adventure so far. I think if the job situation was upgraded from unbearable to at least unpleasant, that would help. Dreading getting up every day is no way to live regardless of pay/benefits, which are decent. I sure can;t quit, not in this economy, but something has to break b4 I either up and quit, or move home or ????
HI again- Just following up on my previous posts during the first year of my relocation to Tulsa- In a word, dissapointed. I know my previous posts sang the praises of the area and the people, and to some degree, I stand by those posts, but part of me know thinks it was either the novelty, or "wishful thinking "on my part, as I have become quite disenchanted here, and am considering returning home, a sit was made very clear to me over the last 2-3 months, that I don;t "belong" here, and am not welcome.
I stand by my earlier posts that I do feel there are alot of nice folks in Tulsa, and OK in general, but I'm also wondering what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me?
During my time here, I've made it a point to get to know the area, the people, the activities, etc, I''ve been polite, cordial, pleasant, and have observed the Golden Rule, as well as got involved with various activities in Green Country, and seem to meet genuinely decent people MOST of the time, but still have 0 friends to show for it. I'm not sure what more aperson can do other than what I have already done, you know, gotten "out there", the Golden Rule etc, especially at work, where the situation has gotten to the point where I want to resign, but obviously, in these hard times, I won;t do that.
Every office , esp ones with 20+ people have their cliques, and whle I think it's not a good thing, and I avoid them, and try 100% to treat ALL my co-workers with no less than the same respect I would like, it's not been reciprocated. My managers have become very unprofessional, and overly critical, and basically if they don;t 100% agree with anything I've done, it's automatically wrong, I'm incompetent etc, where before, I was left alone to work in peace. Also a lot, but not all, my co-workers, have told me in essence, that they only pretended to be my friend at work
but in reality, don;t want anything to do with me,as I am not, one of them" What really hurts was last evening, the office "social committee" arranged for everyone EXCEPT me to go out after work to unwind a bit, and they tried to keep it a secret, but I would have had to have been deaf not to know. People whom I thought I had a good rapport with, stood there and lied about going home after work, when I KNEW they weren;t. Just the principle of it, I have NEVER done that to a co-worker, esp a newer person. I feel bad about all that, and wonder what I did wrong, I'm not perfect, but I KNOW I didn;t deserve that
I dont; know what's going on- I can;t be THAT bad that I can't make any friends, I've done all the supposedly correct things, and I'm certainly no worse than a lot of others I see out and about, but I'm always ending up by myself, and there's no good reason for it.
anyways, thanks for reading, and allowing me to vent. I'ver started plans to return home, or at least look for another job with a more positive environment. I still believe in OK and TUlsa, but i';m afraid it's not mutual
Please do not give up. Yes I agree Tulsa is a very difficult city to make friends in, I grew up here and it has never changed. Yes, there are cliques in the workplace it is rampant which is a shame, but once you have found a friend and a good friend they become your friend for life. The number of good friends I have one can count on one hand but they are friends forever. I have found that if one just goes to work, does a great job and keeps ones own counsel but be respectful and kind to your co-workers(which I am sure you have been) and don't worry about the little cliques in the workplace they tend to change like the weather, the workplace can become tolerable. I also have been on the wrong side of social engagements meaning that everyone was invited but me, kind of feels like being the last one to be chosen for the team doesn't it? At first it hurts but just go on like it doesn't matter. Try to find just one person that you might have something in common and nurture that friendship and see what happens, and don't worry about the little groups in the workplace. In my opinion people that can't or won't extend kindness, respect and common friendliness to others are just plain mean and small minded and do not have the manners of a slug. Please just hang in there you sound like the kind of person this world needs and I am sure you will find a good friend.
HI again- Just following up on my previous posts during the first year of my relocation to Tulsa- In a word, dissapointed. I know my previous posts sang the praises of the area and the people, and to some degree, I stand by those posts, but part of me know thinks it was either the novelty, or "wishful thinking "on my part, as I have become quite disenchanted here, and am considering returning home, a sit was made very clear to me over the last 2-3 months, that I don;t "belong" here, and am not welcome.
I stand by my earlier posts that I do feel there are alot of nice folks in Tulsa, and OK in general, but I'm also wondering what I'm doing wrong, or what's wrong with me?
During my time here, I've made it a point to get to know the area, the people, the activities, etc, I''ve been polite, cordial, pleasant, and have observed the Golden Rule, as well as got involved with various activities in Green Country, and seem to meet genuinely decent people MOST of the time, but still have 0 friends to show for it. I'm not sure what more aperson can do other than what I have already done, you know, gotten "out there", the Golden Rule etc, especially at work, where the situation has gotten to the point where I want to resign, but obviously, in these hard times, I won;t do that.
Every office , esp ones with 20+ people have their cliques, and whle I think it's not a good thing, and I avoid them, and try 100% to treat ALL my co-workers with no less than the same respect I would like, it's not been reciprocated. My managers have become very unprofessional, and overly critical, and basically if they don;t 100% agree with anything I've done, it's automatically wrong, I'm incompetent etc, where before, I was left alone to work in peace. Also a lot, but not all, my co-workers, have told me in essence, that they only pretended to be my friend at work
but in reality, don;t want anything to do with me,as I am not, one of them" What really hurts was last evening, the office "social committee" arranged for everyone EXCEPT me to go out after work to unwind a bit, and they tried to keep it a secret, but I would have had to have been deaf not to know. People whom I thought I had a good rapport with, stood there and lied about going home after work, when I KNEW they weren;t. Just the principle of it, I have NEVER done that to a co-worker, esp a newer person. I feel bad about all that, and wonder what I did wrong, I'm not perfect, but I KNOW I didn;t deserve that
I dont; know what's going on- I can;t be THAT bad that I can't make any friends, I've done all the supposedly correct things, and I'm certainly no worse than a lot of others I see out and about, but I'm always ending up by myself, and there's no good reason for it.
anyways, thanks for reading, and allowing me to vent. I'ver started plans to return home, or at least look for another job with a more positive environment. I still believe in OK and TUlsa, but i';m afraid it's not mutual
It is hard to break thru cliques but still give it time. Have you done anything outside of work to try and get to know people? I don't know if you have a family, if you live alone or what...I happen to love where we live, been here 4 months but share some of what you are saying...I left NM behind with so many really close and good friends. I have not yet met anyone that I can call a real friend, but still am getting involved and feel good about where we live. It does take time, just keep trying..
Wow, my situation feels like a carbon copy of your situation. I graduated from college at a bit of an early age (20) and moved here for a job earlier this summer, and moved into an apartment by myself. I think my best chance for making friends is at work, but I don't feel like I really connect with my coworkers. I go out to eat with them sometimes, but I don't seem to really get invited to do stuff outside of work, not nearly as much as when I did an internship in KC last summer.
I'm also into outdoors stuff and biking (mountain biking especially), and I go out by myself a lot, but I haven't been able to connect with other people my age. Not being the most extroverted person ever, it takes me a while to make friends, and randomly exchanging words with people I run into doesn't seem to lead anywhere. I think I need some club or organization to meet other people my age. When I was younger I had the Boy Scouts, in college I did the robotics team, but now I don't have anything.
It sounds like you could make a couple of good friends on this thread! Start a single people's club. Have you ever visited Woolaroc near Bartlesvile? Robber's Cave near Wilburton? the runestone near Heavener? Sequoyah's Home near Sallisaw? Alabaster Caverns? Glass Mountains? The Sand Dunes? Talimena Drive? There are a lot of one days trips you can take. This is a very interesting state.
Another place to go is the Tulsa Flea Market (at the Fairgrounds) on Saturdays. If there is anything in particular you collect or want to learn about you will probably find it there....
It changes every Saturday; sellers come in from all over, to set up on Friday. Not the same people, not the same vendors and not the same items. Even the sellers may not set up in the same booth. It is easy to strike up conversations with the dealers and other customers in their booths.
You don't have to spend money to spend the day.
You never know who you will see out there (seen Steven Tyler (Aerosmith) and actresses Mary Kay Place and Jeanne Triplehorn among others). Local celebs go. I have seen several successful interior decorators there, scarfing up things.
Poor and rich mingle; blue jeans are common. Some people come alone, some bring a friend or the family, while others meet up with friends there. Over the years I have been surprised to later learn that some dealers and/or buyers who have became friends hold an executive position where they work or may be financially "well off" because we got to build a true friendship on a common interest first. Sometimes that friendship opens doors.
Had one manager in one dept where I worked who was very nice but so busy that he was very short with everyone when we callee. Saw him at the Tulsa Flea Market one Saturday and after that he would always take my calls and find time to chit chat a little.
http://www.tulsastatefair.com/ns/Calendar/ViewEvent.asp?EventId=558 (broken link) Not sure why it has Nov 2008 on it. They have always been there on Saturdays except when the fair was going on and the fair is over. You might call to be sure before going on a Sat.
Last edited by OneDayAttaTime; 10-20-2008 at 02:21 PM..
oh, that sounds like fun! I can't wait to drag my dad out there. He loves to go to those and you always find such interesting and unique items.
When I was a little girl my dad would take me and my sister to the used bookfairs and we could each pick out a few books. That was some of the most fun times I had with him. It will be fun to do stuff like that again.
Over on the TulsaNow forum, we "do lunch" sometimes.
That's a good idea for you folks up in Tulsa. I dub sgrizzle the official organizer!
Seriously, that would be a good idea. LeaveWI, would you be up for something like that? It would help you to get to know people in the area. There are a lot of great people in the Tulsa area, including sgrizzle.
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, I enjoy biking, waling in the nice weather we have here. Animals are my favorite, along with sports, but I DO miss walking in the woods. I could do that pretty much anytime in WI, but here, the woods are farther out, and after work, it gets dark soon, plus most woods anywhere near here are private property, and I don;t want to get chased off 
Have you ever visited Woolaroc near Bartlesvile? Robber's Cave near Wilburton? the runestone near Heavener? Sequoyah's Home near Sallisaw? Alabaster Caverns? Glass Mountains? The Sand Dunes? Talimena Drive? There are a lot of one days trips you can take. This is a very interesting state.
